New Year's Eve...

Hhhhappy new yearsh baby! Gimme  kish!

New Years is one of the holidays that I get with the kids. It's one of "my" holidays. Bigger deal in Japan. It's like the "Christmas" of Japanese people without the Christ thing, or the tree, or the Santa thing... Okay, so it's not the same, but it's a big friggin' deal, okay?
This is all fine and well. So, because I have the kids with me, I don't go out. Lucky and Mitchie end up hangin' with me and we whoop it up and have a grand ol' time. Of course, we weighed the ins and outs about it. At the house, we are warm, safe, don't need to go anywhere, don't need to do anything, no drunken people to deal with and none of the strangers trying to hug on you and paw at you and trying to kiss you at midnight. We sometimes have surprise guests that'll stop by and say hello, which is always great, but generally it's just the three of us chillin' out and hanging and enjoying doing just that. All good. The next day is all about the food as it is a big food holiday for the Japanese and more festivities take place. Again, all good.
So, here we are again this year, waiting for "next year". Me, Lucky and Mitchie, we'll be sittin' and chillin' and doin' our thing and we'll be wishing you all a safe New Years eve from on the "couch of doom". Be safe, drive carefully and we hope not to hear about any drunk driving incidents... Because eventually, we do find out about them... Happy New Years Eve one and all!

That's right! I'm grumpy!

You can't stop me either! I don't have the kids since this is "their dad's holiday" and they spend the time with him and his family, so there really isn't too much stopping me from gettin' my grump on and staying that way. A perfectly terrible mood that can't be spoiled. I am free to be all grumpy and frumpy and NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

And then my Lucky calls to tell me that he loves me. He tells me that he needs me. He tells me that he's so glad that I'm his girl. He tells me that he misses me and that he can't wait to just give me a big hug. He tells me that he is the luckiest man in the universe for having me in his life....
Great... Nix the whole "Having my grump on" plans for the day... I'm gonna go sit and giggle like a bubble-headed teenager in the corner for a while...

Elbow gremlins and other such ailments...

As I type this now, I am being harassed by the elbow gremlin... Sure, it's just a joint pain and all, but sometimes I like to think (way too much) about what causes the pain. I know that it's just years of abuse on the body over the course of my younger days (sports, falling, fights, tripping and falling, running, tripping, falling and being an all around general spaz... And there was that one time when I walked right into a wall...)  that led to the aches and pains that I get from time to time, especially when the weather changes. (Humidity and high pressure are the worst... ) Not amusing. Call it Mia's quirk # 316. I like to think more along the lines of "elbow gremlins", "shoulder trolls", "wrist gnomes", the ever annoying "knee goblin", and the chronic, migraine inducing "brain leprechaun"... I imagine them doing a little jig with spiked shoes or using rusty hammers and drills to cause the pain, maybe chewing and biting with gnarled teeth... Yeah, I know... Shut up! I know!

My pre-teen....

Being the oldest of four HAS to be tough... You're basically the "parental science experiment" for any and all siblings who follow. Parents don't get the instruction manuals and decoder rings.  They "wing it", go by instinct, and do the best they can. Being a little more aware of what to expect on the next rounds, makes it easier... (Although once you think you have it figured out, nature throws you a COMPLETE curve ball and the next child is something COMPLETELY different in every way possible. I'm not talking about a little. I am talking "Are you sure you two are even related?" different, but that is a different post all together...)
Then to top it off, there are examples to be set, expectations of being "the leader", the responsibility of helping to care for the younger siblings, and having gone from only child to not... The subsequent children don't know what it's like to be a lone child. They come into the world having to share time and, well, everything, whereas, the eldest... Maybe not so much.
I try to keep this in mind when dealing with my pre-teen. He has not one, not two, but THREE younger siblings to contend with, and since they all have such strong and dominant personalities... Well, it gets interesting.
I'm the baby of the family, so I can't necessarily relate. Lucky helps out quite a bit in that arena being the eldest of three brothers and he is constantly trying to remind me of the position that my oldest is in when he is being "difficult". In looking at the situation, I guess I can honestly say that maybe perhaps there are times when I do expect a lot from him. Not because I am demanding that he do more than his share or make him do something well above what he's capable of, but in trying to look at it from his point of view, in comparison, it can seem like I ask him to do more than his brothers and sister.
Then there is the fact that there are four of them.... It's not always quiet, it's not always, civil, it's not always peaceful and in the grand scheme, it's not always fair. And what makes it "not fair" is having to hear, "because you're the oldest" or "because he/ she's younger than you".  It's the blanket response to "Why is it okay for HIM/ HER to   eat cookies on the floor/ play with my stuff without asking/ hit me, but I can't hit back... The list can go on. And in all honesty, he does put up with quite a bit. He does have a very high threshold and tolerance for putting up with his younger siblings (especially his sister whom he has a soft spot for) and as far as the role of big brother, he is awesome at it. Better than most.

I hate EVERYTHING!

I feel this way at least once a day. Whether it was because I caught a little snippet in the news about yet ANOTHER atrocity committed by one human being on another, maybe I saw something while being out and about that made me shake my head and realize how shitty people are, maybe I burnt my toast... It really depends on the time of day it occurs, the time of month it occurs and whether something hasn't already pissed me off BEFORE the feeling came about. I wallow in it for about ten minutes or so, but because there is usually someone who needs something, I can't "enjoy" the wallowing for too long. Besides, it makes it kind of difficult to wallow in the dark universal hate of everything when there are four little monkeys who are my rays of sunshine and smiling and being all cute and happy and stuff... Gosh darn it! They ALWAYS have to ruin a perfectly rotten mood. If you met them, you'd understand. It's kinda cool.

Merry !*%#&$*!&%#$ Christmas...

Yeah... Whatever. Pass the leftover noms...

Christmas eve AGAIN?

Well, I survived this far... It's almost over. The end of the year is fast approaching and we'll be done with all the Christmas stuff soon... In the meantime, can someone please pass the mushy taters... And the nog... And some pie... Ooh! And is that stuffing? Turkey? Yes, please. Ham too! Nom, nom, nom, nom... :(   Om, nom, nom, nom...    :/     Nom, nom, nom, nom...  Mmm...Mmmm.... Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom...   :)   Om, nom, nom... OM, nom, nom, nom....   :D     NO! That was not a smile... I still hate the holidays... A little... Pass the bread?

For Pete's sake! That's NOT what I SAID!

So, the pre-teen still insists that it is NOT his girlfriend, they  are just friends. They don't go on dates, they just hang out. And it's not a kiss, it's a peck on the lips... What??!??
"Alright-y there chicken little, peck what and who the what the heck now?If lips are meetin' lips, it's a kiss. I'm just sayin'... "
I'm not saying that I make sense all the time, but this pre-teen logic? Umm.... Yeah, I'm still waiting for my super secret special pre-teen decoder ring... He responds by throwing his hands up in the air and while stomping away, he shouts out, "For Pete's sake! That's NOT what I SAID!"
Not surprisingly, I'm the super dorks of all dorks, the ruler and ultimate undisputed heavyweight champion of all things dork and now, apparently, I'm a jerk too.
What brought the most recent episode on, you ask... I had asked him whether he got a gift for his friend, the girl (I never said girlfriend) and what he wanted for supper...I don't know how we go from, "Did you get her a gift? Oh and by the way, what do you want for supper?" To, "We're friends, we hang out, I give her a PECK on the lips..." Then all of a sudden, it's drama and brooding...
I went upstairs to talk to him a few minutes later and asked him what the deal was... Get this. I forgot to buy the little packets of he Lorna Doone cookies when I went grocery shopping. Apparently, THAT'S what he wanted for snack, but they weren't there and a cow because a vest has no sleeves...
Any day now... I know the "Living with a Pre-teen" manual and instruction guide will be in the mail...

People...

