STOP CALLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Despite the fact that I put my number on the "DO NOT CALL" list, I still get phone calls from random companies that I really don't care to get calls from. I've made it a habit to not answer phone calls from phone numbers that I don't recognize, unless I'm expecting a phone call from somewhere that I may NOT recognize the number....

Some will leave messages, other won't. And if I do happen to answer a call from some random company, I will hand the phone to my daughter and have her talk to them in four year old gibberish or I go off on a barrage of foul language and a tirade of some sort telling these people never to call me again. I've screamed at the top of my lungs until they hung up. I've told them to hold on and put the phone down and walked away. I've made noises that sounded like I was engaged in SERIOUS.... um..... <Ehem>..... activities. I've asked, "So.... What are you wearing...." in a very suggestive voice. I once smeared peanut butter onto the receiver and gave the phone to the dog who licked it clean while making nom nom noises.... Most of the time it works. For the most part, I make them leave messages that I will never listen to and will delete and never get to.

Yeah.... That "DO NOT CALL" list? It's a crock of shit.

Explaining Stuff to the Stupid......

Talk about the ultimate lesson in futility..... Trying to explain something to an absolute idiot. ESPECIALLY when said idiot fancies his/herself an intelligent individual, when in short, I could have explained it and had it understood by a bag of smashed assholes faster and better. Something as simple as, "You had the stop sign and I had the right of way..." becomes a lesson in basic driving skills. Crayons and paper, flashcards and a puppet show couldn't help people like these...

I truly believe that a certain set of criteria need to be met before people are allowed to breed, drive, be allowed to live among the normal people.... We really need to stop catering to the stupid and dumb things down for the less than intelligent. Our school systems are REALLY needing a serious overhaul and need to rethink the "No Child Left Behind" thing because dumbing down the curriculum to accomodate the lowest common denominator isn't what should have been done.... (But THAT discussion gets me off on a whole different kind of rant...)

Anyway, I've discovered a great way to avoid explaining things to stupid people and get out of having to repeat myself over and over again. When I feel the aura of "DUH!" emanating from a certain individual, I pretend not to understand what they're saying and play dumb. Well.... Even dumber then they are, which can be a rather daunting task sometimes. The REALLY stupid ones will just continue to repeat themselves, but LOUDER, but I continue on with my charade and eventually I just throw my hands up in the air and walk away. Problem solved....

My Musical Ability.....

I don't have any musical ability, really. I am in no way musically gifted. I can't sing, (or dance....) Sure, I can play a few instruments of various whatever, but it's not like I have some kind of talent for it....

My children on the other hand are far better at it than I ever was or ever will be. They have a knack for it, an ear for it (although I DO question some of their tastes in what they call "music"...) and I try to encourage them at every opportunity. They constantly have access to the pianos and drums and guitars and the violin and whatever else they find lying around and in the beginning, it was rather difficult to listen to, but I never begrudged them the freedoms to "practice", which I think was an awesome decision. They had to start somewhere. :sigh: Here's hoping that I end up with the next family music sensation!

He's.... right behind me, isn't he.....

I hate those moments when you're talking about someone and they're standing right behind you and you didn't know. Happens often at the house because my mom is always asking me why I don't talk to my dad too often or ever, really.....
So I go off on a tirade about how pop is a mean son of a bitch with a cruel  and hard streak with a nasty temper and the one person who should be trying to curb his crappy behavior isn't doing anything but making excuses for the nasty old coot and is instead enabling the behavior so that he continues to do it more by berating and yelling at me and calling me a worthless stupid animal who should go somewhere and die, when, in fact, this elderly nightmare would be doing the world a favor by letting go of what he claims to be such a miserable existence. POOF! He materializes out of friggin' NO WHERE..... Japanese ninja skills? You be the judge. He shuffles around the rest of the time and FLABAMMO! Right out of thin air, he's right behind me....
Then we get into battle royale over it because I'm a stupid animal, which frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of hearing, while mom sits on high doing her "martyr thing" and pop throws yet another one of his tamper tantrums.
I keep my mouth shut these days and whenever possible, I make myself scarce and stay away from the house all together. I like the silent awkwardness better anyway. At least that way I can ignore the old kooks I live with....

Keeping My Marbles.....

There are a lot of ways to keep the mind sharp. Some people do puzzles or crosswords or word games or simply just read. Other people just don't seem to care and willing let the mind go as they slide into a downward spiral into senility or stupidity or insanity.... Whatever.

Me? I prefer to stay on top of things and try to preserve as much of my mind as I can. It's an unfortunate thing though. I have the memory of a steel sieve and my attention span is spotty at best. I have to write everything down or else I may as well have NOT heard or thought of or was told to do or told to remember whatever. There are scraps of paper EVERYWHERE to remind me of something that I'm supposed to remember. The funny thing is, I remember where all the scraps of paper are..... Go figure.

I watch my dad as his mind falls apart. Most days he is lucid and functions like his normal crotchety, cranky, verbally abusive old self. On the days when he feels like he's starting to slip, he worse. It's a strange thing to see it up close and personal. He is feeling his own mortality a lot more these days and he knows that he is getting a lot more addled and confused on a regular basis. So, he lashes out at those around him. I guess it's one of those "five stages" thing..... It's just that he hasn't quite left "ANGER" yet.... I have a feeling he's gonna just be one of those miserable sons of bitches that never does and will be stuck in "ANGER" until he finally succumbs to the cold hand of death.... And death might even think twice about taking him.....

I guess it must be rather scary to know you're losing your mind slowly but surely. And on most days I do try to be sensitive of that and try not to sneer and hiss every time my dad enters the room. It's not to say that it doesn't happen, but I try to keep it to a minimum. And we continue to do our best to avoid each other on a day to day basis, as we can only be in the same room for about 15 seconds before some apocalyptic event takes place. There are certain times when it is unavoidable and it takes everything I have not to tell the old git where to shove it and where he could go in a handbasket and that I'd be happy to deliver him there myself. (I have a USPS box marked HELL..... If it fits, it ships.......)

Whether his senility is a genetic thing or not, I plan to try and make sure that I stay sharp as I would like to be more like my grams and keep all my marbles (save for a couple) until I pass away quietly in my sleep. I can't tell what the future holds for my marbles. But dammit, I won't give them up without a fight. They're MINE....

A Piece of Paper......

I've been asked by several people about my relationship with Puppy Guts and when we were going to "make it official". My quick witted and smooth reply is usually, "Huh?" It's always the same thing: "Seriously! So, when are you guys gonna get married?", while I'm still left wondering about the "making it official" thing and what the fuck that really means. Um..... Because our relationship isn't already "official"? ....Because getting married is the only way for a relationship to be "official"? What... I'm not quite sure.

