At least I'm honest about it....

I make no if's, and's, or but's about who I am. Rude, abrasive, crass, I cuss a lot (mostly because go fuck yourself), I complain about a lot of things, I whine about others, I'm flawed, imperfect, I'm cranky, and bitchy and over-caffeinated at times (fine.... MOST times..... Fine, ALL the time.....). I have attentional issues and O.C.D., I'm loud, obnoxious, annoying, and kind of dorky and I have a laundry list of quirks. But it's okay. I like who I am and I'm comfortable in my own skin.

And I get judged by people who live behind a facade, live a lie, and don't know who they really are because they're afraid of what they might see. And then, I get those same people who pretend to want to be my friend, while they talk about me behind my back because of everything that I am.... Nah... No thanks. I'm good.

Mooooooom!!!

There are times when I too like to reverse the tables a little and be a pain in the ass to my teen. The quickest way to ruffle his feathers for being an ultra pain in my ass is to put a chink in his coolness with his friends. Whether it's to "fix his hair" or "get that smudge" or ask if he's wearing a clean pair of underpants or saying, "I found those SPONGEBOB UNDERPANTS that you wanted! I washed them and put them in your drawer. Did you see them?" Yeah. Payback is a bitch.

"MO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M!!!!!! Shut UP!!!!!!!!!!"

The damage is already done sweet pea. He always gets the same reply when he gets all mad. "You know why I did this... I told you I'd get even. You may think it's funny being a pain in the ass, but I've been a pain in the ass for FAR longer than you, N00B!"

I get the obligatory eye roll and exasperated sigh. "Fine.... Sorry...."

That's all I need really. I win again.

Back to SCHOOL!!!!!!

That's right. The calendar is marked with the giant red "X" of doom. Today is the first day back at school for the boys, leaving their sister home saying, "Are they all MY toys now, mama?" I'll be fighting with the boys to get them up, dressed, fed and ready for school and onto the bus on time. We start the "school schedule" once again and we all have to get used to the insanity of the school week. It's bittersweet. On the one hand, YAY! THEY'RE BACK TO SCHOOL!!!! On the other hand, it's not as much fun because they're not here because they're at school.

So, I'll be sitting with Mini Me and we'll be hanging out and doing our thing.... For one more year.... Then she'll be off to Kindergarten and I'll be left to sit and wait for all the munchkins, all by myself and..... :sniffle: I think I just heard something break..... Yup.... It was the sound of my heart. :(

Last Day of Summer Vacation....

I always have mixed feeling about the first day of school. On the one hand, there's quiet for a little while in the house. On the other hand, that quiet becomes deafening after the first couple of hours. I have to get up in the morning and deal with the hectic morning schedule and getting everyone out the door on time and onto the bus and stuff, but there's something about having them around and having that chaos throughout the whole day. It's crazy, but in a weird way, it brings me a sense of peace too....

So, now that we have come to the last day of summer vacation, we're going to try and do it up proper and squeeze in as much fun and frolick that we can in a day and make sure that we burn it all offbefore we go back to the "regularly scheduled program". Rock Star, don't fail me now!

Fleeting moments....

Yesterday was the funeral of a young boy named Kevin Bella who died suddenly in an accident. My eldest son knew him. They knew each other in school and spoke briefly from time to time. His reaction when he heard the news was, "Mom.... I know him...." and didn't quite grasp that it was the past tense of knew him. And right now my boy is trying to make heads or tails of the situation. I can't even begin to imagine what this boy's family must be going through right now in light of this newest tragedy in their lives as I watch my son struggle with it. Now, I can't say that I know the family or really say I knew the boy (except in passing from a comment my son made about him from time to time), but I can't exactly say that I don't feel a sadness and a sense of loss and my heart goes out to them. It's always a very sad thing when such a young life is lost, especially in a sudden and tragic accident like this. It's impossible not to feel something when you hear about something like this, especially when it's within your own community.

As much as I try to make sure I am "fixing" things in my life, living it to its fullest and making sure that my children and Lucky know that they are loved, I'm sure there will never be enough time for me to finish everything. I continue to make sure that I fill my life with the positives and not dwell on the trivialities that I come across. I live, I love, I laugh, I fill my life with good people, good food, good fun, good friends, good times, good music. I get things done, I say what needs to be said and I keep moving forward. It is a solid and almost tangible need to make sure that I do. 

I will never have a problem with someone coming to me and asking for help. I'll always be willing to lend an ear and listen, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on... But when it really comes down to it, I'll not be someone's flotation device at the risk of drowning myself in someone else's sorrows, especially when that someone seems as if they enjoy being there. Hey, there are people who just like to be miserable and enjoy making other people miserable too. It's just important to make sure that you don't get caught up in all of it and BE dragged down. 

I re-learned some valuable lessons there. Cherish your loved ones and let them know that they are loved. They should never question your feelings for them. Let go of the things that are trivial and stupid. Dwelling on them does you no amount of good. Although making enemies can be fun sometimes, making friends is more valuable and is time better spent. There really is no need to make enemies where enemies don't need to be made. I'd really just prefer not to be bothered with people I couldn't care less about anyway. Do the things that you enjoy and live in the moment. If life is going to be a series of events that lead you to an end, why not make them positive and worthwhile? And the hard hitting reality that life is terminal. It does and will end and it's never certain when, where or how. 

So now, I pray that Kevin has found peace and sanctuary in the arms of his Savior in heaven and I pray that the loved ones that he left behind eventually find peace and comfort themselves.

It seems that this little boy lived quite a life despite everything else going on in his own life, he carried forth and took on life by the horns, an admirable movement forward and he kept on chugging, along while other kids in similar positions would have withered. He went out doing what he loved best and I'm really thinking that he may to not have had too many regrets about his actions while he was having the time of his life. I wish we could all go that way. Unfortunately for Kevin, his end came way too soon and I suppose it's THAT what screws with the sensibilities of the others trying to muddle through the whole thing and can only make assumptions from the many different things that we're all hearing . From what I've hear and read, Kevin was a well liked boy, liked by all and had the kind of life that spoke volumes about what an amazing little guy he was. What an amazing son he was. The kind of kid that made other parents say to their kids, "I wish you had a little bit of Kevin in you...." and it grieves me for my son's sake that , he won't have that little guy running around in the halls with him any more and learn a little something.