I don't like most strangers. I would sooner tell them to go away and not come back, EVER. Think about the world we live in for a second..... It's hard for me to grasp the concept of truly evil people. I'm not talking stealing candy from babies evil. I am talking baby touchers, murderers, rapists, Hitler, Kim Jung Il friggin' evil. I mean, are they born that way? Do they grow up that way? Are they made? Or is it when the mommy and the daddy do the hokey pokey and make babies something happens in the chemical make up when the cells meet... There are so many horrific things that people do to one another. Constant news reports about someone doing something to someone else that makes your skin crawl.
Some say it's in the astrological make up and the stars' and planets' alignments, other will claim it's genetics... Chemical imbalance, abuse, witness to something horrific, psychological disorder... Whatever. Whatever the case is, it's terrifying. When you look down into the face of a tiny squishy little baby, do you think to yourself, "That's the face of a serial killer right there!" or "Yeah, I can see this little one committing genocide! It'll be awesome!"  No. You think sunshine and rainbows and happy little unicorns prancing in the woods. But at some point in their lives, ALL of these sick psychopaths were tiny squishy little babies.
What if you were told, "We've seen this child's future and he/ she grows up to be the sickest kind of sociopathic, dog kicking, child abusing, mass murdering, baby touching, panda raping mother fucker on the face of the planet!" What happens then? I bring this up because at the rate things are going right now, many years from now, the government may well do the "baby screenings" to see whether a child is fit to be allowed to grow up. Improbable you say?
Just think about what's been going on over the last couple of decades, even over the last couple of years and how many things are being overrun with "bad politics" and being covered by amended laws to blanket and "protect" everyone. See where I'm going with this?
Is it because the people are getting worse that's why the world is changing or is the world changing the people... Hell in a hand basket... I'm just sayin'...

Kids and boredom....

Kids and boredom is not always a good combination. Depending on HOW bored they are and cranky, tired, or whatever, it could go from boring day to hell on Earth within a matter of minutes. A volatile situation can occur from the combination of kids and boredom.
But then there are times when kids and boredom can make for something great. That's when they come up with the best "stories".
It usually starts off with, "Mooooooooom! We're bored, we can't go outside 'cause it's gross out and there's nothing to do!"
My usual response is to suggest a list of things... The usual suspects, a game? No. Arts and crafts? No. A movie? No. Book? No. Nap? No. Snack? N.... Maybe... Okay, then what?
"Can we build a fort/ tent/ castle/ town in one of our rooms?"
What I hear is "We're gonna make a friggin' mess in our rooms and it'll spill out and mess up the whole house and the whole house will require being cleaned up! It'll be awesome!"
But, after a pause, "Fine..."  and a sigh.
"Yay!"
The mess that gets created is far better than the insanity that could ensue should they be left together, bored with nothing to do or thinking of something to do. So, I let them have at it. After an hour or so of "prep work and building" he fun begins and they never fail to deliver some great story lines...
Yeah, my kids rock... It's okay to be jealous. I would be too.

Pre-Holiday Hurrah!

I know that sometimes, even I have to say that my kids can be a pain in the ass. The screaming, the whining, the bitching, the complaining, the not listening, the not doing as they are asked, the fighting, the run around like animals, the... Well, you get the idea. It's all good. They are "spirited" individuals and they are healthy. It's what I keep chanting through grit teeth.
This weekend was something a little different. We started with a dinner out with Lucky and I and all six kids along with my mom and dad. Back to the folks' house for some present opening, finish the night off with just sitting back, relaxing and chillin' with the kids... The next morning brought "Christmas" for my kids. Randy, our magical Christmas L.P. did his best and hid all the presents around the house like they were Easter eggs. (Apparently, he's not only vertically challenged, but he lacks intelligence too... ) He comes in Santa's stead because the big fat slave driver of L.P.'s, touch-er of babies, molester of reindeer and king of overindulgence is busy cracking the whip getting all the presents ready for the following week.
Then we spent two days filled with cocoa and Christmas movies and snuggling in on the bed and giggling and laughing and playing... No issues, no problems, no fighting, no insanity. Hanging out all together and having a good ol' time. Now THAT'S how holiday is done!

Stupid puzzle games....

I am all for buying those puzzle type games for the kids. It helps them to develop patience and uses the gray lumps in their skulls for something other than processing commercials for more crappy plastic toys that they want or remembering stats and data of all the Pokemons or Bakugans ever created... (But I still don't get WHY they can't remember to put the toilet seat down!!!!!!!)
With that being said, we have a few of the puzzle games lying around. The metal ones where you have to take the linked pieces and take them apart, the Rubik's cube, the plastic doojie things that you have to get all the balls to go somewhere or do something, the other plastic doojie things that you have to figure out how to make the things do what the instructions tell you to do... You've seen them. They've either already been mastered by the boys or rendered as something that they'll conquer later and they lay in the community toy box down stairs... I made the mistake of picking one of them up and giving it a try...
After about 20 minutes, I think I may have ruptured something... Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad..... My mom walked into the room with me yelling at the toy asking if I was alright. I gave her the thing and stormed upstairs.
I went back downstairs to make myself a cup of tea about 30 minutes later. Lo and behold, woman was on the couch, frazzled and on the verge of having an eye pop out of her head, trying to figure out the stupid puzzle thing. I shook my head and went back upstairs...
When the kids got back from their weekend with their dad, the puzzle had been left out on the counter... Unsolved. Oldest boy child looks at it and says, "Oh!" and within a few seconds, the one thingy became two thingies. I looked at my mom, who looked at me. Double sigh.
It was time for dessert, then bath and bed anyway... Stupid puzzles...

Oh, SHIT!

Now, I get the whole "I'm having a bad day" thing. Really, I do. I mean, who hasn't had a bad day? But when it has to bleed into EVERYONE ELSE'S days and YOU become the reason for someone else's bad day... Well, that's just plain wrong.
That's where karma steps in. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.) If you're going to be the reason why my day went from alright to rotten, I'd like to believe that karma will drop a cinder block on your head or karma will hit you with a 18 wheeler truck or maybe karma brings you face to face with a taliban terrorist  who couldn't find anyone else to take out with the bomb he has strapped to his chest so you're it and the two of you end up intermingled for eternity. Then, because of the cosmic screw up because of the explosion, you and that diaper headed menace are meshed together forever. Him constantly tormenting you and being your undoing through all of your lifetimes for eternity.... And all because you were a schmuck. I'm just sayin'...

Reality SUCKS!

There's  the run down of the thing or things that you would like to see, but the reality.... Well, if you stop and think about it a little bit... Well a good portion of the time, the reality sucks huge donkey balls. Sweaty, huge donkey balls. Hairy, sweaty, huge donkey balls....

"Only half the calories!"        But in scarfing down two whole half gallon tubs of ice cream, it's still gonna go straight to your already ample ass...

"You may already be a winner!"    Along with a gajillion other people. And none of them are the winners either.

"You can't win if you don't play!"    But if you don't play, think of the hundreds of dollars you'd be saving from NOT buying losing lotto tickets.

"I can't believe it's not butter!"     EEEEYEW! I can...

"Of course I'm going to!"        No... No you're not....

"Well, that's the PLAN, anyway..."       Really? How's that workin' out for ya?

"I'm in the process of getting that taken care of..."    You're a lying, worthless sack of shit.

"Like new!"           By who's definition? Do you know what the definition of "new" is? 

"25% off!"           25% off of way overpriced is still way overpriced. No thanks.

"Get into the spirit of the holidays!"          No thanks. I don't want to be a materialistic, overindulgent, shop-a-holic spender buying a whole lot of shit that has no use except to fill landfills or a pushy, shove-y bitch with grabby grabberton issues, or a rude piece of shit with self indulgence problems.... You get the idea. People suck even more during the holidays.

There are so many things that get such a spin that makes it sound so great, but if you stop and think about it, is it really that great? Yeah, no. Go sell your bullshit elsewhere. I've got enough to deal with at the moment.

Yippee!

<CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!>
The shopping for the holidays are done, the food thingy is all planned out and stuff is sitting in the freezer, the Santa pic is taken, the kids are sorted, the plans are made, the schedule is done, the presents are wrapped and labeled, the holiday greeting cards are written, stamped and ready to go... I don't want to know nothing of the holidays no more. I hate the holidays...

Uh... Never mind...

When you ask a stupid question, the answer might very well be fuckin' stupid... But what if you ask a reasonably intelligent question, you get an answer that merits the person doing the answering the dead pan "are you fuckin' retarded?" look. It's even better when not only is the answer about as intelligent as my dog, but is an out and out lie as well. What makes it REALLY fun is when the person doing the answering thinks that it's an intelligent answer AND believes that the fuckin' obvious lie is being bought by the ask-er of said question... Is it worth pursuing any further at this point? Wouldn't trying to argue with an obvious idiot in turn make you an idiot too? But on the other side of that, wouldn't the idiot take it as s sign of victory if you didn't pursue it. I mean it would be a very hollow and shallow victory. Where's the glory in winning an argument there? But then it wouldn't really matter to an idiot. <Sigh!> There really is no winning in that situation is there... Never mind. Forget I asked...

