Coffee..... Yes, please.....

There are just some days I cannot function without a nice stiff cup of coffee... I don't get how there used to be a time when I would wake up at some god awful hour in the morning and function. My eyes would snap open at O dark hundred and I would go until night time and FLABAMMO, out like a light and then, the cycle would start again. Granted, I was, like, five years old then..... Even throughout my college days and shortly thereafter, I would wake up at 5 AM, go to my first job working in a warehouse, go to classes in the afternoon, go home, shower, go to a night job as a waitress or bartender, or go out with my friends until the bars closed down, get home at three in the morning to sleep, only to repeat the process again the next day. Sure, I drank coffee then too, but not like I do now....

These days, I get up and I need coffee to function so I make the pilgrimage to the Altar of Keurig before I sit and contemplate the day and I post another tidbit of wisdom here (well, maybe not wisdom so much as the random stringing together of haphazard words to form kind of coherent sentences, that may or may not make a point...) I wake the boys afterwards and I grab another cup to operate well enough in the kitchen to make the brekkies for the boys and get them ready for the school day. I grab another cup as I send them out the door in time for the bus. At about this point, I complain that the caffeine is doing nothing for me as I glare at the cup of coffee and mentally agonize over the fact that it had disappointed me.

My Mini Me daughter gets up shortly thereafter and pouty faced and still holding onto the last dregs of warm, fluffy sleep, demands that I make her brekkies. I switch to an energy drink. While she eats, I log into shit, check my email, package up any shit that needs to get sent out, check on the stack of shit I need to get done for the day, make a list for the grocery store, and debate whether I should try another energy drink or another cup of coffee.

I end up in the bathroom for about half an hour........

After a thorough colon blast from the caffeine I had consumed up until then, I get dressed and ready for the day. Well, I put on jeans and a clean t-shirt. Done. I complain that the only thing the coffee and energy drink did was make me poop and go back for another cup of the black juice of life at the Altar of Keurig.

Then...... BLAM! "WOOHOO!!!" happens and I start vibrating at super human speeds. I am invincible and indestructible and the world almost seems at a standstill as I buzz around in hyperdrive. (emphasis on hyper....) Laundry, dishes, garbage, make beds, read with, play with and tucker out Mini Me, then workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork. Grocery store, post office, whatever other errands that need to be run. YAY! Work stuff, CHECK!

The kids get home and they need to go here, they need to go there, homework, school projects, notes home, notes to school, write out a check for this or that. Blah, blah, blah. After school stuff, CHECK!

Finish off work related stuff, send off emails, print up shit for my dad, break up fight between one or more of the four siblings, lay down a verbal whoopin', check fridge to try and remember what concoction I had planned to make for dinner. Tie up loose ends for the day, CHECK!

Human Cuisinart in action prepping dinner, making dinner, all while pretending that I'm on my own cooking show for hyperactive, attention deficit people, feed kids dinner and dessert. End with invisible movie explosion of epic proportions. Dinnertime stuff, CHECK!

Get the kids ready for baths or showers or whatever, brush teeth, into jams, clean rooms, call ex so the kids can say goodnight to their dad. Discuss with children what the next day brings (if anything is going to be different from the norm), try to remember what there was to discuss with the children, run to find the note I left for myself regarding the next day, make a second attempt to explain what the next day is going to bring. Tuck kids into bed, say good night, lights out. Bedtime stuff, CHECK!

Then, I sit in my chair and complain that I've had too much caffeine and can't go to sleep....

Repeat the next day.