Happy Halloween 2014

Hurray! I's Halloween! I'm sure we'll have our share of ghouls and ghosties, princesses and super heroes, plushie animals of all varieties, all dragging around weary parents who are dreading the inevitable sugar rushes that these children will be experiencing once they've dumped out their loot on the kitchen table and dive into the candy they got......

Have a safe one, all! Happy Halloween!

Mischief Night 2014

Yeah, I'll be leaving the outside lights on tonight. :sigh: mischief night...... Idiot teens, filled with piss and vinegar, running around salting lawns, shaving creaming mail the insides of mail boxes, and toilet papering trees and houses.....

Air softs at the ready, preparations being made. Let the games begin.

It's THAT time of year, already??!?!?!?

Seriously..... When did THIS time of year creep up on us? I got handed X'mas wish lists from my kids already, I'm starting to see X'mas decorations and deals and other things "end of the year holidays" -ish. I mean, wasn't it summer, like, just yesterday?

I find myself reaching for sweaters and thick socks and scarves and jackets and stuff..... Fleece-y jammies and fluffy slippers re becoming a must..... When did we come to this?

I hope March comes around soon.... I'm already over this shit.

Seriously??!?!?!

We haven't even gotten past Halloween yet, and I haven't gotten over the shock at how expensive Halloween has become and FLABAMMO! My kids hand over their X'mas wish lists saying, "Well, you like to have them early so you can start budgeting, right?"

They didn't push their luck and just dropped them on my desk and backed slowly out of the room when they saw my eye start twitching and the forehead vein start to pulse......

The most dreaded time of the year approacheth...... Fuck!

The five stages of being stuck in traffic.......

There are the "five stages of grief" when dealt a life changing something that people will go through, but it can also be true of that moment when you realize you are about to be stuck in traffic. 

The first stage is DENIAL. It is the "It's okay..... This isn't happening. It's nothing..." Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. Denial can be a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation all together. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage. It's weird. It's when one will push back their plans by a few minutes and whatever and don't give it another thought until...

The second stage: ANGER. It is the, "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?" "What the fuck? Just use the small skinny pedal on the right and drive asshole!" stage. Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue any longer. The reality of the situation becomes a bit more evident. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to talk due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy of the lane that's creeping ahead a little faster than the one you're in. Most people's outstanding talent of cussing and excessive use of the "F" word really shines through at this stage and the horn on the car sees a lot of serious use. You hate everyone, you hate everything and everything sucks. This stage gets revisited quite often.

Then we come to the third stage. BARGAINING. "If I can just get passed this, I promise not to drive too much like an asshole any more!" "If I can just get over into the lane that's moving, I promise to let two other people in front of me!" The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow move faster, even though everyone is at a standstill or is creeping along at the same slow ass pace. Usually, the negotiation for "the moving lane" is made with a higher power in exchange for reformed driving style or even some kind of major life change or some impossible good deed. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I am gonna be here for a while, but if I could just do something to get to where I need to be just a little bit faster..." and includes some favor that makes the bargainer feel as if a fair trade is being made in exchange for movement in a lane.  "I'll even turn down the radio a little...."

Welcome to the next stage: DEPRESSION. This is generally when head bashing on the steering wheel comes in or openly weeping and sobbing as you do the little dance behind the steering wheel to see around the car in front of you in order to see whether there is any end in sight to the on road nightmare you slipped in to. During the fourth stage, the person stuck in traffic begins to understand the certainty of being stuck behind everyone else. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse to talk and spend much of the time crying and face palming. This process allows the person stuck in traffic to disconnect from things like being late or hopes of every getting to their destination. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage lest they slide back into ANGER. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

The last stage is ACCEPTANCE. "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it so, I may as well just sit and listen to some jams." In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with the fact that they are stuck in traffic, and so is everyone else. They will take the bursts of forward momentum as a great thing and may start to feel short bursts of happy moments, no matter how fleeting. 

Of course there are always backslides and skipping around and revisiting one or more of the many stages here as traffic can be rather unpredictable and add to that the many varieties of assholes that you always happen to get stuck with in traffic with..... :s Pfft.... Any way you slice it, traffic sucks. 

Cycle of Frustration.......

Step 1.) Being dog tired and planning on going to bed early. 
Step 2.) The time you actually get to bed and counting how many hours of sleep you're gonna get. 
Step 3.) Bargaining with yourself and begging and pleading that you go to sleep...... 
Step 4.) Realizing the minimal number of hours of sleep you ACTUALLY get, which is not even close to what you wanted or counted on....... 
Step 5.) Repeat. :s

Super powers.....