We sometimes take the things that we see and have in our every day lives for granted. How is it that we can go about life, skirting around as if nothing could ever go wrong? I get that we shouldn't be fearful of everything that could possibly go wrong and be afraid to step out into the world because of things that may or may not happen. And we certainly shouldn't feed these phobias to our own children either. I guess what I am saying is that we should be thankful for the things we have in our lives. Be thankful for the people we have in our lives. Be thankful for the things we are given, because life is rather fleeting and rather quite fragile, and keeping that in mind as we go out and live it. People often take for granted the time that they have on this earth with their family and friends, things get put aside because we often take for them for granted. The time that people have on the earth with their families, friends and the things they have. Things  that are yet to be done. Things we want to accomplish, things we want to do... Things get put off to the wayside because "there's always tomorrow". You never really think about how fleeting life really is until you are faced with a moment in time when the reality of it all slaps you right in the face. To be faced with the fact that there may not be a tomorrow and things may be left undone.

I mean, I get it. Most times, it's impossible for us to see that such tragedies can happen in our own lives because "it can't happen to me. That kind of stuff happens to other people..." but there you have it. So very close to home, feeling the ripple effect and trying to reflect on it and make sense of it, but coming up empty handed.

And what of trying to cope with such a loss when it's so unexpected? Even as an adult, it's hard to comprehend and wrap your mind around it, but I guess when you aren't emotionally and mentally equipped to deal with such a loss, it might be even more very frightening. My boy, being only 14, seems confused and rather befuddled by it. The Xbox Live lines have been abuzz between he and his friends who remember this young boy and yet his loss isn't quite real to them. My son goes back and forth between sadness and what almost seems like denial. He's never dealt with a loss like that so close to home.

I've been trying to give him his space while he shuffles through his feelings, all while letting him know that I am available to talk about whatever he is feeling. I kept him abreast of when and where the wake and funeral were. He was going to go, then he didn't want to, then he did, then he didn't.... It's all passed now and I hope he doesn't regret the fact that he ended up not going to either. On the other hand, he and his friends are remembering this boy and coping together in their own way. They've decided to wear red shirts on the first day of school because their friend's favorite color was red.... I guess we all have our own ways of dealing and coping. It's rather comforting to know that they are dealing, but on the other side of that, it pains me to think that they have to deal with such a loss at such a young age.

Although I am only able to give comfort to my son about his classmate, I can only hope that this boy's family come to heal as my thoughts go out to him and his family. A lesson that we can all take away from this is that we should cherish our loved ones every opportunity that we have so that we never have to regret the things that were left unsaid. We should learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. (a quote that comes to mind.... Not mine though)

 So many thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about this young Kevin Bella who would be missing out on so much more of what potentially could have been "the rest of his life". I thought about the family he left behind and how much so many more of their 'lives" they would miss him at in their lives. I thought about his many friends and how they wouldn't be able to call him up and say, "Wow! Dude! That sucked! Hey, let's hang out..." after the wake. His sudden death was such a shock to everybody. Quite literally a "one minute he was there, and the next minute, he was gone..." and that was it. A single moment in time when everything changes. Shattering, altering, jarring... Whatever you want to call it. A single moment and the world changed for those closest to this young boy.

It all stems from a reality based lesson that I re-learn from time to time and I'll admit, some hit harder than others. The effects of seeing tragedies, whether they are grand scale or not, affects me in a way that it causes me to think seriously about the course of my life. Sometimes I linger too long in the shallows, where negativity and bad feelings fester in the cloudy pools of muck, when clearer waters lay so close. All it would take is to tromp away from the muck and ooze and clean off in the clean waters and wade out to a nicer place, but I have to ask why it is that I linger a little too long in the shallows. Then I have to ask myself why it is that I keep coming back to everything that should mean so little and not concentrate on the things that aren't trivial. Deeper thoughts reveal a guilt I sometimes feel that needs to be rectified, deeper insights may reveal an anger issue I thought I had rid myself of. Self introspection is something one cannot run away from when everything gets thrown onto you all at once and trying to sort through everything can sometimes seem overwhelming. That's when I strap up my ass kicking boots and clear away the crap with a sledgehammer and a shovel and deal with what I can. I deal with the things that I "own". I can't help some of the things I don't since some of the problems I got thrown into was not necessarily mine. I was tossed in, without warning, without a word... Thrown into the lion's den with no weapons in the first round, into someone else's crap so that they wouldn't be the only ones drowning in their own troubles. But through much thought and rationalizing, I always come to the same conclusions and I end up crawling out of the muck and walking away from what ever self induced misery that others seem to put themselves in and stop letting them drag me in to drown me in their sorrows along with them. Life is too short and I haven't the time to wallow in someone else's muck when I'm doing my best to wash away my own.

May a thousand angels carry you home, Kevin. Know that people who knew you and many of those that didn't send along positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Love and hugs to you and yours go out to you from me and mine. Rest now.

Roping them back in.....

As we get closer to the end of summer vacation, I need to start reining the kids back in again. And of course, it falls on me to get the shit done. Getting them back onto a schedule, getting them back into a routine. Getting them back into the groove of things and making sure that they are back in line and ready for the upcoming new school year.

It's not an easy task when the kids are all still in denial that their summer vacation is about to come to a close. But that doesn't mean I can't NOT get all the ducks back in a row and that they are following the proper protocols and getting done the things they need to do and falling back into line. I mean during the vacation, they have all the time in the world to clean their rooms and make their beds and get their shoes lined up by the door and put their stuff away and all that other crap, but when school takes up a good chunk of their time? We have to resort back to the schedule or the shit is just not going to get done and I won't tolerate THAT kind of backsliding.

:sigh: I know that they might see me as being somewhat of a bitch now, but my hopes are that one day they realize I would have been doing them a disservice had I NOT raised them properly. That there was a reason why I made them get the things they needed to do, done and getting a job done means getting a job done well and all that other happy shit that I get all sorts of O.C.D. with them about. I hope they realize that was because I wanted them to grow to be proper adults who know how to get shit done on time and well. In the meantime, I must live through the constant barrage of eye rolls and exasperated sighs. It's all good though.

Last Hurrahs!

In an effort to try and give my kids some last hurrahs, we have decided that we were going to attempt a summertime snowball fight. You are now asking yourself, "What the hell is a summertime snowball fight?" Let me explain:

The kids and I watched some stupid movie. I don't even remember what it was, but we did come away with this awesome idea. A summertime snowball fight. Cut up pieces of nylon stockings, knotted, filled with flour and knotted at the other end. VOILA! "Snowball". You make about a gojillion of them, divide them up between all the players, goggle up and send them flying! They hit, POOF! Cloud of flour. Pick it up and throw it again until they're empty. Have fun. What's the problem? Just like with any other "fun" activity, it's messy.

