Calm Down......

Just gonna take a few days off. I'll be back, okay? And when I do, you'll get to read more pointless, thoughtless, contentless, useless, unintelligent dribble courtesy of the brain things that happen in my cranium all the time that I word vomit onto this blog. Love and hugs and stuff! Kissies my peeps!

In the meantime, since I don't want you to be all mad, I wanted to give you something to while the time away. Here, have this:

I need to rethink things........

So, I was doing some thinking. I know. It's a dangerous pastime and I probably should have stopped doing it the second it started to happen..... I started listening to the noises and chatter that are constantly going on in my brain place and I caught a doozy of a conversation..... It almost made sense kind of, but well, not really, but it does. Well, it's me and my brain things we're talking about, so one cannot really be too certain, but here goes...

Well, considering that we calculate the measurement of a circle using pi or π or  or whatever you want to call it..... Well, this calculation is  3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582..... and it keeps on going FOREVER........ Well.... how can math be math if, within simple geometry, we can't really define what a true circle is. I mean, there would never really be such a thing as a perfect circle, and even if it were possible, that ONE TRUE PERFECT CIRCLE does IN FACT exist, we wouldn't even be able to know that it was because we couldn't even measure it to see if it was because.... I don't even know.... I can't.... I just..... I think something in my wee little brain just ruptured. 

I cut my finger again.....

Yeah. I did it. AGAIN. Cutting a bagel for my youngest son, and I sliced my finger open. I truly HATE that sphincter puckering moment when you realize what you've done and then it starts to hurt. Then you start bleeding all over the place...... And you're looking at the bloody mess and see that there's that flappy bit of meat and skin that doesn't know what to do with itself..... I stuck that bit back on with some Super Glue, wrapped it in gauze and tape to create a ballistically rated shield of sorts and sat and whined about my boo boo and comforted myself by cupcaking my mewling face hole. It's been a couple of days since the incident. My entire fingertip is bruised and sore from the trauma it received. Yes, I'm still comforting myself by cupcaking my mewling face hole. It's a great excuse to cupcake. :sigh: I've got my kids telling me to suck it up and stop whining about it..... Bah. It was good while it lasted. I got to cupcake. W00T!

In vino vertas.....

I am probably the most honest with myself when I've had a glass or two. I've come to several realizations while having imbibed in beer or wine or something. I quiets some of the noise and chatter in my head, it makes others louder, but I definitely get some good thinking done. Well, kind of. Some of these nights have brought about thoughts like, "I wonder what my belly button smells like?" and other times it has brought about some really deep, existential type shit that has shook the foundations of my own "-ness" and rocked me to my core and made me question everything. I guess it really all depends on the mood I started out in.

I always have that certain list of things on my mind that are constantly there. I wouldn't say "nagging at me", but they are things that I constantly think about and debate back and forth with myself about. They would seem unimportant to those who are not me, but I guess they weigh heavy enough in my mind that they are always there.

It's fucking impossible to lie to oneself for too long. Seriously. You just can't hide from yourself. It's amusing to watch people try and do it. You can always tell who they are by the outrageous excuses they constantly have. I don't know who they're trying to fool more. The people around them or themselves. Seriously. And drinking doesn't really help one get away from themselves. Well, unless they become blind, fall down, black out drunk. Then they can be Don Juan Superman or whoever else their strange and / or sick imaginations want them to be, but in the morning, they're still the people they hate most. Knock back a couple and it soon comes to truth sitting there closer to the surface than ever. Sure there are people who say that they "drink to forget", but do they really? Let a drunk person babble on long enough and the most god damnedest of things start pouring out. It's pretty weird.

I'm still a work in progress here. Am I ever going to be satisfied? Probably not. I think that's what life is about though. A constant evolving of oneself to reach self discovery, the only catch being, you never really reach it because you're constantly evolving..... The important thing is to make sure that you're happy with the evolutions as you go along I guess.

Religion.....