Help? Stuck!

Ummm.... Stuck! A LOT! HELP... CALL 9-1-1...
Playing hide and seek with the children is the duty of all parents. Some are very NOT clever and will just "hide" by sitting behind the newspaper they're reading. Then there are those of us who are smarter... More clever... Or so we like to think...
I was playing hide and seek with the little one while her brothers were at school a while back. I had her count to ten, which is more like "Won, toooooo, feeeeee, fie, fie, sits, TEN! HURRAY!" and she'll come and find me. I usually hide behind a door and jump out and "Boo!" or hide behind a corner and jump out and "Boo!" or hide under something like a blanket and jump up and "Boo!" It would result in a giggle fit and her running around the house with me chasing her, catching her and thus would start the next round.
This time, I decided  to be clever and hide in the dryer. I squished in there and left the door ajar. She came around the first corner and did her standard "I fown you!", again around the next corner, and again around the third, into the kitchen, where the dryer sat with me in it. I scratched at the dryer door a little to get her attention. after a few seconds, she "I FOWN YOU!!!!! MAMA! I FOWN YOU!!!!!" and she giggled and ran away. In trying to climb back out of the dryer... I found that I couldn't.
"MAMA ARE YOU COMING? I FOWN YOU!" she said to me as I was struggling to unsquish myself and climb out of the dryer... Rolling around and trying to find the proper configuration to arrange myself in order to extricate myself from the dryer was proving rather difficult.
"MAMA! I FOWN YOU! YOU HAFTA GET ME!!!" she says, trying to remind me of the rules of the game...
Desperation is setting in and I'm actually starting to sweat... My mom hears the ruckus and decides to come downstairs from her martyr perch and she nearly fell over laughing. Thanks mom. Being the ever sadistic witch that she is, instead of helping me, she called my dad down to see too. My dad mumbled something about "stupid animal" and trudged back upstairs. It took me about ten minutes to get myself out of there and by the time I did, my daughter had gotten bored and had fallen asleep and was taking a nap.
The moral? I guess I shouldn't be trying to hide in the dryer no more and DON'T ever expect my mom to help me out of a tight spot EVER and playing hide and seek with a two year old can be quite dangerous.

"Are you ALWAYS this stupid or is today just special..."

Seriously. I just want to know...
You've had the moment where you were talking to someone and three seconds into the conversation, you make the awful discovery that they are about as intelligent as glue, right? Then, if THAT wasn't bad enough, they say something so far beyond intellectually deficient, your involuntary physical reaction is the head tilt... Yeah... Yeah, you have.
So, in a situation like this, is it appropriate to ask, "Are you ALWAYS this stupid or is today just special..." The answer? Apparently not.
Okay. Here's what happened. My daughter and I were out at the supermarket. Nothing unusual, right? I had a woman walk up to me and tell me that my daughter was beautiful. Nothing weird. It happens from time to time. She asked if she was half Asian, and I told her that she was. She then asked, "So you're....?"
I told her, "Japanese..." There was a pause. And THEN she came back with, "All the time?"
How was I supposed to respond to that... Seriously? I came back with the involuntary head tilt... I gave her a few moments to back pedal and correct herself, but it was not happening... Now, I would have given her a little slack if she was a foreigner and the English was only so-so. But this was not the case. So, out came, "Are you ALWAYS this stupid or is today just special..." I even said it with a pleasant smile. It didn't go over too well... Just figured I'd let you all know... 

What was I THINKING!

Going out shopping this time of year is a clusterfuck at best. Way too many people, parking lot nightmares, crowded everything and everywhere... GAAAAH! Trying to get the simplest of errands done is made difficult. 
I made out a list of shit to get at a couple of different stores with the best of intentions. Just everyday shit... Nothing huge. No big deal... Or so I thought.
I get to the shopping center... There's no fucking parking. I drive around and around and around, Finally I get a lady pulling out of her spot WAY at the end of the parking lot. Whatever. I park. Trying to get my purse and collect my shit to go inside, I had a guy ask me if I was leaving. I said I just got there and pulled into the spot. Apparently, that made me a stupid bitch. I told him I was a "stupid bitch" with a PARKING SPOT and gave him a smile and a wave.
Get into the store and I got the shit I needed, waited in line for a day and a half with a bunch of cranky shove-y, push-y people, waited for the elevator for another half a day, opted for the stairs and got back to the car... One more stop... The grocery store... I didn't think it would be as bad. I was wrong.
The parking lot at the grocery store was much more congested than the other and there were also a couple of "old people buses" blocking a path, letting old people out for an outing to the grocery store...
I was frazzled by the time I got into the grocery store. It took me twenty minutes to find a parking spot. No. I mean LITERALLY twenty minutes! I think everyone and their mother was there at the grocery store. I opted for a basket instead of a cart thinking I would be able to maneuver my way around people better and navigate my way through the crowd to get the rest of the shit I needed. Well, let me tell you. It only works when you have a basket that isn't broken! Whatever... The list had five items... Milk, bread, toothpaste, apples and cheese. Now, normally, this would have been a quick little jaunt, ten minutes, in, out, done. Wrong!
I had to wait in line to GET to the apples... There were MAYBE three decent ones left, I had to wait in line to get away from the apples... I had to wait in line to grab cheese and milk... I did a fly-by bread grabbing because I did NOT want to be involved in the craziness happening there (the ONLY good use for Kali foot work...), elbowed my way through the crowd to grab a tube of toothpaste (which it turned out AFTER I got it back to the house, to be the wrong kind...) and tried to find a register that wasn't swarming with people.
You would think that with the name "Express Lane", things would move along quickly. 12 items or less... Does it EVER happen that way? FUCK NO! Grrr! I guess people don't know how to count or that new math shit is fucking everything up, but there were people in the line with FULL carts... WTF?
The cashier tried to explain to the first idiot that this was the express lane... idiot replies by explaining that she was the customer, and the customer is always right, ring her up NOW! And the cashier does what she's told... (Personally, I would have told the woman to fuck herself, walked away from the register and quit right there on the spot... Oh, wait... I did that once...) We get to idiot number two with another full cart... The cashier goes through the same spiel... Express lane! Well, THIS particular idiot thought she was clever... APPARENTLY, since there were only FOUR different things that she was buying multiples of, it didn't count. There were only four items... (CURSE YOU NEW MATH!!!!!)
My five items... Beep, beep, beep, beep, put apples on scale (apple code) beep... SHOULD have been the way it went. Did it? NO!!! We needed a price check on the toothpaste (the wrong kind, according to the preteen...) because the bar code wasn't registering and she took a solid five minutes to try and find the code for the apples in her produce code cheat book. FIVE ITEMS!!!!
My forehead vein is visibly throbbing at this point, the eye starts twitching, and I developed a tic somewhere along the line, but after having spent a full and solid hour in the grocery store (Five items... Did I mention that I only had FIVE items?) I'm booking out the door. I nearly got run over by a car trying to cross the crosswalk because stopping at a crosswalk apparently didn't apply to THAT guy (Oh, and I'm a stupid bitch again...) I get to my car, throw the groceries into the back, climb up into the seat and start the car. I look behind me to back out of the spot and lo and behold, look who's waiting for my spot! It's the guy who damn well near ran me over. We made eye contact and I smiled. He knew, I knew, he knew I knew, I knew he knew I knew... Yup. I put the car in park and decided it would be a great time to balance the checkbook...  Yup, my penthouse apartment in hell just got upgraded to a townhouse near the torture pits! Happy holidays, asshole!

A fine example of "Holiday Spirit" !