So, guess what! Yup. I stopped and gave this a little bit of thought. Of course I have my own ideas and beliefs about marriage anyway, but I needed to understand a bit more about the things rattling around in my head. I mean, it's not that I think the idea of marriage is stupid. I just think that some of the people getting married now a days are stupid because they're getting married for the wrong reasons. I also feel that the institute of marriage is somewhat of a joke these days. (Don't worry. I'm gonna explain this....) So, am I really missing out on something here? The conclusion that I came to:

I realize that the intentions of those asking me when Puppy Guts and I are getting married aren't bad when asking that question (for the most part) and they aren't doing it out of malice, but I do rather take offense to the whole thing. By who's standards is my relationship to Puppy Guts defined as "official" or not? Certainly not mine. To me, their definition of "marriage" is just a piece of paper. That's the difference. It's a piece of paper. That's all it really is. Well, at least the "marriage" that they are referring to. Maybe it's that I am quite jaded, but there it is.

What did that piece of paper really mean when I was legally married. It did not a marriage make and it ain't worth shit now. It's like it never really existed at this point. It was a barely functioning, sorry excuse for a marriage that did neither one of us any good. Neither one of us was able to be what we needed for each other. It's not like we could count on each other or fit our pieces together and incorporate them into a working unit, which is what a REAL marriage is. We couldn't be what the other needed. A piece of paper doesn't and couldn't make any of that happen. It does no amount of good and only complicates things because the government gets involved and fouls up what ever DOES work and turns it into something useless. It winds up being just a piece of paper, that complicates everything. It seems that when you throw this piece of paper into the mix, what does it really change? A crappy relationship stays crappy. A non- functioning partnership remains non-functioning. If it didn't work well before, this piece of paper isn't going to make the difference! And trying to base a "marriage" on attaining this piece of paper? It ain't happening. The "relationship remains the same PLUS you have this useless piece of paper that really doesn't mean too much of anything except to lawyers and the government.....

The relationship that I have with my Puppy Guts works on levels far beyond what the cookie cutter marriages/ relationaships have, simply because we don't like to stay "complacent" in some stagnant comfort zone. We strive to go and do something that will bring something fresh into the mix that we can talk about and play with some more. I'm not talking about the sexual aspects of what we do. (Although those are fantastic and very physically demanding and always end up going to the point of one or both of us passing out...) Our lives are a lot more broad and wide than I could ever put here in any single post. It isn't based on "well, despite what you are...", but based on "because of everything that you are." It always HAS been. We love the fact that our partnership is constantly growing, changing and strengthening. We actually have the real foundations for what a "marriage" is supposed to be and it has nothing to do with some piece of paper.

And it's not that piece of paper that is going to define what my relationship to my Puppy Guts is. If it's a matter of just making a commitment and "exchanging vows" of sorts and stuff like that, that was done a long time ago. I mean, let's define what a marriage is supposed to be: It is about two people who are deeply in love with each other, are deeply committed to one another, and where there is no one above. Two souls, mated with each other, the missing half of the other without whom which neither can be whole. It's about something beyond what an outsider can break apart. It is a deep understanding of your counterpart, a solid partnership between two kindred spirits based on unconditional: trust, love, commitment, and understanding. It is about a bonding between two people that shows in everything that they are, do, and take on, done together in a functioning way, finishing any job well so that the next steps can be taken. It is about being able to communicate with your other half on a level far beyond what others have and understand that makes their relationships work. It is what many "legal marriages" lack at every turn simply because those very basic foundations are not there. Marriage shouldn't be about some ritual or some piece of paper and that is certainly not going to determine whether our relationship is "official". Ours has always been official and always will be official regardless of that piece of paper.

Moving on: Marriage isn't a random colliding of two people who think, "Yup.... This'll work...." and have it settle into routine and ultimate complacency that leads to something resembling a stagnant swamp. Growth and changes are constantly needed in order for this complacency not to happen and two kindred spirits should be happy to meet every challenge together no matter what they are doing. It has to be done far beyond just "good" and it has to be "totally", it has to be complete.

Marriage is a partnership, a commitment, a functioning and working relationship. It is not a complacency or a comfort zone, but a passionate and loving togetherness that transcends everything else you've ever had in a relationship. Marriage is a trust, a bond, a love, and an end all, be all. It is an every day celebration that begins and ends in love. I'm not talking about the rainbows popping out of my butt and flowers and sunshine and magical unicorns prancing around with fluffy baby ducks and pandas. (Yeah.... Because I'm all about THAT kind of shit...) Actual work is involved in making it all work, but when it is a true "marriage" it isn't really so much "work" and it comes naturally and easily.

Marriage or vows being exchanged isn't about what gets said before God and family and friends. It is the complete and total commitment that brings forth everything that these two soul mates are and meshing them into a whole unit capable of working individually, but can also function as one unit when working together. This should be true of every aspect in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom, from communication and discussing things from a misunderstanding to what the future holds and how they are going to get there and everything in between. Words don't mean anything unless the intent behind them is true. This is most very true when it comes to love and relationships.

Just because you say "vows" before "God, friends, and family", does it make that "marriage" real if those words are merely only a facade? If the words are just the "lip service" because of some archaic and outdated ritual, and they really don't mean anything beyond that moment, what was the point of going through it? And to bring it back around, what the fuck is that piece of paper really worth then? What did those vows mean if the intent wasn't there? Just following tradition and making it look good? Going ahead with it because people expected you to do it? It just seemed like the right thing to do? Because you wanted the fanfare and the attention? Yeah. That's a great foundation for what is supposed to be a life long commitment. And all based on obtaining that piece of paper? Pfft.... Very hollow and very shallow... No wonder some "officially married" people are unhappy if that's what they based things on. Eventually, that falls to pieces too and then what are you left with? A piece of paper saying that's it's "official"? Believe me, the hindsight on that is ALWAYS 20/20 or better.

So, to answer the question, am I gonna get married again and "make it official"? As far as both Puppy Guts and I are concerned, based on everything that our relationship is, we already are and we already have. Thanks for asking.

Are you ALWAYS like........ this?

My days always vary from day to day and I never really know what the day is going to bring or what to expect. The thing that does remain a constant, for the most part, is my consumption of caffeinated beverages and energy drinks throughout the day. Some days, I pray at the Altar of Keurig more often than others and I don't have stashes of Rock Star around all the time. So.... I guess the question, "Are you ALWAYS like.....THIS?",  is relative. It depends on the amount of caffeine and energy drinks I consume.