I really don't give a shit who the hell you think you are or what the hell you do now, but there came a point in your life where you tried to see if you had super powers of some kind or another. Some imaginary something or another or an inkling or a hope or a thought or a belief or something that triggered this need to find out whether you were capable of some kind of super power..... On some level, all of mankind is all the same.... Just like empty Christmas wrapping paper tube. It's a sword.  It's universal. There are some very universal truths. Beyond any of that though it all just goes to hell, doesn't it.... Shame about human nature. It makes us all pretty shitty. Between ego, one's own beliefs, a sense of some type of entitlement, self serving, selfish, self centered blah blah blah..... Throw in government, religion, race and a healthy dose of fearing change and differences and poof! The sum of what human nature has become. I wondered quite often where it was that we went wrong, but quite honestly, the only real opinion I can come up with is that this failed experiment that we call humanity is just a funny joke. It's not to say that there haven't been outstanding people among us. But if you think, on the whole, we have war and strife and hunger and suffering. We have murder and rape and child abuse and animal cruelty. We are killing ourselves, killing each other, killing our environment, killing our planet.... And what of it? We fight to have just our own individual voices heard and it ultimately means nothing because quite simply put, the selfishly motivated bullshit spewing out of one person's mouth is nothing different than what's spewing out of another. The self serving agendas are just different.
I wish for a time when things were simple and I wasn't so jaded and the world still held hope and was full of awesomeness. And as much as I try to stay away from the mainstream media, (which is all slanted and skewed to meet someone's agenda anyway) what's going on in the world seems to trickle into mine and no matter what filters I put up to try and get a break from what's going on, I still come to find what's going on in the world and it's depressing.
The one super power I really wish I had was to be able to stop time. Maybe have it keep going for a few selected people, but otherwise, just stop. Surely, it would continue on after I died and the world can go on back about its business heading towards wherever it is its going and done. Ya know?
Something huge is coming and it don't look good.....

My advice....

I don't know what it is about me, but I have people coming to me and asking for my advice or my opinions on things a lot. It's not that I mind really. Coming from friends and family members (the VERY few of them I can stand), it's actually a very welcome distraction and I like the idea of being able to help them out in a small measure.
Sometimes, I get strangers or people I hardly know who ask me for advice or for my opinion and that's kind of neat too. I don't know what it is about my -ness that draws people to me for advice, but it happens.
Then we get to the whiners..... The poor me, everything is terrible, doom sayers who complain about everything and even though you offer advice, they go on about their miserable existences anyway because they prefer to stay in their own miserable cesspools of ever impending doom. Why would you ask for the damn advice if you're not going to take it? Seriously! Go back into your dark cloud. Poof! Be gone.

Farts.....

I'm not really sure why, but flatulence amuses me. I don't know whether it's the silly sounds, the fact that it offends the sensibilities and well, EVERYTHING out of most people and it's a very antisocial thing to do.... Whatever.
There is also something very endearing to me about passing gas. If you think about it, the people that you most love, for them to feel comfortable enough around you to let one loose.... Come on! That's love. Granted the aftermath of said anal statement may be something left to be desired.... Like after hot wings and beer the night before and scrambled eggs and toast at brekkies, hot dogs at lunch and beans for snack..... Then maybe perhaps that love can be felt on the inside and you can vocalize it with your mouth instead..... And don't even try to pretend like you've never had one of those super long farts that changed pitch a few times and burned the hair out of your nose and peeled the paint off the walls and made the dog run away and made you not want to be your own friend any more.... You know you have. Shut up. Yes, you have.

"Trophy Wife".......

The term "trophy wife" has always bothered me. Not because of the misogynistic undertones or whatever, but because, I mean, what the hell is it? I mean, what are the qualifications for being this "trophy wife? I mean, when you think of trophy, you think "prize" right? So, obviously, this trophy wife ought to be a fucking awesome thing, right?  So, if someone is marrying someone else, shouldn't it be because they got the prize? Wouldn't every wife then be the trophy wife to their husbands?

I mean, a "trophy wife" is supposed to be some young chickie with "enhanced" body parts, who's good looking and makes you look good as your arm candy accessory, fucks like a machine, all orifices, in an order that would surprise you,  and you would have to provide adequate housing, spending money, and stuff in order to keep her around until her looks fade, otherwise, she'll move onto another schmo who can provide "a better life" for as long as she looks pretty... So, she's basically a fake, gold digging whore..... Hmm......

