NEED this......

I am not a morning person. At all. I set my alarms for about 30 minutes before I have to ACTUALLY get up because I go through the snoozes. It takes quite a bit of effort for me to get up in the mornings. I think I may be allergic to getting up and out of bed in the morning. I break out in the grumpies and it makes my head hurt.

I'm sure that eventually, I WOULD find a way to outsmart even THIS particular device, but until I did, this might help me to dredge my carcass out of bed.....

Just a though.

BEST friends.

My best friends will always lend me a hand when I need it. They would always be there for me in a pinch and they would never let me down. No doubt. They're also the kind of people who will laugh before picking my ass up off the ground when I fall. Not in a mean way or anything. I mean, if I was hurt for real, they probably wouldn't laugh at first, but for the most part.... Yeah, They'd laugh.

They are the type of people who are BRUTALLY honest with me and will tell me the absolute truth, even though I may not want to hear it. No sugar coating, no hand holding. It's cut to the chase bing, bang, boom, FLABAMMO. THERE IT IS. I'd expect nothing less.

Best friends are the ones who will call me a fucking shit-tarded cunt face, because I was being an asshole. Or they will call me a shit-tarded cunt face because I called them a shit licking fart sucker. We don't get offended by the names we call each other. It would be significantly hurtful if they couldn't come up with something worse than what I called them and vice versa.

There is a certain level of comfort and just being able to be myself when I am among my friends. No petty judgment or anything of that nature to worry about. We just go on being ourselves because...... well, because it's okay. I'm okay with being a social retard and blatant and rude and crass. I like that. Thank goodness for good friends.

Have we become THAT retarded?

I mean, seriously. I have to stop and ask simply because EVERYTHING comes with some kind of pretty stupid warning telling us that we should try doing the stuff we see on TV at home. That the coffee that we just bought is hot and may burn. Things have gotten quite a bit weird. Is the next generation so stupid that we have to warn them NOT to be stupid? Do they lack common sense so severely that we need to tell them that they shouldn't do things that are obviously dangerous? It almost seems like we are blatantly telling the general population that they are morons and they need to be told NOT to be stupid. Seriously. It kind of boils down to that...... I am constantly amazed (and not in a good way) at how stupid people are.....

Hit by a crayon truck.......

There is just a certain line that every woman needs to draw when it comes to makeup. (Ha ha ha! See what I did there?) Seriously. There is a thing called "TOO MUCH MAKEUP". If it can't be accomplished in ten minutes, it's just not gonna happen. Let it go. Seriously. There is no fixing it. Just because you slather it on thicker and heavier, doesn't make it "look better". More isn't always better. And NO, it does NOT look "natural" no matter how much you try to #nofilter #nomakeup that shit. BULLSHIT!

Stop. Just, stop. Please, for the love of god, STOP. My kids are afraid of clowns.

What ever happened to MTV?

I can remember a time when MTV played actual music videos. I mean, MTV stood for MUSIC television. We didn't have all these stupid, retarded shows about stupid shit and stupid people doing stupid things. We weren't subjected to mind numbing "reality" shows about shallow intellectually challenged morons whom I'd give a dollar to punch out.

It's not to say that all the music videos were great and the music was awesome or anything, but I have to say that even the worst of it was all quite a bit better than what is considered "the best" of these "reality" shows. Seriously....... Intelligence is still declining and everything is  still being dumbed down for the lowest common denominator as we are continually being subjected to more stupidity and we allow our children to idolize these pieces of common trash. Yay......

And people wonder why the fuck I'm so angry all the time.

Justice served: Prison style.

It's not that I think that prisoners in jail are fine, upstanding citizens. I mean, thery're in there for a pretty good fucking reason.  In most cases I am pretty happy that they are, considering the crimes that they had committed to get themselves put there. With that pretty much said, there is a certain "law of the land" in prison that exists, that you do have to have a little respect for. And this, right here, certainly takes the cake. I love justice like this. It makes me giddy and want to laugh out loud As a matter of fact, it did. A lot.  Even a hardened criminal will not stand for people who hurt children. I like that.

No hope for us.......

It really is no wonder that alien life forms have't tried to contact us...... I mean look at our world..... The transmissions of televeision shows that they watch to get a sense of who and what we are.... The goings on in our world and all the stupidity and stuff.... And at look what they do! They leave all sorts of neat crop circles and neat art and stuff. A means of some significant and probably profound communication of some sort and we go to a different planet and we draw a big penis.... Awesome. I mean, have you ever really just taken a step back and REALLY looked at us as a species? I'll give you a minute to really wrap your mind around that. Seriously. Take that in and think.

Sure, there is "beauty all around us and the splendors of life and in the world....." But from a purely alien standpoint, can you see humans themselves as anything but a bunch of vicious, evil, hateful little things that have basically overrun the planet, using up resources and squandering everything away, greedily usurping everything around them? I have a feeling other "life forms" have deemed us all to be savages and have decided just to leave us be to wipe ourselves off the planet, so that it can start anew...... Take another minute to let THAT soak in..... Yeah.....

I would do this, just to be a dick.....

I am going to do this.....

Right in dem feels.....

This ia a movie plucked right from my childhood. Seriously. And seriously? The girl who voiced Ducky got shot and killed by her dad? I think this post gave me serious depression issues right now.  I mean, she was the little girl who voiced Anne Marie in All Dogs Go to Heaven..... Does no one else haz a sad right now?

I know I heard about this a LONG ass time ago after having watched Land Before TIme, and I also remember hearing about the All Dogs Go to Heaven movie coming out, like, a year after she had died. And I remember being pretty depressed about it then too.

WTF?!?!?!???

I'm going back to bed to cry about this.

One stop place to find it all.....

When I tell you that you can find just about anything on Youtube, you really can. From helpful to bizarre, uplifting to downright twisted, unbelievable happy to incredibly sad, uproariously funny to just plain WRONG. I mean, name your extremes and everything in between. You're going to find it. One of my favorite past times with Puppy Guts is typing in a random string of words in the finder box on youtube. The scary thing is, s good portion of the time, there are hits. Some of them are great, others just want to make us want to wash our eyes out with acid...... And yet we continue to play that game anyway, coming up with more strange word combinations as we go along.