I get asked this question quite often though: Are you ALWAYS like... this? To answer, well, yeah. I guess I kind of am. There are always varying degrees and levels and yeah, it really does depend on my caffeination level and how many energy drinks I had consumed that day, but for the most part, this is me. This is what I do. I have a theme song for everything, I have an AWESOME soundtrack, everything ends with super movie explosions of EPIC Michael Bay/ Jerry Bruckheimer proportions (well, in my mind anyway), I am an ultra spaz, I speak my mind, I use foul language A LOT, I have attention deficit issues, I have obsessive/ compulsive issues about certain things and I can be rather abrasive. Some people find this all to be part of my charm. Others find it to be offensive and needing change. (These people don't know what fun is and need to remove the cacti from their rectums.) And still others think that I'm weird and stuff. (Those are the people with the least amount of imagination and lack intelligence.) I am tired of being something that I'm not to please other people. (Those people can go blow goats.) So, that's the longer answer to that question.

So, when I get asked, "Are you ALWAYS like...... this?" my short answer is usually : Yeah.Yeah I guess I am.

I'm not quite sure what the "this" in the questions insinuates, but well, at least I know who I am and I'm cool with it. I'm pretty sure that it means "totally, super-awesome and mega-epic, larger than life cool" though.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Crap..... We've entered the vortex of the year end holidays...... It's the inescapable shit storm of X'mas that I just can't seem to get away from..... First it's all, "YAY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!", then BLAM! Like a sledgehammer to the temple, we're bombarded by Santas and trees and tinsel and x'mas decorations and shit......

I truly hate this time of year......

Happy Halloween 2014

Hurray! I's Halloween! I'm sure we'll have our share of ghouls and ghosties, princesses and super heroes, plushie animals of all varieties, all dragging around weary parents who are dreading the inevitable sugar rushes that these children will be experiencing once they've dumped out their loot on the kitchen table and dive into the candy they got......

Have a safe one, all! Happy Halloween!

Mischief Night 2014

Yeah, I'll be leaving the outside lights on tonight. :sigh: mischief night...... Idiot teens, filled with piss and vinegar, running around salting lawns, shaving creaming mail the insides of mail boxes, and toilet papering trees and houses.....

Air softs at the ready, preparations being made. Let the games begin.

It's THAT time of year, already??!?!?!?

Seriously..... When did THIS time of year creep up on us? I got handed X'mas wish lists from my kids already, I'm starting to see X'mas decorations and deals and other things "end of the year holidays" -ish. I mean, wasn't it summer, like, just yesterday?

I find myself reaching for sweaters and thick socks and scarves and jackets and stuff..... Fleece-y jammies and fluffy slippers re becoming a must..... When did we come to this?

I hope March comes around soon.... I'm already over this shit.

Seriously??!?!?!

We haven't even gotten past Halloween yet, and I haven't gotten over the shock at how expensive Halloween has become and FLABAMMO! My kids hand over their X'mas wish lists saying, "Well, you like to have them early so you can start budgeting, right?"

They didn't push their luck and just dropped them on my desk and backed slowly out of the room when they saw my eye start twitching and the forehead vein start to pulse......

The most dreaded time of the year approacheth...... Fuck!

The five stages of being stuck in traffic.......

There are the "five stages of grief" when dealt a life changing something that people will go through, but it can also be true of that moment when you realize you are about to be stuck in traffic. 

The first stage is DENIAL. It is the "It's okay..... This isn't happening. It's nothing..." Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. Denial can be a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation all together. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage. It's weird. It's when one will push back their plans by a few minutes and whatever and don't give it another thought until...

The second stage: ANGER. It is the, "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?" "What the fuck? Just use the small skinny pedal on the right and drive asshole!" stage. Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue any longer. The reality of the situation becomes a bit more evident. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to talk due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy of the lane that's creeping ahead a little faster than the one you're in. Most people's outstanding talent of cussing and excessive use of the "F" word really shines through at this stage and the horn on the car sees a lot of serious use. You hate everyone, you hate everything and everything sucks. This stage gets revisited quite often.

Then we come to the third stage. BARGAINING. "If I can just get passed this, I promise not to drive too much like an asshole any more!" "If I can just get over into the lane that's moving, I promise to let two other people in front of me!" The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow move faster, even though everyone is at a standstill or is creeping along at the same slow ass pace. Usually, the negotiation for "the moving lane" is made with a higher power in exchange for reformed driving style or even some kind of major life change or some impossible good deed. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I am gonna be here for a while, but if I could just do something to get to where I need to be just a little bit faster..." and includes some favor that makes the bargainer feel as if a fair trade is being made in exchange for movement in a lane.  "I'll even turn down the radio a little...."

Welcome to the next stage: DEPRESSION. This is generally when head bashing on the steering wheel comes in or openly weeping and sobbing as you do the little dance behind the steering wheel to see around the car in front of you in order to see whether there is any end in sight to the on road nightmare you slipped in to. During the fourth stage, the person stuck in traffic begins to understand the certainty of being stuck behind everyone else. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse to talk and spend much of the time crying and face palming. This process allows the person stuck in traffic to disconnect from things like being late or hopes of every getting to their destination. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage lest they slide back into ANGER. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

The last stage is ACCEPTANCE. "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it so, I may as well just sit and listen to some jams." In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with the fact that they are stuck in traffic, and so is everyone else. They will take the bursts of forward momentum as a great thing and may start to feel short bursts of happy moments, no matter how fleeting. 

Of course there are always backslides and skipping around and revisiting one or more of the many stages here as traffic can be rather unpredictable and add to that the many varieties of assholes that you always happen to get stuck with in traffic with..... :s Pfft.... Any way you slice it, traffic sucks. 

Cycle of Frustration.......

Step 1.) Being dog tired and planning on going to bed early. 
Step 2.) The time you actually get to bed and counting how many hours of sleep you're gonna get. 
Step 3.) Bargaining with yourself and begging and pleading that you go to sleep...... 
Step 4.) Realizing the minimal number of hours of sleep you ACTUALLY get, which is not even close to what you wanted or counted on....... 
Step 5.) Repeat. :s

Super powers.....

