Being ever so much closer to my fourth decade on this planet, I sit and contemplate my journey. It's been quite a ride. I've come to find that life isn't always what you plan it out to be and that sometimes, you really have to roll with the punches. Granted, I may still be considered a pup by some peoples' standards, but all things considered, I've lived my fair share of life up until this point, I've witnessed and seen quite a bit and done a lot of things that most really can't claim to have. In looking back at the good AND bad, I've realized that it was all of those experiences that has shaped me into the person that I am now, such that it is.
If the major occurrences, milestones or happenings in my life were different, I doubt that I would be the same exact person that I am now. Flawed to be sure, but none the less, at least I'm comfortable enough in my own skin AND am aware of the changes that I need to make in my life. I like who I am. I don't need to be anything other than who I am and I've surrounded myself with people who love me for who I am instead of with people who want to see me change into their idea of who I should be. I don't need to put on my "public face". I am who I am. Love me or hate me, I make NO apologies for who I am. No one ever said you had to put yourself in my path and certainly, no one is making you stand there in it either and forcing you to stay.
I don't really think that there is "an age" where one can consider themselves to be "grown" as it were. Life is about constant growth and learning and change. Without that, life becomes stagnant and dull. A person becomes complacent when there is so much more potential for someone out there. My biggest fears are about the regrets about not having done something when opportunities arose. I think those might become the hardest to swallow for me when my journey comes to an end. I do my best to try and fix the darkened karma that I brought upon myself and so far, that journey has been one of the most fulfilling. Seeing dreams come to fruition, taking time to slow down and enjoy moments and cherishing what I do have instead of lamenting the things that I don't. Letting go of grudges instead of letting them fester. Ridding myself of burdens and useless things and people as I can. Standing up for myself. Calling on people I can trust and rely on for help when I need it instead of struggling to just barely make things work. Laughing often and well. And knowing that I found someone to share everything with in a way that I never had been able to before, having found the love I should have had all along. It's all been such an enlightening experience coming to certain conclusions that some years ago, I couldn't see for what they were.
Wow, how the years have changed me... I can't wait to see what comes in the years ahead.
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