So, I went to the local Target, which was a big mistake in and of itself, considering the time of year. At that time, I witnessed a great "holiday spirit" moment.
I took the two middle children to the store to pick out a little something for bringing home AWESOME report cards. Maneuvering through the toy aisles was difficult, but we got to where we needed to be. Picking out their toys, I saw that there were a few kids looking through the selection of toys right along side mine. Being the ever vigilant "Mama Duck" and seeing that there wasn't an adult to claim them, they temporarily became "mine". Not a problem. All was going well. Mine were talking to them, they were talking to mine. "This one is better because this", "this one is awesome because that..."  "Nice choice!" "Thanks!"  They were all getting along and helping each other pick out stuff. It was cute.
Enter the epitome of "Holiday Spirit"! I rather large woman pushing around a full cart with toys for (what I am assuming) her spawns for Christmas. That's not what made it bad... So "mine" were still hemming and hawing over what to pick. Epitome of Holiday Spirit, (or E of HS) started huffing and sighing and rolling her eyes while repeatedly looking at her watch, while standing behind the lot of children. Then she started verbally expressing her dismay using language I found to be... Less than appropriate. I glanced over at her, cocked an eyebrow and shook my head. She quieted down for a moment.
The other children's dad came over to where we all were and asked his children if they had picked out what they wanted. Two of them (I'm guessing at about aged 12 and 6) looked like they had decided, were happy with their choices and went over to where he was. The last was still deciding between the two items he held in his tiny little hands. I guessed him to be about four or five. E of HS pushed this little boy out of the way to get to what she wanted. I'm not saying she said "Excuse me..." and moved him a little. She pushed him. Like, "Thankfully I was standing there to kind of catch him or I think this child would have taken a nasty digger to the floor" pushed him.
"Are you out of your MIND?" came out of my mouth as I got the kid's feet back under him and reoriented him, to which she responded, "What? He's fine!" and went about her business. The father was a lot more composed than I, quietly thanked me, checked over his startled boy and asked him if he was okay.  He then asked the woman for an apology. He never got it. She gave the man a look of disgust and disbelief, rolled her eyes and went back about her business. He "quietly" explained to his children that her behavior was rude, uncalled for and absolutely disgusting. The children nodded, gave her a glance and nodded again. With his children in tow, the dad took his three boys, the youngest with both of his picks, each one still grasped tightly in each of his little hands and left. (Had to give the little guy props. Despite being launched by a cow, HE HELD ONTO THE TOYS!)
E of HS was unmoved and unaffected and kept yanking stuff off of the pegboard, tossing stuff that she wanted into her cart, and tossing the stuff she didn't onto the shelf below or onto the floor. I sighed and shook my head again. With my own children in tow, them with their picks, I left E of HS to her business. I needed to be away from her because something bad would have happened. I didn't think I was going to be able to keep my mouth shut for too much longer. I know at the very least "fat cow" was right at the tip of my tongue. Then I'm sure the barrage of not-too-nice things would have followed.
I suppose it was easier for me to walk away this time because it wasn't MY kid she manhandled. It still didn't sit well with me and I still wanted to call her a fat cow, but I was still able to walk away before she decided to stampede (bullfighting in the toy aisle of a crowded store is never a good idea) and the situation reached critical mass. Besides, my children were there with me. She had NO concern for the safety of the child she tossed, why would mine be any different. I was NOT going to risk my kids' safety just to be able to get a little bit of personal satisfaction. Now, had it been one of MINE that she decided was in her way, the situation would have been a bit different. I would have gone Super Saiyan on her ass... Bad... I guess I should be thankful for small favors...
Hurray for the holidays! Hurray for holiday spirit! Hurray for the warm, fuzzy feeling on the inside! Oh, wait, that's indigestion.... I need an antacid.

I AM TALKIN' OVER HERE...

I guess when you're two and small and cute and easily distracted by bandaids, candy and shiny things, it's hard to stay focused on one particular thing for too long... Unless it has something to do with bandaids, candy and shiny things that you want RIGHT NOW! Then it's time to put on the "I'm serious!" face. When it's met with a chuckle and "Awww! How CUTE!" I suppose it can get a little annoying when the initial need isn't being met...
So then the little arms start flapping, the little foot starts stamping, the frown gets a little more down turned and the voice becomes shrill. And when I say "shrill" I mean the kind that bypasses the brain all together and goes straight to the spine and you feel it rather than hear it. NOT cute...
<Sigh!> The terrible two's are almost done... When did THAT happen? She was just a squishy little baby like, yesterday! I guess time flies when you're having fun...

Idiot dog...

Stupid dogs have the life... I own one and I analyzed the ins and outs for him... Sure, he's stupid, but the reality is, he really doesn't know that he's missing out on anything. He gets fed, gets walked, gets attention, sleeps whenever he wants, there's always someone willing to give him a belly rub. He's warm, comfortable, loved and is never really in a want for anything and nothing is really expected from him because everyone knows that he is about as smart as a bag of rocks. His IQ is room temperature at best and it would be pointless to try and expect anything from him or try and change him. I've accepted him for what he is and I deal.
I've been trying to apply this philosophy to other aspects of my life. There are things that are far beyond my control, despite what I'd like to be happening, the opposite is occurring and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. In trying to change those things, I come up empty handed, frustrated and having wasted a whole bunch of time and energy on something when it could have been invested usefully in something else.
I am still just a work in progress. I've accepted that about myself, but at least I'm doing something and I'm trying. I will continue to do so. In the meantime, there are still plenty of things that piss me off and have to be dealt with, there are plenty of things that piss me off that I can't do anything about. I'm getting better at assessing and determining what needs my attention and what can be ignored. I'm not always successful, but it's a learning process.
At the end of the day, I learned a valuable lesson from a intellectually challenged dog who taught me to let things that can't be changed be... Maybe he's not THAT stupid after all... I take that back... Yes, he is. I am watching him lick the paint off of the wall right now...

A child's imagination...

It's fun watching kids play. They come up with the most gosh darnedest of things, I swear! They could be playing with a toy or even a cardboard box and it's some grand adventure in a far off place... It's pretty awesome. It comes complete with the sound effects and the different voices and the multitude of characters with villains and heroes... I love sitting just outside the room to listen in to some of the stuff they come up with... High seas travels, the great battles, a race across a desert, navigating through jungles or some mysterious woods where there lives strange creatures and stranger beings, running across open plains that stretch farther than the eye can see along side wild purple horses and countless other adventures that were had and yet to be had. And of course, they always happen in a magical land not of our world, for in that magical land is where the best adventures are to be had...
Ten years ago, I started writing some of the stuff down. It's what prompted the books I've written. I'm still rewriting and editing, but eventually, they'll wind up as bound books for my kids. One baby step at a time...
As long as they keep coming up with new adventures for me to write down, I suppose there's always going to be stuff for me to write. Kewl!

Blech!

