Happy Halloween 2013!

It's my favorite holiday of the year and we are here, ready to celebrate the snot out of it! The one day of the year, you can dress up and be the most outrageous whatever you want to be and get away with it...... I mean, it's also a great opportunity for sluts to dress like absolute whores and stuff too, and it's a real shame that most of them are NOT built to wear the things they do, which is JUST WRONG!!!!!! But I am off topic.

Yes, I spent the time "testing" a couple of bags of candy while hiding out in the closet. Yes, the children came knocking at the door when the heard the crinkling of multiple candy wrappers. Yes, I told them that I was doing them a favor by "testing" the candy. No, they did not buy that for a second.

I'll be helping out at the elementary school parties today and seeing all the little kiddies dressed up in their little get ups. I'll help get them all hopped up on candies and treats before sending them home on the bus. It is going to be great. Then, when I've peeled my own kids off the ceiling, I will feed them supper and take them out for Trick or Treating, take a shit ton of pictures and watch them go from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds as they consume the sugary goodies that they amassed on their trip out around the neighborhood.

Then I will cycle them through the showers as they begin to crash from their sugar rushes, tuck them into bed as the last bit of the sugar twitches occurs and listen at their bedroom doors as they begin to snore, dreaming away of mountains of chocolates and nougat, caramel and lollipops, monsters and fairies, ninjas and super heroes. Nothing like Halloween! YAY!

Happy Mischief Day 2013!

Ahhhh...... The day before Halloween. And you know what THAT means. Yup. Mischief night will come when the sun goes down..... Time to prep the hose and pellet guns for potential attackers of the house. Time to batten down the hatches and await the storm of teenaged hoodlums, armed with their rotten eggs, shaving cream and toilet paper. I LOVE this time of year! It's a shame that it has to be so closely followed by the year end holidays that I hate so much.

Toothpaste......

I've often wondered about the lowly toothpaste tube and how much ick it sees on a daily basis. Let me explain: The human mouth is a disgusting place. Second to your anus, it's pretty  much a cesspool of disgusting yuckiness. Look that shit up. That is FACT. So, here we are, sharing a communal tube of toothpaste, which gets used by EVERYBODY in the house, on toothbrushes that touch the mouths of the toothbrushes, thereby transmigrating all the ick from one's mouth onto and kind of INTO the tube of toothpaste. Now, don't get me wrong. We have only one tube of toothpaste here and it's the only one that gets used by everyone, and it's not like I'm going to go out and get myself my OWN tube of toothpaste, only to be used BY ME or anything, nor am I all freaked out by it. This is just something that I happened to be thinking about and had a dream about the other night.

Yup. A DREAM.  Except that the toothpaste tube had legs and fangs and was trying to bite everyone and infect them with a mutant strain of gingivitis in the privates. And, of course, the only way to kill it was a course of antibiotics and Twizzlers. Then, something, something, something and we broke into a musical number (which I wish I remembered because it felt like it was a pretty catchy tune...) and then I woke up.... (Don't try and understand it. It will only drive you mad. Just flow with it. Let the madness rush over you and flow passed you. It's okay.....)

Yeah, so, remember that the next time you're brushing your teeth. You're welcome.

Made up language....

Yes, my kids and I have a "made up language" of sorts. Not "baby talk", but just made up words we use to describe things and mean for certain others. I have been doing it since I was little and it just stuck. I continue to do it even now and it rubbed off on the kids. And now they do it too. We have certain words that we use all the time that may not make sense to other people, we have others that pop up on the fly. Weird thing about it is that we understand what we're saying and the conversation flows along smoothly. Why? Well, I've found that there are certain things that you are trying to describe, whether they are sensations or textures or feelings or a something that just can't be described in a word that is known to humankind. There just simply isn't  a word for it. There JUST ISN'T. And there is nothing more frustrating than trying to get a point across to someone, but the words just aren't there. I HATE that!

Well, apparently, there are people who think what we do is stupid. Not that I've asked for their stupid fuckin' opinions or anything, but they sure do give it! See, the way I see it is, communication skills come from being able to adequately explain oneself to another individuals. But in order to do so effectively, there has to be a certain pattern, a certain flow, a certain beat to the way a person speaks in order to successfully get said point across. As little ones, the words may just not be there. And if ANYONE wants to argue with me that "there is a lack of "sophistication" in a child's thought processes where if they don't know the word, they don't need to because they wouldn't understand the concept of it anyway...", well, you're just an idiot and you have no business raising kids, being near kids, just do the world a favor and hide yourself in a cave for, oh,  I don't know, ever. Ever would be good. Shut up.

