So, guess what! Yup. I stopped and gave this a little bit of thought. Of course I have my own ideas and beliefs about marriage anyway, but I needed to understand a bit more about the things rattling around in my head. I mean, it's not that I think the idea of marriage is stupid. I just think that some of the people getting married now a days are stupid because they're getting married for the wrong reasons. I also feel that the institute of marriage is somewhat of a joke these days. (Don't worry. I'm gonna explain this....) So, am I really missing out on something here? The conclusion that I came to:
I realize that the intentions of those asking me when Puppy Guts and I are getting married aren't bad when asking that question (for the most part) and they aren't doing it out of malice, but I do rather take offense to the whole thing. By who's standards is my relationship to Puppy Guts defined as "official" or not? Certainly not mine. To me, their definition of "marriage" is just a piece of paper. That's the difference. It's a piece of paper. That's all it really is. Well, at least the "marriage" that they are referring to. Maybe it's that I am quite jaded, but there it is.
What did that piece of paper really mean when I was legally married. It did not a marriage make and it ain't worth shit now. It's like it never really existed at this point. It was a barely functioning, sorry excuse for a marriage that did neither one of us any good. Neither one of us was able to be what we needed for each other. It's not like we could count on each other or fit our pieces together and incorporate them into a working unit, which is what a REAL marriage is. We couldn't be what the other needed. A piece of paper doesn't and couldn't make any of that happen. It does no amount of good and only complicates things because the government gets involved and fouls up what ever DOES work and turns it into something useless. It winds up being just a piece of paper, that complicates everything. It seems that when you throw this piece of paper into the mix, what does it really change? A crappy relationship stays crappy. A non- functioning partnership remains non-functioning. If it didn't work well before, this piece of paper isn't going to make the difference! And trying to base a "marriage" on attaining this piece of paper? It ain't happening. The "relationship remains the same PLUS you have this useless piece of paper that really doesn't mean too much of anything except to lawyers and the government.....
The relationship that I have with my Puppy Guts works on levels far beyond what the cookie cutter marriages/ relationaships have, simply because we don't like to stay "complacent" in some stagnant comfort zone. We strive to go and do something that will bring something fresh into the mix that we can talk about and play with some more. I'm not talking about the sexual aspects of what we do. (Although those are fantastic and very physically demanding and always end up going to the point of one or both of us passing out...) Our lives are a lot more broad and wide than I could ever put here in any single post. It isn't based on "well, despite what you are...", but based on "because of everything that you are." It always HAS been. We love the fact that our partnership is constantly growing, changing and strengthening. We actually have the real foundations for what a "marriage" is supposed to be and it has nothing to do with some piece of paper.
And it's not that piece of paper that is going to define what my relationship to my Puppy Guts is. If it's a matter of just making a commitment and "exchanging vows" of sorts and stuff like that, that was done a long time ago. I mean, let's define what a marriage is supposed to be: It is about two people who are deeply in love with each other, are deeply committed to one another, and where there is no one above. Two souls, mated with each other, the missing half of the other without whom which neither can be whole. It's about something beyond what an outsider can break apart. It is a deep understanding of your counterpart, a solid partnership between two kindred spirits based on unconditional: trust, love, commitment, and understanding. It is about a bonding between two people that shows in everything that they are, do, and take on, done together in a functioning way, finishing any job well so that the next steps can be taken. It is about being able to communicate with your other half on a level far beyond what others have and understand that makes their relationships work. It is what many "legal marriages" lack at every turn simply because those very basic foundations are not there. Marriage shouldn't be about some ritual or some piece of paper and that is certainly not going to determine whether our relationship is "official". Ours has always been official and always will be official regardless of that piece of paper.
Moving on: Marriage isn't a random colliding of two people who think, "Yup.... This'll work...." and have it settle into routine and ultimate complacency that leads to something resembling a stagnant swamp. Growth and changes are constantly needed in order for this complacency not to happen and two kindred spirits should be happy to meet every challenge together no matter what they are doing. It has to be done far beyond just "good" and it has to be "totally", it has to be complete.
Marriage is a partnership, a commitment, a functioning and working relationship. It is not a complacency or a comfort zone, but a passionate and loving togetherness that transcends everything else you've ever had in a relationship. Marriage is a trust, a bond, a love, and an end all, be all. It is an every day celebration that begins and ends in love. I'm not talking about the rainbows popping out of my butt and flowers and sunshine and magical unicorns prancing around with fluffy baby ducks and pandas. (Yeah.... Because I'm all about THAT kind of shit...) Actual work is involved in making it all work, but when it is a true "marriage" it isn't really so much "work" and it comes naturally and easily.
Marriage or vows being exchanged isn't about what gets said before God and family and friends. It is the complete and total commitment that brings forth everything that these two soul mates are and meshing them into a whole unit capable of working individually, but can also function as one unit when working together. This should be true of every aspect in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom, from communication and discussing things from a misunderstanding to what the future holds and how they are going to get there and everything in between. Words don't mean anything unless the intent behind them is true. This is most very true when it comes to love and relationships.
Just because you say "vows" before "God, friends, and family", does it make that "marriage" real if those words are merely only a facade? If the words are just the "lip service" because of some archaic and outdated ritual, and they really don't mean anything beyond that moment, what was the point of going through it? And to bring it back around, what the fuck is that piece of paper really worth then? What did those vows mean if the intent wasn't there? Just following tradition and making it look good? Going ahead with it because people expected you to do it? It just seemed like the right thing to do? Because you wanted the fanfare and the attention? Yeah. That's a great foundation for what is supposed to be a life long commitment. And all based on obtaining that piece of paper? Pfft.... Very hollow and very shallow... No wonder some "officially married" people are unhappy if that's what they based things on. Eventually, that falls to pieces too and then what are you left with? A piece of paper saying that's it's "official"? Believe me, the hindsight on that is ALWAYS 20/20 or better.
So, to answer the question, am I gonna get married again and "make it official"? As far as both Puppy Guts and I are concerned, based on everything that our relationship is, we already are and we already have. Thanks for asking.
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