Pep Talks...

My mom is one of those really awesome and inspirational pep talk people. After a pep talk with her, you're ready to stab yourself in the face with a claw hammer and set yourself on fire. It's like talking to a DE-motivational coach. If you're feeling like crap, she will make you feel even worse about yourself. If you weren't already wanting to jump off of the side of a short cliff, face first, into a kiddie pool filled with broken glass and rusty fish hooks and roll around in it until you bled out, JUST to get away from her, you would. It's full of awesome.

She is never pleased with anything and she loves being a miserable bitch. And because she is unhappy, she prefers to make sure that everyone else around her is unhappy too. The drama that constantly surrounds this woman rivals that of ANY soap opera and of course, she "suffers through" all of it because she's such a wonderful person, even though she created all of the drama in the first place.

Now generally, she will start off her pep talks by making you feel as if you are about to be interrogated by the Spanish Inquisition. (Although I think they may have been a bit more humane about it than my mom....) It'll start off with a sigh, followed by a look of disgust and disdain followed by another sigh of contempt......  And then she'll dive right in...

It doesn't matter the kind of day you're having or whatever may be going on in your life, she is the harbinger of so much worse. Examples: When I was in labor (any of the four times), I was doing everything wrong and the baby would come out retarded. (None of them did....). I had appendicitis and my appendix was at the point of rupture. Apparently, she felt I was screaming too loudly. When the ultra sound tech DID rupture it with the wand and I screamed and called him a rotten piece of shitmotherfuckerassholecuntlovingtaintsniffingshitlickingdonkeyballsuckingdouchewadeatingcocksuckerasslickmotherfuckcuntJesusbitchtits (or something like that..... all one word, mind you....), well...... apparently, I was wrong. Even after the guy said, "Oops..... Oh my god....... SHIT!" I should have apologized to the tech because I probably made him rupture my appendix. Got sick? I was an inconvenience that she had to deal with. Had to go to the hospital for whatever reason? I had it coming. Any failure? It was my fault anyway. ANYTHING NEGATIVE? Well..... It was just another reason for her to jump on her martyr stallion and ride it like a stolen Harley until no one would listen to her until the next time something "went wrong in her life". It's no wonder my dad kept a "harem" of other women on the side..... Yeah.... They aren't really so much "pep talks" to make a person feel better, so much as it is a "kick a man when he's already down" because she's miserable and she likes to see when others are more miserable than her. She makes it her mission because she's just mean like that.

I've started calling her out on it and she doesn't like it. She tried to defend her actions as being "constructive criticism" that apparently I couldn't take. SO, I dished some back at her. She didn't like that. I used the same condescending tone, the same demeaning manner and pointed out everything that was wrong instead of focusing on anything that was positive or right. (Which I wouldn't have been able to find even if I was trying simply because.... Well, everything coming out of her face is so negative....)  It was funny to see the look on her face. It brought me much amusement. (I was almost able to see why mom likes doing it so much.... it was kind of weird.... ) She struggled to find an excuse or reasons for her actions, she realized that she was getting a very large and healthy does of her own medicine, which killed her even more, she realized that she was going to get nowhere and that I was not going to be brought down and she didn't like. So, true to her nature, she cried out "headache...." and went to bed and hid out in her bedroom for the rest of the day. Of course, the next morning, she was back on top of her martyr high horse explaining to nobody, really, that she had a sudden migraine and how much she suffered alone in her bed and blah, blah, blah...... Ungrateful daughter, insensitive husband, something about her being useless.... I don't really remember...

In getting a firmer grasp on controlling the things that I can around here, I am doing what I can to have to limit the amount of time I have to interact with the old people I have to live with for the time being. It eliminates much stress from my day to day and I breath a little easier. It'll be a slow process since they still want to be able to control certain aspects of my life, but they feel themselves weakening and their grasps loosening as I continue on full bore, full strength. Feels pretty good. Moving forward, step by step, as I excise the negatives....