Sleep...

Sleep is something that we take for granted sometimes. When we have it, sometimes we complain it wasn't great or whatever. When we don't have it, we beg for even the worst night's sleep. When we can't sleep, there's the contemplation of what to do about it. Then of course the being sleepy during the day thinking, "Damn! I would kill to get a nap for like an hour!" and when the day is done and you're ready for bed, you can't sleep. <sigh...>
On the rare occasions that I do get a decent night of sleep, it's never really enough. It's hard playing catch up when you're down so far. One night of good solid sleep feels great but when you're not getting it all the time, it feels worse later. Or being roused in the middle of the night by something. The kids are one thing. Most of the time it's nothing, easily solved and they fall back to sleep within seconds, as do I. But if it's either the martyr or the cranky old git? Forget it. Drama ensues because something and nobody sleeps. It always turns out to be nothing, but still....
I do also have those nights when I have my Puppy Guts sleeping next to me. Hearing the gentle sounds of him breathing, feeling his arm around me as he's snuggled in close. Ahhhh.... Waking up to hearing him tell me he loves me as he gives me the goofy, "still warm and fuzzy from sleep" smile... Priceless.

Yeah... So?

I'm not saying that I accomplished much in my misspent life, but it's not to say that I don't like myself or who I am. Let's take the time to analyze this: I have four of the most awesome kids on the face of the planet who love me despite the fact that I'm a dork. If you count Lucky's kids, who seem to like me, I've got six. I've found my "other half", my soul mate, as it were, that has seen me through some pretty shitty times and some great ones, who allowed me to soar and held me close, who loves me for everything that I am and lets me know that I am his everything. I've managed to see a part of a ten year writing project come to fruition. I'm finally beginning to understand a lot of things in life, mostly in my own, that led me to be where I am now. Roller coaster ride? Absolutely. But I have no regrets.

I hear a lot about what my life should have been. Shoulda, coulda, woulda... Whatever. Not too much I can do about it. I keep moving forward because looking back really does me no amount of good. I hear about who I should be. Really? I'd rather be hated for who I really am than loved for someone that I'm not. At least that way, I know who really matters, who I need to hold close and know where it is that I need cut ties. I hear a lot about the negatives going on in my life, when I have so many things that are positives. Wallowing in negativity really does nothing for anybody anyway. I don't need the excess and I certainly don't want any excess in negativity.

I have the critics of my life and who and what I am, but I have fans too. I'm good with who and what I am even though I am still a work in progress, I can live with that. No one gets to dictate to me about who I'm supposed to be, where I need to get to and how I'm going to do it.

Pouting...

There are just some times, despite the fact that I try to be as consistent as possible when it comes to the kids, that I feel my willpower crumble and fall to the floor into a pile of dust. They feel one way about something and I feel another. It's not to say that they don't get their way all the time. It's not to say they get their way ALL the time. We try to find a certain balance between the two. Compromises need to be made all the time. They do try, however, to do the pouting thing when they just CAN'T have whatever they want when they want it. Yes, it causes the eye roll reaction and exasperated sigh on my part, but still...
It's hard not letting them have their way all the time. Although I would LOVE to be the good guy and give them everything that they ask for and let them do everything that they want, I KNOW that in the long run, I'd be doing them a terrible disservice and turning them into the very people that I have no respect for. So I stand firm and do the best I can. It sucks being the bad guy sometimes... I hope that one day, my children will see that it wasn't that I was being the bad guy, but I was trying to make sure that they turned into the kind of people that others will look up to and want to be. In the meantime... Yeah... Sometimes it sucks.

The interwebz...

The internet is a great source of entertainment, information and communicating with people all over the world. There are so many social networks that people are plugged in to and forums for discussions of every variety. It's awesome! Having an "argument" or "heated debate" with a nameless, faceless individual about a very hot topic is great. You both passionately argue your point and go back and forth with each other and all without fear of repercussion, rejection, loss of a friend, whatever. It's great. Some of my greatest "arguments" have taken place via the internet. I print them out and save them. I pass them around to people, I get other people's opinions about how my arguments and points that I brought up were, where they were valid and where they were not. It helps to make me a better "arguer". A good portion of the time, we have a great big laugh over it, sometimes it sparks another discussion. Discussions that lead to back stories and first hand accounts and facts lined up side by side. Lo and behold, some times light gets shone onto certain aspects that some believed to be invalid points until certain facts are brought into an unfinished equation. That's when real conclusions are able to be drawn.
I think some of the most fun I have are discussions about religion. It's sad to me that my being "unaffiliated", I know more about the certain aspects about somebody else's religion when they are supposedly "devout". Sigh.... I suppose it's easy to hide behind the cloak of the internet and talk a good game in the comfort and safety of the webz... Speaking up and out on a soapbox on the internet is one thing, but being able to do it in real life as well... THAT'S where it's at. So I do or I try to and in the appropriate venues. I bring the internet with me in the form of print outs and hone my skills of observation and debating skills. It's been quite enlightening for many involved. Heck, I've even brought along other sources of information and I've learned quite a bit myself and I'm still learning quite a bit.
There are so many broad topics out there in the world that can spark great conversations or debates. I won't be able to jump in on all of them, but I figure, if every day is supposed to be a learning process, I might as well keep filling my mind up with as much as it can take and keep on going. With the "net" it makes it so easy...