I see the "creation of words" to be a creative thing and it nurtures imagination. I mean, to be able to come up with a word, and for the creator of said word to define it, and have it understood by others.... Well, isn't that what any language all it really is? A series of sounds strung together to "name" something, and this "name of something" having a definition to mean a person, place, thing, emotion, state of being, action, description or whatever, and it being understood by others.... So yeah. We do it. And we will keep on doing it too.

Go ahead and GOOGLE-y Google the word "flabammo". Yeah, that's right BITCHES! It's one of mine. And if I'm not showing up as the first person in those searches, somebody had better call the fuckin' police because I've been ROBBED!

Thanks!

I just got around at looking at the numbers for the blog here and wow! I didn't realize how many people were stopping by! I know that I've posted a few times about how many visitors this blog has had, from where abouts in the world and stuff, but dang!

Thanks for stopping by again, to all those who frequent here. Friends, stalkers, curious onlookers and total strangers alike. And if this is your first time here? Well then, I say to you, "Welcome to my madness.... Good luck to you and may whatever god you believe in have mercy on you because this place certainly won't."

HIGH FIVE!!!    :)

Television shows......

I don't spend a whole shit ton of time watching the new shows that all the people are getting into. I mean, I have the shows that I watch and stuff, but none of the newer ones. Mostly reruns that are marathon-ed on USA and TNT in the mornings and stuff. Like, seriously. Walking Dead and Breaking Bad and King of Thrones and Sons of Anarchy and shit. I couldn't even BEGIN to tell you what they were all about, who any of the characters are, what's going on or anything. I hear all about how great "last night's episode" was because it's all over the place, but yeah.... no. I haven't done it.

I think I gave up on "new shows" after the seventh season of Smallville and when The Last Airbender ended. Seriously. I gave up..... That was back in, what, 2007-2008? Yeah. I think the most recent of shows that I got into are Supernatural, I mean, come on! They drive around the country, in a '67 Chevy Impala, with a full armory of weapons in the trunk, killing stuff. They have some pretty awesome friends that know all sorts of shit or are demons or angels or some shit and stuff is always happening. Aaaaaaaand, that's really about it. I watch the Law and Orders. Mostly SVU because Stabler and Finn rough up perps sometimes and I find that funny. Um...... The rest of the shit I watch is like Pawn Stars, the Food Porn Network and fluffy cute things on Animal Planet. I think that basically covers the gamut. Sure, I'll catch a flick on the TV from time to time. And yes, occasionally, I will get sucked into the most STUPID movies, (Although I am STILL convinced that Sharknado CAN happen in real life....) but, yeah....

I'm sure someday I'll pick up another show that I'll start and finish and become depressed over because it's done. Like I did with Buffy or Xena. Yeah, shut up. Don't judge me.

My apocalypse stockpile......

I've always wondered what flavor the apocalypse would come in. I actually obsess about it. (As you may have guessed by now, if you've been following along here....) Zombies? Giant meteor? Horrid disease? Rising ocean waters? Re-emergence of dinosaurs? Nuclear holocaust? A combination of all of the above? I mean, I think I come up with about four different scenarios as to how the end of the world happens every day, or at least every other day. And then I think to myself, "Well, how would I prepare for this particular end of the world scenario?"

I suppose it wouldn't be a terrible think to have a stockpile of food, ammo, water and medical supplies. Of course, securing a fully stocked Walmart would be kind of cool..... Then, a means to travel. And have a stockpile of fuel.... and then trying to figure out whether it's a safer bet to stay and "hold down the fort", so to speak, or to travel and keep moving......

Then, it gets al sorts of crazy because I get into who we would keep and who would we shun away? Would I be able to put down zombies that were people I used to know? Would I suck it up if I ended up contracting the horrible disease? Where is the nearest nuclear disaster shelter? Do we have a fucking boat? What the fuck was that dinosaur that had those teeth and claws and venom things called? HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!

And I end up freaking out and vowing NEVER to drink another caffeinated beverage EVER AGAIN, until tomorrow, because I'm pretty much convinced that caffeine is part of the reason why my imagination goes in to hyperdrive sometimes.

Welcome to my world.

Say my name!