Well, this certainly explains quite a bit, doesn't it? Alright. I'm probably going to offend a whole shitload of people here, but here's my take on religion.... I think.... I don't know. Well, a continuation of yesterday's ramblings, I give you THIS:

Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like I haven't got ounce one of spirituality. Not true. But I am FAR from religious. Actually, I'm probably the opposite of religious. I'm like ANTI-religious. And believe it or not, I too have read and studied the bible, to satisfy my curiosity. It wasn't for the "spiritual" aspect though. I was pretty analytical about the whole thing. I asked A LOT of questions and probably shook the foundations of a few people's "deeply rooted faith". But there you have it.

So, my take on religion.... I'm not just talking about the Christ based ones either. Although if you think about it, all the ones doing all the fighting and warring are the ones who practice religions that are bible based. Old and new testament shit.... But I digress. Anyway, you've got all these religions that contradict each other. Yes peace, no peace, there's an ultimate being greater than you, YOU are the greater being, comply, fight, whatever.... Really? And how is anyone REALLY supposed to walk away with anything useful when even within the different religious groups, no one group can say that theirs is one that is consistent throughout the different sects of their own same religion? Oh. They can't. NO ONE has it right.

Does it make it invalid. Not necessarily. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't think it's a terrible thing to have some sort of spirituality. Some kind of faith belief system for people to anchor themselves to can be helpful. I don't think that it should be the basis to which they should strive to be better people and shit like that. THAT should come from within REGARDLESS of whether some unseen holy deity is telling you to do it or not. I don't know. I guess I'm still leaning towards aliens......

Destined for what.....

So, my "inside voice" (AKA Eddie) and I were pondering what life was about. Where was life for us headed? What does life actually hold in store for us? Is it al written out for us? Like destiny? r maybe it's all like a ripple effect and the decisions that we make at every moment of every day shapes and changes the life as we go along. Maybe it's a little of both. Most days I think I have this one way ticket to hell. I'm really not too sure what determines whether I would be heading there. I mean, if the reasons were based solely upon some unseen holy deity and the words in some scripture or book or whatever, that spell out the reasons why I would or wouldn't be heading to some demon plane, then I suppose I'd be screwed. Quite honestly (and ironically), a good portion of those those who call themselves "devout" would be on the bus heading south right along with me. At least I'm not pretending to be something I'm not. I pretty much put all that shit right there on my sleeve.

Don't get me wrong. It's not as of though spirituality has escaped me completely. And sure, I think about an afterlife. Reincarnation, rebirth, some spiritual haven for my soul to go to after my body is gone.... Heaven, Valhalla, Elysium.... Whatever... But who is to say which set of beliefs has it right? Jews, Catholics, Protestants, (the muslims are just wrong), Hindis, Buddhists, Hare Krishnas..... No one can give a truly definitive answer. They can only spew the words of their "spiritual leaders", unable to think as an individual because that is what their religion teaches them. Not to think as an individual, but as a collective. These people caught in these webs of "religion" can tell me about their beliefs based upon someone else's word. Not their own. They can tell me about who and what their "god" is, but not based upon anything other than what was fed to them as what the answers were.

Yup.... I'm still searching and coming to my own conclusions. I'm leaning more towards aliens these days..... Yeah. I know... Sulphur and brimstone. Sulphur and brimstone....

You're DAMN right!

It's winter....

Yes, it's winter time in New England, and to NO ONE'S surprise, at least it really shouldn't be, it snows here. It's not shocking. It's fucking New England and it snows here. I mean, it would be newsworthy that it was snowing if I lived in, say, Bali, but I don't. It's New England. It snows here. I don't know why it becomes some huge ordeal to the people who live around here. I want to start grabbing these people by the shoulders and shake some sense into them. Newscasts about how it's going to snow. Tat we're going to get snow. OM FUCKING G! It's going to SNOW in NEW ENGLAND???!?!? What??!?!?!?