My spazosity...

The extent of my spazosity really truly knows no bounds. Sure, there are people who probably think, "She can't POSSIBLY be that bad!" No, it really is. My spaz factor is legendary in certain circles. It's not like I haven't tried NOT being a spaz. Watching my step or being careful or trying to pay attention to what I'm doing.... But for every one thing I try to put more focus on, the less another gets, making me somewhat more of a danger to myself and those around me. Sure! Of course there are moments in my life that I can actually function like a normal person. (It generally happens when I'm sitting still...) And my day to day is filled with going here, going there, my needing to be somewhere at some point during any given portion of the day. Yes, I suffer from bumps and bruises all the time. I don't think there is a day where I'm not sporting one somewhere... But I function.

I've lived with my spazosity all my life. I've learned to compensate a lot in order to make room for it. It's not to say that I won't try new things that take coordination and grace. Hell no. Life is about going out there and taking chances and going out and doing. Fear is another one of those things that prevent people from going out on their own and doing things. Sad. These people live their lives for other people for fear that they won't find acceptance or whatever else. TRUTH be told, it makes them a wee bit pitiable and sad. I'll not let something or someone dictate to me whether I am or I am not. And that goes for everything. In discovering quite a bit about myself over my lifetime, I am pretty happy with the way I'm turning out.

Hummus and other yucky stuff...

GAAAAAAAAAaaaK! I know... I know!!!! I don't know what it is about certain foods that give me the skeeebies... (The best description is hearing Lucky's dad say that eating yogurt is like eating a bad cold...) Hummus and peas... I'm sure that they are just lovely and wonderful in your world and very tasty and all that other crap. For me? NO. It's not to say that I don't try from time to time just to see if my opinions have changed.
I took a cracker and I dipped just the very tip into the hummus container and I put it in my mouth and I chewed... And I spit it out because I knew what it was.
The likelyhood of my being able to explain my  "-ness" to anyone about food in order for a person to truly understand me is slim to none leaning more towards none and slim being about a wide as the thickness of a piece of paper.  I'm just awesome like that.

Being polite...

Being polite sometimes means you have to suck things up and deal. You have to listen to what people have to say or at the very least, make it look like you are. For whatever reason, there are moments that you have to. I'm not one for making those moments too common and I like to be  as "to the point" as I can because I do not have the time to sit and listen to some idiot yawing on and on about something I really don't give a shit about. I'm just saying... I realize that I tend to be a little abrasive... (just "a little", Mia?) (Shh! MY rant!) but I do have the ability to curb myself at times appropriately and I do function in "civilized" society... The nod and smile methodology is what I use. So, if I'm nodding and smiling, but I'm not talking or responding and the vein in my forehead is visibly throbbing, it means I'm biting my tongue and I'm being "polite"... So, please... Just finish your "conversation", be done and be gone. You lost me the second you opened your mouth.

Weirdness....

What is "weird", anyway... I mean it is defined as being "of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange". So, why is it that I have to be  considered weird? I get that I may not be your "standard" American woman. I chose family before "career". I don't like "shopping", fashion... meh, jewelry... meh, shoes...meh... I speak my mind, I can drink, play and hang with the boys and feel comfortable, I own up to my own burps and farts, I don't think in the "standard way", I don't subscribe to a lot of the "new ideas" regarding everything, I do things differently... I have quirks out the wazoo, I'm an uber spaz, I have very dorky tendencies, when I find something extremely funny I laugh like a hyena AND I snort when I'm laughing too. I find the oddest thing to be amusing, I look like an idiot in pictures, I find myself in odd situations or at the very least witnessing odd situations. There is a laundry list of things that I suppose may qualify as being unusual, but do these traits make me weird? I say nay! They make me unique.

Exercise...