Yes, it's messy. It's gross and oh my god, did I mention it's messy? Yeah. It's messy. But I can guarantee, it is a fun time, a great photo op when everyone is covered in flour and with a hose, everything and everyone cleans up pretty quickly, and as an added bonus, you have just created a memory with your kids that is going to last a lifetime. I mean, come on! What kid is going to forget something like that? Yet there are parents who will shy away from this sort of shit because "it makes a mess". Hello? THAT is what childhood is supposed to be. Messy with glitter and paint and clay and mud and "what the hell is this??!??" and sticky stuff and gooey things and slimy crap and stuff that may or may not wash out, and let's not forget that stuff that smells funny and that no one knows what it is. They shouldn't be afraid of any of that stuff! If you teach them to fear stuff from the get go, they live with fears all their lives. Not cool.

You don't get to "redo" things. This is VERY true with the raising of your children. Sure, there may be things that I wish I would have done differently. Maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did or said some of the things that I did, but the things I AM doing are FAR outweighing the things that I have done and I think that makes all the difference in the world. At least I hope I am. I'm not perfect and I am going to make mistakes. I admit that to my kids. I think that it's important for all parents to admit to their kids when they are wrong. It says, "No one is perfect, but it is important that we are able to admit that and take the steps to correct our mistakes." But this childhood stuff is very fleeting and goes by in an instant. And there's SO much stuff you have to fit in into that brief moment. Why should it be of apprehension of new things, being creative, getting messy and trying something? It shouldn't. These are things we should be nurturing in our children.

It's not the most easy task, but it is the most rewarding when I actually see the results of my handiwork. When my children are the ones going out and doing. When my children are the ones who are pioneering the path and they are the first ones in line. When my children are the ones who are showing the rest of the world that they can, and even if they fall, they are the ones who get right back up and try again. As it ought to be. We're ready to take on another round of messy fun that'll probably make a huge mess, but will leave lasting and positive impressions in their lives. KEWL. Bring it!

Get ready..... Get set.....

Not too many days left of being able to sleep all day until I get tired.... School begins in a few days and we all have to get used to early and hurried mornings and firmed up schedules and the general craziness that comes with a school year. We'll be going back to the hustle and bustle of our regularly scheduled program. We'll use these last few days to squeeze in as much fun or whatever that we can and enjoy what's left of this thing called summer vacation.

Between water balloons, sparklers, summertime snowballs, water squirters, and stuff like that, I am hoping that we can squeeze in some last minute fun. The fun time clock is slowly winding down and the seconds seems to be ticking away faster and faster, but it feels like there is so much more fun that is left to be had....

:sigh: We got spoiled by the summer vacation and reality is going to be bringing it all to a screeching halt. It won't be long before the alarm clock will be waking us at o'dark hundred and the regular routine comes screaming back at us telling us to get our asses out of bed to get back to the regularly scheduled program. Yay..... I miss the first day of summer vacation already.....

Every TIME!!!!!!!!

My teen does things to push my buttons. A lot. He says it's "just to be a pain in the ass..." Well, at least he's honest about it. I mean we have a relatively good relationship even though he thinks I'm an ultra mega Dork-a-zoid. We talk about things and we are able to communicate with each other about all manner of things, which is kind of cool.

My biggest beef with him right now is that I don't really have any good recent photos of him. Don't get me wrong, I have recent pictures of him. I have tons of recent pictures of all the kids. But the teen's pictures are not very flattering. He's always making the goofy faces or covering his face with his hand at the last second. :sigh:

He says he makes the faces because he's making fun of me and the way I look in pictures. I've tried to explain to him that it isn't on purpose. I just look like a moron in pictures all the time because I'm not very photogenic. He says to me, "Seriously? Wow.... I'm so sorry..... That's pretty..... special, mom..."

How am I supposed to respond to that? You know, so I say, "Gee thanks kid.... I can't help that I'm funny looking. Be thankful that you don't look like me." Ya know? It'd be nice if, at this point, he would put up a protest and say something like, "Nah, mom! You're so pretty!" Even if it's just lip service, ya know? But, no. He giggles and agrees with me.

So I then proceed to beg and plead for him to let me take one picture of him NOT making a face or something and..... Yeah. It didn't happen. :s

Teen Convos....

My teen has his buddies over at the house often and they hang out in his room (two doors down from mine) and talk or he communicates with his friends on the phone or online or on his XBox.... It's the most ridiculous and inane bunch of blabbering I've ever heard! I realize that he and his friends think that they are having serious conversations about serious things and it's all VERY important to them, but some of the conversations are seriously barely a step above stupid. Example: (Part of an ACTUAL  conversation that I transcribed, word for word just the other day.....)

"So, like.... I was all, like..... "Dude!" And he was all, like, "What?" And I was, like, all sorts of, like, "Dude..."

"I KNOW! And remember when he was all, like, "Whoa!" and like was all like "DUDE!"

And after listening to an hour of that... (And I swear, that was the content of the whole hour long conversation.) I was ready to tear my hair out. I think I may have lost some IQ points and some of my brain cells were reported to have committed suicide. I heard the words, "dude", "whoa", "like" and "all" more times in 15 minutes than one would hear in both "Bill and Ted" movies. (Did I just date myself a little there? Perhaps I did.... )

I get that, to them, these are very important conversations and that they are moving mountains and changing the world with every word. I get that for the time being, these conversations are completely relevant and revolutionary. I can also understand that right now, THIS is what their lives are all about and that is their world. But in all honesty..... Well...... Really? I swear I went a little crossed eyed by the time they were done.

Out of curiosity, wondering whether ANY of them knew what the hell they were talking about, I went to my son's room and simply said, "Huh??!??" So, he explained. Apparently, "....throughout a whole entire day of school some time last year, there were a few individuals who were causing trouble and wreaking havoc throughout the school, but by the end of the day, they were apprehended, totally busted and suspended... It was pretty awesome because these guys are real jerks and they were so cocky and thought they wouldn't get caught, but they did.... :snicker: Epic!"

I guess it's a teen thing or whatever, but an hour long conversation using only the words "like", "all", "dude", and "whoa" conveyed all of that... Go figure. I need to brush up on my "Teen-ese" or something.... I wonder if they make a "Rosetta Stone" for that.... :s

PMS Bunny......

Yes, I sleep with a teddy.... Actually, I call it PMS (pronounced pims) bunny. It used to be PMS bear, but Puppy Guts killed him, so I had to get another. Unfortunately, they didn't have any more bears, so I got a bunny.

It is a microwaveable stuffy that stays nice and warm and soothes away stresses with a light lavender-y scent. I wuvs my PMS bunny.... Shut up. You're just jealous.

More picture issues.....

It's bad enough that there really aren't any great pictures of me. Hell, I'd settle for a good picture or even a decent picture.... No such luck. I am the epitome of NON-photogenic. With that being said however, in going through some old pictures of myself, still with the same stupid look and doofy smile and that certain "special quality" on my face in all of those pictures, I came to realize something. I really haven't changed much.

