Broken nose...

Hab you ebber brogged your doze and you dalk lieg dis... Id hurz zo bad dat da owndy ding you gan do iz sid and waid for da pain to zubzide ednough to cry? and God forbid if da wind blowz ondit becuz, owie!
Yeah, twice...

Another one of those "Get to Know You" emails...

Hey! How you doing? How do you like your steak?

If you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions and writing your own response... Just kidding...
1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:05am
2. How do you like your steak? Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Uh... Don't remember...
4. What is your favorite TV show? Anything on Food Porn Network
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Hawaii
6. What did you have for breakfast? A really strong cup of coffee light and super sweet. Oh, and a stick of gum.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? All of it...
8. What foods do you dislike? Hummus. It's a texture thing... GAAAH!
9. Favorite Place to Eat? At home
10. Favorite dressing? A little balsamic and a good olive oil.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Nissan Pathfinder
12. What are your favorite clothes? T-shirt and jeans...
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Shangri-La
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Empty! Go get the damn bourbon and don't be stingy!
15. Where would you want to retire? Hawaii
16. Favorite time of day? Night when everyone is asleep.
17. Where were you born? Mountainview CA although some would argue that I erupted out of a fire pit in the bowels of hell...
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I'd rather be outside playing...
19. Bird watcher? Yes... To play the "Yum!" "Yum!" "Not enough meat..." "YUM!" game.
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Neither. I'm cranky all the time.
21. Do you have any pets? I have 4 kids.....
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I may already be a winner in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!
23. What did you want to be when you were little? God
24. What is your best childhood memory? Eating marshmallow chicks until I threw up multicolored marshmallow bits... Good times!
25. Are you a cat or dog person ? Dog
26. Are you married? Divorced... VERY!
27. Always wear your seat belt? Sure...
28. Been in a car accident? Yeah. Nothing too serious.
29. Any pet peeves? Too many to list here... I have posts about it here, here , here and here...
30. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I like them all....
31. Favorite flower? Casablanca Lilies
32. Favorite ice cream? Yes, please!
33. Favorite fast food restaurant? McDonald's... It's a guilty pleasure...
34. How many times did you fail your driver's test? never
35. From whom did you get your last email? Lucky
36. Which store would you like to max out? A gourmet food market...
37. Do anything spontaneous lately? At least once a day!
38. Like your job? It's tough being the Supreme Royal Highness and Ruler of Everything!
39. Broccoli? With cheese please!
40. What was your favorite vacation? Staycation 2011
41. Last person you went to dinner with? Lucky and the kids
42. What are you listening to right now? Happy baby snores...
43. What is your favorite color? blue
44. How many tattoos do you have? 6
45. What time did you finish this quiz? 5:26am
46. Coffee Drinker? Um... Duh...

Me...

I know that I rant and I rave and I hoot and I holler about all sorts of shit... I tend to sound like an angry little Japanese chick with a severe attitude problem... I guess in a way, sometimes I am... I'm not that way all the time (despite what you may see from the postings on this blog) and I do have moments that I'm not a bitchy, yell-y, scream-y, opinionated loud mouth.
I'm also a spaz of epic proportions and I can trip on my own feet standing still AND arrest the fall with my face almost every time. I have OCD and ADD which makes for an interesting combination..... 

I get that I'm "different" (Hey! We can't all be sheep...) and I came to accept the fact that I am a short, skinny, flat-chested, funny looking Asian chick a long time ago and I'm okay with who and what I am. But that doesn't make me a bad person.
Sometimes other people will agree with me. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I care too much. I laugh.  I cry.  I have my own set of likes and dislikes. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I have my own set of opinions about a lot of topics. I have my own set of opinions about a lot of people. I have my own set of beliefs about right and wrong. I have my own set of beliefs about spirituality and faith. I have my own set of needs and wants. I have an okay idea of what I want to do and where I want to end up and how I'm going to get there. I find amusement in simple things. I find amusement in complicated things. I run through the gamut of emotions... Just like everybody else.

Drama...

Please... No drama! I deal with enough of it in my own life between an ex-husband, four kids including a teen, crazy parents whom I am currently residing with (with aforementioned four children)and life in general...
People! High school for us all of a specific age somewhere between 25 and thirty some, is long over! Get over it! Please! Can we all please act like big boys and girls now and stop playing the games and the catty behavior and the ugh! All of it??!!??