I don't know why I find the term so offensive really.... I'm probably over thinking this whole thing and blowing it WAY out of proportion. I'm on my period. I probably just need to go finish off the cookie dough I left in the fridge. Yeah.... That's it.

Bleeerg.......

I *almost finished a **5k run this morning!
* "almost" meaning I actually did finish it
** "5k run" meaning a whole, raw and still frozen Mrs. Smith's Original Flaky Crust apple pie

This was probably not the smartest thing I've ever done...... Sadly, it's definitely not the dumbest thing either. I never want to eat pie again.....

Until tomorrow.   

sigh......

Yuppers! After witnessing a very intense bidding war and having had a fierce private negotiation on Ebay, I am happy to announce that someone else is now the proud owner of a penis candle once purchased at the *penis festival, at the *penis shrine, because penises! Penis. *Brought to you by the people who gave the world ecchi, sketchy, panda-chan, hentai anime tentacle porn and used panties vending machines. Oh, Japan..... You so funny!

Rant, redux......

I swear on all things cured and bacon-y delicious, if I have ONE more person tell me that I have to be more tolerant and understanding of the islamic religion or muslims and fuck all, I am going to lose my fucking shit. I mean, epic tirade.

<RANT mode switched to 11, knob torn off>

I mean, it must be nice for these people to basically invade our country and speak their minds about the white devils that we are and how they have the correct religion and will see to it that ALL will be bowing down to islam and be muslim or will perish in the changing. And they are protected by OUR laws and are able to do this freely, in OUR country! But if a group of Americans were to speak against the TOTAL BULLSHIT that this islam crap is, they get called racist and it is a "hate crime". We're uneducated morons who haven't a clue as to what the religion is based on. We're ignorant, intolerant, insensitive assholes.... Well then.... Damn skippy, I'm an ignorant, intolerant, insensitive asshole. I hate it and kiss my ass.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in the first amendment, freedom of speech and religion and all that and I'm all about tolerance and stuff... Really! But isn't it ironic that islam, Muhammed (whom I will here on out refer to as "Mo" because it offends me to have to type out that name), and the q'uran do not allow for freedom of religion and expression. Our American democracy and islam simply cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.... It's their own agenda that they're worried about and they're just going to keep driving forward regardless of the American people. And that's HERE, in OUR country. In America, we used to call that a big, "Fuck you!".

Oh, don't get me wrong... I've got my own feelings about the other bible based religions too. You know.... Old Testament/ New Testament..... History can go both ways and the atrocities committed by all sides are very real. No one religion can claim any kind of high ground and "morality" over another considering all the wrong that was committed by any of those groups was done "in the name of god". I get that. Now, am I basing all of my judgements regarding this religion because of all of the terroristic acts perpetrated by the "fringe lunatics" of the religion that I see in the news? I mean, I don't need reminding that the other religions have got their own set of "fringe lunatics" and have their own little cults too. I'm sorry that this supposed "religion of peace" had been "hijacked" by some "radicals", but if muslims spent as much time and energy cleaning up it's "own house" and shut down all of these "radicals" who preach and strive for the "destruction of the infidels" as it did trying to convince the rest of the world how peaceful it was, all while brutally killing their own because of "law" and telling us how we have to be tolerant (while many muslim countries are barbaric by any definition ), the problem between"them" and "us" would solve itself.

Whether we blame "terrorists acting in the name of islam" or blame islam itself for the terrorism attacks not only in the U.S. but other places in the world, the fact remains, "islam" means "peace, only when the entire world says, 'There is no god but Allah and Mo is his messenger'." So, we are to believe that it's the "terrorists" who perverted the message and thus islam as a whole shouldn't be blamed or is it something else. I mean, it still doesn't change some of the American views on the islamic religion or muslims and, unfortunately, ANY middle easterner at this point (despite the fact that there are PLENTY of middle eastern CHRISTIANS , Sikhs, who hate the muslims more than we do, Buddhists, agonstics, etc...) because Americans BELIEVE that "them all" are all about the destruction of "the infidels" a.k.a. ANYONE who isn't muslim. And quite honestly, it's hard not to come to that conclusion when you consider this:

There is also this whole thing about every piece of land that was conquered by Islam for the last 1,400 years being considered the "House of Islam" and thus has to be taken back from the "infidels". This means France, Spain, Portugal, Lebanon, Sicily, Hungary, the Balkans, the Caucasus, Afghanistan, India, the Philippines, among others. They call this a "defensive jihad". Riiiight... Now, the rest of the world is called the "house of war" and has to be conquered for the greatness of Allah. A different type of "jihad" type thing. Uh-huh... Now, this jihad thing... It is not a "military side", but a duty to every muslim. It is more important than prayer or anything else according to Mo himself and muslims are to follow the "will of their god" without question or death... (Remember that bit?)

