Onward!

There are some days that I wallow in my own self pity and roll around in it until I reek of it. It doesn't ever really last too long. Maybe it's my A.D.D., I don't know. But my attentions seem to wander away from it after a while and I end up thinking about how the way chickens walk is absolutely hysterical... Whatever! It's a quirk, okay? ( Don't mother fucking judge me you piece of shit, ass licker! You don't shit eating know me, cock sucker! Hmm.... Maybe, perhaps there is part Tourette's in there too....  Not really. I really just swear a lot because FUCK YOU!)

Sometimes, it doesn't seem so long ago that I was faced with some pretty rough times and how difficult and wretched they seemed to be. Other times, it feels like those times were a lifetime ago and I'm left wondering why they diminished me so much. Don't get me wrong. There were certain events that will stay with me for the rest of my life, but on the other hand, they didn't break me so much as shape me into the person I became.

Maybe it's just me, (call it another quirk if you must.....) but I always like to look forward. Sure, I'll wallow in the self pity and my own pathetic little abyss of downward spiraling from time to time, but on the other side of that, looking forward and looking to the future brings me comfort and peace. Having lived through some hardships and heartbreaks and living through them and coming out into the light once again, my belief that "everything is going to be okay if I have the strength and courage to make it through this...." has seen me through some rather difficult times.

It's never an easy thing to see past the misery and desolation when you're living in that moment. When the wounds are so fresh and so raw, and the agony is all you can see and feel..... It's so wretchedly, emotionally painful that it becomes something that is physically debilitating. It's a funny thing though. Although looking forward can be a tough thing, looking back at what you HAVE survived seems like steps forward. Stepping stones to get you to where you are. The foundations to moving forward. Sure, it was a tough ordeal. Sure, it wasn't easy. But here you are. What makes THIS moment any different from any of those other moments? Those moments when you thought, "THIS is the worst day of my life!" and you were able to move forward, survive and be happy again.  WHY should this one be any different? It shouldn't.

Picking yourself up by the bootstraps isn't always easy, but I think it's GOT to be more miserable to languish in the misery like some people are known to do. Come on. We all know one or two (at least). The eternal victims. The ones who love the drama and love to be miserable. I don't know. Maybe it's the attention they crave... I think it's retarded. Do these people actual think themselves worthy of any kind of positive attention? I don't fuckin' think so. You are going to be stamped a loser and while you sit in your kiddie pool of woe, the rest of the world is going to move forward without you. And WAY later on in life, the biggest regrets of those people are the "shoulda, coulda, woulda".... And all they really needed to do was put on the big boy or big girl pants and make positive steps forward.

The strength and measure of a person shouldn't be measured by the intentions of what someone would have done, should have done, could have done. It should be based on the actions of what the individual actually did. It's really rather a shame that some people can't see past the negative and see that there is  truth in doing something to move forward and upwards.