I really don't give a shit who the hell you think you are or what the hell you do now, but there came a point in your life where you tried to see if you had super powers of some kind or another. Some imaginary something or another or an inkling or a hope or a thought or a belief or something that triggered this need to find out whether you were capable of some kind of super power..... On some level, all of mankind is all the same.... Just like empty Christmas wrapping paper tube. It's a sword.  It's universal. There are some very universal truths. Beyond any of that though it all just goes to hell, doesn't it.... Shame about human nature. It makes us all pretty shitty. Between ego, one's own beliefs, a sense of some type of entitlement, self serving, selfish, self centered blah blah blah..... Throw in government, religion, race and a healthy dose of fearing change and differences and poof! The sum of what human nature has become. I wondered quite often where it was that we went wrong, but quite honestly, the only real opinion I can come up with is that this failed experiment that we call humanity is just a funny joke. It's not to say that there haven't been outstanding people among us. But if you think, on the whole, we have war and strife and hunger and suffering. We have murder and rape and child abuse and animal cruelty. We are killing ourselves, killing each other, killing our environment, killing our planet.... And what of it? We fight to have just our own individual voices heard and it ultimately means nothing because quite simply put, the selfishly motivated bullshit spewing out of one person's mouth is nothing different than what's spewing out of another. The self serving agendas are just different.
I wish for a time when things were simple and I wasn't so jaded and the world still held hope and was full of awesomeness. And as much as I try to stay away from the mainstream media, (which is all slanted and skewed to meet someone's agenda anyway) what's going on in the world seems to trickle into mine and no matter what filters I put up to try and get a break from what's going on, I still come to find what's going on in the world and it's depressing.
The one super power I really wish I had was to be able to stop time. Maybe have it keep going for a few selected people, but otherwise, just stop. Surely, it would continue on after I died and the world can go on back about its business heading towards wherever it is its going and done. Ya know?
Something huge is coming and it don't look good.....

My advice....

I don't know what it is about me, but I have people coming to me and asking for my advice or my opinions on things a lot. It's not that I mind really. Coming from friends and family members (the VERY few of them I can stand), it's actually a very welcome distraction and I like the idea of being able to help them out in a small measure.
Sometimes, I get strangers or people I hardly know who ask me for advice or for my opinion and that's kind of neat too. I don't know what it is about my -ness that draws people to me for advice, but it happens.
Then we get to the whiners..... The poor me, everything is terrible, doom sayers who complain about everything and even though you offer advice, they go on about their miserable existences anyway because they prefer to stay in their own miserable cesspools of ever impending doom. Why would you ask for the damn advice if you're not going to take it? Seriously! Go back into your dark cloud. Poof! Be gone.

Farts.....

I'm not really sure why, but flatulence amuses me. I don't know whether it's the silly sounds, the fact that it offends the sensibilities and well, EVERYTHING out of most people and it's a very antisocial thing to do.... Whatever.
There is also something very endearing to me about passing gas. If you think about it, the people that you most love, for them to feel comfortable enough around you to let one loose.... Come on! That's love. Granted the aftermath of said anal statement may be something left to be desired.... Like after hot wings and beer the night before and scrambled eggs and toast at brekkies, hot dogs at lunch and beans for snack..... Then maybe perhaps that love can be felt on the inside and you can vocalize it with your mouth instead..... And don't even try to pretend like you've never had one of those super long farts that changed pitch a few times and burned the hair out of your nose and peeled the paint off the walls and made the dog run away and made you not want to be your own friend any more.... You know you have. Shut up. Yes, you have.

"Trophy Wife".......

The term "trophy wife" has always bothered me. Not because of the misogynistic undertones or whatever, but because, I mean, what the hell is it? I mean, what are the qualifications for being this "trophy wife? I mean, when you think of trophy, you think "prize" right? So, obviously, this trophy wife ought to be a fucking awesome thing, right?  So, if someone is marrying someone else, shouldn't it be because they got the prize? Wouldn't every wife then be the trophy wife to their husbands?

I mean, a "trophy wife" is supposed to be some young chickie with "enhanced" body parts, who's good looking and makes you look good as your arm candy accessory, fucks like a machine, all orifices, in an order that would surprise you,  and you would have to provide adequate housing, spending money, and stuff in order to keep her around until her looks fade, otherwise, she'll move onto another schmo who can provide "a better life" for as long as she looks pretty... So, she's basically a fake, gold digging whore..... Hmm......

I don't know why I find the term so offensive really.... I'm probably over thinking this whole thing and blowing it WAY out of proportion. I'm on my period. I probably just need to go finish off the cookie dough I left in the fridge. Yeah.... That's it.

Bleeerg.......

I *almost finished a **5k run this morning!
* "almost" meaning I actually did finish it
** "5k run" meaning a whole, raw and still frozen Mrs. Smith's Original Flaky Crust apple pie

This was probably not the smartest thing I've ever done...... Sadly, it's definitely not the dumbest thing either. I never want to eat pie again.....

Until tomorrow.   

sigh......

Yuppers! After witnessing a very intense bidding war and having had a fierce private negotiation on Ebay, I am happy to announce that someone else is now the proud owner of a penis candle once purchased at the *penis festival, at the *penis shrine, because penises! Penis. *Brought to you by the people who gave the world ecchi, sketchy, panda-chan, hentai anime tentacle porn and used panties vending machines. Oh, Japan..... You so funny!

Rant, redux......

I swear on all things cured and bacon-y delicious, if I have ONE more person tell me that I have to be more tolerant and understanding of the islamic religion or muslims and fuck all, I am going to lose my fucking shit. I mean, epic tirade.

<RANT mode switched to 11, knob torn off>

I mean, it must be nice for these people to basically invade our country and speak their minds about the white devils that we are and how they have the correct religion and will see to it that ALL will be bowing down to islam and be muslim or will perish in the changing. And they are protected by OUR laws and are able to do this freely, in OUR country! But if a group of Americans were to speak against the TOTAL BULLSHIT that this islam crap is, they get called racist and it is a "hate crime". We're uneducated morons who haven't a clue as to what the religion is based on. We're ignorant, intolerant, insensitive assholes.... Well then.... Damn skippy, I'm an ignorant, intolerant, insensitive asshole. I hate it and kiss my ass.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in the first amendment, freedom of speech and religion and all that and I'm all about tolerance and stuff... Really! But isn't it ironic that islam, Muhammed (whom I will here on out refer to as "Mo" because it offends me to have to type out that name), and the q'uran do not allow for freedom of religion and expression. Our American democracy and islam simply cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.... It's their own agenda that they're worried about and they're just going to keep driving forward regardless of the American people. And that's HERE, in OUR country. In America, we used to call that a big, "Fuck you!".

Oh, don't get me wrong... I've got my own feelings about the other bible based religions too. You know.... Old Testament/ New Testament..... History can go both ways and the atrocities committed by all sides are very real. No one religion can claim any kind of high ground and "morality" over another considering all the wrong that was committed by any of those groups was done "in the name of god". I get that. Now, am I basing all of my judgements regarding this religion because of all of the terroristic acts perpetrated by the "fringe lunatics" of the religion that I see in the news? I mean, I don't need reminding that the other religions have got their own set of "fringe lunatics" and have their own little cults too. I'm sorry that this supposed "religion of peace" had been "hijacked" by some "radicals", but if muslims spent as much time and energy cleaning up it's "own house" and shut down all of these "radicals" who preach and strive for the "destruction of the infidels" as it did trying to convince the rest of the world how peaceful it was, all while brutally killing their own because of "law" and telling us how we have to be tolerant (while many muslim countries are barbaric by any definition ), the problem between"them" and "us" would solve itself.