It seems everyone has a youtube channel now a days. It's almost like the facebook thing. Everyone has one of those too. And just like on the facebook, people share on the youtube. And it's interesting. I mean, think about it..... It has yet to cease to amaze me how much smaller the world really is now. Some of the things I've seen on youtube has been so awesome and I think about how I might not have ever seen anything like it had it not been for this internet thing! Sure, there have been things that I have cursed the internet for subjecting me to, but the good far outweighs the bad.

I'm still not sure how one gets his dick stuck in the ceiling fan though...... I'm not sure I WANT to know, but I'm sure we will eventually search for that on youtube anyway.


And yes. I have a Youtube channel too. Yup..... There goes the neighborhood.

Socially acceptable.....

I've recently become part of the "non-smokers" club. Feels good. I no longer have to be one of those receiving the "disapproving glare" that I used to get, trying to huddle away in a corner outside, puffing away on a cigarette, trying to stay out of sight from people and their judgment. It was shameful and terrible and bad for me and everyone around me. And then to make it worse, the fake "I'm choking on your habit!" cough..... It was a completely accepted. It was okay to make fun of the smoker and show outward disdain and publicly humiliate and chastise the smoker. It is a poor life choice made by said smoker and an unhealthy habit. I get it. I got it! FINE! But, what of eating poorly and gaining obscene amounts of weight though. That is yet another form of a poor life choice and an unhealthy habit. No?

One can try and make the argument that a person's obesity doesn't affect others, while smoking does because of the smoke smell and the potential for second hand smoke diseases. Fine. But to say a person's obesity doesn't affect others around them? Well, firstly, it is unsightly. But beyond that.... What of the younger members of that person's family? To see that as the norm ends up skewing what a healthy body weight is and it makes it difficult for a child to determine what a healthy body is supposed to look like. The food choices aren't exactly going to be good one's either. One does NOT become overweight overnight and if solid, properly proportioned food choices were made, it would be impossible to end up with weight problems. Seriously. Don't tell me it doesn't hurt anyone. There is a HUGE obesity problem <pun wasn't intended, but it fits....>, and children are VICTIMS of it, especially when it is family members who are subjecting them to it.

Obesity is actually a pet peeve of mine. I have no respect for people who let themselves become that way. It shows lack of self respect, self control and discipline. And I find it to be rather disgusting. It's wrong. What I find to be even MORE disgusting is that they let their children gain the unnecessary weight and let them become unhealthy. The children then learn the unhealthy eating habits and become completely unaware of what a healthy lifestyle is. I mean COME ON!!!!!! That stuff is learned.

I'm pretty tired of the lame ass "big is beautiful" thing. How about a campaign for "fit is beautiful" or "healthy is beautiful" instead? Let's stop making excuses and start taking action, hmmm? Just a thought.

His and Hers tattoo idea.......

For me and Puppy Guts....... YAY!

Happy Birthday, Puppy Guts 2013

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to Puppy Guts!
Happy birthday to YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!

My dearest Puppy Guts,
We celebrate your birthday today and I am just so glad that you were born! I know you'll be off to work and stuff and celebrating your birthday running down naked drunks and ticketing speeders, but I just want you to know,  I'll be home waiting for you with your birthday surprise! <wink wink> :nudge nudge:

I love you all over the place until it squishes!
XOXOX

Summertime...

So, we're IN to the summer vacation thing. And YAY! We've survived the big holiday and enjoying the fact that there really aren't any rushed early mornings and the day to day routine has basically been tossed to the wayside. The weather fluctuates and we experience super hot days or something a few degrees shy of Hell. The humidity makes someone instantly sweaty upon stepping outside and we love the rain, we hate the rain, I think the plants are all basically dead now.

The summer also brings about activities that really can't be done any other time of year. Things that I suppose you COULD do during any other time of the year, but things that just seem iconic and embody the feeling of "summertime". Bug catching and water balloons and sweating to death while cooking up a barbecue dinner on the grill. Summertime snowball fights and the mess it brings with it. Washing the car and running through the sprinklers and splashing around in a kiddie wading pool for shits and giggles. Rolling around in the cool grass and sitting in the shade, sipping on ice cold water after a game of running around and sweating your balls off.... Heat stroke and sunburn and dehydration. Well, those aren't fun things, but sometimes, they happen.

It all goes by so freaking fast though! One minute, people are complaining about how hot it is and the next, it's fucking snowing...... :s It'll be too soon.

Animal thoughts........

I've often gone to zoos and stuff and wondered what the fuck the animals must be thinking. I mean in people speak. And the WTF moments that they must experience or see every day. I mean can you imagine? I mean, even animals that I see every day must think some crazy shit on a day to day basis. And the things that they must think about us? Yeesh, I can't even begin to imagine.

There is no doubt in my mind, that animals feel emotions. They have "thoughts" and "feelings". And on some level, they understand things WAY more than I think most people give them credit for. I really don't buy the "expert's" opinions that animals are primitive and are not capable of expressing and understanding a wide range of thoughts and emotions. Those "experts" are idiots.

I sometimes like to watch animals, whether it be pets or just critters in the yard or something, and assign voices and characteristics to them and imagine the "thoughts" running through their minds. Run through all the different scenarios as they play out and their reactions and the dialogs and stuff. They'll have names and a whole background and a character "explanation" and everything. It gets pretty elaborate sometimes. And then I catch someone staring at me and giving me strange looks as I sit there staring at some random animals, smiling away like an idiot and giggling to myself..... :sigh:

Fourth of July 2013

Happy Fourth of July, people! Well, here we are once again. Let's all take the time to remember what the day is TRULY about! With all the other ethnic pride days we are forced to tolerate here, let's all try and take a moment to remember WHY you have the right to do so, WHY you are able to do so.