Some people need to just grow up and do what they should be doing. It's called responsibility. Take some... Some people need to stop with the whining and bitching and moaning about petty stupid shit... Nobody wants to hear it. Some people need to keep their noses out of other people's business and keep their snappin' gyros shut... It's called "Mind your own fuckin' business you fat stupid bitch! You're wrong, you don't know what you're talking about and you're making things worse!" Some people  need to stop with the "poor me!" pity parties... Especially when they've made themselves  the victims. It's not my fault, it's all on you. Some people need to stop with the games... Believe me when I say, the day of reckoning is near and "spanked" does not come close... I'll just be sitting over here and watching the fun... With popcorn... Some people need to sit down, shut up and stay out of my way... It's called SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! The catty remarks behind people's backs? Yeah... That too. If you've got something to say, you know where I am... Bring it. I just don't think some people realize just who I really am...
Seriously, I'd like a little less drama in my life please. If you could kindly keep it to yourselves, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Oh...No...You... DIDN'T!

There are just certain things in life that can piss anybody off enough to= "Oh...No...You... DIDN'T!"

Here are a few examples... (Seriously, try and tell me I'm wrong...)

• Somebody on the street or anywhere was kicking a dog...

• You worked on something on your laptop and you knew you should've saved as you went along but you didn't and something happens and POOF! it's gone...
• You saw someone do something SO fucking stupid, you questioned whether there were people somewhere that were wondering where there village idiot was... 
• Someone says to you, "You know what? I may have been wrong, but it's your fault!"
• Someone says (to a woman in particular...) "You're a CUNT!"
• You waited for someone to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot and as they left their space, someone else quickly pulls into the spot you were waiting for...
• Someone smiles at you while they're insulting you, trying to make it seem like they're giving you constructive criticism. This one is true especially if it's coming from a fat, stupid, cow who thinks she knows everything. I mean FAT.
• You took the dog for a walk for thirty minutes and the second he walks through the door, he takes a dump on the carpet.
• You said "no" about something to the kids and you turn around to walk out of the room, but turn back to say something else and the kids are doing what you JUST told them not to and when asked, "What do you think you're doing?!" they respond with something you may not want to hear.

Certainly, there are more, but these were right there and I needed to vent... Grr...

I feel all BLAH....

Can't help it... Sometimes, I wake up and "BLAH!" Maybe it's too little sleep, crappy day the day before, several days in a row of crappy weather, tired, low blood sugar or just because... Maybe it's a combination of things... I don't fuckin' know! My ass is only in first gear and it'll likely stay there... At least I'm doing... Whatever! Like, leave me alone! I'm being all "BLAH!" and you're ruining it for me!

The "Oh, SHIT!" moment...

We've all had that moment... Even my kids have, even though they won't put it into words... It's in the look.

One of my crowning moments? I saw that a couple of bolts on the automatic garage door were loose. I decided to tighten them myself. (First mistake...)

I left the garage door open (second mistake), climbed up in a 5 gallon bucket (third mistake), in clunky shoes (fourth mistake) and started screwing the bolts back in up over my head (fifth mistake).

The bucket slipped out from underneath me... Have you ever noticed how time slows down in moments like these? Yeah... All I remember was thinking "OH, SHIT! Look at your bellybutton, look at your bellybutton, belly, belly, button, button..." (I love the word "bellybutton"! It's such a fun word to say! That and "nipple"! Not too often you can use them in a sentence...)
Ouchie! Flat on my back and got the wind knocked outta me... Thankfully I was wearing a thick heavy jacket, a sweater, a turtleneck and t-shirt as it was still winter time... So , I didn't get hurt too bad... Physically... The pride was pretty bruised though... I cursed the bucket out and told it to behave or else, got back up on the fuckin' thing and tightened the damn bolts... It was ON! That shit got REAL right then!

Stubborn? You betcha, but the job got done!

Ice cream trucks...

The other day I had the kids at the park. It was a beautiful day and a bunch of other kids were out at the park too... The kids were having a blast. Then I heard it... That distinct tinkling music... My arch nemesis. The ice cream truck... Shit... With four kids at $2.75 a pop...  Grr! I gather up the kids, grab all their gear, I was dragging them to the car, pell mell... I had the keys in my hand... We were in the home stretch! And it pulled in... The whole park stopped and looked at me when I screamed, "NOOOOOOO! I had the keys in my HAND! IN MY HAND!!!!!" The kids were all, "Yay! Ice cream!" I was still mumbling about the keys being in my hand...
They enjoyed their ice cream quite a bit... Damn that ice cream truck! I had the friggin' keys in my hand!

AWRIGHT!!!!