I tried doing the aerobics... Once...That didn't work. Neither did step aerobics, tai chi, or anything that involved ANY kind of coordination what so ever. It's not to say that I'm a fat, lazy, soft, flabby bastard. I get in exercise when I can and how I can. But doing the gym thing or going to a class and whatnot? Can't do it. I've tried, but yeah... No.
Yay for people who can go to the gym or go to a spinning class or whatever. Me? Nope. Can't do it. I thought for the longest time that it was because I had no discipline, so I gave that some thought. (Of course...) Sure I lack a little bit of it, but I sure do have enough of it to NOT slap some people upside the heads that I've come across who REALLY deserved it. I've gone through a book writing process once and will be taking on that project again in the near future. I have my routines and schedules which I stick to for the most part. I'm not downstairs nomming on the junk food and all the bacon.I do, however, have a problem with authority and people trying to tell me what to do, how to be, who to be and how I should do it.
I started traversing through a lot of inane topics after that since the attention span lacked the laser focus it has (on rare occasions), but it is something I thought about. The conclusion that I came to? I'll exercise when I can and it won't be conventional. Will I get the results of a gym rat? No, but I don't need to, don't want to and quite honestly, I don't have the time. Toned is just fine by me.

Pissed off...

I guess despite the fact that I've been trying like hell to not get so fuckin' angry about shit and crap, there are going to be times when shit is going to piss me off and I'm going to get angry about shit. I think I have the right to fuckin' get angry from time to time. Misplaced? I don't fuckin' think so. There are so many things that I suppose I should have been angry about or remained angry about. New path being what it is, I've been trying to let a lot of it go. So far, it's been working and I feel a lot better. There are times though, when it doesn't go that smoothly. A certain chain of events that singly may not have been so bad to deal with, but with them stacked up all together? Yeah... No. Will I work through it? Of course. I've found that taking the high road on certain things is a lot more rewarding in the long run. Is it easy? Well, yeah AND no... But never one or the other ALL the time. I'm a work in progress and letting things go is still an effort sometimes. It's not to say that I won't get my pound of flesh, so to speak. But there is a time and a place for come uppance...

And that means what to me?

I've been called a lot of things in my time and quite honestly, I'm sure I've been called worse. I let a lot of these things go and quite honestly, I am a bit too calloused to be affected too much about what people say about me to care too much of their opinions any more. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I would truly be impressed however if these same people who criticize me could turn that critical eye on themselves and be harsh and honest about their own short comings and voice them out loud.
It's hard to look in the mirror and be honest about yourself. I get it. But at the end of the day, a strong person looks into the mirror, recognizes their shortcomings as a flawed human being and takes steps forward to do something about said shortcomings. THAT'S the important part. I may still be working on that bit, but I've come a long way. A lot further than most.
I'm a work in progress. I say it a lot and I suppose I won't ever get to a point in my life where I can say, "I'm done. I'm perfect just the way I am!" I know that there are many things that I can still change about myself for the better to be a better person. It's a slow and steady process. I'll get there... Just sayin'......
So go on about your sad little lives and speak what you will about me. You have my pity. Carry on. It's okay. You'll just have to pretend that I care.

Hey look! A chicken!

There are so many things that go on inside my head at any given moment, all the time, every day. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't know what it's like. The constant bombardment of "noise" is something that I lived with for as long as I can remember. A good portion of the time, I am able to stay on task and do what I need to do. There are days find it very hard to focus on things simply because it seems everything distracts me from the task at hand. I eventually get the things I need to do, done, it just takes a little longer. Then there are days where "scatterbrain" cannot even begin to cover my issues. I lose objects, I lose my trains of thought about everything even mid sentence, my conversations seem almost non-coherent because I skip from one subject to another and if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know me, I sound like a babbling idiot. Shiny things and fast moving objects snag my attention, my brilliance runs into overdrive and then I get the bouts of insomnia. The O.C.D. makes it all worse because I tend to obsess on certain ideas, thoughts, concepts, songs, pictures, whatever and then, it gets worse from there.
I know I covered this in a post, and what it's like to live with my brain but strangely, it seems there are those who still don't quite "get it" and find the need to make fun of or make light of it or even try to tell me that it was all in my head and that there isn't a problem, get over it. "But they make a pill for that, you know..." Yes, I do know, but it also changes everything that makes me who I am. It chemically alters your brain and changes your personality. It stops the flow of this and and increases the flow of that. It blocks this and blocks that. We live in a society that is over medicated. Seriously. And I've spent enough time having someone trying to tell me who and what I was supposed to be, who I was expected to be. Bite me.
I'll keep my "issues" thank you. I've lived with them all my life and quite honestly, I think I'd be at a loss without them. I still manage to function, proficiently. I still manage to get everything that I need to get done, done and well. And my quirks set me apart from the crowd. We've already got too many dime a dozen, wannabe/ wish they were, cookie cutter clones walking around in their pathetic little existences in their little bubbles. I like who I am.

The "club"....