Today marks the day in which we commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, declaring our separation from the kingdom of Great Britain. Today is about American pride. It is about OUR United States. Our COUNTRY! So, please try to remember that before gorging yourselves on barbequed foods and consuming copious amounts of beer and liquor and overindulging on all sorts of artery clogging delights of every variety.

Have a happy one all!

Thanks everybody!

Hey, and welcome back! Thanks for stopping by!

This blog has been up and running for three years now (or something like that) and after over 5,000 visitors and tens of thousands of hits and page views and shit like that, it's been quite a journey! I really didn't think this would travel further my own backyard, so to speak, but I've got people all over the world peeking into my twisted mind! Shout outs to y'all all across the US and Canada as well as far off places like the UK, Australia, the Philippines, Brazil, Germany, India, the Netherlands, Belgium, Malaysia, France, Finland, Hong Kong, Mexico, Poland, Sweden, South Africa, Italy, Norway, Russia, Denmark, Egypt, New Zealand, Singapore, Lebanon, Spain, Greece, Indonesia, Chile, Turkey, Herzegovina, Argentina, Bosnia, Bulgaria, Hungary, Ireland, Pakistan, Ukraine, Austria, Colombia, Israel, Japan, Romania, Lithuania, Portugal, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Jordan, Sri Lanka, Latvia, Morocco, Serbia, Slovakia, Brunei, Georgia, Croatia, Montenegro, Nepal, Oman, Panama, Peru, Saudi Arabia, Slovenia, Thailand, Tunisia, Taiwan, Vietnam, UAE, Aruba, Bangladesh, Belize, Cameroon, Costa Rica, Cuba, Cyprus, Algeria, Fiji, Estonia, Ghana, Iraq, Iceland, Kuwait, Kazakhstan, Moldova, Madagascar, Macedonia, Malta, Maldives, Malawi, Somalia, Suriname, Uganda, St. Vincent and the Grenadines. Woo hoo!!!!

Has the content and writing gotten better over the last couple of years? No. Will the content and writing get better? No. Probably not. But thanks so much for stopping by anyway!

Just because....

Compliments....

I don't take compliments very well. Actually, I really don't know how to respond to them. And it has a lot to do with my parents conditioning me to wait for the kick in the pants.  They've never really paid me a compliment. I mean, when it's, "Wow! That's a great shirt! It looks like crap on you!" or "Your hair looks FABULOUS! Your face? Not so much....." or "Wow! You did a great job, but it could have been so much better if you had......." That was basically how it was and how it still is.

So, now a days, I just can't take a compliment too seriously. Having become jaded over the years hasn't helped either. I find most people to be two faced and absolutely unreliable. I tend not to believe anything that I hear coming out of the mouths of most of the people I know or run across. And it becomes a problem I guess. There might be the rare and occasional person who is really trying to pay me a compliment and I'm all, "Uh huh.... Okay. I like pie!"

I don't mean to offend, but, it's just who I am. I can't really recall a real compliment that was given to me by my parents. Just a simple "Hey that's awesome!" kind of thing. They were always followed up with a "but". You know, "......but your sister is so much smarter.", "..... but I don't understand what he/ she sees in you!", ".....there's nothing really outstanding or special about you...." That kind of shit. Oh, no, I am being absolutely serious. This was my life and still IS. It used to be something that bothered me quite a bit, but it's not the case any more.

I found that they are MORE bothered by having that meanness pointed out because I KNOW that they know, they are being less than courteous. They ESPECIALLY find it humiliating when I point it out in front of other people. I take my jabs whenever I can. Call it immature and vindictive, but I'm keeping this one.

Holiday....

I'm really not all into holidays and shit. I mean I love Halloween and our flags are always proudly displayed on the Fourth, Memorial Day, Veteran's Day and Flag Day, but I'm really not one for the holidays. Meh, ya know? I mean, you have mother's day and father's day..... Quite honestly? To have to "remember them" only once a year? I mean, I'd trade mine in, in a heartbeat, for a gumball and a shoelace. No doubt. I just don't like the idea that honoring a parent should get a day. It really should be an everyday thing. Except if your parents are assholes. They shouldn't have a day at all.

Valentine's day is another that irks me. One day to show your significant other that you love them? One day to make it "special"? Pathetic. Every day should be one celebrated in love and showing appreciation to that special someone. That should go without saying. Some chocolates and a bunch of stupid flowers does not a special occasion make. It's about the every day intent and show of love.

Don't even get me started on April Fool's day.

Then we have the year end holidays. I DESPISE them. Other than the overindulging on the nommy, nommy food, I will find myself in a funk and hating everything. It's the time of year when people get "religious" and god and Jesus and crap, and I'm all "No." I hate everything about the holidays.

I'm going to start making up my own holidays and celebrating those. I mean, seriously? Most of those Hallmark holidays started that way anyway. I'm going to have holidays like, Eat a Shit Ton of BACON day, or Tell an Asshole, They're an Asshole day or Sit in Jammies and Eat Junk Food day and I'm going to celebrate the fuck out of them too!

Yeah.... the cogs are creaking and grinding as my mind concocts new holidays......

Meat.

I cannot understand vegetarianism or veganism. No. Don't get me wrong. I mean I DO, but I don't. I understand the love of animals and how harvesting meat is not exactly ideal and it pretty much sucks for the animals being farm raised and harvested for food.

Health reasons? Not so much though. I mean, don't get me wrong, eating meat and stuff, uncooked, out of the package like a rabid animal probably isn't a good idea, but there is something to be said for the nutritional value of eating a big steaming pile of meaty meat. I totally believe that a balanced meals has meat in it. Our faces and teeth and stuff were created to eat meat. Because meat.

I know that it really truly is a matter of choice as to whether a person wants to eat meat or not eat meat or whatever, but please stop trying to convince me that there's science behind it. We were meant to be om nom nom nivors. Get over it.

mmmflurfle gurple noonle noo......

On the nights that we do get to cuddle up and sleep because he's NOT working, Puppy Guts and I will fall asleep, talking about random things. None of it probably makes any sense and when I say random.....