In the parking lot at the grocery store, while trying to find a parking spot, I noticed a punk ass bitch speeding around in his little beemer. When I say that he came within an RCH of smackin' the front bumper into a little girl... Who was holding onto her daddy's hand... And daddy was built like a brick shithouse...
The dad hoisted up his daughter, checked her over,  then strode over to the driver's side window, all business. I'm thinking, "This ought to be fun!" and parked as close as I could and got out of the car.
The little punk was all, "What? What? I wasn't gonna hit you guys! Did you see the BMW logo? This thing is probably worth more than you make in a year! She'll stop on a dime!"
I'm inching closer at this point. (What kind of asshole goes tearing around a semi crowded parking lot anyway!) I wanted to see the interaction. I thought dad was going to yank the jerk out of the car and turn him into a pretzel... But no.
Flabammo! Badge! I think I may have witnessed the little punk piss himself... The face went blank and he kinda sank down a little in the seat. Nice!
As much as I would've like to have seen that jackass take a boulder sized fist to the face, this was gratifying too. As I walked past with my own daughter in tow, I said to the cop with his, "Very nicely handled. Thanks!" Fist bump.
The universal "Dude! That was awesome!"

Mom's "clogs of doom".....

Eddie Murphy joked about his mom having the sandal that she'd use to slap the shit out of the kids... The Puerto Ricans have the dreaded "chancla"......  My mom had wood clogs. She was lightening fast with those things too. You might see her bend down, but by the time you heard the "THWACK!" she's already got the thing back on and is walking away. Meanwhile, I would be standing there like, "I heard it... Hey, it didn't hurt that... AAAAAAARG!" Wicked... And always right on the knee! I swear that's the reason why I have bad knees... The orthopedic surgeon has been on me to get them fixed FOREVER! Ain't nobody got time for that though....
Well, just the other day, I came across those clogs in mom's Chamber of Horrors (A.K.A. the basement)... They miraculously got doused with lighter fluid... and they accidentally and maliciously caught on fire outside on the pavement... And then were smashed to pieces... And then buried as incantations were recited over them. Well, actually, it was just me spewing out a tirade of all the swear words I know in all sorts of different languages, as I sent those stupid clogs back to whatever ring of hell they came from.... I was kind of wishing that my mom would get sucked into the hole with them as they got transported through the portal back to hell. No such luck....
Mom asked me what the smell was as I was putting the shovel back into the garage... I just laughed... Maniacally...

The "Code"...

The question came up as it has been mentioned in passing on the blog... "Mia, what the hell is 'the Code'?" The "Code" is something we have among me and mine... When "it" is spoken, it means the proverbial shit has hit the fan. Not many are in on "the Code" as it is not exactly something to be called upon lightly...
There's always a secret little something among groups of friends and this one is ours. I won't share any more, I can't share any more... but I sure am glad we have one in play...

My Parents...

My 'rents are probably about the nuttiest couple of people on the face of the planet. I am what I am because I am genetically related to and had been directly influenced by them... I fought so hard not to become them and became the offshoot... An unexpected creature, created by them... And I have turned...
We are following along, right? We know mom's issues? If you're just joining in, go on back and read through... It's okay... I'll wait here...
Hey! Welcome back! Are we all up to speed now? We're all on the same page? Yeah, mom is a control freak with a martyr complex and dad is a high strung cranky old bastard with a wicked temper (not manifesting physically, but verbally). And both of them LOVE to micro-manage the day to day of my children. Well, not so much these days as we did have it out over that. They stay out of my way, we stay out of theirs. It's been working out so far...
I liked them better when I wasn't living here. At least I had a choice about whether or not to be here...

The "Nutshot"...

Maybe it's because I'm a girl, but the nutshot thing... I think it's hysterical. Not just watching it happen to someone, but the reaction of the men watching someone receiving one.
The legs cross, the sound of the sharp intake of breath through pursed lips, the flinch, the "Oooh! Oh, no... Yeah......No...", the jumping up and down and the re-shifting of "the package" because the "twins" have shrunken up so far that they are seeking refuge somewhere in your intestines. I've been told that "the graze" is far more painful than the "direct shot". Again, I would have no idea since I don't have any... I was also told that it is a sphincter puckering experience... TMI...

Porn...

I don't get what the hell the big deal is. Seriously... You've got two (or more) people shpoinking on camera, panting and moaning and making all sorts of commotion, with all their pieces parts flapping around all over the place...
You've got the one side who like the porn and watch the porn and the fan clubs and the collections and the blah blah blah... Yay great. As long as it's not kiddie porn or some of that weird, sick, fetish shit (come on, we've all seen them on the web. And can I just say, the whole "two girls and a cup" thing was just WRONG!) or whatever and they're not hurting anyone, let them have their fun... So to speak.
Now you've got your other extreme with the whole, "Watching porn will send you straight to HELL!" and whatnot. Don't you people have other things to worry about? Can we invest some of that energy into something a little more worthwhile? You're wasting time and energy and money trying to convince these people that they're doing wrong. What's so wrong about watching porn in the grand scheme of things? Can we put that effort into, oh, I don't know, the current economic situation or the health care thing or fixing whatever it is that is preventing me from "qualifying" for some of the government assistance programs because I'm an American Citizen, who speaks English and has "paid into the system". I love this country and I love the fact that I am an American  who just happens to be of Japanese descent. 9/11 is fast approaching again and it still tears me apart... (And let's not even open up "the opening of a mosque at Ground Zero" can of angry octopi...) I support our troops, our cops, our firefighters and EMTs, and I believe the entitlement of the whole "right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness" thing for other American citizens.
What difference does it really make if the guy next door has a porn collection of every Brianna What's-Her-Tits, Ashlynn Stuff-Her-Thang and Shauna What's-Her-Twat movie ever made. Americans fucking to make the porn or working to buy the porn to go "punch the clown", it gets sunk into OUR economy somehow, right? Meanwhile, there are people like me who can't get HELP and I'm getting unwillingly fucked (sans lube w/ restraints)12 ways to Sunday by the government and I still don't have any money to show for it because I don't qualify... Yeah, that's fair...

