Mom's "clogs of doom".....

Eddie Murphy joked about his mom having the sandal that she'd use to slap the shit out of the kids... The Puerto Ricans have the dreaded "chancla"......  My mom had wood clogs. She was lightening fast with those things too. You might see her bend down, but by the time you heard the "THWACK!" she's already got the thing back on and is walking away. Meanwhile, I would be standing there like, "I heard it... Hey, it didn't hurt that... AAAAAAARG!" Wicked... And always right on the knee! I swear that's the reason why I have bad knees... The orthopedic surgeon has been on me to get them fixed FOREVER! Ain't nobody got time for that though....
Well, just the other day, I came across those clogs in mom's Chamber of Horrors (A.K.A. the basement)... They miraculously got doused with lighter fluid... and they accidentally and maliciously caught on fire outside on the pavement... And then were smashed to pieces... And then buried as incantations were recited over them. Well, actually, it was just me spewing out a tirade of all the swear words I know in all sorts of different languages, as I sent those stupid clogs back to whatever ring of hell they came from.... I was kind of wishing that my mom would get sucked into the hole with them as they got transported through the portal back to hell. No such luck....
Mom asked me what the smell was as I was putting the shovel back into the garage... I just laughed... Maniacally...