So, I went to the grocery store before a storm again.... You know. Because I haven't learned anything about my previous forays into the stores before a storm.... I got clobbered with bread (again) by some old guy. He even tried to run me over with his Hoveround too. Vehicular assault AND assault with a a breadly weapon.... This wasn't your leisurely drive by either people. This old guy meant business.... :C

The direct correlation between gastrointestinal woes and PMS......

Thank you PMS, for the creation of the coconut / curry beef stew over jasmati rice. And thank you for the idea of homemade salt and vinegar potato chips. Oh, and that tomato and bacon and asiago cheese omelet was to die for! 

Maybe consumption of all these cravings all at the same time wasn't a good idea. By the way, our whole entire gastric system is no longer our friend and it is your fault that we were in for that long and interesting night. Also, we may not have a colon by tomorrow. YAY! Thanks.

The man shave......

I will never know what it's like to have to shave my face on a daily basis.... I think. I don't know, I AM told that menopause does strange things to the hormones, but I am just going with the whole, "up to this point" thing. A good percentage of men shave their faces. And out of those that do, another percentage of them shave every day.... It's starts at around puberty, I guess and it just continues on from there. And I had always been curious about how that all comes about..... So THIS conversation happened:

Puppy Guts was getting ready for work while I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom. There he was shaving when my curiosity got the best of me and.....

Me: So, did your dad teach you how to shave when you were a little kid?
Puppy Guts: Mia.... I'm ITALIAN..... My mother taught me.

Jerk.... Do you know how painful it is to shoot toothpaste out of your nose?

Gee..... thanks.....

Call it a pet peeve or mine (yet another of my many), but I TRULY hate the "I can change" people. You know the ones. You keep on telling someone over and over that there are things that are causing a problem. Problems within a relationship that are keeping said relationship, whether it's a business relationship, a friendly relationship, a serious relationship, whatever. You get to a point when you have had enough of their shit and can't stand it any longer, so you kick them to the curb. Then all of a sudden it's, "I can change!!!" Well, actually, no. At first, it's the "Why?" and I suppose an answer is the least I can give. Generally, the answer is plain and simple. It was because they brought more negativity into my life than good, and in trying very much to get my own shit together, I don't need to be dealing with the shit off of someone else's plate. They were warned that there was a problem that needed fixing. It seemed important enough for me to bring it up while it was still a fixable problem. If I was important enough, it would have been fixed...

And it's always the same, isn't it? When dealing with a break up or a de-friendship or an unmaking of any kind of relationship..... One never actually sees the bad shit for what it is when things are still good. Then, after a while, you start to notice things that aren't really cool. Some you are able to let go. Others, not so much. After a while it starts to cause problems within the matrix of the relationship. Mature individuals, who value their relationships, will take the time to sit down and discuss the problems and come to a resolution and work them out. Others will deny that there is a problem and will drop it all together. But these things fester....

The "I can change" thing, to me, just seems like an insult really. ESPECIALLY when, in thinking back, you've told someone that <blah> is something that "I don't like" or "I think this is something that needs to be worked out or worked on" or "I'd like you to not fucking do that..." or whatever.It could have been handled and taken care of.... But when it becomes the crux of a breakdown, it is because it didn't matter then. The insult is that NOW, all of a sudden, when there is no more fixing it, THAT'S when it becomes important? Because YOUR status quo is about to become upset? But when MY status quo was being shit upon, it didn't matter, because I didn't matter? I was to shut up and deal with it and keep my place in line. No. People HAD to have known that I wouldn't keep that up for long. Unless they REALLY didn't know me or only claimed to, in which case, I have to say, that offends me MORE.

Gee... Wow.... Thanks.... FOR NOTHING! It's important to talk in a relationship people. About everything. It's also important to come to resolutions and compromises. It's about trying to better your relationships with the people who mean the most to you. Not infect them with things that could fester and destroy them. You need to listen and not deny the fact that you are not perfect. You need to own up to the fact that you did wrong, apologize and fix those mistakes. It sucks and it's probably one of the hardest things that you'll have to do, but if the people in your life are worth keeping around, shouldn't it be worth giving the effort to make sure they stick around BEFORE it's too late?