Um... So, what message am I supposed to be getting here? Let's sum up... "house of islam" to be taken back from "infidels"... Check. "House of war" needs to be conquered for Allah (trickle down to) Mo (trickle down to) islamic muslims... Check. Jihad, by definition is a holy war waged by muslims against infidels and is a duty to all muslims... Check. ALL islamic muslims are to follow the word of their god without question... Check. I don't mean to sound like a tool here, but I'm feeling a little threatened, aren't you?
And according to some of their laws, whether fringe or not fringe of this religion, a lot of stuff is harshly punished. Gay? Death. Not islamic? Death. Woman? Clitorectomy, burka, submission, subservience, stoning, DEATH. Don't understand? Death. Like dogs? Death. Masterbate? Death. Drink? Death. Bacon? Death. Some of my most favorite things are listed here... DEATH! And on top of it, they spew all sorts of hate filled bullshit about Americans HERE in the states! Allah forbid (literally) if an American were to go over there and spew hate filled rants about islam. DEATH! And they'll hide behind the veil of "we're a peaceful people... Our religion is one of peace..." because that's the face they want to show until they have gained enough strength... Seriously. Ask yourself this... Have you ever come across something where they talk about NOT killing someone or at the very least claiming that "the infidels will get theirs" when it "goes against their beliefs or supposed law"? And don't even get me started on those who cower and scream "RACISM!!!!!" when you bring up points that they can't defend, justify, explain, or clarify, or you ask a difficult question that would completely topple their defense.

You may have your apologizers saying, "We're so sorry about what some of those extremists are doing.... That's not what our religion is about...." but when you break it down..... Well. It kinda is. (And as I had stated before, the bible isn't better and does have it's own set of fringe lunatics, but that's not what I'm on about here right now, so....) Like I said, if these people put as much time and energy shutting down those lunatics and brought the religion "back to "what the original message was", maybe I'd be a little more tolerant. And do NOT get me started on American sympathizers who tell me I'm just being "ignorant". I'm not the ignorant one. If you feel that badly about it, feel free to go to any of those countries, tell them that you are an American, and that you are sorry. Tell them that you are tolerant and you love them. Go out into the streets and shout it out the same way they go out into the streets in our country telling us how we need to be tolerant and how much they hate us. Bring your spouse/ significant and / or your kids too. See how well that goes over.

Does the US need it's own cleaning up? Absolutely. My stance is, close the fucking borders, and let us clean up our own house. Send all these squatters back to where they came from and let them bitch and complain about Americans over there. And by the way, they should pay back every cent of the "free stuff" they got while they were here. Fuck all the global aid shit too. Seriously. We could use the money here. Shit, we NEED the money here. We want it all back. 
WE, the people, should take back out government. I know, I KNOW!!! Easier said than done. "How would we go about doing THAT, huh?" I know. There is never going to be one "super messiah" who is going to come along and fix everything in a single year or even a single term as president. We're working off of an ALL AROUND broken system. I am talking about everything from the social structure to the education system to government to the financial pyramid. Top to bottom, bottom to top. EVERYTHING. And the further along we go, the more tattered and crumbling the system is becoming. NO ONE can blame any ONE politician for THAT shit. It's all cumulative. So for Obamites to blame Bush for our nation's woes? Where do we go from there? Who are ya gonna blame for the next four years ahead of us? Who do we get to blame when the next president takes office? It's ridiculous really and it's nothing more than a vicious circle. The next guy is only going to try "to fix what was left for him" or whatever, only to screw things up more because we've strayed quite a bit from what our original forefathers set forth for what our country should be. How our country should be governed. I get that times were different back when the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights were written, but the very basis of what these documents are and what they were meant to do has been quite skewed and have taken something of a different meaning, methinks. It was not an overnight transition, nor was it one man who singlehandedly fucked it all up. We may be ONE COUNTRY, but "united"? We act as squabbly, separated and we "sibling fight" worse than a family reunion at our house! (Yes, those evenings tend to fall to ruins in hell by the end of the night.) Yes.... Our nation has become a "dysfunctional family" at best.