Whether we blame "terrorists acting in the name of islam" or blame islam itself for the terrorism attacks not only in the U.S. but other places in the world, the fact remains, "islam" means "peace, only when the entire world says, 'There is no god but Allah and Mo is his messenger'." So, we are to believe that it's the "terrorists" who perverted the message and thus islam as a whole shouldn't be blamed or is it something else. I mean, it still doesn't change some of the American views on the islamic religion or muslims and, unfortunately, ANY middle easterner at this point (despite the fact that there are PLENTY of middle eastern CHRISTIANS , Sikhs, who hate the muslims more than we do, Buddhists, agonstics, etc...) because Americans BELIEVE that "them all" are all about the destruction of "the infidels" a.k.a. ANYONE who isn't muslim. And quite honestly, it's hard not to come to that conclusion when you consider this:

There is also this whole thing about every piece of land that was conquered by Islam for the last 1,400 years being considered the "House of Islam" and thus has to be taken back from the "infidels". This means France, Spain, Portugal, Lebanon, Sicily, Hungary, the Balkans, the Caucasus, Afghanistan, India, the Philippines, among others. They call this a "defensive jihad". Riiiight... Now, the rest of the world is called the "house of war" and has to be conquered for the greatness of Allah. A different type of "jihad" type thing. Uh-huh... Now, this jihad thing... It is not a "military side", but a duty to every muslim. It is more important than prayer or anything else according to Mo himself and muslims are to follow the "will of their god" without question or death... (Remember that bit?)

Um... So, what message am I supposed to be getting here? Let's sum up... "house of islam" to be taken back from "infidels"... Check. "House of war" needs to be conquered for Allah (trickle down to) Mo (trickle down to) islamic muslims... Check. Jihad, by definition is a holy war waged by muslims against infidels and is a duty to all muslims... Check. ALL islamic muslims are to follow the word of their god without question... Check. I don't mean to sound like a tool here, but I'm feeling a little threatened, aren't you?
And according to some of their laws, whether fringe or not fringe of this religion, a lot of stuff is harshly punished. Gay? Death. Not islamic? Death. Woman? Clitorectomy, burka, submission, subservience, stoning, DEATH. Don't understand? Death. Like dogs? Death. Masterbate? Death. Drink? Death. Bacon? Death. Some of my most favorite things are listed here... DEATH! And on top of it, they spew all sorts of hate filled bullshit about Americans HERE in the states! Allah forbid (literally) if an American were to go over there and spew hate filled rants about islam. DEATH! And they'll hide behind the veil of "we're a peaceful people... Our religion is one of peace..." because that's the face they want to show until they have gained enough strength... Seriously. Ask yourself this... Have you ever come across something where they talk about NOT killing someone or at the very least claiming that "the infidels will get theirs" when it "goes against their beliefs or supposed law"? And don't even get me started on those who cower and scream "RACISM!!!!!" when you bring up points that they can't defend, justify, explain, or clarify, or you ask a difficult question that would completely topple their defense.

You may have your apologizers saying, "We're so sorry about what some of those extremists are doing.... That's not what our religion is about...." but when you break it down..... Well. It kinda is. (And as I had stated before, the bible isn't better and does have it's own set of fringe lunatics, but that's not what I'm on about here right now, so....) Like I said, if these people put as much time and energy shutting down those lunatics and brought the religion "back to "what the original message was", maybe I'd be a little more tolerant. And do NOT get me started on American sympathizers who tell me I'm just being "ignorant". I'm not the ignorant one. If you feel that badly about it, feel free to go to any of those countries, tell them that you are an American, and that you are sorry. Tell them that you are tolerant and you love them. Go out into the streets and shout it out the same way they go out into the streets in our country telling us how we need to be tolerant and how much they hate us. Bring your spouse/ significant and / or your kids too. See how well that goes over.

Does the US need it's own cleaning up? Absolutely. My stance is, close the fucking borders, and let us clean up our own house. Send all these squatters back to where they came from and let them bitch and complain about Americans over there. And by the way, they should pay back every cent of the "free stuff" they got while they were here. Fuck all the global aid shit too. Seriously. We could use the money here. Shit, we NEED the money here. We want it all back. 
WE, the people, should take back out government. I know, I KNOW!!! Easier said than done. "How would we go about doing THAT, huh?" I know. There is never going to be one "super messiah" who is going to come along and fix everything in a single year or even a single term as president. We're working off of an ALL AROUND broken system. I am talking about everything from the social structure to the education system to government to the financial pyramid. Top to bottom, bottom to top. EVERYTHING. And the further along we go, the more tattered and crumbling the system is becoming. NO ONE can blame any ONE politician for THAT shit. It's all cumulative. So for Obamites to blame Bush for our nation's woes? Where do we go from there? Who are ya gonna blame for the next four years ahead of us? Who do we get to blame when the next president takes office? It's ridiculous really and it's nothing more than a vicious circle. The next guy is only going to try "to fix what was left for him" or whatever, only to screw things up more because we've strayed quite a bit from what our original forefathers set forth for what our country should be. How our country should be governed. I get that times were different back when the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights were written, but the very basis of what these documents are and what they were meant to do has been quite skewed and have taken something of a different meaning, methinks. It was not an overnight transition, nor was it one man who singlehandedly fucked it all up. We may be ONE COUNTRY, but "united"? We act as squabbly, separated and we "sibling fight" worse than a family reunion at our house! (Yes, those evenings tend to fall to ruins in hell by the end of the night.) Yes.... Our nation has become a "dysfunctional family" at best.

And think about this: When it all does fall down, we're ALL going to be fucked the same way. Whether we are right, left, republican, democrat, libertarian, independent, a little of this, a little of that, republicans for Obama or whatever other democratic candidate, democrats for Romney or whatever other republican candidate (and I'm sure I'm missing all the other different flavors here), we're all STILL fucked the same way. Do you think it's going to matter what political affiliation you had? And is it really going to matter, under "whose watch" it happens in? Fucked is fucked is fucked is fucked. And honestly? It's inevitable. It's gonna happen. Yup.... Just think about THAT one for a second, boys and girls..... And when it DOES happen, "The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as needed?" I, myself, have faith enough to believe that from whatever ashes are left, we, as AMERICANS, will rise to full glory again. I do. We, the people, should untuck our proverbial balls from out of our bunched up panties, put on some big boy/girl pants and get to getting'. No more of this PC crap. No more of this namby pamby stance on everything. Let's start calling a spade a spade and not blame society for a persons "transgressions", but blame the individual for their actions, have them take responsibility for them, and let them get what's coming to them. As much as I say that "they" need to shut down their "radicals", we have our own to worry about and shut down, up to and including the useless twat monkey in the white house.

