Happy chowder?

Well, the last time I attempted to make chowder, it ended in tragedy. 

Well, here comes another attempt at making chowder. Puppy Guts is sleeping, so there's no chance of him burning it this time.

I am going to get the potatoes to potate. Then I'm going to get the bacon all sexy as fuck. I'm going to group sex some onions, celery, butter 'n' herbs 'n' shit and let them make sexy time in some white wine and bacon fat. (YEAH, BABY!!!!) Get some garlic 'n' cream 'n' happy mollusks to orgy in all that love juice! Then it's all going to get some sprinkle time with parsley and everything! (Hey now!) Yup! It's gonna get that sour dough bread all pregnant with the bonery goodness of pure awesome chowder-osity...... :screaming orgasm: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

Yeah.... Prepping all this is like the foreplay to this tasty food porn. It takes a solid hour and a half. Seriously. I strain the fuck out of the clam juice to get out all the grit and shit. I rinse to fuck out of the clams to get them to NOT smell like sloppy vaginas.  Gotta use white wine to kill off some of the low tide-ness of the clam chowder. But the shit turns out downright sexy! And when the whole batch mingles and makes sweet, sweet love in the pot overnight, it turns into an even better panty soaking delight.

Yes, my recipes DO say shit like, "Rinse the fuck out of them so they don't smell like sloppy vaginas...." and "....chop the shit out of those bitches", "let that shit make sexy time for a while...", "....close the lid and give it private time to spoo their flavor goo on each other and mix that shit up..." Yeah, my recipes get pretty graphic, which is the reason why I don't exchange recipes with people too often. They just can't handle the fact that food is like porn to me. It is very sexy sexual in my world. I LOVE food. It's some pretty hard core, pornographic stuff right there. Yeehaw! And this chowder is just about a sexy as it gets.