I have seen people I had "grown up with" and I have to say, some of them have NOT aged well. Yeah....the  "That 21 years since high school really have not been kind to you...." type of "not aged well". (Yes.... Do the math... I'm 39...)  I know a few that haven't changed at all, I mean AT ALL and I kind of wonder whether or not they made some deal with the devil or something, ya know?

So, there I was, looking at pictures of myself from back in elementary school, middle school, high school and it was weird. Same stupid, crooked, idiotic smile, goofy look, "special" quality, but other than hair color, hair style, and maybe some more freckles, I still look like the same idiot in the pictures from back then... I'm certainly the same height since I haven't grown since the sixth grade. I'm the same weight. Hell, I still have T-shirts from back then that I still wear. It's almost like looking at the same goofy picture.... Creepy.....

So?

I've been tired of having to have to make apologies for who I am and it seems like sometimes I'm still doing it anyway. I am not talking about making apologies because I was wrong. I am not talking about saying "I'm sorry" because I did something wrong. I am talking about having to say, "Yeah.... Sorry.... It's who I am...." because I got a strange look from someone or I got some disapproving tongue click because someone didn't approve of the way I am. I always end up thinking back at the moment and ask myself, "Why the fuck did I apologize for that shit??!?? It's not as if I needed their approval for who I am or what I did..." The feeling never really lasts long and I'm usually over it by the time the next thought hits a second later, but it sometimes gives me pause to think about it.

I've gotten a lot better about not doing it and the higher I hold my head up and go about my business, the less people notice. It proves to me that people really do fear "different" and are willing to go about bullying that "different" out of someone and make them become what these people who are afraid define as "normal". Boring. Cookie cutter. Just like everyone else. Just like themselves. It seems if I look apologetic about who I am, it can be beaten out of me. And people will take full advantage of a person's weakness because, let's face it, people are shitty creatures. People fear change. People fear the different.

I tried to reason out where this fear comes from. Is it that they are afraid that "different" is bad or is it that they are so unhappy with their own lives that they need to bring down everybody else into their sinking ship of a miserable existence. I mean, it has to be pretty miserable just being. Not having an original thought or having the creativity to be something other than "normal"... It's not like I'm running around in Spiderman Underoos and chaps, a sequined disco top, feather boa, giant Elton John glasses and a day glo green beret, while singing the llama song at the top of my lungs and doing the cha cha in public. I guess I seem pretty normal on the outside. (Maybe save for the multicolored hair and the t-shirt of the day that may or may not have some snarky comment on it or something....). It's what happens on the inside that sometimes makes me stand out. ESPECIALLY when the stuff on the inside spills out in my outside voice. The "censor" in my brain that filters the stuff that comes out of my mouth malfunctions sometimes. I make strange observations or weird jokes or whatever and that shit just comes right out of my mouth. (Want proof? Mine and Puppy Guts' Facebook page totally reads that way....) What can I say? But I don't think that it merits some of the reactions that it does.

I get how most people are so wrapped up in the way other people perceive them. I don't get that at all, but there you have it. There is a certain persona or facade that people want the world to see and that the thoughts of those in the world around them are more important than just being themselves. What the fuck kind of life is that? Here you are having to crush the very thing that you are simply because it matters more to you what others think about you. How the fuck does that make any kind of sense?

I mean, think about it. These people have to act one way when they're with "friends", act another when they're with their other "friends", there's a different persona when they're out in public, another when they're with family..... What the hell kind of shit is that? Wouldn't it be so much easier if they were who they were all the time to everyone they encountered? I guess it wouldn't be so great if one was an absolute cunt or douchewad or pansy assed pussy, but honestly.... Wouldn't those things be fixed if these people were to do the right thing, fix their god damned mistakes, make them right, move along and NOT act like an absolute cunt or douchewad or pansy assed pussy?

I won't be making too many more apologies for who and what I am. Unless I was being an absolutely malicious cunt wad or something, in which case, I would, but having been on the receiving end of some pretty brutally malicious shit over my lifetime, I reserve being a malicious cunt wad only for REALLY deserving assholes, and in that case, they will have deserved my wrath, so no apologizing there.... Meh.... This was all just a random thought really.... I will probably have to go and reflect on this one some more.....

It's not MY fault you're stupid....

Some people seriously need a tap on the head...... with a hammer. Or maybe perhaps a slap in the face...... with a metal folding chair. Or maybe even just a smack on the butt.... with the front bumper of a souped up American muscle car going at some ridiculous speed. How about a punch in the face...... with a jack hammer. You know those people. They're thicker than two thick things stuck together thick-ways... You know, whatever....

Stubby....

I am a very ill proportioned person. I have a long trunk and short stubby legs. (Although I am rather thankful that I am taller than I am wide...) I am short (I don't think I'm even of "average" height), wiry and nothing is proportionate. But everything functions and everything works and it all works for me. I'm kind of awesome like that! :)

Happy!

A little happy moment! Sometimes it's great to stop and take a few to celebrate one, even if it's not that big of a deal. It could be something as simple as a great cup of coffee or finding a twenty in the wash. Yup.... My geriatric dog taught me that. Yesterday, I watched him find a sunny spot on the floor and roll around in it for like a solid three minutes and fall asleep right there.

I think we forget to take time and be grateful and stuff for the little happy moments that we are blessed with because they aren't BIG events. Life really isn't about of series of big events though. It's really all about the little ones that lead up to the big ones.

Thanks Otis....

I am DURRRRR?

I will never claim that I am a super genius because, well.... I'm not. I'm not stupid by any stretch of the imagination and I can do alright in a conversation using big words and stuff... I can do math and spell and tie my shoes. I function.

Enter my complaint. I don't dress to please anybody else. I dress for comfort. I keep my hair in a whole array of colors from "natural tones" to pinks and blues. So, based solely on the way I look, there are people who assume I'm none too bright. Whatever. They can think what they'd like. That's fine. It's the people who think it necessary to point out to me that they find that the way I dress or look makes me look less than intelligent. The ones who go out of their way to get my attention and speak slowly and let me know what they think.... Which is fine. But MAN these people really can't take what they dish out and they have NO sense of humor at all....

I'm not one for keeping my mouth shut, especially in situations like this. And I also think that if people are going to open their mouths, they should expect a reply. I mean, just because someone thinks I'm an idiot and goes out of their way to let me know that they believe me to be mentally deficient, it doesn't mean I'm not going to fire back with some kind of a retort about what I feel about them. The looks of shock when I lay down (to cause as MUCH public shame to them as I possibly can) a response to their ignorant statements is priceless though.

Summertime Fare.....

Summertime brings the nommy nom-ness of barbecue... Meat and meat and... um..... MEAT. Did I mention the meat? Yeah I guess some grilled veggies would be nice too, but MEAT.