Whether it is those fringe lunatics who are carrying out these acts of terrorism, or it is islam as a whole that is fucked up, there is no denying that people are being beheaded, women are being stoned, gays are being hung, young girls are being forced into marriage and raped, there are suicide bombers shouting out something about "salad bar" or "ickbar" or some shit, our borders are being invaded and we are constantly being threatened, all in the name of islam.

And I'm supposed to be "tolerant"? Go fuck yourselves.

:drops mic: <feed back> :walks off stage:

Epic WINNING!!!!

You KNOW it was an awesome fart when your Bae adds the subcategories "texture" and "hardness" with a Moh scale number under the category of "aroma". Apparently, even from across the room, it hit him in the face like a brick and it felt gritty as he choked on it.

It a gift. 

Um.... wow.....

I am not exactly the most fashion conscious person in the world. I go with the tried and true, timeless look of jeans and a shirt. No matter the occasion, jeans and a t- shirt. Done. They're clean, I'm wearing it, done. My pop makes fun of my fashion choices.... (This coming from the man who once used to sport that Michael Jackson leather pants and jacket with all the stupid zippers on it..... In public......).

I think that old age is starting to rot my pop's brain, but his really good outfits are pretty um...... Special.  He has a pair of zebra striped sweat pants that he wears often.... In public..... (It gets "better".....).

He has shirts of all different colors and prints and patterns including paisleys and plaids.... Dark socks that he will wear with sandals, and a blue baseball cap with a Canadian flag on it. All of which he will put together with the aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants.... In public.... (No.... Wait. There's more.).

He has a very happy sunshine yellow windbreaker type jacket that he likes to wear, with his plaid or paisley shirt, his dark socks and sandals, his blue baseball cap with the Canadian flag on it.... All matched up with his aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants..... in public.... (No.... It STILL gets "better".....).

My pop shuffles, pulls his pants (yup, the zebra ones) up as high as they will go and he wears lightly tinted sunglasses with rhinestone accents on them..... wearing his happy sunshine yellow windbreaker type jacket over his plaid or paisley shirt, his dark socks and sandals, his blue baseball cap with the Canadian flag on it.... All matched up with his aforementioned zebra striped sweatpants..... In public..... :slaps forehead..... with a brick:

And he questions my fashion choices.... :s

Caffeine....

I go through cycles of "giving up coffee" for an amount of time, but I always go back to it for the same reasons. Caffeine.
There is something truly wonderful about that first jolt one will experience when the caffeine kicks in. Ahh.... The invincible feeling one can get when after six or so cups of coffee before lunch, you go on about your day and whirlwind-ing through everything like the world has stopped in time. :sigh: It's blissful!
The harshness comes at the crash though.... I either end up with a wicked anxiety attack or a case of the major sleepies. Always fun to deal with. :sigh: Still trying to find the perfect balance.

My mini musicians.....

I have a love of music. My music collection is very eclectic and I've been doing my best to make sure that my children get exposed to something other than what's on the pop radio stations because BLECH! I play an assortment of instruments from the time I was little and I think it is a rather wonderful hobby.
It's not that I've pushed music onto my kids, but they all gravitate towards it, which I find to be wonderful. They've all taken to different instruments and there isn't ever a lack of musical something going on in the house.
I love that my kids are all into music, but I swear on all things holy, if I sit on or step on or kick or trip or stub my toe on another, guitar pick, drum stick, amp, pedal, music sheet, instrument case, tuning fork, cord, rosin, pipe cleaner or piano bench, I'm gonna LOSE IT! Or not. Here's hoping that I have the next musical sensation........ :s

Life's "little" problems....

It seems that some of the biggest problems usually start off as little things that weren't taken care of and were ignored until they became unmanageable and unfixable. It was true with a lot of things in my life. When I started addressing some of them, they were met with a lot of denial and of course, that made things worse. It really only further escalated the problem really. Addressing things when they're still small makes life easier. The unfortunate problem is when they're small, they don't seem like too big a deal and putting them off seems like a good idea. Sometimes we don't even see them at all.
Then, as they grow into still manageable issues, if they aren't dealt with swiftly, they turn into ordeals and it gets worse from there. I'm learning to  address things when they are still small scale or at least manageable. It's not always as easy as it sounds. Things need to be prioritized and in some cases, other sources need to be brought in, thereby making it necessary to rely on others in order for something to get done..... Grrr........ I hate that most of the time. But such as it is, sometimes I have to deal.
One little thing can have the potential to become such a large problem and I quickly learned that the hard way. In FINALLY having learned my lesson about that, I continue to make strides in positive changes that I've been needing to make in my life with this being one of them. Procrastination in not a good thing and it's nice to have the phone numbers of cops and a lawyer on speed dial handy.....

Oh F#&*@!!!!!!!

The little ones may not have the words to express this sentiment, but you've certainly seen the look on their faces. That moment when they realize that they fucked up royal.
It's always amused me to no end to see that look on their little faces. It's universal and is rather ageless. No matter how old you are, it's always the same look. What amuses me most is that I can totally imagine the words that my younger children are thinking, despite the fact that they may not have those precise words to vocalize.
An amusing thought I've been reflecting on....

Maybe I AM just a bitch....

I've come to realize that some people are just not going to be happy.... Ever. Whether my role of "bitch" in a person's life is of my making or not, apparently, I AM the person who fills that role in their lives. Whatever. As I continue on my path and letting the bricks fall, moving forward has been quite a bit easier. I'm not letting the little things stand in the way of the next goal or the steps to get to my next goal. In looking towards the next goal, I find that I no longer really have the time to invest in the petty little dramas of others' lives when I actually have some serious shit I have to be dealing with in my own. Their little issues in their own little worlds are not my problem and I do not intend to make them my problem. Now should this become a problem that comes a knockin' on my front door, it will be greeted with the same fervor and strength and energy and tenacity and every one of the resources at my disposal, just like everything else that gets thrown into my path that I have to deal with. I will own it, I will beat it to a pulp and I will make it my bitch.
The dawn of a new me has started with me. It's still kind of dark and I'm feeling my way around, but at least I am taking the initiative to reaching my destination instead of wallowing in the dark in self pity and self imposed misery. What began with a few very tentative steps forward is now becoming confident strides forward. The load gets lighter as I've learned to let go of certain burdens and navigating my way through has gotten easier. Step by step.....
So feel free to use my image as the symbolic bitch in your world. It seems I hold a big enough portion of some peoples' thoughts and feelings that I matter enough for them to hate me. In the meantime,  mind your business and get out of "mah house" and don't let the door hit you on your ample ass on the way out. Go do your hating elsewhere. You are clouding my aura and misaligning my feng shui or whatever.

