Keeping My Marbles.....

There are a lot of ways to keep the mind sharp. Some people do puzzles or crosswords or word games or simply just read. Other people just don't seem to care and willing let the mind go as they slide into a downward spiral into senility or stupidity or insanity.... Whatever.

Me? I prefer to stay on top of things and try to preserve as much of my mind as I can. It's an unfortunate thing though. I have the memory of a steel sieve and my attention span is spotty at best. I have to write everything down or else I may as well have NOT heard or thought of or was told to do or told to remember whatever. There are scraps of paper EVERYWHERE to remind me of something that I'm supposed to remember. The funny thing is, I remember where all the scraps of paper are..... Go figure.

I watch my dad as his mind falls apart. Most days he is lucid and functions like his normal crotchety, cranky, verbally abusive old self. On the days when he feels like he's starting to slip, he worse. It's a strange thing to see it up close and personal. He is feeling his own mortality a lot more these days and he knows that he is getting a lot more addled and confused on a regular basis. So, he lashes out at those around him. I guess it's one of those "five stages" thing..... It's just that he hasn't quite left "ANGER" yet.... I have a feeling he's gonna just be one of those miserable sons of bitches that never does and will be stuck in "ANGER" until he finally succumbs to the cold hand of death.... And death might even think twice about taking him.....

I guess it must be rather scary to know you're losing your mind slowly but surely. And on most days I do try to be sensitive of that and try not to sneer and hiss every time my dad enters the room. It's not to say that it doesn't happen, but I try to keep it to a minimum. And we continue to do our best to avoid each other on a day to day basis, as we can only be in the same room for about 15 seconds before some apocalyptic event takes place. There are certain times when it is unavoidable and it takes everything I have not to tell the old git where to shove it and where he could go in a handbasket and that I'd be happy to deliver him there myself. (I have a USPS box marked HELL..... If it fits, it ships.......)

Whether his senility is a genetic thing or not, I plan to try and make sure that I stay sharp as I would like to be more like my grams and keep all my marbles (save for a couple) until I pass away quietly in my sleep. I can't tell what the future holds for my marbles. But dammit, I won't give them up without a fight. They're MINE....