I love sitting outside and sniffing all the wonderful aromas. Someone is ALWAYS barbecuing somewhere and that nommy smell gets wafted from far and wide, doesn't it? I love the smell of the searing meat and sometimes with BBQ sauce, sometimes not. Spiced, herbed, marinated, rubbed.... Whatever. It's all good! I'm not picky! MEAT!

I am hoping that I am able to consume MORE barbecue noms than I ever have before, making THIS YEAR a record breaking year.... And I want to be able to do that every year from here on out. :sigh: BLISS! Bring on the barbecue!

No bacons..... :(

I don't understand HOW someone can mistake MY food for THEIR food.... I buy the bacon. I cook up bacon. I put it in the fridge. It's packaged up all nice-y nice, labeled and hidden away, but no. SOME PEOPLE think that they are well within their rights to nom on my bacon even though it says on the label, "MIA'S BACON!!!! DON'T MOTHER FUCKING TOUCH MY BACON. Thank you."

:sigh: I have a sad now because I has no bacons.... This sucks ass.

Time out fails.....

Time outs really only work if the person giving the time out truly means it and backs up that time out with actions and words. A simple conversation explaining why the child was put there, the reasons why that behavior was unacceptable and be able to discuss this with the child AFTER he/ she is able to speak calmly and coherently. They also have to know that your actions are going to be consistant EVERY time and that harsher punishment will be doled if the behavior continues. They need to know that the behavior WILL NOT be tolerated and that punishment will ensue.

Time out is a great time for both the offended and the offendee can take a moment to calm down and rationally think about things before coming back to discuss. It never does ANY amount of good when you're both pissed off anyway. The child is pissed because he/ she got caught and got in trouble. The parent is pissed because, well, what the hell was he/ she thinking, thinking that <WHATEVER THE OFFENSE WAS> was a good idea??!?? You taught them better than that, right? Well, it's time to lay down the hammer and make sure that he/ she knows not to EVER do that again.... Right? And once THAT happens, he/ she WON'T ever do that again..... Right?

Yeah, right.....

Pictures....

My Puppy Guts and I have a lot of pictures of ourselves that are taken in a "self shot" manner. My arms aren't long enough so we have quite a few that are out of focus and right up the nose. Puppy Guts has arms that are longer and we have a few pretty decent shots too. There are pictures of us in all sorts of places with all sorts of people taken during our random rabble rousing adventures. It's become something of a "thing" for us and it also helps to make a little momento of all the things that we've done when we rabble rouse.

Pictures are a funny thing. Going back through old photos to a moment that you had forgotten, but it all becomes as clear to you as if it happened yesterday. Sometimes, you remember your exact thoughts when the picture was taken. You remember the moment, you remember the occasion, everything. Other times, you're looking at the picture and you're thinking, "When the hell was this taken and where the fuck was I?" There are probably picture that bring you back and make you think, "Oh my GOD! I look like such a dork!" (Which for me, is more often than for most....) It's a pretty cool thing, pictures.

It's the reason why I like that Puppy Guts and I photo document our lives. From the little moments to the big ones, we have pictures of everything so that one day, when we're stupid old and stuff, we can look back on these memories and say, "THAT was a fun day, wasn't it?" and keep on having things to talk about even then.

Crap! Back to the drawing board!

Some of my "well thought out plans" are sometimes SO well thought out, it leaves no margin for error and that's when things go VERY wrong. It's generally issues with TIMING that screw me up in order to get to where I need to on time, planning out dinner for that evening from start to end, my coffee/ caffeine/ energy drink consumption...

These well thought out plans generally don't account for the timing thing. Of course this is something I know about all too well and I know myself well enough to know that this is always going to be an issue and yet I still haven't learned my lesson and I still don't account for the timing thing when I plan things out.

Quirk? Part of my charm? I don't know.... It's a thing though....

Sleeping in.....

Yup.... I did it... And it was awesome.

Me and Caffeinated Beverages......

I probably shouldn't be drinking so many caffeinated beverages and energy drinks, but there are times when I can't function without the jolt of YAY! first thing in the morning. I think 90% of it is the self perceived need for it, but it's that 10% that screams for it like an addict at methadone clinic. Sometimes, I overdo it. I've posted about it. And considering the fact that I KNOW what high doses of caffeine does to me, you would think I would learn NOT to keep doing it, but..... I do.

My focus is gone, my attention span is diminutive and I run around like a five year old after a birthday party. I go until my body is physically exhausted, and at night, my mind is still racing like a ferret on crack. It's pretty special.

Self Defense?

It surprises me how naive some people really are about self defense and how ignorant they are about what REALLY happens in a street fight. Making something work in the sterile environment of a dojo, with a static partner or sparring with someone under the "rules of the sport" does not a fighter make. RARELY does that shit happen on the street, if EVER (okay... It NEVER happens in the street like that...) and it's NEVER like in the movies. It is dirty, it is vicious, it is visceral, it is animal, it is crazy and generally, it is over in seconds. Not MINUTES like in the movies or in "sports" and tournaments.

So, here they spend YEARS of training in some "dojo" with white guys trying to pretend that they are all sorts of Asian and pretend to be deeply immersed in the culture or whatever and they learn how to "properly execute moves". When executed "perfectly" in a street fight? Well, likely, you aren't going to be able to pull it off in time and the fight is over, you've already lost and you're bleeding from the nose, your eye is swelling shut and you are face down in the dirt wondering what the hell just happened. How'd that "self defense" shit that took you years to learn work out for ya?

Just wondering was all.....

Sounds....

For some people, the sound of nails on a chalk board is intolerable. For others, it might be the sound of crying babies, yet for still others, the sound of a fork  scraping on a plate. It's weird how different sounds will affect different people. I don't know if it's the frequency or the tonal quality or what the deal is, but there are certain sounds that will affect different people in different ways.

It's funny how people's minds will process stimuli. Sight, smell, sound, touch, taste... And depending on who you're talking to, some will find certain things to be pleasant while others will find those same things to be intolerable. Strange.

Sounds are a weird one. I first really started thinking about it when I was in the hospital after having had my first son. They carted him away in his little bassinet after a spent some quality bonding time with the little guy. I didn't think it was possible, but I knew his smell, I knew his cry, I knew his feel.... And I didn't even know it at first. Lo and behold, after some time later (and the most awesome shower in the world EVER), I hear the sound of bassinets being wheeled back into rooms. I heard my son crying and identified the one crying as mine right away. What do you know... I was right. He was hungry. (Surprise....)

At first I thought it was some weird coincidence, but I came to find it really wasn't a coincidence thing. Out of a roomful of babies at a party during an attempt at a synchronized nap, I knew which cry was his. Being at a friends house we each knew which one of our babies was crying, even from another part of the house. How weird....