I used to get pretty pissed off when my parents called me by my sister's name. Even AFTER she moved out of the house. My parents would STILL call me by my sister's name. Granted, she was the favorite and stuff, but still. Seriously.... DO you remember that scene in A League of Their Own", the movie where Geena Davis and Lori Petty were sisters and ended up playing major league baseball on on an all woman league where Lori Petty is describing how the parents introduce the two of them to other people?
"This is our daughter Dottie....... And this is our other daughter..... Dottie's sister." Yeah. That was me. I was the other daughter. My sister's sister. 

So, it was YEARS later, after I had my own kids and stuff, that a found myself doing the same thing. Calling the kids by the wrong name. Calling them by the dog's name. Hell, I even started making up names. And then I thought to myself, "Holy hell! What the actual fuck right now!" It totally messed with the feng shui of my -ness! In discovering that it just happens was like, "Oh my LANTA......" and then it was like, "I'm becoming like my parents!!!!!" and going through an absolute freak out moment. It was a pretty bad day.

Yeah..... So that.

Being the mom of a teenaged boy.....

There is much that I will NEVER understand about my son. Mostly because I was never a teenaged boy myself. This is a fact that Puppy Guts reminds me of quite often. The boy's broody, pissy manner causes all sorts of fun drama. And by "fun" I mean, "someone shoot me now..... This kid is killing me too slowly!" His little outbursts are nothing short of fucking annoying. His attitude is something to loathe and I swear on all things holy, there are days when I'd like to slap the shitty behavior right out of him. HARD. His level of disrespect is TRULY a thing created by some sadistic demon in one of the middle circles of hell, and the selfish, ME, ME, ME shit is just mind boggling.

There are times when I think he does it because he hates me. I KNOW for a fact that he does some of the things he does on purpose, JUST to push my buttons. He still hasn't learned that THAT game always ends badly for him though, but he does it anyway, JUST to get that instant satisfaction at that moment. Then, when he is faced with the consequences of his own fucking actions, it leads to yet another temper tantrum. And then, the cycle starts all over again. Heaps of good fun for everyone..... NOT!

He rolls his eyes constantly and his whining and bitching is absolutely nerve wracking. Like nails to a chalkboard. He claims that I am the ultimate bitch supreme and that I'm a stupid idiot who doesn't understand anything. I've explained to him that he is nothing more than a spoiled little shit with an attitude problem that he can't back up and that his level of selfishness is unacceptable and his excuse slinging will not be tolerated.

I hope we both survive his teen years... I mean, I've got three more live ones in the mag for the "teenaged years", but JEEZ, this kid is a doozy..... FUCK!

The END.....

Have you ever contemplated what "the end" is? I'm not talking about death here folks nor am I talking about the "what happens when we die" thing. I'm talking about THE end. What has a beginning eventually has an end, right? I mean, we hear a lot about the apocalypse and "the end of the world" type shit, but what does that really mean. And really, if you think about it,  the end has already begun. I mean, the end really started when everything began, so..... It's inevitable, right? So, is "the end" something that is long and drawn out then? Some painful struggle where we fight to save ourselves and keep the end from coming in some futile attempt in which we ultimately fail anyway? Or is it like a light switch when <FLIP>, it's on and <FLIP>, it's off and then that's it. THE END. It's such a mystery to me and I find myself thinking about it quite a bit. Not like "the morbidly creepy" kind of way. It's more of a curiosity than anything else because no one really knows. It's like the cliffhanger at the end of a season of your favorite show. Or better yet, like the last episode of the series finale of your favorite show. I wonder if the end is going to be like how upset I got when they cancelled Buffy......

Calm down with the Christmas shit, okay?

Dear "all the store that I go to because of necessity",
Can we PLEASE at least get through Halloween before you start bombarding us with all the Christmas shit? Really? Please stop ruining my Halloween with all the tinsel and Christmas crap.

Thank you. And by "thank you" I really mean, "GO FUCK YOURSELVES!"

Bah HUMBUG, assholes! Seriously. Calm the fuck down. It's only October.

Love, Mia

Music......

So, they say that music soothes the soul. I don't have my doubts about this. I think about the many times that I have been affected by music. I mean REALLY affected by music. It has riled me, it has brought me to tears. It has given me goose bumps, it has excited me. It has given me strength, it has weakened me. It has dragged me through every spectrum of emotions that I am capable of feeling. We all associate some memory or feeling or something to a song or a series of songs. There are songs that evoke a certain emotion. There are songs that we hear for the first time that we feel attached to and we don't really know why. Maybe a certain lyric or all the lyrics. Something. But it does stir something inside of us and evokes a feeling or sensation. That's some powerful shit right there, if you think about it. It's a random collaborations of sound waves put together in an order that creates this flowing pattern of noises that our brains interpret as "music". (Although I have to say at this point, that some people's taste in music fucking sucks.) And this music stuff has a certain energy or a power, if you will, that moves people in a certain way.