Just sayin'.....

Childbirth.......

Now, let me tell you something. Being a four time veteran of this childbearing thing, I have to say, pregnancy, labor and deliver is not this magical, beautiful amazing journey. The actual spooging out a screaming 7+ to 8+ lbs slime and blood covered human/ gremlin/ Winston Churchill looking hybrid out of your hoo ha is not a marvelous transformation for every new mother, nor is it an experience that should be cherished and remembered for the rest of your life. I swear on all things holy, if I had a heard, "Each of those pains are bringing you one step closer to being able to see you baby!" any more, made me want to hit something or someone. HARD. And honestly? Vaginas are funny looking to begin with. They are downright scary looking when stretched to the point of , "No thank you, I'm done..." as some bloody scene from Alien is playing out in real life.

My first was delivered after I went through a VERY rough 4 days of labor. FOUR DAYS. I was tired and had not slept for those four days. On the last day I started threatening to cut the baby out with a spoon if they didn't do something soon. I threatened violence and screamed at everyone. I threw things, and I think I may have died a little bit.... Well, I got a one hit epidural that lasted a couple of hours and by the time I was begging for more because the pains were getting so bad I think I wanted to die, they told me it was already too late. I still really don't see the beauty in "going natural". I thought the labor part was rough until the last twenty minutes of the most painful experience of my life..... Pushing this large headed child out of my hoo ha in a hail of obscenities, indecipherable words in long dead languages that probably summoned demons, and blood and other fluids, and I was finally being handed a squirmy, wrinkly, screaming, VERY angry, goo covered baby. NOT what I expected. I mean, TOTALLY not like in the movies, ya know? Not a very "magical" experience, although at some point I may have seen el chupacabra doing an Irish jig in the corner of the room. They whisked him away to his "station" got him all cleaned up while they picked my female bits up off the floor, because I'm pretty sure that fell off, and put me back together. And I really got to hold my son and really take a good look at him. Everything else that happened over the last few days melted away.

Ditto my second boy. 18 hours of labor. Now THAT was an interesting one. I had gone in to work that day. I was experiencing some mild contractions at the time, but I thought nothing of it. I got the boy from preschool after work and I went home. That evening, while sipping on juice in bed, I noticed that the baby stopped moving. I was told this was not a good sign, so I called the doctor, who suggested that I come into the hospital so that they could monitor the baby and my contractions. My parents came to pick up #1 and took him to their house. The nurses asked how I was feeling. I told them I felt fine. I was just tired. They sent me home to get some rest, but assured me that I would be back very soon..... I laughed. A few hours later, I was back with some pretty wicked pains. My fear of having NO PAIN MEDS WHEN I NEEDED THEM this time frightened me and I made sure that everyone KNEW IT. I was going to have an epidural NOW. It was given to me. I was, like, YAY! And again, 15 minutes of intense pressure, but not as much of the sharp cutting pains, I was peering down into the face of my second born son. I did it. Not so bad. The aftermath of all the blood splatter was a little less than nice and all the bloody instruments of torture laid out on trays was a little creepy, but I survived. I was handed this perfectly wrinkled face that stared up at me, probably confused and unsure of what the fuck was going on, but he didn't seem to care because he felt loved. And me? Yeah. I didn't really care about the journey to get to that moment either.