"Bert".......

It's been a long and rough road, huh? Here you are, 16 years old today and wow.....

There was a time when you came to me with every little problem you had. And you know what? I was ALWAYS ready with a solution because I always had the answer. Then came a time when you became a "young man" and maybe it wasn't as easy, but when you did, I was ALWAYS ready and happy to help. Then you became a pre-teen..... Then I NEVER had the answers, even though I was always ready and able. I was the biggest dork in your life. Then, you became a teenager. Was there a time you remember that you thought I did anything right?

Well, there has been a lot of life lived from the time you were 13, until this day, the day you turn 16. What can I say? Yes, there are a few things that I wish I had done differently. I will be the first to admit that. You will have to agree that you did NOT exactly come with a set of instructions nor were you the easiest person to get along with. I did try to obtain a "How to Raise YOUR Boy" manual, but the people at the hospital just laughed.......

This year has been a rough one with loads of drama that neither one of us really wanted to deal with, but here we are. As we move forward, I can only hope that you know, I always have and always will love you with everything that I am. I'm sorry that sometimes I am "such a bitch". I'm sorry that there has to be rules and schedules and everything can't be the way you want it, when you want it, how you want it, all the time, but I promise, I am doing the best that I can.

Happiest of birthdays to you "Doo-Bert". Mommy loves you.

My Napoleon Complex...

Yeah, I have one. It comes with the territory as I stand 5'2" and weigh about 98lbs. on a high gravity day, soaking wet and wearing size six "fuck you!" boots that tie up to the knees.
I train because I know I have an attitude problem. For the most part, I've learned to keep my mouth shut and a smile on my face. Fine. But there are just some times when you know the shit is going to hit the fan... When you you grind your teeth because otherwise you wouldn't be able to keep your mouth shut and the smile starts to falter a little... Like the time I saw a man kick his dog because he thought that the dog's reaction was funny,  how it would howl and cower... Or the time I saw some kids smacking around a smaller kid because he wore glasses... Or like the time I was told by a certain individual, "You can't do anything without me! You're not going to be able to do this on your own!"
There are only so many buttons a person can have pushed before it becomes too many... You can try and push all the buttons, but for every one that doesn't send the "go" signal, the odds increase that the next one might be... And then... in these confines with a monarch's voice cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war; That this foul deed shall smell above the earth with carrion men, groaning for burial... Then, all hell breaks loose.

Mine! Gimme!

Whether it be the last cookie, the last piece of pizza, the last little bit of food in the fridge, the last little bit of anything, THAT'S the part that tastes the best. This is ESPECIALLY true if it comes off of someone else's plate. I'm just sayin'...

Shitty Drivers...

We've all sat behind them in traffic, had them behind us, had them crash into us, had them piss us off in one form or another while driving along on the roads at some point in time... And should any precipitation be falling? GAAAAAAAH!!!!!

 I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THOSE STUPID LEXUS SUV DRIVING MORONS WHO THINK THEIR SHIT DON'T STINK. I'M TIRED OF THE IDIOTS WHO CAN'T WALK AND CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME BUT THINK THEY CAN DRIVE AND YAP AWAY ON THEIR CELLPHONES. I HATE, I HATE, I HATE, PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, BUT THROW THEM BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR AND YOU WISH YOU HAD THROWN THEM UNDER THE WHEEL INSTEAD. I HATE PEOPLE WITH THE SUPER SPORTS CARS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THEM. I HATE THE RETARDS WHO DRIVE SLOW IN THE HAMMER LANE. I CAN'T STAND THE JACKASSES THAT SLOW WAAAAAAAAY THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE "THE LANE NARROWS". (THE LANE DOESN'T ACTUALLY NARROW PEOPLE, IT'S AN OPTICAL ILLUSION!) I HATE THOSE STUPID BITCHES WHO ARE DOING THEIR HAIR, THEIR MAKEUP AND TALKING ON THE CELLPHONE WHILE DRIVING AROUND. I HATE DRUNK DRIVERS. I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THEM. I DESPISE THE ASSHOLES THAT SPEED BY POLICE CRUISERS OR AMBULANCES OR FIRE TRUCKS AT A GAJILLION MILES AN HOUR WHEN THESE PEOPLE ARE SOMETIMES RISKING THEIR LIVES TO DO THEIR JOBS. MOVE INTO ANOTHER LANE AND/ OR SLOW THE FUCK DOWN SHITHEADS! AND SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL THAT OLD GUY THAT HIS LEFT BLINKER HAS BEEN ON SINCE LIKE NINETEEN OT ELEVENTY-SEVEN! STAY THE FUCK OFF THE ROADS IF YOU CAN'T DRIVE AND IF YOU INSIST, THERE SHOULD BE AN "ASSHOLE DRIVER" LANE. BE IN IT AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! CAN I GET AN "AMEN"!

