Yesterday was the funeral of a young boy named Kevin Bella who died suddenly in an accident. My eldest son knew him. They knew each other in school and spoke briefly from time to time. His reaction when he heard the news was, "Mom.... I know him...." and didn't quite grasp that it was the past tense of knew him. And right now my boy is trying to make heads or tails of the situation. I can't even begin to imagine what this boy's family must be going through right now in light of this newest tragedy in their lives as I watch my son struggle with it. Now, I can't say that I know the family or really say I knew the boy (except in passing from a comment my son made about him from time to time), but I can't exactly say that I don't feel a sadness and a sense of loss and my heart goes out to them. It's always a very sad thing when such a young life is lost, especially in a sudden and tragic accident like this. It's impossible not to feel something when you hear about something like this, especially when it's within your own community.
As much as I try to make sure I am "fixing" things in my life, living it to its fullest and making sure that my children and Lucky know that they are loved, I'm sure there will never be enough time for me to finish everything. I continue to make sure that I fill my life with the positives and not dwell on the trivialities that I come across. I live, I love, I laugh, I fill my life with good people, good food, good fun, good friends, good times, good music. I get things done, I say what needs to be said and I keep moving forward. It is a solid and almost tangible need to make sure that I do.
I will never have a problem with someone coming to me and asking for help. I'll always be willing to lend an ear and listen, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on... But when it really comes down to it, I'll not be someone's flotation device at the risk of drowning myself in someone else's sorrows, especially when that someone seems as if they enjoy being there. Hey, there are people who just like to be miserable and enjoy making other people miserable too. It's just important to make sure that you don't get caught up in all of it and BE dragged down.
I re-learned some valuable lessons there. Cherish your loved ones and let them know that they are loved. They should never question your feelings for them. Let go of the things that are trivial and stupid. Dwelling on them does you no amount of good. Although making enemies can be fun sometimes, making friends is more valuable and is time better spent. There really is no need to make enemies where enemies don't need to be made. I'd really just prefer not to be bothered with people I couldn't care less about anyway. Do the things that you enjoy and live in the moment. If life is going to be a series of events that lead you to an end, why not make them positive and worthwhile? And the hard hitting reality that life is terminal. It does and will end and it's never certain when, where or how.
So now, I pray that Kevin has found peace and sanctuary in the arms of his Savior in heaven and I pray that the loved ones that he left behind eventually find peace and comfort themselves.
It seems that this little boy lived quite a life despite everything else going on in his own life, he carried forth and took on life by the horns, an admirable movement forward and he kept on chugging, along while other kids in similar positions would have withered. He went out doing what he loved best and I'm really thinking that he may to not have had too many regrets about his actions while he was having the time of his life. I wish we could all go that way. Unfortunately for Kevin, his end came way too soon and I suppose it's THAT what screws with the sensibilities of the others trying to muddle through the whole thing and can only make assumptions from the many different things that we're all hearing . From what I've hear and read, Kevin was a well liked boy, liked by all and had the kind of life that spoke volumes about what an amazing little guy he was. What an amazing son he was. The kind of kid that made other parents say to their kids, "I wish you had a little bit of Kevin in you...." and it grieves me for my son's sake that , he won't have that little guy running around in the halls with him any more and learn a little something.
We sometimes take the things that we see and have in our every day lives for granted. How is it that we can go about life, skirting around as if nothing could ever go wrong? I get that we shouldn't be fearful of everything that could possibly go wrong and be afraid to step out into the world because of things that may or may not happen. And we certainly shouldn't feed these phobias to our own children either. I guess what I am saying is that we should be thankful for the things we have in our lives. Be thankful for the people we have in our lives. Be thankful for the things we are given, because life is rather fleeting and rather quite fragile, and keeping that in mind as we go out and live it. People often take for granted the time that they have on this earth with their family and friends, things get put aside because we often take for them for granted. The time that people have on the earth with their families, friends and the things they have. Things that are yet to be done. Things we want to accomplish, things we want to do... Things get put off to the wayside because "there's always tomorrow". You never really think about how fleeting life really is until you are faced with a moment in time when the reality of it all slaps you right in the face. To be faced with the fact that there may not be a tomorrow and things may be left undone.