I accidentally read the newspaper... How do you "accidentally" read the newspaper? I know. Shut up. It happens... A colorful, pretty something caught my eye, I looked at it, something else caught my attention and before I knew it, I was sitting down at the table reading the fuckin' paper... BIG mistake.
The state of the world has gone to hell. I'm not just talking about a little bit either... Holy shit! Now, I usually like to stay blissfully ignorant about current events... I have enough on my own plate of shit that I'm still trying to sort out and I have no business trying to figure out everything else until I have the "me and mine" thing sorted out... With that being said, it's damn impossible to stay ignorant, isn't it...
TSA searches, N. Korea/S. Korea, political insanity, war this, crime that... And don't even get me started on all the happy little ads for "shopping for Christmas" and how many shopping days we have left...
I started thinking... I know... BIG mistake number two... I may be blissfully ignorant, but at least I form an opinion on things. Maybe it isn't such a great idea being in a state of perpetual "I dunno" when it comes to what's going on in the world so I get sucked into reading or watching the news and I absorb the things that I read/see and I may even find out a little more about them when I have a free moment. It's depressing and I come to find that maybe I SHOULDN'T have gotten all sucked into whatever...
Then, I look around and there are people who are worse than I am.... The ones who don't care. It doesn't affect them or their lives directly, so it's not important. So they go about their empty little lives doing whatever, like nothing else but their little world matters. You know the type. The ego-maniacal, self important twits that bounce around in "Nothing's wrong in the world" land of their own imaginings...
Now, put these people in a situation where it may affect them... The easiest example would be this TSA shit and the searches and what not. Above mentioned twit is going away on vacation and standing in line to get through the gate... Is all, "Whatever! I just want to get to the terminal so I can sit down and get a cup of coffee!" Other people are hemming and hawing and going on about the public display of sexual misconduct going on at the checkpoint... Twit goes, "Well, they're just doing their jobs! They should do it faster!" It is not until they get to the front of the line and it's THEIR turn, that it becomes a problem...
My rights are being violated! I'm an AMERICAN CITIZEN! I'm being treated like a prisoner! This is sexual harassment! Don't put your hands all over me! I'm going to call your superiors! I want to talk to your supervisor right now! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....They piss and whine impotently about it, THEY were treated unfairly, it's all about them and mew, mew, mew... Sad... I know that you know what I'm talking about because we've all seen it...
It's sad that the world has gotten to a point now where most ordinary people have to go through all of this kind of stuff to weed out an "exception" that may or may not be found (likely not, as scary as that sounds...). It's scary to think that the world is full of whiny, spineless, cowardly, idiots and the only thing they do is whine about the wrongs done to themselves, instead of thinking a wee bit more globally. They sit in "positions of power" while ignoring the world crumbling around them. What ever happened to the warrior class? What ever happened to people standing up and DOING something. I'm not talking about the superficial hope-y/ change-y shit. I am talking about people actually DOING SHIT. People actually fighting and making sure they're being heard and standing up for what's right and speaking out against what's wrong. There used to be a time when this warrior class was reveled and celebrated. They were respected and honored. Now? Maybe no so much.
Our men and women overseas are being called war criminals and terrorists. Our police not allowed to step in and DO anything for fear of repercussions or backlash and being sued for "police brutality" or being limited in the actions they can take BY LAW in order to protect the rights of the perpetrator... (Yeah... It's like that.) The very people who are keeping us safe and living "free" aren't getting the respect that they deserve. They are stuck in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation that they're NEVER going to win. They step in and do something, it's misuse of force. They don't do anything and it's "I pay taxes for them to do nothing?!!??"
Come on... The state of the world is calling for an action that the spineless cannot deliver. The weak and cowardly cannot provide. I'm not saying "Yay! Vigilantism! Lets' go beat people with bats!" Funny, but inappropriate. No. We need laws in place to make sure that we don't fall into caveman insanity. Without the laws, I guarantee, within 24 hours, there would be a complete and total breakdown of civilization that would take YEARS to fix. I am more talking about we, the people, taking back what's ours. This country was not founded by cowards and yellow bellied, self help, whiny baby, pansies. No, the very basis and basic fundamentals, the building blocks and stepping stones that made this country great were the people who stood up and spoke out. I am talking about people becoming more aware of what's going on, not when it DIRECTLY affects them. Example: The Shariah law thing that is trying to creep it's way in... Sure, it's not something that may directly affect us right now, but imagine if it got a foothold... Then a little bit more than a foothold... The change may not be sudden, but eventually it will have more of a DIRECT affect. Then what... Prevention is a lot easier than trying to correct a problem like that, ESPECIALLY when laws would be made to protect the very thing that needs to be squashed... The preventative step? Become aware and make sure that it doesn't happen.
Here we are right now, supposedly the greatest super power in the world and those around us are seeing us as "weak", our borders are being breached, our economy is in the shitter, our people are a bunch of whiny, spineless, self help seeking, over medicated, "it's someone else's problem/ not my job!", cowards, un-united in ANYTHING, and that's become the status quo...  What's worse is that we're teaching the next generation to be that way too. I've met the kids whose parents throw them money and leave them to their own devices. They're usually here hanging out with my kids and end up having supper here... They are given no direction, no basic fundamentals, no anything to build a solid foundation for what they should strive to be at home. They just think throwing money at it and ignoring it will make it all better. Kids are even being told in their schools not to fight back and any type of fighting spirit will be squashed and punished REGARDLESS of whether it was in self defense. Doesn't bode well for the future if THAT'S what we're teaching our kids to be... This great nation is becoming a cesspool of pansies and namby pamby, politically correct cowards, while the world around us grows stronger and tougher, meaner, deadlier...
Sic vis pacem, para bellum....

Santa Claus...

The kids' Santa picture is finally done... First we sat in traffic for an hour because of the stupid fuckin' Holiday parade cutting through the most high traffic area of downtown... Then, I go to an overcrowded mall to wait in line for a gajillion hours with my kids, only to get up to the front of the line to be told that the fat bastard needs to go for a lunch and potty break, then we get up to the throne of doom where Santa has squished his rotund ass with four unhappy, grumpy, tired, disheveled kids who want nothing to do with the whole idea. The two youngest are screaming their foul heads off at the sight of the strange bearded man dressed in red, the middle is frumping and the eldest is rolling his eyes because the whole idea is dorky... With promises of gum and candy and extra dessert, the picture was snapped. Not too bad...
At least it's done now... I won't have to deal with it again until next year...
You know that Santa is nothing more than a big, fat, freakish, baby-touching, elf molester, right?

Cats and dogs...

Having been owned by both, I have to say, there is truth to this picture in many ways... Maybe it was because of the lack of intelligence of the dogs I have had in my life or just that cats truly ARE evil, but it ALWAYS happened. The cats ruled the roost and the dogs cowered.
I had a Saint Bernard, damn close to a gajillion pounds of fur, drool and muscle and he was in constant terror of the cat, a brown domestic short hair weighing in at a whopping 11lbs.
If it was the dog's, it was the cat's. If the dog thought it was his, it wasn't because it belonged to the cat. If the dog wanted it, too bad it was the cat's. His stuff was her stuff and her stuff was her stuff. Period. If the dog decided he didn't agree with that, the cat made sure she put him back in his place quickly, swiftly and severely.
The cat discovered a long time ago when the dog was just a pup, that the only sensitive spot on this massive chunk of canine was his nose. She exploited that endlessly. You would think that the dog would come to discover that he shouldn't let the cat get at his nose... Nope...
She would either bite him on his owie spot or give it a good clawed swat and it would send him cowering into another room. She tried that with me once. ONCE... The hierarchy was determined a long time ago or so I thought... Until I gave it some thought... She meowed until I woke up and got out of bed to cater to her needs. She batted my head until I gave her attention. She scratched me when she had enough. She slept on "the good pillow" on my bed.... I'm beginning to wonder who had who trained... And there was the dog, sleeping on the floor on his pile of blankets, looking up at the cat who slept, purring on a satin pillow on the bed...

Holy crap on a cracker!

In having dealt with the most UNBE-FUCKIN'-LIEVABLE week and change of flu HELL, I have got to say that I think we may have set some records here...
This bout of fevers-chills-aches-pains-coughing-sneezing-vomit-and-other-bodily-fluids fiesta single handedly kept the local 24 hour CVS in the black. I tallied up all the receipts from this fun filled party of illness... 3 bottles of NyQuil (Capital "N", small "y" BIG FUCKIN' "Q"!), 4 bottles of children's Advil, 2 bottles of children's Tylenol, a big bottle of extra strength Tylenol, 4 packages of toilet paper, 5 packages of baby wipes, 2 packages of diapers, 6 giant bottles of Gatorade, 14 cans of chicken soup,  25lbs of rice (bought at the grocery store next door), a humidifier, 5 bottles of medicated vaporizing steam liquid, 3 boxes of Kleenex, 2 cases of bottled water, 2 new DVDs, 3 spray bottles of Clorox household cleaner, 1 can of Lysol, 2 cans of carpet cleaner, a new thermometer, a thing of salt and tons of hand sanitizer (for all the good it did...).
This was all purchased in several trips out, but if I KNEW, I would have just gotten it all at once, just to be done with it... <Sigh!> Well, at least I can say that THAT adventure is done and dusted! What doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right?

THAT time of year... Again... Yippee...

Ugh... The holidays are upon us...
Yeah, yeah... Happy Thanksgiving... Pass the food.

Whoa there buddy!