I mean, I get that not all people are going to like the same music. The tastes vary from person to person. I get it. But there is a certain something about music that creates some kind of force that moves us, whether on the inside where we feel things or on the outside, when it moves us to dance. (Well, some of us don't "dance" per se.... More like a series of hyper-spaztic movements....) But a something.

I've thought much about that "something". Actually, I've obsessed over it. I still think that music holds the key to world domination (another obsession of mine). Okay, think about this: Have you ever been to a concert and felt the energy of the stadium/arena when the music is going? It's like a universal oneness. It's almost eerie how silent it can get and it's completely insane how loud it can become and that dynamism is mind altering. That electricity is tangible. It's nuts. Or how about a national anthem. OUR National Anthem. Well, I get that to a lot of folks, our anthem doesn't mean much to them, but there are those of us who still love our country and it still stirs the very cores of our beings when we hear it. Again, another certain current of some force brought about from music.

THEN, let me tell you about this four chord progression theory that I also have regarding music. I mean, if you go to youtube and look up "four chord song" you'll come up with a bunch of videos of all the different songs that are really all the same song, just with different lyrics. It's weird. It spans over different genres of music to suit every palate, but it's the same music..... WTF??!?!?!?? And people flock to these artists like love starved groupies and they love these songs and junk....

So... What am I going to do about it or do with my thoughts and theories? Probably nothing but continue to obsess over them and stuff. But I'm telling you. there is a secret formula or something there. It is powerful and it would conquer worlds...... If I could juuuuuuuuuuust figure it out.......

Zero to bitch in 0.5 seconds.......

I almost ALWAYS wake up in a pretty decent mood. Okay, no I don't.  But I start my day off with a good stiff cup of coffee and drag ass until the caffeine hits. Then, I'm a'ight. I mean, it's no big secret that I am NOT a fan of people. I'm also definitely not a morning person. I deal with more than my fair share of crap on any given day, and I'm pretty much a bitch most of the time. Eh.

But on the outside, I do try to maintain a composed manner about myself and try to stay within the confines of "acceptable" when out and about in public. I try and
"conform" and do what is expected of me from the rest of the "civilized world", even though, in the back of my mind, I am always questioning who it might have been that determined what is proper and why. Who gave THAT guy all the power to decide? But then, I digress. I always seem awkward and weird anyway, but I try.

Then, it happens. That moment when I go from "normal person" to that which most consider crass or rude or downright unladylike. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not one to mince words for the most part and I'm pretty borderline rude when it comes to my bluntness. But then the writers / producers / directors of my life throw me a curveball and throw in a doozy to boost the rating on The Mia Show. It could be an event, it could be a stupid person, it could be a combination of both..... But it gets thrown in there. :C

Yeah, and by the way? I'm still waiting for that bajillion dollar payoff and that Arby's roast beef sandwich. Seriously. Can someone please get on that right away? Now? Hello? Is this thing on?

The Other Side....

So, where did I really end up when I came out of the "other side of depression" here. I mean, I took a two month hiatus of sorts to sit and be and all, allowed my ass to grow and my waistline to expand and my fitness to have failed quite a bit. I look like crap. The looking like crap thing finally caught up to the feeling like crap. Ya know? I stewed in misery and sat in a state of inactivity, rebooted my system and I've emerged out the other end of this proverbial tunnel. So what came of it?

Well, let's assess this. Has my writing improved? No. Certainly not. They are still the attention deficit ramblings of an obsessive compulsive, spewer of words, words that get mashed into semi sentences that may or may not make any semblance of sense. I'm still producing the same shitty posts about the same kind of shit in my life or the same  random observations that I make about the same sort of experiences that I have. They are nothing more than sophomoric and inane little tidbits from my life. Some of them may hold small nuggets of truth, intellect, insight, knowledge or some deep, thought provoking something from time to time, you know, during the times that I am actually able to hold onto a coherent thought long enough to type them out. Others are really just a jumble of words that I can only hope will be interpreted the way I intended them to be taken, while I mashed the keyboard with clumsy fists in an attempt to form words in an order that may resemble sentences. I don't know. But here it all is.