Just being that tired and having satisfied our , erhm.... carnal cravings <ehem>, and feeling the comfort of the other in the bed next to us, it feels like we're solving the world's problems, speaking in a gibberish that only the two of us can understand, and it all makes sense to us. That's fuckin' bliss right there. :sigh:

MY opinions......

I think I have made my positions and opinions known about a lot of things. I've pretty much laid them out there for the most part. Some people agree with me, others don't. That's totally cool. We're all entitled to have one all of our own. That's what is so awesome.

And whether or not one agrees or disagrees, well, they are entitled to do those as well. Pretty awesome concept, eh? I mean, I'm not spewing hate and promoting violence and demanding that like minded individuals should rise up against some oppressive something and blah, blah, blah...... Seriously? Too labor intensive. I haven't the time or the energy. At least I'm honest about that part too. I will hoot and holler online through blogs and Facebook the SHIT out of my opinions and "share" stuff and "like" things like it ain't nobody's thing, but the end result?

People need to calm the fuck down a little here. NO one is forcing you to skulk around here and agree with what I spew here. This is just my outlet for spewing random ideas and thoughts that I constantly have rattling around in my head. Some are more solid than others, I will admit, but there you have it. Calm down. K?

Thank you.

Killed it just a little......

So... We have these strange looking bugs that crawl and scurry around the house. They have a gojillion legs and I swear, they look like mutant lobsters from some circle of hell, created to torture the souls of the most evil of people like child rapists and murderers. And they're freaking huge. Like, put a leash on it and walk it around "HUGE"!

It's not that I get squeamish around bug or spiders or anything. Creepy crawlies really don't affect me. Hell, I've had many of them as pets. I think they're really cool looking. But these multi-legged spawns of the devil himself are really something left to be desired.  Seriously.

It turns out, though, despite being from a demon plane, they do not like fire. A can of WD-40 and a lighter took care of the latest scourge on humanity and I set the fucker on fire. He ran around for a bit too. Almost setting the curtains on fire and shit, but, I don't think I would have cared. I also sat and watched to make sure the thing REALLY died, just to be sure it wasn't going to go all "horror movie" and jump back to life again and try to attack me or my children. For good measure I stomped on it, a.) to put out the flames and b.) to smear the ashes around a little. Then I bleached the smear on the floor and cleaned it up nice-y nice while saying some prayers in every language I know.

I think it's dead now....... I hope. Otherwise, I think I may have SERIOUSLY pissed this thing off. I'll have to let you know.

Quitting.....

Here it is. I would never want to consider myself a quitter, but in this instance? I have been a smoker since my idiotic teenaged years, and although I had no problems quitting during my pregnancies, I always started up again because there was someone around who smoked.

This year, Puppy Guts and I vowed to make this the year we were going to quit. It totally HAD to be a joint effort because you can't expect one person in a relationship to quit while the other still smokes. And honestly, lip service dos nothing if you don't actually do it. It makes the quitting thing damn near impossible. And so, we did it. It was not a gradual thing. It was "rip the bandage off" abrupt. We shared the last cigarette of the last pack of cigarettes we had purchased and DONE.

It's been a couple of months now. I'm not going to lie. We still experience the cravings and all, but we have already made the decision to DO THIS and we've both stuck to our guns and we're doing it. Yes, we're using "the aids". No patches or gums, but the e-cig. Although, even the use of those things has dwindled quite a bit. I've always got a pack of regular gum on me and I guess the cravings don't happen as often. It's weird, but these days I have gone for a couple of days, before I realize that I haven't thought about smoking and have a "YAY!" moment.

I have vowed not to be the "reformed smoker". You know the ones. The ones who act all offended that you're a smoker and go off on the speech about how bad they are and quitting was the best thing ever and they get all judgmental and shit........ The "moment" has to come to people in their own time as it did for those "reformed smoker" people. Just as it did for Puppy Guts and I.

Yeah, it was an awesome decision. Yeah we're feeling pretty good about ourselves. Yeah, we feel GREAT! Yeah, we're saving a whole shit ton of money. And yeah, you know what, I think we have earned a little bit of time to publicly profess our self pride that we have been smoke free for a couple of months and we feel great about it. :D

Vengeful.......

It's not as if though I wish any ill will on any of my "enemies", or people I don't like or people who have wronged me. I wouldn't necessarily go out and willfully and maliciously do something that may cause harm to someone directly for my own amusement or pleasure. And even though waiting for karma doesn't really satisfy the "instant gratification" I want, it's kind of awesome when it happens. But I don't think it's completely beneath me to help karma along just a tad every once in a while. Does that make me a bad person? Perhaps. I'll deal with it though.

On the phone....

To have kids is to be able to multitask the SHIT out of everything. A phone conversation is no different. It's never easy and of course, the children's worlds all fall to pieces at the exact same time, RIGHT when I get on the phone. EVERY TIME. Phone conversations of doom, with the people on the other end of my phone conversation having to decipher whether or not I am talking to them or one of the kids..... Random stringing together of words that answers a multitude of questions all at once and makes no sense all at the same time.... Yeah. That's me.

:C

Maybe it's that I am in a foul mood when it happens, but I get into these funks where everything gets sucked into my hate spiral of doom and I end up hating everything. Birdies chirping. Nope. I hate them. Flowers blooming. Nope. I hate them too. Sun shining. No. Blue skies. Uh-uh. Glorious wonderful day. Fuck you. Nothing breaks the hate cycle. I hate everything. No matter what. I hate it. It is the ultimate and fantabulous world of sheer, unadulterated loathing.

Then my daughter sees me frumping in a corner and sits down next to me and gives me a hug.

:s

Perfectly foul mood destroyed again.

Eerg....

So, I had a dream last night that I got stabbed right in the heart meat. Not metaphorically. I mean literally. Right in the chest and through the heart. When it happened, I didn't know what to make of it and obviously, I had no idea what it was that I was supposed to physically be feeling since I had never been stabbed in the heart before.

I guess my subconscious was basing my dream experience on the movie scenes that I had seen and stuff and what I thought it was probably like, and it probably didn't come close or whatever, but I have to say, it still pretty much sucked.