I mean, I get it. Most times, it's impossible for us to see that such tragedies can happen in our own lives because "it can't happen to me. That kind of stuff happens to other people..." but there you have it. So very close to home, feeling the ripple effect and trying to reflect on it and make sense of it, but coming up empty handed.
And what of trying to cope with such a loss when it's so unexpected? Even as an adult, it's hard to comprehend and wrap your mind around it, but I guess when you aren't emotionally and mentally equipped to deal with such a loss, it might be even more very frightening. My boy, being only 14, seems confused and rather befuddled by it. The Xbox Live lines have been abuzz between he and his friends who remember this young boy and yet his loss isn't quite real to them. My son goes back and forth between sadness and what almost seems like denial. He's never dealt with a loss like that so close to home.
I've been trying to give him his space while he shuffles through his feelings, all while letting him know that I am available to talk about whatever he is feeling. I kept him abreast of when and where the wake and funeral were. He was going to go, then he didn't want to, then he did, then he didn't.... It's all passed now and I hope he doesn't regret the fact that he ended up not going to either. On the other hand, he and his friends are remembering this boy and coping together in their own way. They've decided to wear red shirts on the first day of school because their friend's favorite color was red.... I guess we all have our own ways of dealing and coping. It's rather comforting to know that they are dealing, but on the other side of that, it pains me to think that they have to deal with such a loss at such a young age.
Although I am only able to give comfort to my son about his classmate, I can only hope that this boy's family come to heal as my thoughts go out to him and his family. A lesson that we can all take away from this is that we should cherish our loved ones every opportunity that we have so that we never have to regret the things that were left unsaid. We should learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. (a quote that comes to mind.... Not mine though)
So many thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about this young Kevin Bella who would be missing out on so much more of what potentially could have been "the rest of his life". I thought about the family he left behind and how much so many more of their 'lives" they would miss him at in their lives. I thought about his many friends and how they wouldn't be able to call him up and say, "Wow! Dude! That sucked! Hey, let's hang out..." after the wake. His sudden death was such a shock to everybody. Quite literally a "one minute he was there, and the next minute, he was gone..." and that was it. A single moment in time when everything changes. Shattering, altering, jarring... Whatever you want to call it. A single moment and the world changed for those closest to this young boy.
It all stems from a reality based lesson that I re-learn from time to time and I'll admit, some hit harder than others. The effects of seeing tragedies, whether they are grand scale or not, affects me in a way that it causes me to think seriously about the course of my life. Sometimes I linger too long in the shallows, where negativity and bad feelings fester in the cloudy pools of muck, when clearer waters lay so close. All it would take is to tromp away from the muck and ooze and clean off in the clean waters and wade out to a nicer place, but I have to ask why it is that I linger a little too long in the shallows. Then I have to ask myself why it is that I keep coming back to everything that should mean so little and not concentrate on the things that aren't trivial. Deeper thoughts reveal a guilt I sometimes feel that needs to be rectified, deeper insights may reveal an anger issue I thought I had rid myself of. Self introspection is something one cannot run away from when everything gets thrown onto you all at once and trying to sort through everything can sometimes seem overwhelming. That's when I strap up my ass kicking boots and clear away the crap with a sledgehammer and a shovel and deal with what I can. I deal with the things that I "own". I can't help some of the things I don't since some of the problems I got thrown into was not necessarily mine. I was tossed in, without warning, without a word... Thrown into the lion's den with no weapons in the first round, into someone else's crap so that they wouldn't be the only ones drowning in their own troubles. But through much thought and rationalizing, I always come to the same conclusions and I end up crawling out of the muck and walking away from what ever self induced misery that others seem to put themselves in and stop letting them drag me in to drown me in their sorrows along with them. Life is too short and I haven't the time to wallow in someone else's muck when I'm doing my best to wash away my own.
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