Hold on a second there, Slappy!
In being out and about, despite the fact that I didn't want to be, trying to get the holiday shit done, I got man handled... Not just a little. I'm so glad that I didn't have any of my kids with me.
Now, I really don't get WHY some men find it necessary to grope a woman they find even remotely attractive. YUCK! Unsolicited touching by a yucky person! Eeeyew! It's kind of like a physical (instead of verbal) manifestation of Tourette's...
So, waiting in line at the check out with various holiday presents and crap, I had a guy grab my ass and give it a squeeze. My first reaction was to swing around and swat his hand away, with a heavily ringed hand. I made sure I was NOT nice about it by whipping and flicking my hand making DAMN SURE that the ring hit him. I must have caught him pretty good because he flinched away pretty quickly and gave me the startled "Ouch!" look. I scowled at him and told him to keep his hands to him-fuckin'-self or I would cut them off at the wrists and shove them up his ass. It didn't go over too well, but I didn't really care.
I went back to waiting in the line and he proceeded to rub himself on me... So I turned around, stomped on his foot with my big ol' boot. I brought the heel right down on the top of his foot where it meets the ankle and then my knee "accidentally" met his testicles. Oops...
A store employee came over to ask what the problem was soon afterward because I guess the guy was experiencing a bit of discomfort... At least that's what I gathered from the verbally descriptive explanation of the unpleasant sensations in his pelvic region. Oh, and that I was a bitch.
I explained to the female employee what had taken place. She quickly took me over to a closed counter, opened it up, rang me up and had me out of the store with a smile. The gentleman was quickly escorted out of the store with nothing. She asked if I wanted an escort to the car to make sure that the guy wasn't going to follow me. I smiled and declined.

I took my bag of purchases, turned the Hello Kitty cute "shred enhance ring" in, got my keys in my hand and stormed out to the car. Remembering all the training my Lucky had been instilling in me, I made myself aware of my surroundings, and looked around and put myself on condition orange. I was all happy that I was gonna be able to shred the crap outta someone... Except, I guess the guy didn't want to play. I even sat in the car for a little while... Nothing... Was it something I said?
Oh well. Maybe next time...

Lobster...

I love lobster. They are sweet, yummy, delicious, scrumptious noms that I can eat all day with butter and lemon and be all "YAY!" But what sick twisted fuck looked at something like THAT in caveman days or whenever and thought, "Mmmm! Tasty looking! I'm gonna eat me THAT summa bitch!" I mean I'm glad it happened, otherwise I'd be out a tasty treat, but still... They are some UGLY looking things! I'm just saying...

Flu season continues...

Now that all of the children seem to be up and about and slowly getting back into the groove of things, being over the flu and all, it would seem that the flu bug has claimed it's last victim... Me...
Why is it that when kids get sick, they sleep it off for a few days and then they're all go, go, GO! And an adult can end up with the same thing the kids had and it knocks you on your ass? Hmm? Anyone? Yeah, that's what I thought. Shitty!
I have dealt with more vomit, fevers, chills, aches, pains, whining, crying, diarrhea and what all in the last week and some with the four kids that I don't want any more. With that being said... I have to deal with my own vomit, fevers, chills, aches, pains, whining, crying, diarrhea and what all. Fun!
Someone please just send me some Thanksgiving noms and serve them to me in bed? Please?

... With a side order of "Please tell that fat woman to SHUT THE FUCK UP!" please!

It's not all the time you can tell the stupid sod to shut the fuck either despite the fact that you REALLY want to and they REALLY deserve it.
At a McDonald's the other day... (To go off topic for a second... What the FUCK is up with the GOVERNMENT deciding what people's kids eat by nixing the Happy Meal? There are a bunch of fat little shits running around because people are stupid and lazy and will feed their kids crap all day every day and blame everyone but themselves for having a bunch of fat kids... But really? I'm just saying...)
Some fat chick talking on the cell phone and trying to order her ass widener meal with a side of gut fattener. She was complaining about everything from the slow ass service at McD's to how the cell service in there sucked. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap! If she had gotten the FUCK off he phone, the process would have gone quicker, but of course, pointing that out would have been a lesson in futility. The only reward of talking sense to a moron is stress and the sad sinking feeling that these people will eventually breed, making more stupid people...
I finally get up to the front of the line to order my yummy caramel coffee goodness. (To go off topic again... The Coffee at McD's is actually REALLY yummy these days. I think it's better than the Starbucks shit and a hell of a lot cheaper too...) I get asked if I wanted fries with that, to which I said, "No, but I would like a GIANT side order of 'Please tell that fat woman to SHUT THE FUCK UP!' please." The cashier giggled. The large woman with the tiny little cellphone in her sausage fingers rolled her eyes, but she was a bit more quiet.
Seriously. I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly... Makes me think twice about that fat bastard Santa...

Flu season...

Yeah, it's THAT time of the year. I always end up in a quandary over whether or not I want to flu shot or not flu shot... This year? Too late. The five and two year old kids have been cooped up in a room reeking of camphor  for the last week with fever and chills, aches, coughing, sneezing, stuffiness and general feeling of blah and the various bodily fluids spewing out of everywhere... It's like a day at the carnival! (And I'm not too sure how it is that you can get small children to take in about a tablespoon of water and fifteen minutes later, they throw up about 14 gallons of vomit that has chunks of stuff that you don't remember feeding them. And of course they can't ever stay still when they're vomiting... Nope. It's like an explosion of puke that ends up everywhere... A vomit sprinkler...)
The poor little tykes have been crashing out on "the big bed" in the room I sleep in and whether it's because they don't have the energy or because they feel a certain sense of camaraderie because they're in the same boat and feeling crappy together, but they've been in close quarters together for a week, and no fighting... In fact,  they've been sleeping like puppies all bundled under the same blanket and snuggled up with each other or watching DVDs cuddled up together. I know it won't last, but I'm enjoying it while it does.
I know that they'll be better soon and they'll be back to sniping at each other and stuff, but for the time being, there is peace. I also know that next week, it'll be the bigger ones and I'll be going through this again, although I have a feeling they are going into their own rooms, closing the door and sleeping it off. They won't be all cute and cuddly. Whatever...
I also know that once all of the kids are better and going back to the regular hustle and bustle and moving full speed ahead, THAT'S when I'll end up sick. <Sigh!> Such is life...

I am at a loss...

Excuse me, what? I mean I know that I'm not a part of the teen crowd and junk and stuff, so I understand that I'm not going to get their whole what's in and what's out, thing... But seriously... What the HELL is this Lady GAGA thing? Transvestite? Weird ass, talentless,  creepy looking, freak of nature! It is the first sign of the end of days... I know it. I can FEEL it! That thing that calls itself Lady GAGA is not normal and it is not good.... The world is going to hell in a hand basket. I'm just saying...

Zeus!

Lucky volunteered to be the squeak toy for the police dog from his department again. Zeus. An amazing and beautiful dog. We were at a demonstration to show off Zeus' prowess and he did not disappoint.
It is always amazing to see the unity and partnership between the dog and handler. The absolute trust shown by the dog in his handler and the commitment shown by the handler to the dog and Zeus' complete focus on Officer Shawn and Officer Shawn's complete awareness of Zeus. It's quite inspiring.
Obviously, this was just a demonstration and as far as Zeus was concerned, it was playtime with his favorite squeak toy. I've never actually seen real life action in a high stress situation, but I'm pretty sure the "performance" wouldn't be any different.
Another great thing seeing Zeus "in action" is to see the difference in his demeanor when he's not. It was adorable to see Zeus' interaction with Shawn's wife and how Zeus went from police dog to puppy. It was adorable to see him be all "MAMA! Mama, mama, mama, mama, I LOVE YOU!" with Tina and DADA! Dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, I LOVE YOU!" with Shawn and all "SQUEAK TOY! Squeak toy, squeak toy, squeak toy, squeak toy, squeak toy, I eat you!" with Lucky! But when it was "time to work", <SNAP!> it was on. Amazing.

Thank you Officer Shawn and Zeus for your continued service! 

What NOW??

When it rains, it fucking pours. Always the case in life, no? A bad day can go from bad to worse in a matter of seconds and just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. Such is life.
I woke up with a bad crick in my neck... Slept in an awkward position I suppose... That should have been my first indication that I should have stayed in bed and not gotten up... Ignoring that, I got up, stubbing my toe on the door frame upon exiting the room I sleep in. (... as I am constantly reminded that it is NOT my house and I am only allowed to stay here...) I got toothpaste in my eye when I was brushing my teeth and I stepped in pee because apparently, one of the boys had gotten up to go in the middle of the night and "missed". Great...
Getting downstairs to start the morning process of brekkies for the kids and slapping together a cup of coffee for myself, I spilled hot water on my foot while trying to pour it into the cup for my caffeinated goodness. And that was just the morning...