Okay, but what of content..... Surely there must be some improvement there, no? Well, the contents haven't a real wide range. I seem to bitch about all manner of subjects and I say the word fuck a lot, but yeah..... The content really hasn't changed a bit. Some of the topics range from crazy to silly to somewhat serious, but this is the scope of my life, really. I mean this IS my life. Yes, I'm sure that there is a lesson I should be learning from all of this stuff happening in my life, but considering the fact that I really have no clear goals as to where my life is actually heading, it makes it rather difficult to determine what life lessons I should ultimately take with me as I move forward..... What to do...... What to do.........

It's not to say that I won't figure it all out eventually and get it all worked out, but the process has proven itself to be rather difficult. Huh...... go figure. I thought that when I reached a certain age, it would get easier. I guess I was mistaken.......

Eddie.......

It would seem that I need to explain who "Eddie" is. Well, okay. Here it goes: It just happens to be that I named the "voice in my head". Everyone has one. Whether you want to call it your "conscience" or your "id", "ego", whatever, I have always envisioned my "that thing" to be a big black, gay man with a deep, rich voice... and a lisp. I mean, even when I was little. He's always been the same. Singing show tunes and spewing out random thoughts. He was my childhood "imaginary friend". And then I grew up...... The thing of it is, HE didn't leave.

I know that it's basically my rich and inventive imagination that makes Eddie who he is. I also know that Eddie is a piece of my psyche and no, it's not like "voices in my head that tell me to do bad things" kind of voice. It's like this constant chattering. The source of my insomnia on most nights. The voice of my doubts and fear. The singing of my own praises. The cheering of my biggest fan. The crier of my accolades. The rememberer of my greatest failures. Non-stop. All. The. Time.

Am I right? Hello? No? Just me? Oh..... Okay. Carry on then.

Selfish purchase........

So, I have a confession to make. I bought something. It was a purely selfish purchase and I probably should not have spent the money, but I wanted it, I had to have it and I went out and did it. Now, before you go all "judge-y judgerton" on my ass, Puppy Guts will vouch for me and say, I am NOT a shopp-y person. I don't like shopping. It takes a shit ton of effort for me to go to the grocery store, and I do that out of necessity. I can't stand clothes shopping, shoe shopping, ANYTHING shopping.... I don't like it. It's mostly because I don't like people or being around them and interacting with them..... Anyway, so I did it. I went out to go shopping for a completely selfish purchase. I did. I went to Target with the youngest, who was home with me because she had been sick. After three days of being cooped up in the house, she NEEDED to get out. The little snooch scored a new dolly. Creepy looking thing, but hey. Whatever. She had a rough week and she loves her new dolly. Me? I got myself a new crockpot. I sat in the aisle and agonized over which brand and model and stuff. I compared and read all the boxes and compared some more...... Then I settled on the one. I got me a brand new 7 quart crockpot and made an amazing onion soup that Puppy Guts enjoyed thoroughly. I think it kind of made him forget to be a little to be mad that I spent the money on a new crockpot.... Either that or I made it worth it. Whatever.

Yup. That's right. I got myself a crockpot. Now that the weather is getting to be a bit more crisp, I wanted to be able to plan out all the nommy noms I can make with the new slow cooker. I used to have one, but it accidentally got destroyed maliciously during my divorce several years back. I've wanted another one since, but I just couldn't justify spending the money..... Well, I really couldn't justify spending the money now either, but I did it anyway. I'm such a selfish bitch. I will console myself with another helping of some hot, steamy goodness scooped from my selfish purchase. Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!!

But, I AM an Asian driver........

When I'm driving around, especially if I'm maneuvering around in a parking lot, I'm usually saying things like, "Sorry! Driving while Asian! My bad...... Asian behind the wheel here..... Excuse me. I'm Asian....." out loud. It's mostly to myself really. It's just a thing. It's a habit. I don't mean anything by it. It's just how a Mia, do (said in my best Zefrank accent. If you don't know who Zefrank is, check out his youtube channel and watch the "True Facts" series. It's some funny shit!). Well anyway, I had my window open, and I was maneuvering the Pathfinder out of a parking spot and I was doing my thing. Me? I was minding my own business, trying to get my SUV's wide ass out of a spot that was made impossibly small by a close parker (someone who doesn't park between the lines of a space and parks too close to your car: AKA an asshole). Some lady heard me doing my thing there and she called me a racist. Wha? So, I stopped the car and leaned out the window and said, "Lady! :pointing to my own face: I'm Japanese. It's cool. Relax!" Then she said to me, "Well..... You're really not THAT Asian!" I'm not really sure why, but she got pretty offended when I asked her if she was high.