Exclusivity seems to be a trend... It follows through the school years, all throughout college and beyond... "You're not part of 'the club' so you wouldn't understand..." I never really got that. I think that it is the diversity of a group that makes for a great time. How fun is it really when you have twelve of the same person in a crowd? I would rather think that it would just be stupid and boring. I might as well sit home and have an intellectual conversation with my reflection in a mirror... Diversity makes for more stimulating conversations. When you have a group of people from different backgrounds, different political standpoints, different ideals, different belief and religions. Someone who will say, "That's fucked up and these are the reasons why..." or "I agree with you on this point, but I disagree here because of these reasons..." It opens up a dialog that can be deeper than your standard, "I know! I totally feel the same way because that's what you said and I would have said the same thing!" You learn more about yourself, your friends and about the world in general because it may open you up to something you may not have even thought of. Then, me being who I am, I will go out of my way and find out more, learn, discover, uncover... Whatever. Simply because I want to know more.
We've got our own "club", me and mine, and it's not really "exclusive" so to speak. There are certain things and behaviors that we won't tolerate of course, but  for the most part, we've opened up the doors for everyone who wanted to cross the threshold. We talk about all manner of subjects and topics and we won't mince words if we feel passionately about something, but at the end of the night, there aren't any hurt feelings. Go figure.... I guess that's what it means to have a mature friendship...
Our club ROCKS more than yours!

Nomming...

Nomming IS a word. I don't care what anyone says.
Anyway, the act of nomming should be enjoyable. It shouldn't just be done because it needs to be. What's the point of nomming noms that you don't like or doesn't taste good?
Moderation is always a good thing. Obviously, it isn't a good idea to overdo anything and in excess, but then again, enjoying the noms and being an absolute pig are two very different things.
There's also different kinds of nomming. Nomming noms and nomming things like toes... Both are enjoyable. Nomming off other people's plates is always nommier than nomming off your own. Om nom nomming anything freshly baked is ALWAYS a bonus. Nomming is awesome. There is no negatives to nomming. Nomming is always a positive thing. Nomming while making the "Om nom nom..." noise is acceptable. In fact, I think when nomming, it is mandated by LAW in some places. Nomming nomable noms with nommy nom noms? Awesome...

Snugglies...

We may not have a lot and we'll probably never live an extravagant life, but I know that we will always have an abundance of love, passion, honesty, trust and snugglies.  I can share everything and be at my most vulnerable and still feel safe and secure with him and he feels the same way with me. He shows me incredible amounts of love  in an act of passionate ...um... private time, or within a single touch, the intent behind every whispered "I love you" or even a silent caress of the cheek is felt right down to my core. I am never in a want or need because he gives me all, every day.
Our time together is precious and we don't waste it with the trivialities of stupid things that would rain down negativity on our parade. Sure we talk about everything and share in the burdens of our woes from past baggage, present issues and worries of the future, but that's the way it should be. There are battles that need to be fought on our own, but knowing that we have each others backs with no fears, no secrets, no reservations and nothing to hide is actually kinda cool. I've never had someone understand me or know me better. EVER. Because of that, it makes our snugglie time better. Nothing but being zen in a blissful moment, at one with my Lucky, snuggled up on the couch or where ever and chillin'... Nice!

Whatevs!

I gave a long, hard look at some of the things that make me nuts. Not the good kind of nuts, but the bad kind. After careful analysis, I have come to the conclusion that letting things go has been the best way to deal with certain things. Letting go of certain burdens or baggage simply because there really was no point to carrying them any more. Dropping the bag of bricks.
I have several more that I keep lugging around, but slowly, the grip is slackening because I'm getting awfully tired carrying them around.
Considering how far I've come (and how far I've yet to go), it gets a little easier sometimes to let go of certain things. I'm getting there. You just wait and see....

A small happy...

A small little happy moment can make all the difference on an otherwise crappy day. This goes for anyone. I suppose I could walk away and leave and ignore someone to be miserable on their  bad day, but there are times when just the simple act of kindness from a stranger could make all the difference in the world for someone. Helping someone pick up their groceries after the bag rips open, helping some up when they've fallen down and asking them if they're okay, buying coffee for the Salvation Army bell ringers at Christmas time, buying some kid an ice cream at the ice cream truck because he didn't have enough money, or throwing change into an expired meter for the person who's parked there.... Whatever. It's that simple. What did it take away from you? A couple of minutes of your time maybe? There's an added benefit too. You may just end up feeling a little happy thinking you may have just made someone's day. A random act of kindness for a perfect stranger. I try to do at least one a day. Just saying...

What's with the cat?