I tried to think of other things related to sounds that seem to affect people.... The "four chord song" phenomena is something that I come back to a lot. I mean music affects us all in a different way. Certain genres of music are awesome to some people, while those same genres might be considered crap by others. The tonal quality of peoples' voices. Isn't it funny how one person could find someone's voice to be grating and annoying, but someone else finds their voice soothing and angelic? How about certain noises like sirens and stuff? It all affects different people in different ways, ya know?

Just another random thought that I thought I'd share.....

Morbid fascination.....

I'm not sure what it is about car wrecks and news stories about death (the gorier and messy the better) and the detailed reports of some kind of horrendous crime that people find so fascinating... I mean, come on. You can't tell me that you haven't slowed down to see a car wreck that happened on the other side of the highway and all the first responders are running around and trying to save the occupants from the car or cars involved in said accident. You can't tell me that you've never gotten engrossed in a news story because of something grisly that happened caught your attention.... Time stood still when they announced the OJ Simpson verdict, didn't it? We heard all the gory details about what that piece of shit did to those two people... (COME ON! Nobody thought that he was innocent. Puh-leeeease!) Everyone became enthralled with the whole story.

People have this innate fascination with morbid shit like that. Maybe it's a, "Wow! Well, I'm glad that wasn't me! That must suck for THAT person!" thing or what, but people are drawn to the morbid. A good portion of the time, I think people forget that the victims of these incidents are people just like you and I. REAL human beings that have thoughts and emotions and are feeling everything (or in some cases felt...) and experienced what happened to them. Have people become desensitized to that fact?

I mean, we hear people say things like, "That's AWFUL!" or "How terrifying that must have been!" and shit like that, but there are people that I've met that just don't seem to understand or process the actuality sometimes. Call it the "this could never happen to me" syndrome, but they are so ignorant to the fact that what they are reading about in the paper or seeing on the news was an actual experience that happened to someone.

I don't understand the people who will mull around an accident scene to see what happened. I don't get the bystanders who would rather stand around and video an incident to put on youtube than step in to help. I can't even wrap my mind around what the thought processes of people who just don't get the fact that reality is happening around them and it is NOT some fake occurrence going on for their amusement. And yet here these people are, vapor locked and eyeballing and ogling what's going on in apparent fascination about everything.... It's kind of sick if you ask me.... Just sayin'.....

Well, THAT was unexpected!

Shocked.... SHOCKED I AM!!!! A new study saying how diet soda contributes to obesity? That maybe perhaps these "new fad diets" aren't really all that good for you? Being overweight may be directly related to the way people eat?

ARE YOU SHITTING ME??!?? Are people SO fucking stupid that we have to have "studies" to tell us what we should already know? :face palm:

That money that paid for this study could have been put to so much better use, like educating people on how to eat better or how to have a healthier lifestyle and how to make those changes in their lives, efficiently and easily. But, no. We needed a fucking study about what is or at the very least should be common knowledge. It's pure stupidity. No wonder we're all on the highway to hell.... :s

Senshido Connecticut...

The beginnings of Senshido Connecticut  have been slow going and in this economy, people aren't spending the money. To top it off, most people don't think that they need the type of training that we offer. But, that's not going to stop us. We'd never give up on what we're doing and throw in the towel. We are going to keep laying the foundations and build a solid structure for something that we truly believe in, just like we did for the relationship that we have.

We've managed to get our foot in the door at a few places. We've done a seminar for the Connecticut chapter of the Guardian Angels. We've run seminars at Specter Tactical. We've done a few private seminars here and there and it's been quite a hoot. We have our own YouTube channel. We've handed out or put up hundreds of cards. We've completed our t-shirt designs. Get this high tech method! We each took a picture of each other in the passive stance, I traced the outline of it off the computer screen, and I shaded the fucking thing in, leaving white outlines so it didn't all look like a blob. Gave us some neat anime hair and VOILA! Our t-shirt designs. (Mine are the only ones that come in puppy paws pink so don't ask.)  We are every bit the well intentioned start up company if ever there was one.

We live in uncertain times. Of that, there is not doubt. We live in a dangerous time and danger is really around every corner. Wrong place, wrong time and FLABAMMO! Something bad can happen. It's more commonplace than not these days. And here we are, trying to offer a service that may actually be the difference between becoming a statistic or prevailing. And it can be learned, absorbed and accomplished in a three or four hour time period, instead of years of  having to train. The great thing about it is that even a small framed (5'2", 97 lbs.) woman like myself can make the shit work on someone twice my size, which I have made happen in seminars we've run. I have the grace of a drunken walrus, I am a spaz of epic proportions and yet I can still get the concepts to work and work well. I've posted about Senshido before HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. Take the time to read back through. It's okay. I'll wait......

Hey! Welcome back! (Well, for those who went and took the time to click on the links....) I'm not trying to sell a snake oil here. Anyone can actually make these concepts work.  My Puppy Guts has used it for real multiple times in the course of his day (night) job. It's not a graceful "art" by any stretch of the imagination, but it does work. We're just gonna keep at it and make sure that we enlighten as many people that we can because both Puppy Guts and I believe that being well prepared and ready and safe is better than being ill prepared and fucked if the shit should hit the fan. We can't always count on the kindness of strangers to do the right thing any more. Sometimes, we are forced to deal with things on our own because that's what people are these days. (It's called the "bystander effect". Look it up on Googlie Google....) Something happens and it's shoulda, coulda, woulda..... The biggest regrets of people start with that...

I've tried to explain how simple to use and apply, the concepts of Senshido is. Being able to deliver mild discomfort to someone to get their attention all the way to ruining them so badly, their mom's wouldn't be able to recognize them (if they survived...) and every stop in between. It's a valuable self defense concept that even someone like myself can use, apply, manipulate and get to work despite my lack of coordination, strength, size and ability (or really, lack thereof....) and I am a spazoid of EPIC proportions. (I have the rare talent of being able to trip on my own feet while standing still...) I mean, I've trained in a few different "martial arts" and it was difficult for me to apply those "skills"  and get them to work on an opponent in the sterile environment of the dojo. Yes, for most people, those dojo ballet dance moves will be executed properly on a static partner or with a partner not using live energy at full speed. But that's not real life, is it. Just because you can get it to work on the mats doesn't mean you're going to get it to work out on the streets when your life or the life of the person/ people that are with you might depend on it. How comforting is that? Years of training in "self defense" and if you question for a second, "Is this going to fail?" You're in deep shit. 