The third was a HUGE surprise. I denied the pregancy forever....... Until I got so sick that I had to be put on home IV therapy for several weeks. THAT sucked. I had to change out bags for myself every day, piggy back other bags to control my vomiting with anti emetics and vitamin supplements.... Then having my arms violated with new needles by a traveling home nurse every couple of days... This child sucked the very life from me. I didn't think I was going to survive it. Blah..... Then of course, sitting in my bed one day, right at around nine months pregnant, minding my own business, watching television, my water breaks. I mean, it was a tsunami of fluid EVERYWHERE. Ew. So I sat on a stack of towels to get driven to the hospital so as not to stain the car seat, and there I was again, laboring away screaming for an epidural. The anesthesiologist was busy elsewhere, so they gave me an injection of happy juice. It was NOT happy. Sure it knocked me the fuck out after the contractions, but when they started up again, I was a screaming, raging animal. Not good. It just felt like one long contraction that never ended because I was completely unaware when they weren't happening, but FULLY awake and aware that I was in a lot of fucking pain when they were. NOT COOL. UGH! After some god awful amount of time with that, the anesthesiologist came into the room. I think my exact words were, "I love you SO MUCH right now! You are my favorite person!" And when he was done, I did love him and he was my favorite person. Well, a couple of hours later, after some eye vein popping pushing, #3 child was born a pound heavier at 8lbs 5ozs. His shoulders were so broad that on a rotation, the little bugger snapped my tailbone. WOO HOO!!!!!  Despite the epidural, I felt that and it sucked. I'm not sure if I heard it more or if I felt it more, but it sucked. I looked down at his chubby little red face and forgot again about everything. We holed up in a hospital room by ourselves because of a freak blizzard that hit that day.

Well, #4 was the biggest surprise...... I went into denial again. I didn't think my body could do it again, but it did. And what a trip that was. I suffered from everything. Morning noon and night sickness, three active, young boys to take care of, a household to run, several trips to the hospital including a severe asthma attack that came out of nowhere, a preterm labor scare (which turned out to be nothing more than the baby stomping on my bladder and kicking the pee out of my bladder and causing a series of Braxton Hicks contractions.....) I had a liver condition that cause crystals to form in my pores that made me all itchy, higher blood pressure, possible gestational diabetes, chronic migraines and painful water retention. And I found out that it was a girl..... WTF??!?!?!!?!? I mean boys I had done well with. I could deal with little boys. I knew what to do with them. I was a three time veteran in that field. But a daughter? I was freaking. My parents on the other hand, who had four grandsons at this point, were pleased as punch. After the announcement was made, my house magically became the house that Pepto Bismol threw up in. EVERYTHING WAS PINK!!!!!!!!! Well, after what was a pretty difficult pregnancy, I was dealt another four day labor...... Not as intense and painful as the first, but when it comes time for it, I am NOT a patient person. I want it done and over with. I had been pregnant long enough.... But no. The doctor who took charge of my "delivering" was hard core about NOT administering pitocin in any amount. I was made to suffer until it was time. I did jumping jacks and walked and ran up and down the stairs to move things along, to no avail..... :( But it became quite clear to people that it was probably time to go to hospital when I started speaking in tongues and my head started spinning around and  dark cloud developed over the house itself. Got settled into the room and a couple of hours later, I'm screaming for someone to get me an epidural NOW DAMNITFUCKSHITCUNTMOTHERFUCKASSDICKLICKCUMSTAINFUCKNUGGET!!!!! It was great. I even managed to get a couple of hours of sleep until that overwhelming need to expel something roused me from a rather peaceful slumber. It was a rather desperate cry for help. Now, I'm pretty sure that the nurse who came in meant well when she asked if I'd like a mirror to watch the birth. She took my look of absolute horror and disgust as a, "No."And bing, bang boom. No heavy pushing. just a little effort here and there.... Then, I held my daughter and vowed to make sure that she would be every much the brute her brothers were. And once again, I forgot everything, and felt that it was all worth it for THAT moment. Nothing else mattered

It was the aftermath of all the suffering through a long gestation only to get to labor which was all blood and gore and violence and agony and torture and the test of a woman's humility having all sorts of people all up in your business and all that shit that brings about the beauty of what childbirth is. Despite all of the arduous work and absolute Herculean-ness, and total super human feats, it is the first time you gaze upon the cheese and blood covered face of your child that brings a sense of accomplishment. Yeah, I can recall the pains and the experiences themselves and none of it was pretty. Actually, it all sucked. I hated every minute of it. It was wretched. But then I watch my kids sleeping (they look so innocent and sweet when they're sleeping.....) and it kind of gives me a sense of pride. I DID THAT. And it's kind of cool.