So, the question finally came about... (I thought it might eventually...) "It seems like you see yourself as a cat... Most of your posts here and on FB, especially about you, have a picture of a cat... Why?"
Well, it's not that I see myself as catlike for most of the obvious reasons. Cats are broody and moody and will be super friendly and with one quick turn will become vicious and will lash out unprovoked because the mood struck them. But they are also sleek and agile, evil and cunning, ferocious and deadly. I see myself more as the tenth cat... Let me explain:
9 out of 10 cats will fall and land on their feet. I, much like that tenth cat, will land on my face.
9 out of 10 cats are natural hunters and are able to hunt down quick prey. I, much like the tenth cat, will hunt down the most comfortable place to sit or lay and may or may not stir unless food is brought directly to me.
9 out of 10 cats are agile and lithe. I, much like the tenth cat, am a spaz of biblical proportions and have been known to crash into walls and trip on my feet while standing still.
9 out of 10 cats are indeed evil and cunning. The evil part I may agree with, but I feel bad after a while and much like my counterpart, the tenth cat, cunning? No. I'm about as clever as navel lint.
As far as deadly and ferocious? Maybe on taco night... But that's a WHOLE DIFFERENT KIND of deadly and ferocious. I've been known to offend the dog and he ate poop...
Yeah... That's the explanation. It's not really that I see myself as a cat by standard definition... I relate to the tenth cat...
Oh... That and I am the Kittenpuddles to my dearest Puppy Guts...

Cats...

I don't know what it is about cats and dead things, but they love their little dead furry things. I had a bunch of feral cats in my neighborhood. Regardless of the weather, I always saw them wandering around. I started putting out boxes in the woods around the property and leaving the garage door cracked open just enough for them to sneak in especially when the weather turned bad. It worked out. I didn't have rodent problems at all and the cats had somewhere safe to crash out for a couple of hours from time to time.
The problem was the way they showed their gratitude... It was great that they wanted to, but I have to tell you, I really didn't like the "Let's see what the cats left for me on the front doorstep today!" game. It wasn't exactly one of my most favorite games. Sometimes they were dead furry things or scaly things, slimy things, feathered things... Sometimes they weren't so dead and still twitching or flopping around... A couple of times they were very much alive and either very confused or VERY angry...
The sucker that I am, I always called out, "Thanks guys!" before I got rid of the dead / not dead thing of the day. I'm really not sure if it was gratitude or if they were just fucking with me, but I like to see it as them being grateful... I'm just going to keep telling myself that....

Rules...

I swear on all things holy, there are times when I think my kids don't speak English and they resort back to the primitive non-thinking part of their brains making them behave like animals.
We have rules... I'm sure every household has certain rules in their homes too. With four kids, we have ones that help to maintain peace, order and balance. Just because the rules are in place doesn't mean that they are followed and there is always peace order and balance, but none the less, the rules are in place.

Most of the times, it takes a little growling and they snap back in line and everything is cool. Other times... Not so much. Then when I start to laying down the tirade, the kids are looking at me like I was explaining physics in a different language. It's awesome. It's even better when I get the "We didn't know!" because it's not like these are NOT the same rules we've had in play since ever I had kids... Then when the ultimatum is laid down, I get the mass head tilt, the look of "Why?".  Are you kidding? Separated time outs last for about 30seconds, but it's funny how within that thirty seconds, something changes and everything resets itself and all is well again for about another hour before we have to repeat the process again...

<Sigh...> What doesn't kill me makes me stronger and I will be rewarded with grandchildren. Yup... Grandchildren that will fill my children with the same kind of daily insanity because their little ones will be just like them...

Ghost stories....

Come on... Who hasn't told one or been told or been freaked out by a ghost story at some point in time in their lives? Summertime fun! Telling ghost stories at a slumber party or camping around a campfire or whatever... The creepy descriptions of the blood and gore, the eerie "happenings" and "occurrences" , the "WAH-BOOGIE!" endings and the one kid who always pees himself or starts crying or both.... It's totally part of the summertime fun!
In Japan, the summers are stupid hot and humid, so what they do is build these really creepy, scary haunted houses. Okay... You're probably like, "Scary? A haunted house? Mia... Are you serious? Baby stuff!" but think about it for a second.... Have you ever watched any Japanese horror flicks? I mean the real ones? 'Nuff said.
They say that it's rather refreshing and cooling to get that goose bumpy feeling and it helps cool a person down... I once went to one when I was still small and I was SO bad, the "workers" i.e. the monsters, ghosts and other creepy things, came out of "character" to tell me to leave. Of course, when they approached me, I freaked out even more and started throwing kicks and punches.... And rocks and sticks and other large heavy objects and destroyed their "set".... I wasn't allowed back. Ever....
Ahh.... Summer time fun. Good times.... Goooooood times!

Breeding hate...

I've been saying all along that the world is going to hell in a hand basket for quite some time and people suck. The state of the world is both pathetic and a bit scary. I feel bad for the next generation that has to live in it. I frightens me to no end that there is a possibility that instead of getting fixed, it's going to get worse. Let me explain....