Remember when......

There is a "once upon a time" story in my life that I recall with vivid detail. There are a few of note, because, well, honestly, I've lived quite a bit of life in my existence here, but this one....

A quiet moment spent in hospital after a rather crazy day, 12 years ago. It was just you and me, just chilling. I remember looking down and seeing your face. I mean, one of those REALLY LOOKING at your face and memorizing every detail. That day was the first day I met you, but I already knew you in a way. I promised you the moon and stars, just like I did your brother on that first night I spent alone with him, but reminding you that I was not exactly perfect and that I may fall short sometimes. I apologized for that. I told you that there was a whole great, big world out there that I hoped you would go out into to discover all the great things, while staying well clear of all the shitty things that are out there too. I promised that I would ALWAYS love you because you are MINE and you were mine first. Even before anyone else knew, even before I knew, and you were in my tummy, you were mine first. And here you are today, growing into a fine young man and I am so very proud of you. I am proud of the super duper person you have become, and I am super duper proud of the person I know you will become. Happiest of birthdays to you my little man. Mommy loves you.

Shopping...

I don't understand some people. They buy things that they'll never use, wear, eat, or whatever, store it away somewhere and forget about it  just because they "got a great deal on it". Take my mom... (Please!)
She has more stuff than a Walmart. And it's everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I find stuff after digging around in the scary "storage places", fill up a box, slap items up on Ebay, hurray! Most of the stuff is new. Makes for selling said items easier I suppose... But why?
I hate shopping with every fiber of my being. I get all edgy and tense after about the first five minutes. EEERG! Even toy shopping with the kids. (With that I can last about 30 minutes...)  And Christmas time shopping? Forget it! I start getting all stressed out about it in September and have it all done in October. I do not want to be dealing with THAT nuttiness during that time of the year. People get all rude and pushy and would sooner beat you over the head with the closest blunt object than  look at you. No thanks.
I once dealt with a woman who tried to grab an item of clothing right out of my hand. I asked her what she was doing and she simply replied, "I saw it first." My reply to her was, "Prove it. Possession being 9/10 and all..." and I yanked it back out of her hand. She tried to grab for it again, so I hip checked/ pushed her and said very loudly, "Don't come near my kids again, lady! I don't care HOW much money you want to give me, I will NOT allow you to take naked pictures of my KIDS!" She got some strange looks from the other patrons of the store as she sat on her ample ass on the floor where she landed.
I sauntered around the store with the kids for another minute or two and I had a few people walk up to me and ask, "What was THAT about?" I gave them a shrug and an "I don't know! Just some creepy lady with a child porn fetish I guess!" and I hurried my children out of the store.
People! Yeesh!  Shopping! Even MORE Yeesh!

Food! Glorious FOOD...

I love food. All different kinds. (With the exception of Hummus... Can't do it. It's  a texture thing... Gaaah!) Thai, Mexican, Japanese, Indian, Greek, Italian, American, Chinese, fusions... Dern't matter. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! And a lot of it please!
I've come across people who won't try new things. They stick to the things they know they like and that's it. I don't get it. Food shouldn't be just something you consume because you need to. It should be enjoyed, savored, experienced. Living in the US we have the opportunity to enjoy all sorts of food from all over because there's the "something for everyone" thing happening here.
I love to cook and experiment. Sometimes it's great! Other times... Well, Lucky was really understanding and was a good sport about having his stomach pumped... (Well, okay, it wasn't that bad, but he says he would have been had it come to that!).
It's so easy for people to say "Go out and LIVE!" when they have a whole buttload of money and they can afford to do it. I did find though, that cooking is a way of experiencing something from far away right at home. A form of "living" so to speak. If you have to eat anyway (as it IS kinda necessary for the whole "if you don't want to starve to death" thing...) why not EAT? You have the internet to access all sorts of recipes from anywhere in the world or hard to find ingredients for a certain flavor or just come across simple yet brilliant ideas to "WOW!" an old favorite.I mean it's not like I don't like the "usual staples" like ham and cheese or eggs,bacon and sausage or hot dogs and burgers or whatever, but still...
NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! I always LOVE to hear about food ideas and recipes and junk and stuff. I should start writing them down in one place instead of leaving them all over the place (the method I use for storing a lot of things...). Thankfully I know a few people who rock out loud in the kitchen who are willing to share ideas...

