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| It wasn't this guy. Ours was a little younger and had the bluest eyes you could imagine...... |
She turned to look up at me and said, "Why does that man look so sad?" So, I looked to where she was pointing. No one there....
Creeped out, I asked, "..... What man?"
She looked over again and said, "The man at the stairs...."
I'm looking, but I see no one there. So, in situations like these, because I'm so calm, cool and collected, and handle situations like these with grace and style, I started freaking the fuck out and sweating and kind of wanting to scream and run away, thinking that my daughter is seeing ghosts, like that creepy looking kid in that movie where he's all like, "I see dead people....." Shut up. Don't judge me.
So, I turned to my daughter, and asked again, in a slightly more desperate tone, "WHAT MAN??!?!?!!?!?"
She's looking at me like I'd lost my mind and soiled my pants. I think I may have done a little of both, but I will not confirm or deny having done either. And she then rolled her eyes and sighed loudly and started dragging me over to where the stairs were. Being the ever so level headed individual that I am, I started running through all the haunting movie scenarios and creepy, scary stuff that happens in nightmares and started nope, nope, nope-ing as I tried to drag her back the other way, ready to run for it, dragging her with me, as I fired rounds over my shoulder. Don't judge me!
She was insistent and started pulling me back. And then I looked back over towards those stairs and I saw a flash of movement. I think at this point, I DID soil myself and internally started to pray to every god, saint and holy deity I could remember to save us from some evil spirit that would haunt us for eternity. You know, because I am such the logical thinker and not a weirdo with a wild imagination and stuff...... Shut up. Don't judge me I said!!!
Then I saw his face as he leaned forward from where he sat a little. Old and haggard. Tired and worn. Eyes like windows, looking right down into his sad, sad soul. Then I felt like an asshole for wanting to run away and I started to approach him. Slowly and cautiously, but I did. I mean, don't get me wrong. Stranger danger and all.... Here I am, a small framed woman, in a parking lot, dragging around my 6 year old, and I've run across a stranger. Yes, my radar was up and I was ready to do whatever I needed to do in order to ensure mine and my daughter's safety. Duh. Don't judge me!!
So, I called out to him. "Hey, guy.... You okay?"
His voice sounded exhausted, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Down on his luck...... It wasn't always like this.... "I used to have a job and a home...... Now he was just doing whatever he could just to eat and get by....." He went around collecting cans and bottles for the 5 cent return on each. On that day, he managed to rake in a whopping $3.25. It's a story you've heard a thousand times, but yet, each one remains unique from every individual you hear it from. He sounded dejected and ashamed. I know. You're thinking, "Don't they all..... SUCKER!" Whatever. Stop judging me.
I told him to give me ten minutes and I went inside the store. I grabbed wipes, bread, PB and jelly, plastic utensils, paper plates, napkins, water, crackers, cookies, nuts and granola bars. Things I thought would keep for a couple of days so that he can actually go through it and have something for the next few days. I went back outside and handed him the bags of groceries and stuff and the six pack of clean water. He was so grateful and wouldn't stop thanking me. I also handed him a twenty and told him to make sure that went towards food. He promised it would. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. You shouldn't hand a homeless guy cash because he might use it on booze and drugs.... Shut up. Don't judge me.....
Some woman, who watched this exchange, went into self righteous lecture mode, telling me that I'm not making things better for the man by enabling his behaviors. That he put himself in that position. It was his own fault he was homeless, hungry and miserable. Blah, blah, blah..... The poor guy was about to say something, but I'd already had enough of this woman. I put up my hand to stop him and gave him the, "You do NOT have to explain yourself to this cunt, I got this...." look. Don't fucking judge me!
So, I turned to her and spoke exactly what was on my mind. Well, apparently, "Jesus lady! Who kicked sand into your vagina this morning?" wasn't the response she was looking for. I went on to explain to her that it was MY money that I was giving, MY time I was sparing and MY business what I did with both, not hers. The woman walked away in a huff, mumbling something about "those kind of people" and what rude bitch I was..... Whatever. Stop judging me!!!!!!
My daughter witnessed all of it with a tear in her eye. She crouched down close to him feeling visibly terrible for the man without a home. The man looked quietly at me and asked if he could address my daughter directly. What he said nearly shattered my heart. He said something along the lines of:
"Don't you cry for me little one. I do want to thank you though for noticing me here today. It's not often that people do. I was feeling quite low. I know I must look a shambles and it might be a little scary, but underneath all of this, I am just a man. A very sad man. I came home after fighting in a war overseas and I saw a lot of things I wish I hadn't. I thought coming home would be wonderful. But I had lost my house, I had lost my family, I had lost everything. Now I come here to sit and think about what I'm going to do with myself from here on out. Then you came with this here generous gift you and your mother gave me, I have a few less worries and I can't thank you enough. God bless you both..... God, bless you both"
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I mean, I don't think I knew how to respond to that and I don't think most of the information that was disseminated to my daughter fully computed in her mind. But it didn't stop her from giving the guy a nice long hug and a kiss on the cheek. It brought the man to tears. He assured us that they were happy tears, but none the less.... he went on to say:
"Not too many people notice me sittin' here, none the less take the time to talk to me. They're either afraid or they just don't seem to care about this old blight sitting out here...... Why did you?"
I'll be honest, I stumbled with the answer. I mean, considering that my first reaction was to run away and all..... "You're just a guy who fell on some pretty hard times. Sometimes just one person can make a difference..... I don't think I'm that one, but I sure do wish you all the best and hope we were able to bring you a little comfort.... I wanted to help."
"You also brought me hope young lady..... Well, you generously gave me more than I could have asked for today, but you two also gave me hope too."
I felt bad that I couldn't do more for the guy, but we did have to go back about our business and he had to go back about his, as security would be asking him to leave shortly. I wished him well and shook his hand and we went our separate ways. I haven't seen him since..
There's a life lesson in there somewhere. Hell if I can pinpoint it and put my finger on it.... Maybe it's just that we sometimes have to let down our guards and not judge EVERYONE that we come across. There are times when there are just people who need a friendly smile and a small interaction and some kindness because they haven't gotten any. I am in NO WAY a people person, but I find it very hard to turn my back on someone who obviously needs a little help. This guy was that person on that day. My daughter also witnessed an act of kindness that may stick with her for the rest of her life.
I think that there are those of us who think we have it bad, Sure, we struggle through life and we wish we had a little bit more, but when a different reality gets slammed into your face like that, you can't wonder how bad it really could be for you in that moment, and it really made me think. I need to be a little more grateful for the things that i HAVE been blessed with tin this life. This was probably a reality check that I needed bestowed upon me by some greater power or whatever, that Rick seems to think it's all about. But it happened and I played my part in it. And I walked away feeling okay. Yeah, sure, I'm going to be a little short this month and I may have to push a bill back a little in order to make up for this foray, but it did me good. NOW go ahead and judge me.
What it boils down to is, as a person, what is it that we are willing to give to those around us? I've done a couple of things that have brought me an "atta girl!" moment from time to time, and I meant them all. I'd like to think this was one of them. I hope guy ate and found a little comfort in knowing that all people aren't assholes. And if this little bit makes me an asshole, well, then. I'm an asshole. It just felt like the right thing to do.
The end.
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