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Monday, October 27, 2014

The five stages of being stuck in traffic.......

There are the "five stages of grief" when dealt a life changing something that people will go through, but it can also be true of that moment when you realize you are about to be stuck in traffic. 

The first stage is DENIAL. It is the "It's okay..... This isn't happening. It's nothing..." Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. Denial can be a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation all together. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage. It's weird. It's when one will push back their plans by a few minutes and whatever and don't give it another thought until...


The second stage: ANGER. It is the, "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?" "What the fuck? Just use the small skinny pedal on the right and drive asshole!" stage. Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue any longer. The reality of the situation becomes a bit more evident. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to talk due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy of the lane that's creeping ahead a little faster than the one you're in. Most people's outstanding talent of cussing and excessive use of the "F" word really shines through at this stage and the horn on the car sees a lot of serious use. You hate everyone, you hate everything and everything sucks. This stage gets revisited quite often.


Then we come to the third stage. BARGAINING. "If I can just get passed this, I promise not to drive too much like an asshole any more!" "If I can just get over into the lane that's moving, I promise to let two other people in front of me!" The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow move faster, even though everyone is at a standstill or is creeping along at the same slow ass pace. Usually, the negotiation for "the moving lane" is made with a higher power in exchange for reformed driving style or even some kind of major life change or some impossible good deed. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I am gonna be here for a while, but if I could just do something to get to where I need to be just a little bit faster..." and includes some favor that makes the bargainer feel as if a fair trade is being made in exchange for movement in a lane.  "I'll even turn down the radio a little...."


Welcome to the next stage: DEPRESSION. This is generally when head bashing on the steering wheel comes in or openly weeping and sobbing as you do the little dance behind the steering wheel to see around the car in front of you in order to see whether there is any end in sight to the on road nightmare you slipped in to. During the fourth stage, the person stuck in traffic begins to understand the certainty of being stuck behind everyone else. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse to talk and spend much of the time crying and face palming. This process allows the person stuck in traffic to disconnect from things like being late or hopes of every getting to their destination. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage lest they slide back into ANGER. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

The last stage is ACCEPTANCE. "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it so, I may as well just sit and listen to some jams." In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with the fact that they are stuck in traffic, and so is everyone else. They will take the bursts of forward momentum as a great thing and may start to feel short bursts of happy moments, no matter how fleeting. 


Of course there are always backslides and skipping around and revisiting one or more of the many stages here as traffic can be rather unpredictable and add to that the many varieties of assholes that you always happen to get stuck with in traffic with..... :s Pfft.... Any way you slice it, traffic sucks. 

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