Looking at the kids today, they are more rude, nasty, self righteous, cowardly, bullies who lie, cheat, steal and are completely self serving and selfish... Just like their parents.

Some "parents" treat their children more like accessories than blessings, and if they aren't "needed" the children are thrown and left to their own devices with electronic doodads and gizmos and rely on the internet and TV to raise them. It's pathetic. "Actively parenting" to them simply means acknowledging the short people that live in the same house once in a while... I'm sure you've come across the type.
You have those "parents" who feed their children bullshit and imprint upon small impressionable minds to hate on those who remind these "adults" everything that they hated about themselves when they were growing up.

Pageant parents. Have you ever seen some of the parents? They are as ugly as sin. Most of them are fat to boot. They take their children (anywhere from 2-16) and dress them up and make them look like miniature prostitutes (and every pedophiles' wet dream)... The "parents grew up fat and ugly and feel the need to live vicariously through their kids... Whatever...

There are the "ignuh'int parents" who grew up with hate in their lives and continue the cycle by teaching their children to hate people for the same reasons they did... You know... "Just because..."
Don't even get me started on "hate crime" nonsense. If you think about it, most crime is about hate. Do you think  people are committing crime for the love of humanity? I don't fuckin' think so.

‎"Raising kids" ain't for pansies. I'm not talking about spooging them out and leaving them to their own devices. That's not raising them. I am talking about RAISING them to be moral and upright and resilient normally functioning and thinking individuals. I may not be doing anything too important to leave an amazing legacy, but I'm doing my damnedest to make sure that I raise my children in a manner that THEY will be able to leave a great legacy. One that they can be proud of.

When I become Supreme Royal Highness and Ruler of EVERYTHING, things will change... :p

Another reason I hate people....

Why do some people feel the need to add in their two cents, even though I never asked for it? And of course, what they contribute is so stupid and inane that I can FEEL my own IQ points clicking downwards just from having listened to whatever the idiot was nannering on about and I feel the need to walk away before I get dragged down into the abyss that is their idiocy... I mean, when I ask for an opinion and it's a stupid point of view, at least I asked for it and I can shake it off and move along. But when the point comes unsolicited by a person who knows not the whole situation or none of it, what is the fuckin' point? I think it best for these people to shut the fuck up and go away, but they don't. Even when I say, "Shut the fuck up and go away!" they don't... They stay and offer suggestions and chip in... It's the BEST when it comes from someone who is about as smart as a bowl of gravy. You know the type. As sharp as a marble... I deal with this way too often and I'm really not too sure how to deal with it. walking away works on occasion, so does screaming like a banshee until they shut their traps and walk away on their own. Succinct works well too: "You're an idiot and I really don't want to hear your opinion and I really don't care what you have to say. You're an ass, go away!" sometimes works.
I want a shirt that says: If I want your fuckin' opinion... Well, that'll never happen!
I'm just sayin'....

Desperation...

I think the very epitome of desperation is the toilet paper thing. It doesn't matter where it happens... Whether it's at home, in a public restroom or a friend's house. I don't give a crap what you people say, it's happened to EVERYONE at least once in their lives. AT LEAST ONCE!
I live in a household with four children... One and a half bathrooms... (You do the math...) Three boys who poop at least four times a day (what is the DEAL WITH THAT!??!??) and a little girl  who LOVES to put a little paper into the toilet and flush so that she could watch the paper spin off the roll into the toilet.
Although I have gotten a lot better about getting into the habit of making sure that there's paper in the bathroom before I go, there are still times when I forget. Maybe I was tired or still half asleep... Maybe it was because I had JUST replaced the roll not more than a couple of hours ago and thought, "There is NO WAY in HELL there isn't going to be TP on the roll..."
It's a pretty crappy feeling... Sometimes literally... Eeyew... TMI...
So you sit there cursing the empty toilet paper roll for not magically having more paper on it and you contemplate what the next course of action will be or could be... A quick inventory and look around to see where the nearest roll could/ would be or is, then trying to manipulate your body and a combination of objects in order to reach the roll...
There have been many clever plans hatched when in this position, but most will never be known... Unless... Someone accidentally walks in because you forgot to lock the door... And you're found practically bent in half on the throne, with a plunger, a shoelace, a coat hanger, a bar of soap, the empty toilet paper roll, a tissue box cozy, and a bottle of aspirin... MacGyver would've been proud!

Frustration...