Feeling crappy: How to make it worse.

I seriously do need to sty away from WebMD when I'm feeling like crap. I don't know why it is that, even knowing what I'm ailing from, I find myself perusing that cursed sight to see what else I could be suffering from. I mean, there I am, having a case of indigestion from eating bad cheese, I go cruising around WebMD, and then FLABAMMO! Prostate cancer.

I'm beginning to think that I may have magically grown a prostate or something. There's no other explanation.

A little post holiday story for you.....

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of it.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door and yanked it open. There stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of people know this. Merry belated X'mas.

Common Courtesy.......

Common courtesy is something that seems to be lacking all over the place these days. It's not to say that I am pleasant and polite all the time, but I'm not a complete asshole all the time either. It seems that people are becoming more self oriented and that is becoming more evident as I come across people whom I used to give the benefit of the doubt to. It's is completely true of strangers. And Let's not get me started on the "next generation", most of whom which I would like to take aside and beat some manners into.

I've found that kids are less than polite. The way they speak and their mannerisms are a direct reflection of the parents (quite clearly) and the behavior is allowed to continue, as if there was nothing wrong. Are you fucking kidding me? And of course, trying to fix the behavior is close to impossible because the kids fall right back into those bad behaviors because it is the easier path. Well, an easier path for those terrible parents to fall into because they are too lazy to actually PARENT their children. Their mentality is basically to make the issues someone else's problem, or worse, these parents are so self involved themselves that they don't actually see that their kids are actually spoiled, whiny, spineless, pansy assed pieces of shit, just like they are. Sad.

And BACON forbid if these kids or their parents were to think beyond themselves. Everything has to revolve around them, their schedules, their wants, their needs. I would say that a ball peen hammer is possibly the best solution to this problem, but the action of using the hammer is actually frowned upon. It's called "aggravated assault" or in some cases "murder", despite the fact that I would be doing the world a favor by ridding the world of "problem individuals", stripping them of their children so that the young ones can be re-educated to be FUNCTIONING individuals

Am I forced to come in contact with these kinds of people? Of course. We're all forced to deal with them. They're everywhere. I mean, I could probably name SPECIFIC individuals who pose this problem on society, but, civility and all and as mentioned, aggravated assault isn't really my bag.... (Not sure why I should show an ounce of courtesy or civility to those who are not capable of it themselves..... But, I'm the bigger person.... I'm the bigger person.... I'm the bigger person..... Prison orange is not my color...... Prison orange is not my color...... Prison orange is not my color...... Prison orange is not my color...... Prison orange is not my color...... Prison orange is not my color......)

The simpler things in life......

It's nice to be able to enjoy the simpler things in life sometimes. I mean something as simple as a nice cup of coffee. Taking the time to enjoy the aroma and bold flavor. Or like a cookie. Savoring the sweet nomminess.....  I think within the hustle and bustle of life, we tend to forget about the simpler things in life. We get so caught up in the bigger things that we forget to take enjoyment in anything at all. Then we end up becoming angry miserable wretches because we don't take pleasure in anything at all. Concentrating more on the things we don't have. Being angry because what we don't have isn't in our grasp right now. And we overlook the things that we do have and forget to appreciate the things that we do have. We forget to take pleasure and enjoy the things that are right in front of us. It's a miserable existence for those people AND the people around them.

Think on that for a minute or two.....

WTF was I thinking?

The "What the fuck was I thinking?" moment is one that we've all had at some point in our lives. Am I right? We have all looked nback on certain events or moments or whatever, of our lives and wondered, "WHY??!?!" You try to go over your thought processes and reason it all out, but you come up empty handed and you're still left wondering, "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Well, it's called "regret" people. I live with quite a few of them. Things i've done. Things I wish I HAD done. Things I wish I had done differently.... Yeah.... But being in the here and now, there really isn't too much I can do to fix the past or change it. Sure, I've moped and grumped about it. I've gotten angry and bitter about certain other things, but once I snap out of THAT phase, I move onto the, "How do I learn from this?" and "How do I grow from this and make sure I don't make that mistake again?" I'm a stubborn, tenacious bitch and sometimes I have to make the same mistake a couple of few times in order to learn anything at all, but eventually I get around to it....