Why is it that bodily functions are so funny?

The burping and farting thing. Seriously...
There are the people who are all, "Yuck! Gross! Oh my God! That's disgusting!" Really? Get over it. Everybody farts, everybody burps, everybody pees and poops... Seriously. Just get over it.

I refuse to hear that there may be people out there, whether it was in the presence of many or alone, who haven't had one of those life altering above mentioned bodily functions at least once. The turd that wrapped around the bowl three times or the piss that lasted, like, four minutes or the burp that shook the walls so bad that the pictures fell down or that one fart that was so bad that it lasted 47 seconds, changed pitch three times, peeled the paint off the walls, made your eyes water, burned the hair out of your nose, made the dog move out and caused you to not want to be your own friend any more, then thought "Damn! That was AWESOME!"
Yeah... You know you have... It's okay. I know.

For the love of BACON... Tasty, tasty bacon...

I love bacon. Not the fake turkey shit, but real, oink, oink, from the pig bacon. Anyone who knows me knows that I love bacon. Bacon makes everything better. (Could be the reason why I'm with a cop too...) Add a half a pound of bacon to  anything and it just makes it super awesome.
I'm not sure I understand the whole vegetarian/ vegan thing... Okay, it's a choice, a way of life and you can get protein from other sources and in some ways it may be healthier not to be eating so much meat. Blah, blah, blah... Whatever. I say, you only live once. (Another steak, medium rare, over here, NOW, please!) But to call meat murder? STFU! If meat is murder, I will take my murder medium rare, please! And if you try to stand between me and a double bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon, there are going to be problems... For you. I eat the meat and I will fuck your shit up.
I figure, if God didn't want you to eat the animals, He wouldn't have made them out of tasty, delicious, meat... And bacon is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Thick cut slabs of yummy, yummy, apple wood smoked bacon... Mmmmm! Bacon. Amen.

My Lucky...

My man (all MAN, to be sure!) , next to my children, has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Besides the fact that he is someone who I can be weird around and weird with, he is passionate, caring, sensitive, helpful, adoring, loving, supportive, nurturing, giving... This brave soul loves me unconditionally, appreciates me for who and what I am and despite the insanity that is my life at the moment, he is a constant source of strength when I feel mine faltering, of courage when mine escapes me, of support when I feel I'm falling, of laughter when I am sad, of stability when I feel like I'm losing my mind. I always feel loved, wanted, needed, appreciated, beautiful, thought about and never forgotten whether he is sitting next to me or he's not. I never have to question how he feels about me because he let's me know everyday, he shows me every day.
I call him "Lucky", but I think I am the lucky one...

Just an observation...

People in general are pretty shitty... I mean, "I want to smack some sense into them because they're so fuckin' stupid" kind of shitty.
My man and I went to a convenience store the other day. We came out and were walking to the car when we saw that there was a car stopped in the middle of the road. Apparently, the lady was having alternator trouble. The car just wouldn't start, none the less go...
People are flying past her, beeping their horns and screaming all sorts of obscenities at her... She was absolutely frazzled. So, we crossed the street to try and help her out. Lucky tried to push the car into the driveway of an apartment complex so that this poor woman would be out of harm's way while she waited for AAA to come and tow the car. Power steering... Because there was no "power",  and the woman didn't have the strength to turn the steering wheel... <Sigh!> Into a curb, missed the driveway all together.
While all this is going on, the cars are still flying by despite my efforts to stop the traffic for a minute or two. Not only was this woman in harm's way now, but my Lucky and I were too. On the second try, a few other people (two teenagers and an off-duty fireman) stopped to lend a hand. The four of them managed to push the car back enough to try for the driveway again, now with cars flying past all of them too... Grrr....
With the car in the driveway, traffic resumed at it's regular pace and all was well, with the exception of those who wanted to stop and scream out "Stupid bitch! I can't believe this fuckin' shit!", all while laying into their horns. I think these people may have used both of their braincells to be able to push the button for the horn and string together enough words for them to verbalize their apparent dismay about the lack of intelligence of some female dog and their disbelief in fornicating fecal matter.
There was a parking lot full of people just watching the action while all of this was going on, and of course the numerous assholes in their cars that drove past... It didn't spur them into action though... It would have if Lucky, the fireman or one of the two teenage boys got hit by a car... They would have grabbed their cell phones in a hurry... To take pictures and video so that they could post it on youtube or something. Pathetic!
The world is going to hell in a flaming hand basket and no one seems to care...

