Form vs. Function

My attentional issues leads me to all sorts of really weird ideas, but they also lead me to some of my finest. It would help if I could focus long enough on the good ones to really get them to work. My methods for coming up with ideas and stuff are rather unconventional. I TOTALLY agree with that shit. The way I do things would make some people think I was out of my mind, but the end results will speak for themselves.

It's a rather difficult thing to explain an attentional issue to those who don't have them. To hear, "Why can't you just focus more?" or "It's all just in your head!" is pretty insulting. I mean, if it were that simple, well, baby Jesus tap dancing Christ in a chicken basket! That MUST be the solution! Ass hats....

Some days are worse than others. Sometimes staying on task is just NOT an option. It just doesn't work. The onset? Lack of sleep, too much caffeine, stress, excitement..... The list goes on. It's never any one set thing. It's just how I happened to be wired. And to have to explain that to people can get to be rather tiresome. Especially when its coupled with the, "What the fuck is WRONG with you?" look. There's nothing wrong with me. I mean I suppose I could say the same things about certain people and their personalities, their severe obesity, the way they look, the way they act, their behaviors, their existences..... But I try to keep that on the inside whenever possible.

Coupled with my attentional issues, I also have O.C.D. or obsessive/ compulsive disorder. Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's the other. I'm either an imaginative mad genius or a complete steadfast mission oriented tornado on legs. Fine. No big deal..... But sometimes it's both and they clash. I mean Spartans/ Persians, Hatfield/ McCoy, Heaven vs Hell, biblical beatdown of epic proportions. It is probably the worst feeling in the world. It is an anxiety attack from hell, orchestrated by the devil himself. And the worst part is, it's impossible to escape from yourself just to quiet the noises. And of course, trying to explain it to someone who has never experienced it is a lesson in futility. It's like explaining to a person who was born blind, what the color "red" is.

I wish some people would learn NOT to make light of what people like myself go through during these bouts. Sure. I joke about my attentional issues and I joke about my O.C.D. too. It's what I do. I like to laugh and instead of being a whiny victim, I'd rather joke and make light of things. But there are times when it's not too funny and for people to A.) not understand, B.) make light of the more serious issues, C.) tell me to get over it and D.) it's all in my head, is the biggest load of douchebaggery. But then again, I'd expect that kind of douchebaggery from some people.