And really? Honestly? For someone at my size, with my build, my need to hug the floor all the time, with my face (because I didn't "trip".... Well.... Fine I did, but still....)? Am I really going to get the dojo dancing to keep me and mine safe if I can't even get it to work or execute the moves themselves without hurting myself? Senshido eliminates those concerns because they are concepts that we already know how to do. It hasn't left the primal parts of our brains. It is a caveman/ animal reaction that just needs to be unleashed. The concepts don't need to be "taught". One only needs to be taught that they have them and how to apply them. My spaz moments may happen, but they can still be incorporated into the constant barrage of attacks that I can continue to deliver, despite my "moments". It's so simple, cavemen used to do it. 

We wholly believe in the Senshido concepts and we will spread the word to anyone who'll listen. For all others, do carry on, but don't ever say I didn't warn you.

Summer's here....

Yup! Well into the swing of the summertime. It's hot and humid, but that doesn't stop some people from going out and doing summertime stuff. Enter my complaint about this.....

What is the deal with some of these morbidly obese people, walking around in barely there clothes that leaves little to the imagination or in some cases, no clothes at all that just makes it all too real? Unclothed or somewhat clothed, believe me when I say, even if these people were wearing a tent, I wouldn't want to imagine anything. The only thing I want to imagine is them on a different continent, or at least the very least, not in my line of sight. Cheese and crawl! What makes these people think that it's okay to go out in public looking like that? Honestly? As much as I hear that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all, (and believe me, I get it! I am a funny looking woman and yet my Puppy Guts thinks I'm BEAUTIFUL.... I don't ever want him to get his eyes checked.... EVER...) but, WHAT THE FUCK!

Obesity is a sickness. Not just of the body, but of the mind. For one to be in such denial about it and think, "It's not that bad..." or say things like, "but I'm in perfect health..." or blame it on genetics or a "hormonal imbalance" or being "big-boned" or "I've been trying, but..." while stuffing their fat gobs full of crap that they shouldn't be eating... Really? That is a sickness of the mind. It's wrong and it is disgusting. Shoving down a whole shitload of crap and washing it down with a diet soda (which is also VERY disgusting....) does not a healthy diet make either!

The unfortunate thing is that this plague of obesity is becoming far too commonplace. It's fucking EVERYWHERE! It's really no wonder fat people think it's okay to be fat when there are SO many varying degrees of fat to choose from these days. When "fat" is the norm, it's difficult to see that being "not as fat" still isn't healthy. It's just a lesser degree of being fat and people just don't understand that. Instead of seeking out and going for "healthy" they are just seeking out lesser degrees of being fat. How is that supposed to be okay? Because it's not.

Then, these people hand down this cockamamie bullshit idea that "healthy" isn't normal or is ridiculous or impossible and that being the lesser degrees of being fat is okay. No wonder there are more fat kids running around these days! What the fuck is going on? This is another example of the human race slipping down that downward spiral into hell..... DID WE NOT SEE THE MOVIE, "WALL-E"??!?? That's where the fuck we're headed people!

We need to start making being healthy and fit "normal". Start getting up off our asses and wanting it for ourselves. We need to stop making excuses about not doing it. In such an instant gratification world that we live in, I realize that "right now, right now, right now!" is something that everyone wants, and unfortunately, they feel that way about their food as well. Microwave gourmets and heat-it-up chefs are SO abundant and cooking from scratch is scoffed... We have FOOD PORN CHANNELS that teach us how to easily make nommy food from scratch. Healthier alternatives to the crap you stick into the microwave! Sure, it's not a two minute easy fix, but isn't worth the time to spend thirty minutes for a step towards a healthier lifestyle?

People need to take responsibility of their own health and wellbeing. Healthy diet, exercise and working towards being fit instead of being happy with a lesser degree of being fat. It's really not a matter of making excuses and saying, "Well, I'm busy and don't have time to devote becoming a gym rat..." Think about how many hours you sit in front of the tv on your ass... Couldn't that time be better spent going for a walk or actually making something healthy to eat? Small steps like that really DO make a difference! It doesn't have to be a giant and complete lifestyle change, but a small step in the right direction can make a world of difference!

Mama cat.....

Now, having spent some time away from my little ones because they are spending part of the summer with their dad, I find myself in a rut of boredom. There are no little ones to have "interesting conversations" with, no tea parties to be had, no "which car would be better on GTA" no "can we read this book?", "can we play this game?", "can we go to the park?", "no can my friend <whoever> come over for a play date?".... No laundry, not too much cleaning or cooking, no schedules, not even relaxed schedules... No nothing. I mean sure. I know that it's important to make sure that I have some relaxation time, but quite honestly? I was bored after about four hours without them... :s

Happy Birthday, Puppy Guts!

My Dearest Puppy Guts,
Today is your birthday and guess what? I love you more today than I did yesterday! Today is your special day, although, for me, the every moment of every day that you spend with me is ALWAYS special.... Every day has been a gift and they have only gotten better and will only continue to get better. Thanks for being born! :) I love you all over the place! XOXOX
Your Kitten Puddles, always!

GO OUTSIDE!!!!

I think I meet/ come across more kids that would rather be INSIDE on a summer day than out. WTF is that shit about? I remember being little and during the summer vacations going outside first thing in the morning and not coming home until the street lights came on... I mean, I get that we live in a different time and that it might not be safe for kids to be let out like that all day and stuff, but still. We WANTED to be outside and running and playing and stuff. Stuff like excessive heat and humidity didn't bother us! Hell no! We played outside in the rain, in the cold, in the heat, in the snow. It didn't fucking matter! It didn't affect us. We were immune to all of that shit!

I'm not sure whether it's because the kids have become so much more whiny sissy baby these days or because they're just fucking lazy, but I just don't see as many kids outside playing anymore. Then you've got your gaming consoles and computers with the internet and the little technology packed doodads and doojobbies..... It really makes me sick. And you can't exactly put all the blame on just the kids either. When the parents are big, fat, lazy couch potatoes and setting the example by not moving their wide and way too ample asses up and off the couch and be fit, I suppose it makes things difficult for kids to see that it is certainly NOT normal behavior.

It's summer vacation for crying out loud! All too soon, these kids are going to be complaining about being cooped up in a classroom all day and it being REQUIRED that they sit around on their asses. For the time being, get them outside and running around and playing and moving and keeping their bodies fit. Being fat is a disease that's plaguing the world. Eating healthy and actually MOVING is the cure. Go out and DO IT!

Happy Fourth of July!

Here we are again at another Fourth of July and as my yearly service announcement thing, I'm here to remind people what this day is really about. I know that it might come as quite a shock to some people, but today is NOT a holiday to get shit faced drunk,  be a barbecue glutton, and party like an asshole until fireworks time. It is not some foreign country pride day. It is not some "let's pretend to care today and go back about our business tomorrow!" day. 


Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. It is a celebration of our nation's history, government, and the traditions of the United States. Independence Day is the national day of the United States. 