Functionally Retarded...

I tried to make the computer do the thing I wanted it to do... I failed... Miserably... I thought I could just make it do the thing with the stuff by pushing the thing... No... It didn't like that... I'm just saying...

I hate people...

Why is it that the ratio of cool people that I meet is miniscule compared to the stupid, whiny, self absorbed, assholes that I have the displeasure of running across?
I realize that I'm no peach myself. I walk around some of the time with a sour puss on my face or stomp around like a grounded teenager on a Friday night, but when I have my kids with me, I do my best to put on a smile, remember my manners by saying things like "Hey! How are ya!" or "Please" or "Thanks!", whatever the situation would call for, and bless their little hearts, my kids remember theirs too. The thing that gets me are the people who say, "Oh wow! You're kids are so polite! I wish mine were... "  I smile and simply tell him/ her, "I expect nothing less..." even though, on the inside, I'm screaming, "Well, they were taught that that's the way it should be. I don't want to raise a bunch of whiny, selfish, lazy little shits with entitlement complexes. "
Sad to think that we live in a time when seeing manners in children is unexpected...

Truth Be Told...

I have a lot of opinions. There's no questioning or denying that. I have opinions on everything. Some of them are stronger than others. The great thing about it is, I have the right to voice every single one of those opinions... And I do. It's awesome. It's my God given right in this country to be able to speak my mind and say what I have to say, write what I have to write, type what I have to type and have whoever wants to hear my opinion hear it. Obviously, there are limitations to this right, but I'm not going to be yelling "FIRE!" in  crowded building just for kicks any time soon.
Am I politically correct? Fuck no! That's the great thing about having an opinion and being able to express them. There are going to be people who agree with me and others of those who don't... And what do you know! That's their right too. I just don't want someone  treading on mine because they don't agree with me and try to tell me to keep my snappin' gyro shut. I'll shut my mouth when I'm good and ready. Until then, I still have quite a bit more to say. Have a problem with that? Come talk to me about it... In person... I'll give you the opportunity to TRY and MAKE me shut my mouth...You WILL fail.
Political correctness is a load of shit. I have no problems calling a spade a spade and speaking my mind. Do I curb myself in certain situations? Of course I do, but this proper society shit? Really? Who the fuck determined what "proper" is? I mean I am doing my best to instill manners and good behaviors into my children. It's challenging on most days because they just want to behave like little animals  sometimes, but steady and true, I try to remain consistent with it. Behavior and "political correctness" are two very different animals from one another.
Political correctness is about saving the feelings of the pansy assed, sackless  pussies. Fuck that shit. Fat is fat. No matter which way you slice it, the world can see a fat person and say, "Yeah, that person is fat..." The same holds true for ugly people, stupid people, cowards... You get the idea. And for people to get offended for being what they are just seems ridiculous to me as well. Obviously, there are certain things that cannot be changed. I am short. I can't do anything about that. Quirky and funny looking... Well, I suppose I could try and curb the quirky behavior (Yeah, right...) and well, honestly? I've come to terms with who and what I am a long time ago. "Opinionated bitch"? Why, yes, thank you. Yes. Yes, I am.
There are just some truths that everyone sees that no matter what kind of "spin" gets put on it, the underlying fact is still going to be ever present and glaring. The "spin" are just excuses, trying to pass off blame or the attempts to look guiltless trying to sound like the victims, or my favorite, avoidance of the issues all together. The inability to acknowledge wrongdoing... Cowardice. Pfft!
Now, don't get me wrong. It's human nature. It's hard to come out and say, "I was wrong and I apologize..." It's not as simple as just doing it. There is a matter of pride and blah, but when it comes down to it, coming forth and admitting fault and apologizing makes for showing better character and substance in a person than "pretending" and being an empty shell of a human being. I see it far too often and it's rather sad. I don't so much feel angry because I suppose most can't help themselves. Whether a product of upbringing and the weakness of not being able to fight or just choice simply because of cowardice, those people have my pity.
I like calling people out. Call it repressed confrontational issues, call it "being a bitch", call it "Fred" if you want to... It's sad to see people who think they are getting away with shit when everyone around them have seen things in a different light. What's even more sad is the lies they have to tell themselves and believing said lies to feel better about things. Wrong is wrong. No matter which way it's seen and by whom. The only people that the false pretenses, "image", "outward appearance" or whatever is fooling are the people who put them up. When the light is cast onto the shadows and everything is revealed for all to see... Well, let's just say it takes a lot more work to try and hide truths again. Own up, apologize and don't make the same fuckin' mistakes again. It's the best way to go about things. Whole truths hold up a lot better than half truths. To be able to turn around and say, "What about EVERYTHING that I've said isn't true?" is quite satisfying. The ultimate in shutting someone down and destroying their self righteous OODA loop and silencing them is quite entertaining. Watching a person flounder while the gears in their heads start smoking and grinding while trying to come up with a comeback to hide guilt again... Priceless!
Do I fail in some of the stuff I preach? Of course. I'm not above everybody else. I've never claimed to be. But at least I am taking more positive steps forward in order to right certain wrongs that I have done. I don't expect to be able to right the wrongs that were done to me. Quite honestly, unless people have some kind of "come to Jesus" moment, it'll never happen. I can't change the people. I can only make positive changes in myself and for myself. Two steps forward, one step back... Sometimes more... But at least I'm doing it. In the meantime, I speak up and out.
So, yeah... No. I don't see myself shutting up any time in the near future. Sure there are tons of things that I rant and rave about. I'm allowed to do so. When I rant and rave about certain things, sometimes it is opinion. I'm allowed those too. Sometimes it is fact. Guess what? I'm allowed to comment upon those too. If that makes me just a loud mouthed bitch, well then so be it. I'm a loud mouthed bitch... Feel free to change the word "bitch" to anything else you see fit. I'm sure I've been called worse and quite honestly, there isn't anything that most people could say to me that would affect me anyway. Opinions of me... Go figure! People are allowed to have those.
Oh and please make sure that when quoting me, you are doing so CORRECTLY and in the proper context in which a statement was made. And please do make sure that it was in fact I who said it. (The difference between whole truths and half truths?) Don't misquote me and then tell me to shut up. It's as good as lying to suit your own needs. When the dam breaks and the truth comes rushing forth, the houses of cards will come crashing down. Call it a quirk, but I HATE when words get put in my mouth. I can understand "misunderstanding" me, but don't put words in my mouth.
Yeah, kthnxbai.