And think about this: When it all does fall down, we're ALL going to be fucked the same way. Whether we are right, left, republican, democrat, libertarian, independent, a little of this, a little of that, republicans for Obama or whatever other democratic candidate, democrats for Romney or whatever other republican candidate (and I'm sure I'm missing all the other different flavors here), we're all STILL fucked the same way. Do you think it's going to matter what political affiliation you had? And is it really going to matter, under "whose watch" it happens in? Fucked is fucked is fucked is fucked. And honestly? It's inevitable. It's gonna happen. Yup.... Just think about THAT one for a second, boys and girls..... And when it DOES happen, "The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as needed?" I, myself, have faith enough to believe that from whatever ashes are left, we, as AMERICANS, will rise to full glory again. I do. We, the people, should untuck our proverbial balls from out of our bunched up panties, put on some big boy/girl pants and get to getting'. No more of this PC crap. No more of this namby pamby stance on everything. Let's start calling a spade a spade and not blame society for a persons "transgressions", but blame the individual for their actions, have them take responsibility for them, and let them get what's coming to them. As much as I say that "they" need to shut down their "radicals", we have our own to worry about and shut down, up to and including the useless twat monkey in the white house.

Whether it is those fringe lunatics who are carrying out these acts of terrorism, or it is islam as a whole that is fucked up, there is no denying that people are being beheaded, women are being stoned, gays are being hung, young girls are being forced into marriage and raped, there are suicide bombers shouting out something about "salad bar" or "ickbar" or some shit, our borders are being invaded and we are constantly being threatened, all in the name of islam.

And I'm supposed to be "tolerant"? Go fuck yourselves.

:drops mic: <feed back> :walks off stage:

Epic WINNING!!!!

You KNOW it was an awesome fart when your Bae adds the subcategories "texture" and "hardness" with a Moh scale number under the category of "aroma". Apparently, even from across the room, it hit him in the face like a brick and it felt gritty as he choked on it.

It a gift. 

Um.... wow.....

I am not exactly the most fashion conscious person in the world. I go with the tried and true, timeless look of jeans and a shirt. No matter the occasion, jeans and a t- shirt. Done. They're clean, I'm wearing it, done. My pop makes fun of my fashion choices.... (This coming from the man who once used to sport that Michael Jackson leather pants and jacket with all the stupid zippers on it..... In public......).

I think that old age is starting to rot my pop's brain, but his really good outfits are pretty um...... Special.  He has a pair of zebra striped sweat pants that he wears often.... In public..... (It gets "better".....).

He has shirts of all different colors and prints and patterns including paisleys and plaids.... Dark socks that he will wear with sandals, and a blue baseball cap with a Canadian flag on it. All of which he will put together with the aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants.... In public.... (No.... Wait. There's more.).

He has a very happy sunshine yellow windbreaker type jacket that he likes to wear, with his plaid or paisley shirt, his dark socks and sandals, his blue baseball cap with the Canadian flag on it.... All matched up with his aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants..... in public.... (No.... It STILL gets "better".....).

My pop shuffles, pulls his pants (yup, the zebra ones) up as high as they will go and he wears lightly tinted sunglasses with rhinestone accents on them..... wearing his happy sunshine yellow windbreaker type jacket over his plaid or paisley shirt, his dark socks and sandals, his blue baseball cap with the Canadian flag on it.... All matched up with his aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants..... In public..... :slaps forehead..... with a brick:

And he questions my fashion choices.... :s

Caffeine....

I go through cycles of "giving up coffee" for an amount of time, but I always go back to it for the same reasons. Caffeine.
There is something truly wonderful about that first jolt one will experience when the caffeine kicks in. Ahh.... The invincible feeling one can get when after six or so cups of coffee before lunch, you go on about your day and whirlwind-ing through everything like the world has stopped in time. :sigh: It's blissful!
The harshness comes at the crash though.... I either end up with a wicked anxiety attack or a case of the major sleepies. Always fun to deal with. :sigh: Still trying to find the perfect balance.

My mini musicians.....

