The best laid plans....

Some of the best laid plans seem to be fool proof and fail proof and completely perfect. You think you've thought of everything, every detail was worked through and there is just NO WAY you can lose...... Those are the ones that crumble and fall the fastest.... Nothing in life is guaranteed nor can it be perfectly planned for. It just doesn't work that way.
I guess I have a general idea as to where I want to end up and a very loose plan as to how I'm going to get there..... The reality is, the firmer I make the plans, the more they seem to crumble, (I keep thinking of the brittle/ shattering thing...) so, I try to keep things pretty flexible. This has been quite a task for me as a person because of the way I'm wired. Maybe it's the A.D.D. and my needing structure so that I can stay on task and focused. Maybe it's the O.C.D. that leads to my needing lists and counting things and making sure everything is in its place and blah.... I don't know. The point is, it's been a process to try and loosen the reins on "the plan" a little.
There are quite a few things that I can have complete control over, like the plan of attack for cleaning a room or how I am going to go about doing a task that requires some planning on my part (like packing up the car to take the kids to their dad's parents' house). I still have to make my lists so that I have a point of reference and I can check things off (a small feeling of accomplishment as it were) and it feeds the needs of my A.D.D. and O.C.D. and all is well.
Grand scheme? Well, I didn't see myself where I am now 20 years ago and I had a pretty solid plan back then. Granted, they were of being married to the perfect Prince Charming who was a multi gojillionaire and living in a castle and ruling over a small country and having ponies and a pet hippopotamus and there were unicorns and magical rainbows and candy raining down from the sky every day.... But I digress. They didn't exactly pan out for me that way.
My "right now reality" is that I am allowed to temporarily reside in my parents' house with my four children whom I have to share time with with their dad. I'm broke and struggle to make ends meet, but I'm okay. My children are healthy and happy and wonderfully perfect (not the "perfect" as in "my children can do no wrong", but "perfect" as in "they are acting as children should and I will make for DAMN sure that I will raise them up proper to be upstanding and moral and responsible adults" as it is every parent's job to do so). I have a man who adores me for everything that I am and whom I love with everything that I am and has shown me what it is to BE in a meaningful relationship that is based on love, trust, passion, compatibility and partnership. I have friends that I can count on and trust will stand by me through thick and thin. My outlook is bright as my living situation is only temporary and there is a future out there that I can see a little more clearly. It's not "planned", so much as it is sorted.
It's another step forward and little by little, inch by inch, I make my way towards certain goals. Every day is another step to a long but rewarding journey. Every day, as I lighten the load of unnecessary burdens that I carry, taking those steps become a little easier. Nothing worth having comes easy, nor should it.