Let's go back in time in this dream I was having. Let's go back to the point of how it came to be that I ended up getting stabbed in the chest and stuff:

Well, <something something something>, and there I found myself getting mugged and instead of the mugger just snatching my bag and running, he snatched and stabbed, before taking off. I remember thinking to myself, "How random was that?" and I also remember how pissed off I was at myself too. I mean, for some random piece of shit to be able to get the jump on me like that. It was pretty much a wretched feeling.

So there dream me was, facing my dream mortality. No purse, in a parking lot, stabbed in the blood pumper and probably dying. It was pretty weird. It really sucked. I thought of my children. I thought of my Puppy Guts and how I wished I had another opportunity to tell them I loved them.  I thought about what the end was going to be like. Was that it? Was that the end of the ride? When I stop, does everything go black and that's it? I had a moment of panic sprinkled with regret. The thoughts racing through my mind were going about a gojillion miles a second. And I am not talking about your garden variety, "I forgot my cell phone at home...." or "Where the fuck are my keys?" kind of panic. I mean, the debilitating "HOLY SHIT! PANIC!" kind of panic. I was dying. That was it. Alone, in a parking lot and this was it.

Then I woke up, bolt upright, sweating and breathing heavy, clutching at my chest, trying to feel for blood and a wound. As soon as my heart rate was something resembling human and not hummingbird, I thought about what little I remembered about the details of that dream. And as hard as I tried, the only solid thing I remembered was feeling a tug on my bag strap and a thud in the chest. And to no surprise, I was not able to fall back to sleep. Go figure.

Another slap in the face with reality and how fleeting life really is. Finding that I really need to go back through my life again and prioritize certain aspects so that I don't have the regrets. Wow, huh?

Yeah, so that.

Is my insomnia "imagined"?

And so the great debate is, is it because of FACEBOOK that I can't sleep or is it that I can't sleep, so FACEBOOK? Hint: I have been suffering from insomnia since, like, BIRTH. WAY before FB. Is it that I have  a distraction that keeps me awake at night that has me obsessed to the point where I won't sleep? Or is it that I use social media or blogging to distract myself from the noises in my head, which I pray will quiet down with the distraction that I give it by feeding it this stuff so that I can sleep........  Don't know.

It's impossible to explain to someone what certain of my "afflictions" are. The OCD, the ADD, the chronic insomnia..... The insensitivity and the questions that start with, "Well, why can't you just...." It's because I CAN'T just....... I mean, if I could..... well, I wouldn't have much to blog about, would I? It sickens me sometimes to have to listen to people telling me that I should "just stop" and focus or "just stop" certain of my compulsive acts or "just stop" with the obsessive things or "just try" to quiet the noises and thoughts in my head through meditation and "just" go to sleep. Seriously?

And if that wasn't bad enough, I swear on all things holy, I am going to lose my shit if I have to listen to one more lecture from someone who doesn't understand my predicament about what I'm "supposed to do" and how I can help myself. I will probably go off on a tirade of epic proportions on the next person who tries to "explain" to me what it is that I am "suffering" from, when they themselves only understand the "textbook realities" and not the REAL realities.

Seriously. This is TRULY a case of, "If you've never walked a mile in my shoes...." Shut up. No.... Actually, shut THE FUCK up. Thank you.

Irrational?

Does this make sense to anyone? What is this word "irrational"? I'm not talking about the DEFINITION of the word, per se. I am talking about the actual CONTENT of the word. The core. the central being of what the word might BE. Okay, to be clear, the definition of the word "irrational" is:

adjective
1.) without the faculty of reason; deprived of reason.
2.) without or deprived of normal mental clarity or sound judgment.
3.) not in accordance with reason; utterly illogical: irrational arguments.
4.) not endowed with the faculty of reason: irrational animals.

Okay.... So there it is, literally defined. But what, at its very core is "irrational"? What's the differnce between one who IS rational and one who is not. And by whose definition is rational defined? I'm not quite sure if I'm making sense here or not, but I am really trying to do my best, mostly because I find myself NOT understanding people in general and I find that their logic and reasoning to be flawed, unsound and at times, completely idiotic.

 One man's trash is another man's treasure..... Isn't rationality sort of the same thing? I'm not talking about the rationalization of islam being a religion of peace or whatever because THAT notion is just idiotic. And I'm not even talking about the people who snap and go "clock tower" or "movie theater" or "postal" or "school shooting". Again, there is no mental clarity there and no sound judgment. I guess I'm talking more about the "it seemed like a good idea at the time" scenarios.

Hindsight is always 20/20 or better. What may have seemed like a super fantastic and totally logical idea looks utterly retarded and the decisions made about said idea seemed totally rational at the time, but in looking back....... o.O I mean, who hasn't felt that way about certain things in their lives? Um.... NO one. Well, no one who isn't still experiencing denial that is.....

It kind of makes me wonder what made it seem rational and normal at the time? Right? HOW could it have even remotely seem like a good idea? HOW did this notion even begin to look sound? What the fuck was I thinking? And yet, at the time, it seemed like a perfectly good idea. I'm not even talking about the bad feelings that come with regret here. I am putting all of that aside. I am talking about the rational/ irrational debate here and how one person can interpret something as being rational, while another can see it as anything but.

Maybe perhaps it is because when we are so close to something, that it is impossible to see the full picture and so something might seem like a grand notion and it all makes sense. I don't know. But there you have it.

I go on about my life doing things in a way that makes sense to me. Some things make sense to others around me, while others do not. Have I changed some of the things I do and have I changed how I do things, how I see things, my perceptions and junk over the years? Of course. Through growth and stuff, I have found that  saying, "yeah, I guess I was wrong about that." and then actually doing something about it and fixing the mistake fixes things. Am I going to keep on, in the eyes of some people, being irrational in some of my thinking? Yeah. I'm not here to please everyone and my perceptions of a good portion of people I know or have come across is probably something they would not be able to handle hearing about themselves. And I think that my assessments of them are pretty accurate too. But as long as I am going to be the only one perceived as completely irrational, I suppose a real conversation would never be able to take place about certain of things. No matter. I will keep going about my business and do what I have to do. The changes that I need to make in my own thinking and how I go about doing things, whether rational or not to those who disagree with me, are not dependent on what is thought of me. I am looking for the results of my thoughts and actions and how they best suit me.