I have a love of music. My music collection is very eclectic and I've been doing my best to make sure that my children get exposed to something other than what's on the pop radio stations because BLECH! I play an assortment of instruments from the time I was little and I think it is a rather wonderful hobby.
It's not that I've pushed music onto my kids, but they all gravitate towards it, which I find to be wonderful. They've all taken to different instruments and there isn't ever a lack of musical something going on in the house.
I love that my kids are all into music, but I swear on all things holy, if I sit on or step on or kick or trip or stub my toe on another, guitar pick, drum stick, amp, pedal, music sheet, instrument case, tuning fork, cord, rosin, pipe cleaner or piano bench, I'm gonna LOSE IT! Or not. Here's hoping that I have the next musical sensation........ :s

Life's "little" problems....

It seems that some of the biggest problems usually start off as little things that weren't taken care of and were ignored until they became unmanageable and unfixable. It was true with a lot of things in my life. When I started addressing some of them, they were met with a lot of denial and of course, that made things worse. It really only further escalated the problem really. Addressing things when they're still small makes life easier. The unfortunate problem is when they're small, they don't seem like too big a deal and putting them off seems like a good idea. Sometimes we don't even see them at all.
Then, as they grow into still manageable issues, if they aren't dealt with swiftly, they turn into ordeals and it gets worse from there. I'm learning to  address things when they are still small scale or at least manageable. It's not always as easy as it sounds. Things need to be prioritized and in some cases, other sources need to be brought in, thereby making it necessary to rely on others in order for something to get done..... Grrr........ I hate that most of the time. But such as it is, sometimes I have to deal.
One little thing can have the potential to become such a large problem and I quickly learned that the hard way. In FINALLY having learned my lesson about that, I continue to make strides in positive changes that I've been needing to make in my life with this being one of them. Procrastination in not a good thing and it's nice to have the phone numbers of cops and a lawyer on speed dial handy.....

Oh F#&*@!!!!!!!

The little ones may not have the words to express this sentiment, but you've certainly seen the look on their faces. That moment when they realize that they fucked up royal.
It's always amused me to no end to see that look on their little faces. It's universal and is rather ageless. No matter how old you are, it's always the same look. What amuses me most is that I can totally imagine the words that my younger children are thinking, despite the fact that they may not have those precise words to vocalize.
An amusing thought I've been reflecting on....

Maybe I AM just a bitch....

I've come to realize that some people are just not going to be happy.... Ever. Whether my role of "bitch" in a person's life is of my making or not, apparently, I AM the person who fills that role in their lives. Whatever. As I continue on my path and letting the bricks fall, moving forward has been quite a bit easier. I'm not letting the little things stand in the way of the next goal or the steps to get to my next goal. In looking towards the next goal, I find that I no longer really have the time to invest in the petty little dramas of others' lives when I actually have some serious shit I have to be dealing with in my own. Their little issues in their own little worlds are not my problem and I do not intend to make them my problem. Now should this become a problem that comes a knockin' on my front door, it will be greeted with the same fervor and strength and energy and tenacity and every one of the resources at my disposal, just like everything else that gets thrown into my path that I have to deal with. I will own it, I will beat it to a pulp and I will make it my bitch.
The dawn of a new me has started with me. It's still kind of dark and I'm feeling my way around, but at least I am taking the initiative to reaching my destination instead of wallowing in the dark in self pity and self imposed misery. What began with a few very tentative steps forward is now becoming confident strides forward. The load gets lighter as I've learned to let go of certain burdens and navigating my way through has gotten easier. Step by step.....
So feel free to use my image as the symbolic bitch in your world. It seems I hold a big enough portion of some peoples' thoughts and feelings that I matter enough for them to hate me. In the meantime,  mind your business and get out of "mah house" and don't let the door hit you on your ample ass on the way out. Go do your hating elsewhere. You are clouding my aura and misaligning my feng shui or whatever.

I am?

It would seem that I am the "that one" of my family, close and extended. I'm the only one of the family to be born in the US and is American, born and raised. My parents say that that is the likely reason why I'm such a freak.

Looking through the family tree though, it's really surprising that I turned out as "normal" as I did. I suppose when I am the only "normal" person in the family, I'm gonna be seen as someone of a freak. Figures...... There really is no wonder that there are days when I look at my family and think, "Who the fuck are you people and what the FUCK is your problem??!??" and then I realized that I'm related to them..... Then I get all depressed. On other days, the feeling I get is worse. Ugh..... No, insanity does not run in my family. It gallops, skips, hops, jumps, power slides, mosies, scoots along the floor, rolls around, does a little dance and shimmy routine and screams the lyrics to Pop Goes the Weasel....