The afternoon brought about the usual hustle and bustle when the boys come home from school. Writing out checks for lunches, field trips, fund raisers or whatever, thereby depleting my already meager funds, homework insanity, various instrument practice and that all went straight into prepping and making supper... And of course, I burned myself on the stove...
The evening brought the usual chaos of brushing the teeth, baths/ showers, jammies, bedtime routines... The usual. Get them into bed and I discovered, all was well in the universe. The children are healthy, happy, and are doing well. I hadn't lost any limbs and for the most part, I am still intact. <Sigh!> All is good... Until...
Always, the crotchety old farts have to go and ruin a day that went from bad to not too bad, and make it terrible. Apparently, a load of laundry was left in the dryer and wasn't folded in the proper way, put away in the proper manner and made ready for another load of wash to be done the next day. Are you fucking kidding me? If that wasn't enough to aggravate me... Well, it would seem that there is a proper way to DO laundry, a proper way to put the laundry into the dryer, a proper way to fold the laundry, a proper way to arrange the folded laundry in the basket, a proper way to carry the basket of folded laundry, a proper way of putting folded laundry away in the drawers and even a proper way of closing the drawers... I did the opposite of everything they said and slammed the door of the room I sleep in when I was done.
A knock came at the door a few moments later. "What, NOW?!?"
Apparently, I should have answered with, "Yes?"
I still don't know why they came a knockin'... They're still recovering from the verbal tirade and string of obscenities hissed at them at a hundred miles an hour. I am not taking shit from ANYBODY any more, and I will let all who try know it.

Woo HOO HOO!!!

Woo hoo! Lucky's dad tagged a deer! Does that mean I get some yummy dead animal parts?
So, Lucky's dad is start to finish guy. He goes out and tags the deer, guts it in the field, drags it to the truck, gets it home, and butchers it in the garage. AND he can make the BEST venison burger in the history of forever!
So, Lucky was changing the oil in the car in the garage and his dad was butchering up the deer in the other bay. Both the garage doors were open... And the UPS guy came and surveys the scene.
The look on the UPS guy's face was priceless and seeing it, Lucky had to fuck with the guy.
"It was the only way to get rid of the pesky neighbor...Just kidding. It's a deer. "
The UPS guy was basically sick to his stomach. He commented that his uncle or something was a farmer and would butcher pigs and eat 'em up, yum, no problems. This guy here didn't need to know. He didn't want to know.  "Don't need to see the process, just want it on my plate..."
I wonder whether he went vegetarian for a day or two afterward. I hear some people get like that after "seeing the process". Me? I really don't give a shit. I just want it on my plate... NOW.

Futility...

So, in trying to patent a couple of... well, let's just say concepts or ideas, the whole process has been quite a challenge. Quite honestly, it sucks donkey balls.
The patenting processes has been several years in the making, translating from French, Japanese and Mandarin to English... And not just ANY English. We are talking about English that people who speak English don't even understand. Technical mumbo jumbo goo goo speak that makes my head hurt. Then having to explain what all the stuff is...
I'm not kidding when I say YEARS. 9. Nine years! FUCK! Then you send stuff off to the patent office after you think everything is solid, only to have it sent back to you a couple of weeks later to make an addendum or explain a process further or rewrite a something...
Then in the meantime, trying to find someone who is interested enough in the "project" to provide funding or buy the whole kit and kaboodle outright... Don't even get me started. Frustration at it's best. I see this stuff in my sleep. I see it in my waking hours.
Hiatus. I've put it down... I've got other projects to deal with right now. I say this as I stare at the piles of manuscripts I have sitting on the table. Eeerg! I need to win Lotto.

The popularity contests...

It's really the most stupid thing. People trying so hard to get others to like them, losing themselves in the process... I've accepted myself for who I was a while ago and I'm okay with who I am. Yes, there are a few things I need to work on and I accept the fact that I am a work in progress. I may always be. Whatever. I have people in my life that know and love me for who and what I am.
With that being said, it's those people who go on about their lives trying to please others and being something or someone purely to get other people to like them. You know what I'm talking about. It's sad really. They gain the "notoriety" and the "friends" and they prance around in their Lala Land of ill-conceived dreams and misconceptions. House of cards, really.
What's even better about it is that EVERYONE loves to see them fall. The greater the fall, the more amusement it bring to everyone around them. Why do you think tabloid magazines are so fuckin' popular? Popularity mongers surround themselves with people who don't give a shit about them, don't care about anything other than "status" and when the shit hits the fan, POOF they disappear and would sooner stab a "friend" in the back than help them up and out.
That's what makes tearing them down so easy and so fun. Sow seeds of doubt and BANG! one fell swoop. Take them down hard and fast. Once that initial damage is done, it catches like wildfire. Just a flicking a match and walking away. It's fun to exploit some of the flaws of human nature. Then just sit a small distance away and watch the REAL fun.

What do you want??!??

It's impossible to try and hide out and hibernate through the fuckin' holidays, despite the fact that I would just as soon hole up in the closet and wait it out until the next couple of months is over. I'd peek my head out from time to time, mostly to see if anyone left me any food... Unfortunately, I've been told that if I want the noms, I have to EARN them by going through the holiday insanity. Shitty.
So, I get to deal with the time of year and the people... I did find that the greatest way of dealing with people is one simple phrase.
"WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT??!??"
Say it with enough conviction and generally, they'll  leave you alone and walk away quickly. I don't want to know about what charity wants how much and why, i don't want to try some new something or another, I don't need help with anything, I don't want a flier regarding something that I don't care about. I just want to accomplish the thing that I hauled my carcass out to do without having to deal with too many people. WHADDYA WANT? I hate the holidays...

Veteran's Day...

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all our troops, the men and women who have given their everything for the rest of us, and for their service to our country. We tend to take things like our freedom for granted. Veteran's day is something that should be had every day. I'm not talking about the fanfare and hubbub and sales at the local mall. I am talking about taking a moment to thank our troops and let them know that we are grateful for the sacrifices that they have made in order to keep us doing what we do, even if it's just one at a time.
I get pissed off when I hear about some Americans bashing our troops and calling them sadistic war criminals and saying how we don't have any business in other countries, killing people, blah, blah, blah... You have got to be kidding me! It's because of those men and women that you are able to go out there and spew your bullshit and badmouth our military, while being allowed to voice that opinion under protection of law! I'd like to see any one of those morons try that kind of shit in the countries that they're sympathizing with, especially when we, as a country, are being seen as "the great enemy". I'm not really sure there are too many people who really realize just how much our military gives of themselves just to keep the rest of us living the American dream. Let's not even talk about the ultimate sacrifice that far too many of them have made.
And with sticking to that, far too often, we forget about "the troops" here at home too. I am talking about our first responders: Police (local, state and federal), firemen and paramedics/ E.M.T.s, without whom there would be issues within our borders too, so to speak. It's wretched awful knowing that a good portion of the time, there are those who will forget about them and take for granted our safety, security and well-being here at home.
Again, I just want to give a big ol'  "Thank You!!!"  to all of those who put themselves in harms way to protect the safety and freedom we all enjoy.  Hugs to you all!

My tweaked sense of humor...

Apparently, I have a twisted and tweaked sense of humor. It happens. I find amusement in a lot of different things like watching things blow up or on fire, which is the reason why one of my favorite shows on TV is MythBusters. I also like watching stupid people doing stupid things. I find it to be terribly funny. I love seeing drunk people falling down and hurting themselves. I think that seeing people "get theirs" is the funniest thing on the face of the planet. Racial jokes, tasteless humor, "cute things exploding" on youtube, bodily functions, slurs, and creative words or phrases for different body parts or fornicating. At least I'm up front about it unlike those who act all uptight and offended, but are laughing on the inside. Shut up. You know you do.

Um... No.

Seriously... No.
I don't understand the need for some men to come up to me and start talking to me and being all, "Hey baby!" Yuck! I get all, "I have a man in my life, thank you, and you're not him. Go away."
Why are men so fuckin' pushy and stupid? Then of course, the REALLY stupid ones can't take "No" for an answer and feel the need to keep talking as if though I'm going to change my mind because they're annoying me MORE.  Seriously? Leave me the fuck alone and let me do what it is that I hauled my carcass out to do. I don't need some idiot talking to me or pawing at me or whatever. What pisses me off even more is that I become the bitch when they are rejected for pestering me. How the fuck does THAT work...

Bleh!