There are certain things that frustrate me to no end. Stupidity is one of them. I get how there are times when the "Duh..." hits me and you can practically see the vacant look in my eyes and the drool seeping out of the corner of my mouth... But watching the stupidity of others or worse, experiencing the stupidity of others first hand..... Ugh! It drives me up a wall! I mean, I'll laugh about it all later and share the experience with Lucky and my friends and then we all have a great laugh about it and turn it into the joke of the day, but there is a certain icky feeling to have to put up with it in the first place, no?
I mean, stupidity comes in a variety of flavors, shapes and sizes.  All of them are annoying to deal with and any one of them is a challenge for those of us who are not all ZEN in our day to day lives... We live in "proper" society now where we can't just beat people over the head with a club and walk away... Nope. We have to grit our teeth and smile and claw at the wall behind us and silently rage inside... Thankfully, the tides do change... There are some cases though that what goes around does come around and the very same tactics used on me, can be used back on them. Childish and petty? Perhaps... But sticking in the screws and twisting them oh so slowly and play dumb and stupid about it later as the last laugh? Priceless... Makes the whole thing worthwhile.

Ungh... Duh...

There are just certain days when I wake up and I already know that I will not be functioning that day. The alarm goes off and instead of the lightening quick flash of arm that shoots out at an impossible velocity to hit the snooze button from a state of sound sleep, I fall out of the bed and made the alarm clock fall onto the back of my head as a result. It was actually a clever tactic... I arrested the fall out of bed with my face to avoid hurting myself too severely and brought the alarm clock closer to myself to shut it off... Not buyin' it huh? I didn't think so...
Well, that should have been my first indication that it would be one of those days and I probably should have stayed in bed. But no... So "Sneeze or pee?" Was the next game I played.... I opted to do the second first (as I will not ever make THAT mistake again...), but the sneeze came swiftly while I did... Of course, there was no toilet paper... So I sat on the can with what looked like green party streamers hanging out of my nose... It was awesome. I reached around the corner to grab some tissues and took care of both issues and grumbled while I replaced the damn TP.

I burned my TOE with some hot oil from the frying pan when I was cooking breakfast... Follow here... MY TOE! How does that happen? I don't know... I guess I'm just special like that... I stubbed that very same toe in the door frame as I was walking to the front hall to send the broody teen to the bus stop.
With two of the boys off at school, I decided to catch a few more Z's until it was time for Little Pwintheth Poofy Panth and her other brother to wake up... The sweet little girl decided that when she DID wake up that it would be great to climb into the bed ever so quietly, without waking the mommy, then take a flying leap into the air and drop an elbow right onto my kidney. Ain't she a sweetie? When the wave of nausea passed and I was finished making incoherent bellowing noises and the little darling was placed into the penalty box, I started getting ready for the day...

By this time, the rest of the household is up and bustling about. After sending the younger ones off to school, I stared at some paper work for about twenty minutes and decided patents and other technical "stuff" was going to have to wait for another day and I opted to watch Nick Jr. for a little while since it was left on. The synapses were not firing correctly, because watching Bubble Guppies and Team Umi Zumi was confusing and it hurt the lumpy thing that sits atop my shoulders...

Not that the rest of the day got any better... I think the boys decided to pick THIS day specifically to fight and bicker and drive each other nuts, round 1 dinner was burned and ruined... Bedtime routines were a challenge and I think I may have ruptured something... I don't think there was ever a day that I wanted to haul my carcass back into bed MORE...

Then I get to tucking the motley crew into bed and I get four, "Night-night, Mommy! I love you! See you in the morning!"   Sigh... Ya know? Another rotten day ruined by four little squishy lumps... Stupid smile on my face giving away the fact that it wasn't a rotten day after all, or at least not as bad as I had originally thought because they make it all worthwhile...

Facebook...

I find that the whole Faceboook thing is such a hoot. I've come across a lot of people that I probably wouldn't have some across under "normal" circumstances and it's been great communicating with people all over the world. I have to tell you though... There are lurkers out there who just stalk around on people's pages, just because. (Creepy if you think about it, but whatever...) And the people who take the stuff WAY too seriously. C'mon... You know at least one or two on your "friend list" who get a little too obsessed about this shit.... They give the minute by minute details of everything that they do in the newsfeed... Or take what the posts a little too seriously... Really? FB is a source of entertainment... It's not life.
Lucky and I discussed this the other day and how sad it must be for the people who believe that everything has to be on the FB, otherwise it's not real. We have fun with the FB thing. It's a source of amusement and entertainment as well as a chance to communicate with people that we may not get to talk to any other way. And of course our "friends" know the type of people that we are and know us well enough to understand our posts and whatnot. You really can't get a real sense of a person just because of Facebook. Really.... I think that's a HUGE problem with the world today. People aren't talking face to face any more. They communicate with each other electronically, missing out on the subtle nuances of a face to face conversation. Basing one's opinion of a person purely on virtual postings is sad. People try and claim to know someone purely from what gets put up on FB or some other type of cyber based outlet. (FB me is SO much cooler than real life me...)
I mean, I think that someone who knows me ONLY on FB would find that I'm still not quite what they imagined when they do actually meet me. The certain inflections of my voice, the way I am, the way I carry myself, my abrasive nature, my passions for certain things, my displeasure in many others. The written/ typed word hides so much... You really don't get the feeling and emotion behind any of it...
And of course, my posts to my Puppy Guts... They always seem so hollow and empty. I mean, I know that Lucky feels the intent behind the words and knows that there is so much more than just the words themselves. And just the same, I feel the intent behind the words he puts up for me. It's the way we live our lives and love one another that makes it all real... Not some stupid website... Life is better lived for really real. Besides, FB doesn't have the bandwidth to keep up with us anyway...