If I had died when I thought I was going to.......

Let's back track a little.....

In my youth, I will admit to have been quite the hellion. I was a nightmare. No doubt. And in my youth, I had the, "Nothing can kill me, I am INVINCIBLE!!!!!" mentality that comes with said youth and the stupidity of that youth. My own mortality wasn't even a thought. And in thinking back, DAMN did I ever do a hell of a lot of stupid things. I mean, Darwin Award kind of stupid things. And in thinking back to all the situations that I had gotten myself in to, all of the "wrong place, wrong time" scenarios that I happen to come in to, it really doesn't come as a surprise that my guardian angel now drinks and is on a lot of high dosage prescription medication. I mean, my toddler years alone were stress inducing and hectic, I can only imagine what it must have been like for him or her during the rest of my childhood/ youth/ early adulthood. And because my learning curve is pretty severe, it's not as if though I learned from past experiences. It took a while for things to sink in and made me realize, "Hm...... Maybe I shouldn't do that any more....." But having some asshole living in my head, it really didn't help much.

So, it brings me to where I am, after having survived up until now. Knowing what I do now and the life I have? WOW! The regrets I would have had if I hadn't gotten to this point. I mean, there are quite a few many mistakes that I've made even after I "grew out of" the "stupid youthful years". But I suppose without even those, I wouldn't be the same person I am today, as even those things did shape me into who I am at this point. And despite the crap I've had to go through and endured, there are also so many great things that I wouldn't have known. My kids. My Puppy Guts. The friendships and amazing experiences I've had.

Wow..... So, here's to my guardian angel. Thanks for seeing me through up until now, and thanks in advance for what I hope will be a very long life ahead of me. You rock!

Bans...

Seriously. If certain bans get through,  well.... Let's just say they are going to get even more ridiculous as we move forward from there. We're so up in arms about the things being flashed in our faces, that we aren't seeing the bigger picture here. Left, right, in between. We're all getting screwed the same way as Americans here. You know. We, the poor unwashed AMERICAN masses..... And we're getting shoved deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. The bans that government is trying to pass are taking away rights from the American people. Rights that were GIVEN TO US to protect ourselves from this very thing. EVERYTHING is being dictated to us. How we think, act, speak...... We are being told what is okay and what isn't. We are being forced to become mindless drones. Slight of hand tricks performed by our government everyday as we get cheated, robbed and screwed by our politicians. Huge corporations are thriving and the rich continue to get richer. the rest of us? Well, we're all just basically trying to stay afloat. Yay.....

It's really because most people aren't seeing the larger picture here. They get caught up in trivial little things. Didn't think certain things to be "a big deal". And people are so easily distracted by stupid shit and get all fanatical over Honey Moo Moo and teen pregnancy shows and who said what to who  on some pedantic show about stupid shit and FUCK!!!!! WHO GIVES A GOOD GOD DAMN??!?!?!?!?!? So while the rest of the world is obsessing over talentless, fake tanned, funny looking "pretty people", reality is going on. And in this reality, our country is being turned upside down and inside out. And not in a good way. Yeah, there are a lot of good people out there trying to get the "voices of the people" heard.

I am truly afraid that by the time those glued to their televisions, watching some lame talent show, based on the subjective and personal opinions of has beens and wanna be's, wake up, it's going to be too late....... Shit.

Emus are assholes.....

Price of admission to a petting zoo for you and your children: $20

Price of a gojillion small paper cups filled with cracked corn to feed to the animals at said petting zoo for your children: $50

Hearing your five year old call an emu an "ASSHOLE!" because it took her cup of the cracked corn she was trying to feed it: PRICELESS!

For some things, there are no words. For everything else, there's swearing. :s

Bacon DOES have it's own food category.

Eldest boy gets home from school as I am sitting down to eat lunch.
Boy: Hey meem! Whatcha eating?
Me: A meatless spicy cheesy wrap thingy.
Boy: What's in it?
Me: Pepper Jack cheese, Cheddar cheese, Monterey cheese, jalapeno peppers, and bacon. 
Boy: I thought you said "meatless". 
Me: Get out. 
Boy: Oh.... Are we still classifying bacon in its own category?
Me: That's it. From here on out, all you get is turkey bacon. 
Boy: OH MY GOD! I'M SORRY! Are you serious??!?? OH MY GOD!!! I'M SORRY!!!!! Mommy, I love you! I'm SORRY!!!!!!!!!

Yup. Even the kids know.

How to UBER Morning Breath.....

Had me a slice of sausage pizza, topped with fresh chopped basil and a TON of chopped garlic in olive oil made into a paste last night before going to bed. HHhhhhhhhhhey! HHhhhhhhow's it going? AWESOME morning breath. I could brush my teeth with bleach for a month and I don't think the garlic breath is gonna go away. See that haze over the tri-state area? Yeah. That's ME. Take a moment to bask in that. You're welcome.

Nerf guns.....

While I'm on the topic..... I ended up having to wear my GI Joe Snake Eyes mask to bed...... My daughter didn't really forgive me for lighting her up with 10 discs on the back steps.

In my defense, she was coming at me and I will admit that I was afraid because she started swinging the Nerf Disc Shooter thingy like a was hammer.......... and........ I was scared.

Party pooper.....

I picked up a bunch of Nerf disc guns for my son and his friends for a birthday party I held for him. I figured it'd be good clean fun and the kids could run around and have a blast. I got one for each of the kids who are coming, I got one for each of my kids (including my 5 year old daughter) and I got one for myself. We ran around and have fun. 

Apparently, Ms. Judge-y Judgerton-nosey-no-good-shit-storm-on-my-sunshine-parade-BITCH of epic proportions HAD to voice her opinion and say that I was a terrible person for promoting violence and I should be ashamed of myself. 