Alright..... Seriously now. There are a shit ton of reasons why someone would find me to be kind of racist. Although truth be told, does it really make me a racist if I pretty much hate everyone equally? I really think I'm more of a "speciesist" then a "racist" because I hate people, but I digress. Anyway, if you think about it, when I was saying, "Sorry! Driving while Asian! My bad...... Asian behind the wheel here..... Excuse me. I'm Asian.....", I was really only pointing out the obvious: Me = Asian, and that I was, in fact, behind the wheel of a motor vehicle and I was operating said motor vehicle. Now, it would seem to ME that SHE was the racist one because SHE was the one who inferred the negative connotations of "being an Asian behind the wheel of a car".  Whatever.

Bad parent?

So really.... Does it make me a bad mom when broody teen boy goes outside, with his skateboard in hand, saying, "Hey meem..... I'm going outside to skate....... I'm going to try and land <some impossible skate trick> and possibly injure myself a lot. Is that okay?"
And I'm all, "Okay! Have fun!"
No, he didn't land the trick, but he didn't hurt himself either, other than the normal scrapes and bruises any way..... I must go meditate on this.....

My imagination scares me too......

So, there I was, sitting and minding my own fucking business when this gnat flew up my nose.... Well, it was a combination of it flying up my nose RIGHT when I was breathing in. Yeah, I freaked out. I mean COME ON! Ew, right? I got a fucking bug up my nose! And damn it, try as I might to blow my nose and get it out, it didn't happen. I think it's still in there. Then I thought about how it's probably flying around in there, touching things with it's dirty gnat feet and stuff and holy shit! What if it lays eggs, like RIGHT ON MY BRAIN? And they started hatching... Then I'd have baby flying gnats all ooging out in my brain. MUTANT baby flying gnats..... And they'd start eating their way out of my head and stuff..... AND THEN, I'd all be sorts of dead after dying some horrific and painful death and these maggots would continue to mutate and grow and take over the world and use people as human incubators for their mutant maggot spawn and ...... Yeah, I had a few cups of coffee and a can of Rock Star, why do you ask?

My one way ticket......

Eldest boy was explaining to me that his friend, Jesus (pronounced : Hay-zoos) ended up getting his finger stapled to a wood plank because some kids were screwing around in shop class...... I snickered..... Boy thought I was being VERY insensitive and rude. Here he was telling me that his friend got hurt, and there I was laughing. I assured my son that I was NOT laughing at the fact that his friend got hurt. I explained my deal-y to him..... 
Me: So you mean to tell me that Jesus got tacked onto a board because of the misdeeds of others?
Yeah, I lost my shit.
Aaaaaand THAT ladies and gentlemen, is another reason why I have a one way ticket to hell.

Going to Grams' house.....

My Grams was quite an extraordinary woman. She lived her life in Tokushima, Japan. She was a single mom of four kids. Her husband died in WWII when my youngest uncle was just a baby. She ran an inn that catered to businessmen and stuff and provided a life for her and her children. Don't know too much else about the history. Never could understand the tales she told about her younger days and stuff. I would only smile and nod, but they felt like awesome stories. Rich in history and stuff.

Now, me? Well, I'm the ONLY American born child in my generation. Not until my sister and I started having babies did another American come about in our family. Out of all the family I have in Japan, my mom and dad and sister are the only ones who came to the states, and I was the first American of the whole family. Can you say "stigma"? Yeah. Did I mention my family was JAPANESE and outside appearances and honor and all that stuff is pretty important and shit. That is the culture. Now, if you know the history, you know that I was not just a change of life baby for my parents, I was also an "oops" baby. Not just a little. I mean, it was "the luck of the flip of the coin that saved me from meeting my end with a coat hanger" kind of oops. So, yeah. There's that too.

Grams was probably the only one who never judged me. She spoke in a deep colloquial Japanese. Like think of it like the Louisiana bayou / creole version of Japanese. Yeah, so that. My Japanese is MEH at best. When I was a kid, it was probably a little less than meh. Seriously? I don't think I really understood a good god damn word she actually said. But I felt them. And it always made me feel special. She spoke in food too. Which is probably where my REAL love of food originated. It was just one of those things that only Grams could do. She'd size you up first thing in the morning and she would chatter away while making breakfast. Then before you know it, there's breakfast. And it's the very thing you didn't think you wanted, but it WAS. EVERY TIME!