Sometimes I have a hard time getting the kids to eat the vegetables. They make the faces and whine about it and cry... It's great. The peas, I can understand. The other stuff? Well, well balanced meals and all... They've gotta eat 'em.
Neat, stupid trick I learned was to "hide" the veggies into food. Especially the green ones. Jar baby food. Mix it into the everything. Meatloaf, mac and cheese, soup, stew, stroganoff, pasta sauce, taco meat, whatever we're having. They've learned not to ask why the "color is off" since they don't taste anything different. For cryin' out loud, I never thought getting the kids to eat veggies was so friggin' difficult. They get all "YUCK! It's broccoli/ spinach/ cauliflower/ beans/ whatever"... If they're hungry enough, they eat 'em. I'm tired of watching them drown the veggies in tons of ranch dressing or something of the like. Disgusting!
I'm just better off hiding the veggies in the food for the time being and force the veggies down their throats when it's on their plates. They'll come to appreciate the veggies soon enough. I'll pick my battles with them and since I have my own secret weapon, the veggie issue doesn't have to be one.

I sneezed...

 Not just a little...
It was one of those uncontrollable, whole body, everything hurts, muscle aches and pains for the next four days kind of sneezes... It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just the sneeze.
It happened in the kitchen. I sneezed so fuckin' hard, I banged my forehead/face on the kitchen counter, reeled over backwards from the stun of the impact, slammed into the refrigerator with the back of my head and damn near knocked myself unconscious. I guess it'll be funny after I heal up. Until then... Not so much. You're snickering. I know it. I'm glad that YOU find amusement in my pain and the fact that I am THAT much of a spaz... <Sigh!> I need to go find my ice pack. Go fuck yourself   ;)

Just chillin'...

Aahhhh! Just a second.... I'm having a moment...
The kids are away for an overnight, so I guess I get to chill out for a little while...
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.....
Okay. I'm done now...
I forget how boring life is without them... This sucks.

Seems DAMN impossible...

But, I'm trying anyway...
Setting up deadlines for myself has been great. I get things done in a timely manner and... Well, the shit is getting done, all fine, well and good and all, but...
I've finally paid off the last of my debts. YAY! I have to keep paying for the car, the insurance, the day to day crap like gas, taxable items, the things the kids need, school stuff... The money goes out faster than it comes in. Whatever...
Small tasks, big tasks... They're all getting done, are done or are in the works to be done. Not a problem. In trying to find solutions to the HUGE things... It's been a miss. Not epic fail, just amiss. A good portion of the time, it's just a matter of getting a fuckin' foot in the door. The unfortunate thing about it is, no one is willing to open up the door. Not even just a little.
I've got so much in the hopper that has the potential to set things straight for me and mine, and despite my best efforts so far... Well, it would seem that my best efforts have not been good enough. I'm having a "feel sorry for myself" moment right now. No big deal.
In a couple of days, I'm gonna get to work on a big ass battering ram to go a-knockin' with. I refuse to give up here... If the battering ram doesn't work, I can always start using a bit of C-4... Can't hide behind a door that ain't there, right?

My Otis...

Despite the fact that he weighs in at a whopping 16lbs, he has the ferocity of a bear... Unfortunately, it also comes with the intelligence of a squashed grape.
He doesn't hear too much of anything any more and he usually barks randomly at the noises in his head, but when he SEES something with his failing vision, he'll let it know he saw it by barking at it. It could be a person, another dog, a bush, a squirrel, a rock, a car, a house, me... It doesn't matter. Hackles raised, barkity bark bark bark...
These days, because of his advanced age, he'll bark at it, and then forget what he was doing within a few seconds. It works out well. He'll be barking away, stop to sniff the ground and forget what he was doing.  <Sigh>  But whatever it was that Otis was barking at KNOWS that he thinks he's a vicious, scary animal.

So it begins...

We have come to that time of year when the nuttiness of "the Holidays" begins. The hectic hustle and bustle of the shopping and the food preparations and the baking and the insanity and the bitchy people being bitchier than usual... You know what I'm talking about... The triple threat of the year end. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's... Throw in the Chanukah and the Kwanzaa and the boxing day and all that other crap and it's just the most hectic couple of months that I would just as soon do without.
The commercialized nature of the holidays is disgusting. It shows the selfishness and the overindulgent materialism of people and quite frankly I think it's wrong.
I realize that the whole Santa, tree, presents and whatnot was "The Church"s way of incorporating the pagans' winter solstice celebration in order to get them to convert and stuff, but it seems to me that the whole meaning of the holidays was lost. Not just in the "birth of Christ" thing. (I mean, I get it. It's Christmas because of Jesus and all.) I'm talking about the whole people being nicer to each other. People coming into the "spirit of the holidays" and being polite... Nope... They get more rude and nasty and downright awful.
I hate the friggin' holidays. I hate people even more during the holiday season, I can't stand the commercials and the advertisements and the everything associated with the holidays. The over-decoration and the... GAAAAAAAAH! I can't stand it all. I'd much rather be in the closet, hiding out for the next few months... Just so long as someone slips me the holiday noms.

Election Day...

Did you go out and vote?
DEATH TO SOCIALISM, BABY! C'mon! Go out there and do it!

It all started because I got out of bed...

I woke up with P.M.S. and that was bad enough, but I discovered shortly afterward, it wasn't just me.  It was the whole household.
I don't know what happened or why or whatever, but I didn't care. It seemed I did NOT have the monopoly on "cranky" that day. Shit. Talk about having a perfectly rotten day made more rotten by adding MORE cranky people to the mix.
Three out of the four kids went off to school to go be cranky somewhere else... Fine. The fourth wasn't too bad once she got a fresh diaper, some brekkies, and was able to watch Dora. I managed to slug down a couple cups of coffee, eat two candy bars and lick the salt off of a couple of Hint of Lime chips, so I wasn't TOO bad. It was the old cranky farts that made the day go from bad to HELL!
The cranky old woman was in full on martyr mode. Not too bad, because she went back upstairs to rest. Fine. Stay the fuck out of my way and go complain to the wall... No one wants to hear it. Granted, we would all have to hear the announcements about how she was feeling worse every once in a while when she would call down, but whatever. It's easy enough to ignore.
Other other old, crotchety, rotten bastard  was in complaint mode about  EVERYTHING! I could see it coming to a head before it even began... I saw the bad day coming from miles away... Stevie Wonder could have seen it. Nope. Wasn't having it.
The little one and I got dressed lickety split and went out. Nope, nope, nope... If they were going to be cranky and shitty, I would sooner leave the house and let them kill each other than stay and get sucked into THAT drama.
This time I had the foresight to see the bad day BEFORE it happened and was able to avoid it all together. Go figure...

Uh-uh.... Nope! Bad, bad, bad...

You never realize how scary something might seem to a small child. With Halloween being over and we start getting into the insanity of the end of the year holidays, I breath a sigh of relief. Kinda...
No more creepy, scary, nightmare inducing things to scare the bajeebies out of the little ones and having them crawl into the bed with me because they're scared. Well, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't end up being beat to hell by the random kicks and punches I end up receiving. It's like sleeping next to a gigantic angry octopus that's swinging a hammer in each of it's eight tentacles...
Yeah... The stores go from cobwebs and skeletons to something that looks like a place that Christmas threw up in. The kids are all, "YAY! CHRISTMAS!!!"  and thus starts the season of nightmares for me... Ugh!

Shopping with kids...

There's nothing that raises the hackles faster in a "public setting"  than out of control kids. At least that's the case for me. As much as I kid about how rotten my kids can be, they're actually tame and freaking awesome, especially when you compare them to some of the kids I see out and about with their parents. I can take my kids out with me anywhere and everything goes great. But there are A LOT out there that... Well, maybe not so much. Holy shit!
They yell, scream, sass EVERYONE, hit, slap, grab, run amok, they don't listen, they don't care and what's really scary is that the parents let them get away with it with the exasperated looks on their faces... Fuck that! Kids need to be TAUGHT how to behave. It just rubs me the wrong way.
When my kids witness it, they're looking at me like, "Whoa! What the hell is THAT kid's problem?"and the only thing that I can do is shrug and tell them, "Well, at least you know how wrong it is to be running around acting like an ass, right?"
Taking four kids out shopping can be a challenge, but at least I'm not dealing with a bunch of wild, rotten, spoiled little shits. MROWR! <HISS!!!>

Happy Halloween, Lucky!

Now go to bed!

Happy Halloween!!! This is COOL!

Some guy actually took the time to carve these out by hand...