Oh well...... I told her that she wasn't invited to what would be the coolest party ever and walked away.

As an addendum: Eye protection was purchased as well. Worked out well, the kids and I had a blast, no one got hurt and it really WAS a bunch of good clean fun. AWESOME!

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Because baby puppy synchronized, belly up, nap time, floor sprinkles! YES PLEASE!!!!!!!

Someone needs to make this happen for me right now so that I can rub baby puppy floor sprinkle bellies for the rest of the day and watch them roll around and be cute.

Yes. Make this happen. NOW!

I did this......

So, I shaved my head again. I mean this time, I REALLY meant it. Buzzed. It's all gone. There was a time when a woman's shame was displayed by shaving her head. "A woman's worth is measured by her hair..." Blah, blah, blah...... Really? It's hair. And right now, I feel like a million bucks.

Puppy Guts and I did another "Shave to Save" for a friend of ours overseas. Whether it raised any money or not is besides the point. The point was, we wanted to show him that we were there with him in spirit, since we were not able to attend any one of his fundraising events..... In AUSTRALIA. We wanted to show solidarity with him. Not in the journey that he has gone through and continues to go through as we could not possibly relate to what he is going through. We would never understand the pain he must endure. We will never understand how blessed the "good days" are, nor would we ever comprehend what his "bad days" must be like. But just that we wanted him to know that "Hey bro..... We're here for you."

Yes, we made another goofy video. And there was a follow up video of us shaving our heads. We also made our attempts to raise funds for him.

"We are trying to raise money for our bro Corey Hawes as he bravely battles cancer. The actual "shave video" is still in "production", but it will be equally Mia and Rick-esque" and will be posted by the end of next week.

All funds that are collected are to help offset the costs involved in the life saving treatments he needs. No donation will be too great or too small. 
A PAYPAL account has been made! 
Account name: Corey.hawes@jetstar.com
Please consider donating!

Thanks! 
Love and hugs, 
MIA and RICK"

Yes. I just shamelessly plugged the crap out of our fundraising effort. 
Corey is a devoted husband. Corey is the doting father to two young children. Corey is a beloved son. He is a cherished friend. And Corey is our "brother". And if shaving my head for this brave soul, who has basically shared his whole entire journey with us, sending pictures and regular progress reports, makes me less of a woman because I have no hair, then sign me up for another. I'll do it every time.

Love and hugs to Corey, his family, and his worldwide friends. 

Yup. I said it.

I think my intentions are pretty much misunderstood almost all the time. And it's probably the reason why I seem "awkward" in social environments. Most people have the brain to mouth filter that keeps them from saying certain things. I lost mine. And a good portion of the time, it's not that the stuff that comes out of my mouth is meant to be insulting, offensive or mean, but it comes off as such because it was probably something that SHOULD have been left unsaid.

Does that make me a terrible person? Perhaps. It probably makes me an even worse individual because I'm really not doing anything to change that about myself. I don't think I can. I don't think I want to. Not because I don't NOT want to seem rude, but I know myself well enough to know that if I leave things unsaid, it would start to tear a hole into me. It would really bug me. Why should I have to be the bearer of that burden? I'd rather just say it, put it out there and let others have to deal with that shit.

Some people.....

I've been trying this new thing where I try to put myself in someone else's shoes in order to try and see where they're coming from before I try to judge them. It's a newer thing, and I'm still working on my technique and delivery of the "polite smile", but most of the time, I still just judge people and deem them too stupid for me to be near, throw a comment stating as such and walking away with a sour puss on my face. But I'm making better attempts to try. NEVER easy.

What DOES make it a wee bit easier is when the idiot I'm trying to understand tries, at the very least, to listen to my opinions and reasons and explanations as to why I believe them to be stupid or wrong.... Or both. (It helps when I don't call them "stupid" directly though....) My patience levels are pretty low and it doesn't take too much to set off my hair trigger smack downs on stupid people, but if they listen and actually have a conversation instead of verbally diarrhea-ing all over the place, my tolerance levels go up a little. Just a little.

I understand that I am a VERY quirky individual. People either like me or they don't. I can be one of those, "She's alright once you get to know her...." type people. Basically, people just need to get used to my "-ness". So, I suppose there are plenty of people who probably think this same way about me because they DON'T understand me, or more so, CAN'T understand me. That's fine. It was never really my mission to please everybody anyway.

See, I'm tired of being judged by people, and just the same, I am pretty sure that there are those individuals who are probably sick of being judged by those around them as well. Seriously? Most of the time, the people doing the judging are not able to, will not and CANNOT turn their critical eye on themselves and be that same kind of "judgmental" on themselves. I guess my way of trying to understand some people and see myself more critically. Kind of judge myself through someone else's eyes kind of thing.

It's a work in progress. I'm still pretty much an asshole and I guess it's going to take quite a bit of time before it becomes apparent whether or not my "asshole-y-ness" is terminal or not. Oh well. At least I'm trying.

Typical......

This was an actual dinnertime conversation at my dinner table. My children and I were sitting around the dinner table, eating supper and THIS happens:

Boy 1: Please pass the steak sauce.....
Boy 3: I'm USING it, hold on.
Boy 1: You don't have to be such a.... a...... a...... :me raising eyebrow: an ASSNIPPLE about it!
( A round of snickering from all of us at the table)
Boy 3: Did..... Did you.... Did you just call me an..... ass nipple?
Boy 1: Shit.... Am I in trouble now?
Boy 2: Survey says? :kids all turn to look at me:
Me: ......I don't....... know.......
Boy 1: I guess I'm sorry......
Boy 2: Well, it wasn't like he called him a fucktard or an asshole or something......
Girl: "ASSHOLE"! dat's FUNNY! "Fucktard"...... Nope. I like "asshole" better!
Me: :face palm:

:slump: awesome...... :s

Me no unnerstan'

There are many things that I will just never understand. The flawed logic of idiots, how some people are able to breath without assistance, liberal logic (which I guess falls under the "flawed logic of idiots" category)... I mean all of it. Stupidity is a mystery to me. Oh, don't get me wrong. I've had plenty of my own stupid moments and the aura of "duh" surrounded me and the wheel continued to spin though the hamster was dead. I am talking about the continued stupidity of some folks. The ones who can't see logic and reason. The ones who can't stop spewing their bullshit DESPITE the fact that they were proven wrong, erroneous, flawed, completely mistaken and out and out incorrect, their stupidity pointed out and their mistakes aired. They cannot listen to reason and nothing is their fault. Excuse after excuse after excuse. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I never know how to handle these kinds of people. Trying to have a discussion with them is impossible.  They cannot handle logic and reason. They are so blinded by their own self centered needs to be right that nothing else filters through. What's the point in trying?