It's not like I got to see a whole shit ton of my Grams, her living in Japan and me, living on the east coast of the wrong continent and all. When I did get out to see her though, it was like I'd never left. For her or for me. It was like she was always there and nothing had changed. She just had a way about her.

When my grams died, it was a pretty harsh blow. It had come months before I was set to go visit her with my kids, so that they could meet their great grandmother. It was a rather soul crushing thing that it never got to happen. It also happened to be RIGHT during the time that my mom was out in Japan visiting. Mom went to Grams' nursing home and spent the day with her. They looked at all the pictures that my mom brought of me and the kids and what had been going on. And bless her, even at close to a hundred years old, she was still as sharp as a tack. She knew me and my children. (Apparently I was the fabulous American one with all the pretty halfie children.) They spent the afternoon putting up all the new pictures around Grams' bed. In the evening, my mom left saying that she would be back in the morning. Grams passed quietly during the night.

It's been a few years since Grams passed. I still find myself thinking about all the things that I think she was saying. I still remember the richness of her voice, the calm and quiet demeanor about her, the way she carried herself with poise and grace. When I imagine her speaking to me, the words coming out of her mouth are gobbledy guck, as they were to me even when it WAS Japanese coming out when she was alive, but I can still FEEL them, just as I did when I sat in front of her as she told me stories.

Yeah, so that.

Us.....

I suppose it's both a good thing and a bad thing that my friends and I are "birds of a feather that flock together". On the one hand, we can sit together and be as weird as we want to be. On the other hand, there really is no censor or "voice of reason" or anything and that tends to become troublesome too. It's not that we are troubled by what people think of us. We usually end up bringing the good time with us and some are able to hang, while others kind of shy away and give us strange looks or condescending glares. Never quite understood it. Oh well. You're not invited anyway.

Analyze it, WITH SCIENCE!

You can say the most OUTRAGEOUS shit if you have back it up with some scientific claim..... Seriously. Even if the "scientific facts" are a bunch of bullshit, people will likely believe you more if you back it up with some fake study done by some obscure group and blah, blah, blah.... It cracks me up how quickly some people will get sucked up into it these conversations. I especially love the people who will try and hijack the fake conversation that I started, basically for my own amusement, and bullshit their way through the rest of the conversation with their own little bit of cow patty to pile on. I am dead serious. Oh come on. You know the type. All eyes on have to be on them because they crave the attention of their peers. It's probably some deep seated resentment of a sibling that was mommy and daddy's favorite. They were always second best. They need to compensate for being mediocre. Yeah. You know the type.....

GO GO POWER RANGERS!

I miss my childhood shows. I miss my not so childhood shows. My era of TNMT. Saturday morning cartoons and shit. I can't help but get all sad when I take a look at the cartoons my kids are watching right now. They're a bunch of crap! I mean TERRIBLE!!!!!

I try to limit the amount of television my kids watch. I also like to keep tabs on the things that they're watching too. I mean, the food porn channel and history channel and stuff are cool, but when it comes to the kids' shows on television, I'm pretty much a TV nazi..... The cartoons being spewed out today are just WRONG. Plus, I don't understand a good portion of them because they make no sense whatsoever. No, I mean, AT ALL.

Then I get into my "conspiracy theory" mode. I mean, what if the government really IS trying to take over our lives and shit and control the fuck out of us? You can start with the new generation and turn them into mindless drones and teach them propaganda shit and junk and watch them grow into mindless adults that are easy to control..... Wait a minute.... It's already happening..... It's been happening.... Crap. I hope it's not too late for us to take it all back and do something about it, but alas..........

It's a SECRET!

Nothing stirs the imagination more than a secret that needs to be kept secret. Am I right? Nothing gets a person's attention more than the taboo of being told something that shouldn't be told to you. It's absolutely CAPTIVATING, isn't it? You can't help yourself. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT THIS SECRET-Y SECRET IS!!!!!!!!

That's why I like to look over my shoulder and stuff before I say things to certain people. Try to INFER that what I was about to say was something secrety-y secret. It gets people to focus VERY well. If they think they're hearing something that they ought not to be hearing, or if it seems like I'm letting them in on something that perhaps they really shouldn't know, it gets them to focus on the words coming out of MY mouth. And really, it's all in the hopes that they hear and process what the fuck I'm saying so that I see results. It benefits ME.