Aging....

I look in the mirror and I'm starting to see fine lines when a smile and gray hairs. But I'm not really all too bothered by it. Not as much as I thought I would be at this age anyway. My shape isn't the same as it used to be, like say, when I was in my twenties, but it's okay.
No matter what my complaint about myself, my Puppy Guts tells me that I am the end all be all of absolute perfection. It's not to say that I won't moisturize and will stop exercising, but it sure is nice to hear....

Things I learned from my geriatric dog....

Otis was our SUPER geriatric, deaf, blind, kinda senile, not ultra bright dachshund and he had been our loyal companion for over 13 years after we adopted him as a rescue. At 20+ years old he passed. In those last couple of years, he didn't do much of anything, and he smelled kinda funny, but he was ours and we wouldn't have had him any other way. We loved him for everything that he was and we still do. And despite the fact that he was as bright as a burned out light bulb, there were quite a few important things I learned from him. I've compiled a list of some of them:

1.) Pee when you gotta pee, poop when you gotta poop, fart when you gotta fart, burp when you gotta burp. Life's short. The people who love you should love you no matter what you do anyway. Everybody pees, poops, farts and burps. It shouldn't matter to the people that matter most that you do too.

2.) When you take a nap or make sleepy times, make sure you do it well. Make sure you're in the most comfortable position, drool on yourself, snore open mouthed, and dream well. Dreams are probably the only way you're going to be able to do some of the things you want to when you aren't able to or just can't do any more.

3.) Nom your food like it's the nommiest thing you've ever eaten. Enjoy every bite and eat until you're full.

4.) Find a sunshine-y spot and roll around in it and lie down in it. Take time to enjoy the little things in life that bring you a happy moment no matter how small.

5.) Take the time to enjoy the moments you have with your family and friends and let them really know that you love them and that you really enjoy their company. Make sure they really feel how much you appreciate them, even if you may not have the words to tell them. If you really mean it, they'll know without you ever saying a word.

6.) Bark at the people you don't like and let them know exactly how you feel. No use taking that in and holding on to it. Speak your mind, then let it go, and forget about it. Then, just move along and go back about your business.

7.) Happiness CAN be as simple as a warm blanket to curl up in on a rainy day.

8.) When you go outside, make sure you take in a lot of deep breaths of fresh air. It does a lot of good to clear the cobwebs inside your head sometimes. It helps air out the place...

9.) There's nothing wrong with taking a moment "to think" and make everyone around you wonder what the hell you're thinking about. Sometimes, just taking a moment for yourself and spacing out isn't such a terrible thing.

10.) Being tired happens, but make sure you take the time to acknowledge someone when they come to you and you realize they're there, even when you're fast asleep.

11.) It's okay that sometimes you have to get carried to go somewhere. At least you know you can count on people to help you get to where you have to go. Having people you can depend on is a blessing. Having people to lend you a hand when they know you need it most, even though you didn't ask for it, is awesome.

12.) Live a long life even though you've probably lived WAY passed your "usefulness". There are probably those whom you mean the world to. Everyday is another special gift you can give to them. And in those days, make sure to do as many of all these things listed here as possible. There should never be any regrets about the things you hadn't done in life, especially when the list can be kept so simple.

Thanks for these and many other important life lessons old man. You were the greatest dog in the world and I love you and miss you so much. Now... Good dog. Sleep.

Migraines....

For anyone who suffers from migraines, you know.... They range from mildly annoying to absolutely debilitating. The flashing lights and dizziness, then becoming light sensitive to the point where you can HEAR the the high pitched, loud, ear piecing whining of any light that make you wish your head would explode. The noises that come with the light show every time you hear the sounds that they make, tend to be very disorienting and nauseating. Going through three different meds in strength order, praying that one of them would work, the feeling of blah that you get to experience the whole day while trying to keep the contents of your head contained within your skull, and locking yourself up in a dark, cramped closet to escape all the everything. And you just can't crawl out of yourself to get away from it either... I know that if I had a day to sleep it through, it might go away, but when dealing with four children, I can't disappear to take a wellness nap. Yippee.... I trudge through the day...
:s

Eating "healthy"....