I've found that the BEST way to deal is to make these type of people believe that you don't believe anything that is coming out of their mouths. Nothing riles them up more than believing that they aren't able to convince others about their views and lies or that others won't accept their excuses. A simple, "No. I don't believe you at all...." can crush them. It truly does come down to just being honest and saying, "Pfft..... Whatever...." and let them obsess about their own shortcomings. Why should I have to shoulder the stress of trying to get them to see reason when reason is not a concept they can understand in the first place? Answer? I shouldn't. So, I won't.

Realistically......

I'd probably have a bit more respect for "stars" if they allowed for the "real pictures" to get published in the magazines and stuff. Not the airbrushed "perfect look" that we are forced to see. In all honesty, it really ruins all credibility when you have these impossibly pretty people who are impossibly perfect and always look impossibly incredible ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Yeah, because I am SO sure that these people sit around in lace bras or underpants and flexing as they lounge around posing and shit all day. Pfft.

I get that those in the limelight probably have an image to protect and blah, blah, blah, but seriously? Look at what is out there for today's youths to "look up to". It really sickens me. Take for example THIS washed up hag. She made her money off the unwashed masses, suckling at the tit of capitalism, and shit, but now, all of a sudden, she's better than those unwashed masses. The ones who shouldered her to fame and fortune. Then for this piece of shit to openly renounce the American way, and bash the very country that helped her see her rise to "glory", and what now? She can eat a bag of shit and die of chronic diarrhea.

Then you've got your Lindsey Lohans and Paris Hiltons. Your Britney Spears and Snookies. Tons of dime a dozen, fake tanned, talentless, misfit losers getting into the minds of our kids, presenting themselves as idols. Our kids don't stand a chance if THAT'S what they have to look up to. No wonder the newest voters are voting demoncrat. I mean, we get to see the uglier side of their personalities as well as the uglier side of their corrupt and empty lives, but why is it so hard pressed for us to be able to see the uglier sides of their true faces too? I LOVE seeing tabloid shots of these people without make up and all fucked up and looking like hot messes. It totally cracks me up. What scares me about it is the fact that they still remain in the spotlight and are still being given attention that, honestly? They really don't deserve. It saddens me, actually.

Yeah.... Just some randomness again.....

True story....

My vocabulary is pretty extensive and rather impressive, although most of the times, I just end up saying "fuck" a lot. I try to curb the language as much as I can, but sometimes, it just doesn't work out.  Like the toe stubbing thing.

Ah, yes. The toe stubbing thing. The times when the words spew forth, in an order that surprises even me, sometimes. A nonsensical stringing together of every cuss word I know, in multiple languages, and a pretty descriptive and graphic, detailed account of what I want to do to an offending piece of furniture that jumped in my way on purpose, so that it could watch me injure my toe. Fucking bastard!

Facebook with kids

My kids have facebook pages. Well, the older ones do. I get tempted to send them friend requests and stand right in their doorways and ask, "Did you get my friend request? Did you get it? Did you? Huh? Huh? Did you get it? FRIEND ME, FRIEND ME, FRIEND ME!!!!!!" But I won't.

It WOULD be worth getting friended by them JUST to post all the embarrassing baby photos and the "YAY! I DID IT!" potty shots and the "I ate dirt" pics and the various videos of them "before they were cool" and then tag the ever loving snot out of them AND their friends JUST to stick it to them if they were being pains in the asses. I've got some DOOZIES too! :sigh:

It's alright. I'm going to bide my time though.

Sharing air.....

There are certain signs/ labels/ warnings that are put up or on something that kind of makes me think, "What kind of moron made it necessary for companies to believe they needed to DO this?" You know the warning labels I'm talking about. The "for external use only", "not for 'personal' use", "do not ingest", type of warning labels on some pretty weird and rather obvious stuff because there HAD to have been that one idiot who made it necessary for that label to be put there. Think about it for a second the next time you see a warning label like "do not ingest" on a can of air freshener or a "for external use only" label on a curling iron or something like that.

It scares me to think that in the world we live in, we share space and air and stuff with people who NEED those kind of warning labels on the stuff that they purchase because they might "misuse" those items.....

Where are they now?

Sometimes, I like to imagine what my childhood cartoon friends are doing these days, now that they're older and have grown into adulthood.    I mean, I'd like to think that they haven't gone the way of Corey Haim and stuff. All my favorite shows have been replaced with new cartoons and shows, most of which I don't get, and it leaves me pining for the shows of my youth. I mean, Hey Arnold. Come on. The sexual tension between Arnold and Helga was freaking obvious. I wonder if they ever hooked up? The Rugrats. The Wild Thornberrys. Heman and She-Ra? Oh, don't even try to say you never watched the shows. Yes you did. Shut up.

The Snorks. Thundercats. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Doug. Darkwing Duck. Gargoyles. Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors. Tiny Toons. Animaniacs. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Beetlejuice. G.I. Joe. Inspector Gadget. The Super Mario Brothers Super Show. Transformers. Smurfs. The Real Ghostbusters. Tale Spin. Bobby's World. Dexter's Laboratory. Rocko's Modern Life. Ren and Stimpy. Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. Danger Mouse. Pinky and the Brain. Catdog. Eek! The Cat.

Yes you did.