So, really, I'm actually doing people a favor. I hate having to repeat myself over and over again and I start to get a little less than personable when I do have to repeat myself. If what I have to say gets herd the first time around and the information gets processed, then everyone wins. I don't get annoyed and I don't have to get snippy with someone and they don't have to feel the snappish side of my personality. It's a win/ win.

The moral of the story? If I'm saying something to you that seems important, pay the fuck attention so I don't have to repeat or keep repeating myself. Just shut the fuck up and get it done.

Ahh..... If only it were that easy.

When the fuck??!?!?!??

So, it was, like, summer just a couple of days ago and now all of a sudden, we're coming to the most dreaded time of the year for me..... Yes. The year end holidays. I mean, it's going to FLABAMMO! be Halloween and then the whirlwind insanity of ThanksgivingChristmasNewYears..... Bleh. This is making me very not happy. Well, I guess I should start getting my grump on and dust off my bah humbug. It soon begins.

Sharknado.....

Yes. I watched it. Sharknado. And YES, I thought WAY too much about it. And I came to the conclusion that it could happen. I mean, it REALLY could happen..... Then I got all freaked out. I mean, think about it. If a tornado is strong enough to pick up a house and drop it miles away, how far fetched would it be for a bunch of sharks to get sucked up and tossed about? And THEN, you KNOW they're going to be pretty angry. I mean, one minute they're all happy, doing shark stuff in the ocean and the next, they're all sucked up into a whirlwind and it's all confusing and shit.... I'd be pretty pissed off too. So what does a pissed off shark do? It eats and mauls and bites and chews up the very next mother fucking living thing that it comes into contact with. You bet your ass it does! I mean, here you are, trying to weather out a tornado, then all of a sudden, there's an angry mother fucking giant shark in your living room, trying to bite the holy fuck out of you and your family. WHAT THE FUCK!

Yeah.... I probably DO need to lay off the Red Bull.... Shut up.

My brain things........

My fave past time used to be posting shit, just to see who was "watching", knowing full damn well that when these people saw it, they'd want to say something, but couldn't because they knew that I would know that they were stalking me. And I'd laugh. It would bring me endless pleasure carefully constructing my posts and wording them just right to make it sting oh so delightfully. Perfection with every word. Then I got over it. It took up too much of my fucking time and I started to realize that it wasn't helping me to move forward. You know. The direction that I've been trying to move.... But sometimes......
:sigh: Yeah.... Still a work on progress here.

Freaking Thursday.......

I can't take that it's only Thursday.... I don't know what it is exactly, but something about a Thursday from time to times irks me. Maybe because it isn't quite yet a Friday. Just a teaser for "the weekend". I can't quite put my finger on it. But still..... Freaking Thursdays.... Pfft.

Whoop ass!

Well, you can't exactly smack the child back, but you CAN certainly give the parent a solid verbal ass whoopin'. And in extreme cases, my kids step in. and will do something about it, but it's gotta be something pretty extreme.

Seriously. I'd be mortified if one of my kids EVER stepped out of line and hit someone in front of me. Not only would the child receive an epic verbal beat down, but they'd be forced to apologize to their victim and be marched straight home for an ass whoopin'. (Unless the person really deserved to get hit.) That's a behavioral thing that needs fixing. Seriously!

No....... CUPCAKE!

So, my new thing since my re-emergence from depression, I discovered that weeks of sitting around on the couch and being sedentary and eating nothing but microwaved pizza snacks have not been kind to my ass and I have become somewhat less than slender. So, I started doing this new fangled thing called exercising and working out. Now, I am told that it is "good for me", but I believe that to be lies. ALL LIES. Intervals and circuit training? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??!?!?! They are arduous and torturous and downright sadistic. It HURTS!!!!! And hill sprints? Um.... No. Oh! And get this! With this "getting healthy" thing, did you KNOW that NO CUPCAKE??!?!?!?!?! NOT cool...... I mean, don't get me wrong. I cupcake. But it's more for the safety of the people near or around me. You're welcome. I mean, because, you know, I accidentally cupcake-d the other day, and by "accidentally" I mean, it happened to fall into my gaping face hole and to avoid choking on it, I om nom nommed it. Oops. On the other side of that and in my defense, I did hear that cupcake drowning is the third leading cause of accidental death in the United States, so...... my "accidental' om nom nomming of cupcake was justified. JUSTIFIED, thank you! Thanks for that tidbit of info, Chris.