I am?

It would seem that I am the "that one" of my family, close and extended. I'm the only one of the family to be born in the US and is American, born and raised. My parents say that that is the likely reason why I'm such a freak.

Looking through the family tree though, it's really surprising that I turned out as "normal" as I did. I suppose when I am the only "normal" person in the family, I'm gonna be seen as someone of a freak. Figures...... There really is no wonder that there are days when I look at my family and think, "Who the fuck are you people and what the FUCK is your problem??!??" and then I realized that I'm related to them..... Then I get all depressed. On other days, the feeling I get is worse. Ugh..... No, insanity does not run in my family. It gallops, skips, hops, jumps, power slides, mosies, scoots along the floor, rolls around, does a little dance and shimmy routine and screams the lyrics to Pop Goes the Weasel....

Aging....

I look in the mirror and I'm starting to see fine lines when a smile and gray hairs. But I'm not really all too bothered by it. Not as much as I thought I would be at this age anyway. My shape isn't the same as it used to be, like say, when I was in my twenties, but it's okay.
No matter what my complaint about myself, my Puppy Guts tells me that I am the end all be all of absolute perfection. It's not to say that I won't moisturize and will stop exercising, but it sure is nice to hear....

Things I learned from my geriatric dog....

Otis was our SUPER geriatric, deaf, blind, kinda senile, not ultra bright dachshund and he had been our loyal companion for over 13 years after we adopted him as a rescue. At 20+ years old he passed. In those last couple of years, he didn't do much of anything, and he smelled kinda funny, but he was ours and we wouldn't have had him any other way. We loved him for everything that he was and we still do. And despite the fact that he was as bright as a burned out light bulb, there were quite a few important things I learned from him. I've compiled a list of some of them:

1.) Pee when you gotta pee, poop when you gotta poop, fart when you gotta fart, burp when you gotta burp. Life's short. The people who love you should love you no matter what you do anyway. Everybody pees, poops, farts and burps. It shouldn't matter to the people that matter most that you do too.

2.) When you take a nap or make sleepy times, make sure you do it well. Make sure you're in the most comfortable position, drool on yourself, snore open mouthed, and dream well. Dreams are probably the only way you're going to be able to do some of the things you want to when you aren't able to or just can't do any more.

3.) Nom your food like it's the nommiest thing you've ever eaten. Enjoy every bite and eat until you're full.

4.) Find a sunshine-y spot and roll around in it and lie down in it. Take time to enjoy the little things in life that bring you a happy moment no matter how small.

5.) Take the time to enjoy the moments you have with your family and friends and let them really know that you love them and that you really enjoy their company. Make sure they really feel how much you appreciate them, even if you may not have the words to tell them. If you really mean it, they'll know without you ever saying a word.

6.) Bark at the people you don't like and let them know exactly how you feel. No use taking that in and holding on to it. Speak your mind, then let it go, and forget about it. Then, just move along and go back about your business.

7.) Happiness CAN be as simple as a warm blanket to curl up in on a rainy day.

8.) When you go outside, make sure you take in a lot of deep breaths of fresh air. It does a lot of good to clear the cobwebs inside your head sometimes. It helps air out the place...

9.) There's nothing wrong with taking a moment "to think" and make everyone around you wonder what the hell you're thinking about. Sometimes, just taking a moment for yourself and spacing out isn't such a terrible thing.

10.) Being tired happens, but make sure you take the time to acknowledge someone when they come to you and you realize they're there, even when you're fast asleep.

11.) It's okay that sometimes you have to get carried to go somewhere. At least you know you can count on people to help you get to where you have to go. Having people you can depend on is a blessing. Having people to lend you a hand when they know you need it most, even though you didn't ask for it, is awesome.

12.) Live a long life even though you've probably lived WAY passed your "usefulness". There are probably those whom you mean the world to. Everyday is another special gift you can give to them. And in those days, make sure to do as many of all these things listed here as possible. There should never be any regrets about the things you hadn't done in life, especially when the list can be kept so simple.

Thanks for these and many other important life lessons old man. You were the greatest dog in the world and I love you and miss you so much. Now... Good dog. Sleep.

Migraines....

For anyone who suffers from migraines, you know.... They range from mildly annoying to absolutely debilitating. The flashing lights and dizziness, then becoming light sensitive to the point where you can HEAR the the high pitched, loud, ear piecing whining of any light that make you wish your head would explode. The noises that come with the light show every time you hear the sounds that they make, tend to be very disorienting and nauseating. Going through three different meds in strength order, praying that one of them would work, the feeling of blah that you get to experience the whole day while trying to keep the contents of your head contained within your skull, and locking yourself up in a dark, cramped closet to escape all the everything. And you just can't crawl out of yourself to get away from it either... I know that if I had a day to sleep it through, it might go away, but when dealing with four children, I can't disappear to take a wellness nap. Yippee.... I trudge through the day...
:s

Eating "healthy"....

With all the crap they put in the food we eat these days, it seems to me like there really IS no such thing as "eating healthy". All the different diets that are out there that tell you to cut out this and eat more of that. all the different rules you have to apply for whatever the diet... Although I've always believed in the moderation thing and not some new fangled "way of life" diets.... Let's face it. 100% of all people who eat food (ANY food) are going to die.
And the things we're eating now.... If it's processed ANYTHING, you're probably going to want to stay away from it. All the chemicals and other crap that they add in.... It boggles my mind. Then you have the meats with hormones, vegetables that are genetically altered.... I mean really? Even with the "natural stuff" science has been in there tweaking out all sorts of genetic codes in that shit! I don't really think food was supposed to be that way.
Then you have all the "organic" stuff... I don't know. It's all starting to creep me out a little.... Am I going to stop eating the noms? No.... But I'm gonna eyeball it a little before I partake! Just sayin'....

One of "THEM"......

Okay, so I'm apparently a "them".....

At the market some time back , I was walking the cart back over to the cart station after I was done with it. A sweet looking old lady comes up to me and says VERY slowly and LOUDLY, "Are yooooooou aaaaaallllllll dooooone wiiiiiith thaaaaaaaaaat caaaaaaarrrrrrt?" while making sign language like hand motions. She finished off with a nice look of disdain and exasperated sigh.