It is American pride day. It is about Americans and OUR country and what made it great. The very beginnings of our great nation. It saddens me greatly as I see it fall to pieces, but it still doesn't stop me from being PROUD to be an American. Not Japanese American. Not Asian American. Nuh-uh. It's either that you are or you're not. I am an American. I bleed red, white and blue. 


So, Happy Fourth of July my fellow patriots! Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans! Let's show the world we haven't forgotten what this day is and show them that we are proud Americans! 

Pfft....

What is it about people and their need for their self importance and needing to show people around them how important and special they think themselves to be? :eye roll: It so sad to me that these people need to point it out. The fact that you need to point out your own self importance is.... Well, it's actually kind of pathetic. What is it about their need to feed their pathetic and fragile little egos?

If I didn't perceive you to be important enough for me to notice you, don't think that trying to point it out to me is going to make it better. Honestly. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Don't mind me as I point and laugh.

Intimidation.....

True intimidation only works when the intimidator is convincing AND the intimidatee is convinced. If something in that formula is off or not there, it just doesn't work. True intimidation can only be had when the actual follow through is imminent and there is true intent behind the words and the actions of the intimidator are thorough and complete . Otherwise, it is just worthy of my contempt. 


Nice try asshole.  And as a word of advice,  next time, try not to look so shocked when I shove your efforts back down your throat and laugh. It kinda gives away the fact that it was yet another half-assed and pathetic attempt. You know. Again.

Wannabe actors....

I hate those people who have to act out parts of movies that they've seen, like, ALL THE TIME.... Constantly quoting movies (and always the same ones) OVER AND OVER AND OVER again because they lack the imagination to come up with anything original on their own..... Oh my Bacon..... Get over yourselves. You look like an idiot and no one is really amused by you. Sit down and shut up. Asshole.

Yup.... It's Summer Vacation......

Now that the kids are well into their summer vacation and having enjoyed their first few days of freedom, they are running around and have their regular fair of fresh pancakes and bacon and sausage and they nom it up quick before scattering to the four winds to go about their business again.

Now that we are officially on summer vacation, I'd like to see the kids going out, playing outdoor games like baseball and frisbee and football as well as getting them to a sprinkle park where they can get wet and keep cool but still have the time of their lives. I'd like to picnic and barbecue, play all sorts of games like tag and freeze tag. Just get them all together for some super awesome family fun.

I realize that keeping 6 children entertained varying in ages fron 4 to 14 can be quite a challenge in itself, but I truly believe that between Puppy Guts and myself, we could really make it happen.....

 The logistics are all there. It's not like we haven't succeeded in stuff like this before, but this is summer vacation time and it seems as if it needs to be a bit more epic than when we do it when there's school going to.

We're still working out the details now and hopefully, we'll be able to pull something together quickly.  Some simple plans that work..... Wish us luck.: D

Puh-LEEASE!

I am so tired of listening to the, "No, but MY life is so much harder because..." stories from people who don't really have it rough, and are really just stupid pansies who wouldn't know what a REAL bad day was if it bit them on the ass. They probably wouldn't know how to handle a bad day if it came banging on the door and moved in either. They are just looking for attention to feed their fragile little egos.

I was recently complaining to someone and venting some of the frustrations to them. Mostly about money and how I can't afford to get things done in a normal way and often times I have to get creative in order make the ends meet and get the job done. Ahhh..... Creative financing.... Hell, it works though. Ebay has been somewhat of a help with that as I list more of mom's crap that I've saved and liberated from her evil basement of doom.  (Side trip! You see, mom's "basement of horrors" is a literal torture chamber for trinkets, baubles, jewelry, collectibles and so much more. They get purchased by this woman and end up stored in a plastic bin, never to see the light of day ever again..... That was until I started braving the endless dangers by traversing the always changing maze of boxes in that evil place and freeing them from what would have been their eternal resting place. The monsters down there are merciless and wicked, probably summoned by the devil himself..... Fine. They're only spiders, but they're REALLY big ones and I swear that have it in for me! And, honestly? The pit of vipers and the lake of fire is a little much. But trek forth, I do, so that I may liberate these hapless prisoners from their dark prisons at great risk of injury to myself, and brought back blinking into the light, they are put up here in the hopes that they find a better place to be for a better future. And besides, there's a "finder's keepers" rule at mom's house ESPECIALLY when it comes to stuff in the basement.)

ANYWAY, these items that I manage to recue and liberate from that dark evil place gets put up on Ebay for a ridiculously low price, (I once sold Villeroy and Boch plater worth $200 for $65. I've sold $4000 dollar hand made, hand stitched Japanese silk obis for $250. I am also the desparate type that sold an original Reuben Nakian print worth several thousand dollars for $1500.... This was at a time when I was overwhelmed with overdue and late bills and everything else that wasn't paid in months and it all got thrown into my lap because it was apparently my problem now.... A few years ago, the scraping and scrimping for money here and there and letting these buyers get away with some of the greatest bargains they're EVER going to see in their lives, just so I could put oil in the tank for heat and hot water, keep the electricity so that we could have lights and amenities and running water, the cable, which was also the heart of my business and also the source for the only working landline in the house, keeping to date with car insurance, getting a new car, getting my eldest son to the after school program he need to get the extra help that he desperately had to have to help him in school and to top it off, I had to go to some rather unsavory places so that I, as a newly single woman and mom of four went to find financial help in order to take care of my children and feed them and keep them healthy (yes, STATE AID people) only to be told that I didn't qualified for the cash assistance because I was OVER qualified (I guess broke, a legal American, having paid into the system, being of non-hispanic decent, and working to the best of my abilities from home and actually paying bills and barely scraping by was overqualified.....) But at least I had food and medical. Those really were the biggest chunks of the list.

These days, I pay out the 50-60 dollars that I pay my parents a week to help offset their costs on top of doing work for them in all too many capacities that leaves me either staring at a computer screen for far too long or going off on some scavenger hunt for an item that doen't exist... And to be back in time to make sure that I am home in time to take care of all the kids and hang out with them, help them get their homework done, cook supper, do bedtime routines and whatnot, only to get stuck behind a computer again, so that I can continue to pay off my debts and pay bills and make sure that my children have everything that they need. 

Then I get some soft headed, insensitive moron telling me, "Oh, that's nothing! I missed out on nail appointment with Monique that took me a week to get!" Apparently it's because "she's THAT good" and I'm supposed to give a shit? I don't have the right to short circuit a little? Really? These pampered, spoiled, self-centered little bitches (male and female, mind you) need to shut the fuck up. ESPECIALLY when I tell them to shut the fuck up. There is a reason WHY I'm telling you the shut the fuck up. It's because instead of my having to have to be annoyed by you and your trifle little life, I would MUCH rather you be annoyed with me for not wanting to hear about it and being told the shut the fuck up. Kthnxbai.