Women are weird like that...

The difference between men and women and the whole chaos it causes is something that brings me much entertainment and amusement. I've posted a few times about God's cruelest joke on humankind. Viva la difference, baby! I mean, I love to joke about how women are NOT from Venus and actually erupted from the bowels of a certain area of Hell called Sadistica.

It's funny to watch the certain interactions between men and women. Whether it be out in public or at a friend's house, it amuses me to no end to see the different couples and how they act and interact, the roles they play and the way they deal with each other. People watching is a quirk of mine, but it's fun. It's a great way to learn about human nature and about people in general. You can tell a lot about a person when you watch them when they think they aren't being watched, especially when they are in a habitat like at a mall or, you know... Wherever... But seriously, as much as I think the male of the species are a bunch of weirdos, women aren't really any better. Hormones don't make it any better. Each of the sexes is wrought with their own set of different quirks, but damn! Then add to the mix the fact that people are all different...... It's the reason why I choose not to be a part of things going on around me. I just like to watch. It brings me endless amusement.

Fears...

There is just something about fears and phobias that I find to be rather thought provoking... I'm not talking about simply being scared or having an aversion to something. I am talking about what some would consider irrational fears and borderline insane aversions... Weird ones like clowns (Coulrophobia)and carnie midgets (achondroplasiaphobia)
and snow (Chionophobia) and knees (Genuphobia) and dust bunnies (Koniophobia) and chickens (Alektorophobia) and stuff like that. Okay... Maybe the clown thing is kinda valid. They are a little creepy looking, but still... Snow and knees? How do you survive through life? I knew an over the top Obsessive Compulsive guy who used to collect phobias like it was his job.... He had fears of toothpicks, cellophane, shoestrings and oscillating fans.... Among others.....
So you get these people who are afraid of some of the weirdest things like the number 13 (Triskaidekaphobia). Seriously.... How does one get to the point where they are actually afraid of something that most would see as innocuous and no big deal. What had to have happened in early childhood or a past life that traumatizes a person enough for them to be scared of something like peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth (arachibutyrophobia) or paper (Papyrophobia). I'm not talking "I may be uncomfortable with that..." I am talking about mentally dysfunctional, screaming hysteria. How does one get to that point... Seriously... It might be that I'm putting too much thought into this (as usual) but it has always been a point of curiosity for me because a lot of the time the people suffering from these irrational phobias have no idea why they have these fears... They just do. There's no rhyme or reason to their fears. They just are... I find it to be quite fascinating. These people go through life with this debilitating thing that causes them to freak out to the point that they can't function any more....
Sorry if my curiosities lead me to places unknown, but my trains of thought usually aren't on the map. I prefer to see it as traversing the roads less traveled.

Enough already!

We have enough bullshit that needs to be dealt with in our day to day lives. Bills, (yes, I actually have bills), stress, life, just the day to day insanity of trying to find balance and equilibrium... Then of course, you pile on top of that, the stuff going on outside your own four walls: crime, wars, poverty, economy woes, people being selfish and  shitty, government this, religion that, politics... I stopped watching the news and reading the papers years ago. I mean, there really is no avoiding current events though, is there... Life is happening everywhere, all the time, every day. Duh, right? There are things that are within my control to fix or affect or change, ad there are things I cannot. I do my best and do my share. Added on top of all the other day to day stuff within my four walls so to speak. That's life.

Then you get the jackasses that will try and heap their woes on top of your shit and try to make all the things they're miserable about your problem. I am not talking about the sharing of the burdens of woes, I am talking about a full on assault of "I am miserable, so therefore I will make you and everyone else around me miserable too, just so I can feel a little better about myself because I'm a selfish piece of shit like that" kind of stuff. As if I didn't already have enough to deal with?

Taking the time to clear off the unnecessary crap at the beginning and end of every day has been the greatest thing I've ever started doing for myself. Does it work all the time? No. But at least I'm making the attempts and I feel better. There's only so much I can do.