He's stupid, but he means well...

This story involves Otis, a baby and the UPS guy...
When my middle son was born and he came home from the hospital, Otis would not leave his side. If the baby was in the bouncy seat, Otis was right there. If the baby was in the bassinet, Otis was right there. If the baby was in the carrier, Otis was right there. If the baby was on the floor all lump like, Otis was right there. Otis was absolutely fascinated by the baby. To him, THAT was his. If the baby so much as made a squeak, Otis was running around like an idiot, making sure that the baby was okay. Diaper changes were supervised by him, feedings, naps, you name it.
When my son was about two months old, we were visiting with my parents. He was being all lump like on a big blanket on the floor of the TV room and Otis was on the blanket next to him. The doorbell rang. Quick as a flash, Otis was at the door. When I went to open it, there was the UPS guy doing his UPS thing, delivering packages and there was Otis, hackles raised barking away like a raving lunatic dog from hell. He ran back into the TV room and came back a few seconds later to resume his barkity barking. He repeated this process a couple more times as I signed for the package and apologized to the UPS guy. With the package put into the kitchen, I went to check on my son...
Entering the room, I saw quite a sight... Otis was peeing on the baby. Yuck! He had marked the whole perimeter of the blanket and then the baby himself. Then he lay down right next to my son, satisfied that he had done his job. I couldn't bring myself to yell at the dog... Everything was thrown into the wash, the baby got a thorough bath... Twice and Otis got a cookie. What was I going to do? He was just protecting "his puppy" from the evil UPS menace...