In vino vertas.....

I am probably the most honest with myself when I've had a glass or two. I've come to several realizations while having imbibed in beer or wine or something. I quiets some of the noise and chatter in my head, it makes others louder, but I definitely get some good thinking done. Well, kind of. Some of these nights have brought about thoughts like, "I wonder what my belly button smells like?" and other times it has brought about some really deep, existential type shit that has shook the foundations of my own "-ness" and rocked me to my core and made me question everything. I guess it really all depends on the mood I started out in.

I always have that certain list of things on my mind that are constantly there. I wouldn't say "nagging at me", but they are things that I constantly think about and debate back and forth with myself about. They would seem unimportant to those who are not me, but I guess they weigh heavy enough in my mind that they are always there.

It's fucking impossible to lie to oneself for too long. Seriously. You just can't hide from yourself. It's amusing to watch people try and do it. You can always tell who they are by the outrageous excuses they constantly have. I don't know who they're trying to fool more. The people around them or themselves. Seriously. And drinking doesn't really help one get away from themselves. Well, unless they become blind, fall down, black out drunk. Then they can be Don Juan Superman or whoever else their strange and / or sick imaginations want them to be, but in the morning, they're still the people they hate most. Knock back a couple and it soon comes to truth sitting there closer to the surface than ever. Sure there are people who say that they "drink to forget", but do they really? Let a drunk person babble on long enough and the most god damnedest of things start pouring out. It's pretty weird.

I'm still a work in progress here. Am I ever going to be satisfied? Probably not. I think that's what life is about though. A constant evolving of oneself to reach self discovery, the only catch being, you never really reach it because you're constantly evolving..... The important thing is to make sure that you're happy with the evolutions as you go along I guess.