Awkward.....

Sure, I have my "awkward" moments. There are times when I really AM awkward. I get that..... Really. I do. But then there are those who are the very definition of the word "awkward". I mean out and out awkward. To the point where they are difficult to be around because you don't know what to say because they are just so damn fucking weird. You can't say you haven't run across a few and I wouldn't believe you if you tried to say you haven't.....

Oh, come on. You've met them or have come across them. You try to be polite for about five seconds until you realize what you'd gotten yourself into and your mind is screaming, "ABANDON SHIP!!!!!! ABANDON SHIP!!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!! OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!!!!!!!!!!WTF??!?? JUST WALK THE FUCK AWAY RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" and in order to save what's left of your own sanity, you have to leave said awkward person alone to be awkward by themselves as you go screaming and running in the other direction. Okay. Maybe not running and screaming, but you left there in an awful hurry.....

It's not to say that I don't have my socially weird times. Sometimes I do it to make people leave me alone. It's not to say that I don't have moments where I am just unintentionally awkward. Everyone has moments like that... But can you imagine being like that all the time? I often wonder whether these people realize that they are awkward and it makes people uncomfortable to be around. And if that is the case, why don't they stop being that way....

Then I started thinking. (I know.... "Uh-oh..... She's thinking again....." give me a second to explain......) For all the ranting and raving that I do about being "who I am" and "being okay with it" and "not giving a shit about what other people think", then going off on some diatribe about how "I'm not going to change for anybody because I am who I am!", well.... Who would I be, except a big hypocrite, if I started  questioning and judging people for their awkwardness and thinking they need to change themselves for obviously being who they are. It really boils down to that particular person's quirk if you think about it and who am I to judge a quirky person? Honestly? I can't even begin to list all of my individual quirks.....

Likely, I over think way too many things. Especially things like this. I know I do. I probably go through way too many thought processes to get through some trains of thought that I have to get to a conclusion that only I would be able to come to and that I would understand. (Which is typical...) There are times when my train of thought not only derails, but crashes and burns and becomes nothing more than a pile of soot and warped metal, but I revisit those from time to time too. Which then leads to me talking to myself, in public..... FLABAMMO! I'm THAT guy. The weird, awkward lady.... And am I going to change that? Fuck no. :sigh: Go on back about your business.... Never mind.