Stereotypes of the "Asian family"....

Yeah... The stereotypical "Asian family".... I live in one.... It's the reality of my day to day. And my being an American of Japanese descent.... Doesn't make it easy....

If you don't know and have never experienced a Japanese household, let me clue you in.... Whatever you accomplished? It's not good enough. You could have done better. Even if it was the best, it still could have been better. It's never done right, it's never good enough and it most certainly is NEVER acceptable. You are not great, and even if you are, no one is impressed and besides, you suck. You're a disgrace and you dishonor your family with your mere existence because of your world class suckiness. The only greatness you achieved was being a crappy, thankless, worthless offspring and apparently you're doing THAT the wrong way too... Go figure.
A lifetime I've been told how useless, pathetic, worthless, terrible, awful, wretched and stupid I am and I should go somewhere and die, all in the "hopes" that I would become a better person and would strive to be better... What can I say, I guess some hardcore Asian families have a different way of "encouraging" their youngsters to being better people or whatever... Oh well...

For whatever anyone wants to call me or say to me or insult me with, these days, I treat it a grain of salt. Believe me when I say, I've been called worse, I've been told worse and I have been insulted worse. Ain't too much that ruffles my feathers in that respect any more... Sigh. I  guess some people will never learn. Pfft! Not my concern.

My attention issues...

Sure I space out or zone out and lack the plastic thingy to hold the six pack together when it comes to paying attention. It's not like that's uncommon. And I hate the blanket term "A.D.D." and I hate it being used on all the people who may have.... Short attention spans. Hey look! A chicken! (Focus Mia...) Hmm? Oh... Right... I have a rather diminutive attention span. I lose trains of thoughts, I lose focus and I forget what I'm doing. Of course there are times when I am able to laser focus my attentions! I mean, I'm not off wherever ALL the time. But other times... Well... Not so much. I lose track of objects, I lose track of conversations, I lose track of what I was saying, I lose track of thought processes... Sometimes I can bring myself back to whatever, sometimes not. I've been known to say "What was I saying?" or "What was I doing?" quite a bit. And as far as trying to remember something or whatever? I have to write everything down. I mean everything.   ....Marble..... Huh?
Sometimes it's just a matter of my not paying attention to the subject matter, like someone nannering on about something I really don't care about or maybe it's the person I really couldn't give a crap about.... Shiny..... Wha? Other times  I get distracted by a something or a thought that pops up in my head or whatever.
I constantly have a gajillion things going on inside my head. Random thoughts, a random song, a random image, a random movie clip, a random quote, a random math equation, a random series of events... All happening at once, all the time. It doesn't shut off. ....oooh... a rock.... It's always a constant barrage of stuff. Some days I can "ignore" it and other days, it just takes over and I seems like a scatterbrain, but those are the days I am also at my most brilliant. It's weird.
Is it that I have A.D.D.? Well, I like to think of it more as spreading around my focus to many different things all at once and "multitasking". Hey LOOK! SQUIRREL!