With all the crap they put in the food we eat these days, it seems to me like there really IS no such thing as "eating healthy". All the different diets that are out there that tell you to cut out this and eat more of that. all the different rules you have to apply for whatever the diet... Although I've always believed in the moderation thing and not some new fangled "way of life" diets.... Let's face it. 100% of all people who eat food (ANY food) are going to die.
And the things we're eating now.... If it's processed ANYTHING, you're probably going to want to stay away from it. All the chemicals and other crap that they add in.... It boggles my mind. Then you have the meats with hormones, vegetables that are genetically altered.... I mean really? Even with the "natural stuff" science has been in there tweaking out all sorts of genetic codes in that shit! I don't really think food was supposed to be that way.
Then you have all the "organic" stuff... I don't know. It's all starting to creep me out a little.... Am I going to stop eating the noms? No.... But I'm gonna eyeball it a little before I partake! Just sayin'....

One of "THEM"......

Okay, so I'm apparently a "them".....

At the market some time back , I was walking the cart back over to the cart station after I was done with it. A sweet looking old lady comes up to me and says VERY slowly and LOUDLY, "Are yooooooou aaaaaallllllll dooooone wiiiiiith thaaaaaaaaaat caaaaaaarrrrrrt?" while making sign language like hand motions. She finished off with a nice look of disdain and exasperated sigh.

I nodded, gave her an odd look and said, "Um.... Yes, I am. I was just going to put it in the cart station. Would you like this cart?"

She says, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were one of 'THEM'..."

Being EVER so swift on the uptake, my quick witted response to her was, "Huh?"

So, she explains: "You know..... One of them orientals that don't speak English good..."

I don't think she quite saw the irony or the humor in that whole exchange we had there.... :sigh: Go figure......

Off the wagon.....

Yup.... I've been drinking coffee again. I was doing really well with just drinking tea, but every once in a while I have had coffee... Now I'm back to ZIP mode because I'm drinking a lot more coffee again. WOO HOO! Dear artificially sweetened, caffeinated goodness! I missed you so! I forgot why it was that I left you! I'm sorry! I'm glad I have you back in my life! :D

Coherence....

It's funny (well at least to me) how incoherent I seem when I have a thought process that invades my mind and takes over. The million and one ideas that race through my mind every second and the way I want to verbalize them, especially when I am very excited about an idea, doesn't exactly work out sometimes.... It all sounds so great in my head, but I always end up sounding like an over-caffeinated, way too excited three year old explaining their favorite show on television to a person or persons they've just met. Then (especially when it's a person I've just met) I have to explain to them that I really am actually more intelligent than I seem. They give me "the stare". Me- No really! I am! Them- Uh-huh... :continues to stare:
To break that tension, I'll usually throw in the, "Well, I AM feeling pretty feeling special today! Not the helmet wearing, crayon eating, marker sniffing, window licking, paste tasting, laugh at random objects kind of special.... Well, ok, maybe just a little...." It doesn't help nor dies it support my argument.
:SIGH: Another quirk.... Damn!

Lint....

I am so not a fan of lint on clothes. I'm not sure what it is. Call it a quirk or maybe it's the O.C.D. thing, but I don't like the idea of lint on clothes. Especially dark clothes and white lint. I have been known to sit and pick all the lint off of a shirt until it is lint free because it bugs me so much. I will get out tape and lint brushes and whatnot JUST to get all the lint off of an item of clothing. I generally buy and wear things that don't collect so much lint simply because it would drive me nuts.... Yes, it's another of my goofy quirks. But it's LINT! Doesn't it bother you people? Yeesh!

Fall clothes.....

We're starting to see the cooler weather in New England and it's time to start busting out the sweaters and sweatshirts and yummy fluffy robes and fuzzy slippers and gooey flannels and soft sherpa and oh so comfy fleece! YAY! I'm not quite sure why, but I love the fall clothes. Maybe it's because of the soft fluffy textures... maybe because of the comfortable yummy feel. Maybe it's just that the weather is not too hot, not too cold and fall just rocks out loud. I don't know. It's always a happy time of year for me when I get to go into the boxes and start pulling out all the warm fluffy goodness out of storage. My favorite sweater... My favorite sweatshirt.... My favorite slippers.... My favorite scarf..... My favorite lap blanket.... :sigh: Bliss!

GAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

October 1st.... It marks that time of year. We gear up for Halloween and before you know it, we come to my LEAST favorite time of the year... WHY for the love of GOD and all things HOLY are there things for Christmas in the stores already?! Why is my favorite time of the year being sullied and adulterated by the holiday I hate most??? Seriously? Can't we just through one thing at a time instead of being weighed down with all the year end holidays all at once? Ugh!