I'm coming to a juncture where I am looking back again and wonder about the WTF moments and I thought it was going to be a bad episode. It turns out, I am here, hopeful about what is going to come for this new year and kind of looking forward to getting a step closer to where I want to be.... Which is actually kind of nice every once in a while. :)

Confession time.......

Alright.... Now that the holiday crap is over, I have a confession to make.... Before x'mas, I did a good deed. Well, two.... Kind of.... By accident. No, it was not because the holiday spirit took hold of me. My shriveled and withered black heart did not miraculously grow 10 sizes and fill with love and compassion. It just sort of happened.

The boy and I were at the mall. We had errands to run among the frenzies holiday shoppers..... :(
But, as we went along, we came across a Toys for Tots box. You know what? Judge me.... I don't care. But I always make sure that I put in two contributions. One for a boy and one for a girl. So, boy and I went to the mall's only toy store..... We picked up the obligatory doll for the "girl toy". Boy and I picked out a special toy for the "boy toy". A electric race track. Yeah, the one with the figure 8 track and the two race cars that sit on the slots and the wired "remote controls" that made the cars speed around the track. Boy got one for the holidays one year. It was his favorite thing EVER. He remembered how much joy it brought him and insisted that that would be the one we got for an anonymous little boy who would receive THIS toy. Fine. Done. The purchase came with a stuffed bear that we purchased for $4.99. Whatever. The funds went to a charitable organization for children.

We had to stop by a kiosk for him to exchange something that he bought by mistake. We were waiting behind a man who had brought his young daughter. The poor child was wailing away and crying. Not that I blamed her. The mall was crowded and he was doing shopping for his wife and, well, quite honestly, he was ill prepared to be dragging around a 4-ish year old child around the mall to shop for "boring stuff". Boy and I stood listening to this poor child screaming away out of boredom. UGh.... I reached into the bagful of goodies and yanked out the stupid bear. When the man wasn't looking, I gave the kid the bear and whispered to her that it was from Santa. It shut her up quick.

The guy, in his confusion of the sudden silence, saw his daughter clutching the bear and smiling. He looked at Boy and I. We quickly blamed some guy dressed like Santa Claus, and looked away. I gave the little girl a wink when her dad looked to see where the red suited perp went. She smiled back. All was well in her world. And she wasn't screaming any more. We got our shit done and we left after dropping off the rest of the goodies into the Toys for Tots box. YAY!

Did I get a warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart? Well..... kind of. I am hoping that those toys found some kid who otherwise wouldn't have scored some loot on what's supposed to be a kid's favorite toy getting holiday.... I mean, because THAT'S what it's all about.... At least to a little kid. What of the birth of some savior..... Yeah. I did my good deed. But bringing a little YAY to a poor child subjected to the stress of what the holidays are to adults? No. Call me evil, but I really did it just to shut the kid up. He never should have brought here there. She would have been happier at home, watching tv, eating junk food and playing with her OWN shit.

Fine.... I may have melted a little when she waved goodbye and blew us a kiss over her daddy's shoulder as he walked away. AND I may have had a little moment when I waved back and wished her a merry Christmas....... Shut up. Don't judge me. I still hate the holidays.

Happy New Year!

And welcome to 2014. I hope you had an enjoyable New Years Eve celebration! Here's wishing you a fantabulous new year and crap like that. With stuff and other things with sentiments, sentiments, sentiments, and blah, blah, blah.... Sprinkled with heartfelt well wishes of health and happiness and stuff like that too.

The holidays are now over! WOO HOO!!!!!!I FUCKING SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR END HOLIDAY CRAPAPALOOZA!!!!!!!!! I need a drink...... The Bah Humbug can now be stored away again until the next time..... Back to our regularly scheduled program. Snap to it people!