I nodded, gave her an odd look and said, "Um.... Yes, I am. I was just going to put it in the cart station. Would you like this cart?"

She says, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were one of 'THEM'..."

Being EVER so swift on the uptake, my quick witted response to her was, "Huh?"

So, she explains: "You know..... One of them orientals that don't speak English good..."

I don't think she quite saw the irony or the humor in that whole exchange we had there.... :sigh: Go figure......

Off the wagon.....

Yup.... I've been drinking coffee again. I was doing really well with just drinking tea, but every once in a while I have had coffee... Now I'm back to ZIP mode because I'm drinking a lot more coffee again. WOO HOO! Dear artificially sweetened, caffeinated goodness! I missed you so! I forgot why it was that I left you! I'm sorry! I'm glad I have you back in my life! :D

Coherence....

It's funny (well at least to me) how incoherent I seem when I have a thought process that invades my mind and takes over. The million and one ideas that race through my mind every second and the way I want to verbalize them, especially when I am very excited about an idea, doesn't exactly work out sometimes.... It all sounds so great in my head, but I always end up sounding like an over-caffeinated, way too excited three year old explaining their favorite show on television to a person or persons they've just met. Then (especially when it's a person I've just met) I have to explain to them that I really am actually more intelligent than I seem. They give me "the stare". Me- No really! I am! Them- Uh-huh... :continues to stare:
To break that tension, I'll usually throw in the, "Well, I AM feeling pretty feeling special today! Not the helmet wearing, crayon eating, marker sniffing, window licking, paste tasting, laugh at random objects kind of special.... Well, ok, maybe just a little...." It doesn't help nor dies it support my argument.
:SIGH: Another quirk.... Damn!

Lint....

I am so not a fan of lint on clothes. I'm not sure what it is. Call it a quirk or maybe it's the O.C.D. thing, but I don't like the idea of lint on clothes. Especially dark clothes and white lint. I have been known to sit and pick all the lint off of a shirt until it is lint free because it bugs me so much. I will get out tape and lint brushes and whatnot JUST to get all the lint off of an item of clothing. I generally buy and wear things that don't collect so much lint simply because it would drive me nuts.... Yes, it's another of my goofy quirks. But it's LINT! Doesn't it bother you people? Yeesh!

Fall clothes.....

We're starting to see the cooler weather in New England and it's time to start busting out the sweaters and sweatshirts and yummy fluffy robes and fuzzy slippers and gooey flannels and soft sherpa and oh so comfy fleece! YAY! I'm not quite sure why, but I love the fall clothes. Maybe it's because of the soft fluffy textures... maybe because of the comfortable yummy feel. Maybe it's just that the weather is not too hot, not too cold and fall just rocks out loud. I don't know. It's always a happy time of year for me when I get to go into the boxes and start pulling out all the warm fluffy goodness out of storage. My favorite sweater... My favorite sweatshirt.... My favorite slippers.... My favorite scarf..... My favorite lap blanket.... :sigh: Bliss!

GAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

October 1st.... It marks that time of year. We gear up for Halloween and before you know it, we come to my LEAST favorite time of the year... WHY for the love of GOD and all things HOLY are there things for Christmas in the stores already?! Why is my favorite time of the year being sullied and adulterated by the holiday I hate most??? Seriously? Can't we just through one thing at a time instead of being weighed down with all the year end holidays all at once? Ugh!

Still trying.....

So, I tried getting in touch with the Super Powers Commission again to try and obtain some super powers of my own... I've been begging and pleading for some super powers for quite some time now. It seems my requests are still going unheard. :sigh: I don't even have to get any of the cool ones like flight or laser vision or shape shifting  or super strength or anything... I mean, the least they could do is respond or something, right? Yup, still trying..... :s

My brain to mouth filter.....

Some things are best left unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right...... I may not even have one. Hmm..... That would certainly  explain a lot.... 
The thing is though, a good portion of the time, I don't feel as if though I have my foot in my mouth either. Sometimes, I might, but not always. I do catch myself saying something that perhaps shouldn't have been said with my outside voice, sure and I will ask, "Did I say that out loud?" but I am not one to censor myself all the time. Some of the time, I mean the things I say and I mean for them to come out and be heard. Not EVERY time, but there are times.... I'll never say when and which times though....You'll just have to guess.

Mmm hmmmm.......

"Mmm hmmm...." is great. A good portion of the time, it means the person saying it isn't listening. Kids are the most awesome at it. They LOOK like they're paying attention and are nodding their heads and smiling and acknowledging you, but the reality is, they had checked out of the conversation some time back.
I think I'd be less annoyed if they were to come right out and SAY they weren't listening... :s

T.M.I.

There are just certain things that NO ONE ever needs to see or know about. I mean EVER! Like being at a Starbucks and hearing a lady two people in front of you describing LOUDLY to her friend on the phone IN GREAT DETAIL a particularly nasty yeast infection that she had while witnessing said rather rotund woman pulling the spandex that  had creeped up into her asscrack out. I swear it was like the spandex was trying a last ditch effort to kill itself by suffocating itself in the mounds of flesh it was trying to contain..... The fact that she left the house wearing the spandex pants was bad enough......
Stuff like that will make any sane and normal person's synapses misfire and short circuit in order to save itself from those types of images to be permanently burned into one's psyche... Trying to tell one's brain to stop processing the input of information is easier said than done too....
Blech!

The "homework" fights...

Homework gets done right after school in our household. The three younger ones, no issues. They sit down at the table, get it done and off they go to play or whatever. Teen broody pants? Not so much.
He gets home from school and he gives me the obligatory eye roll. I ask him how his day was, he grunts, I tell him to go do his homework, he gives me the sigh of exasperation and trudges off mumbling something under his breath. EVERY DAY. And that's on the days he comes home from school and not off at a friend's house or a girlfriend's house or something. And of course, I've got to go get him.
I mean, seriously? Just the other day, he had to write down the definitions of four, count them FOUR words. It took him nearly an hour and a half. NOT kidding. HE wrote in pen and made a mistake so he screamed at the paper for about a minute, crumpled it up and got a new sheet of paper. Started again and made ANOTHER mistake. I asked him why he wasn't using a pencil. Apparently, they HAVE to use a pen. Whatever. After crumbling up the second piece of paper and retrieving a third to start ALL OVER AGAIN (because apparently, wasting paper is fine...) he made a third mistake. I told him NOT to throw out another sheet of paper, get off his lazy ass and get the white out. Trudging off and mumbling some more obscenities under his breath, he "got lost". After five minutes, I went to go find him. He was in his room playing on his computer. He no longer has one now. That makes me a stupid cow.
Back downstairs, he whites out his mistake and continues. He finds the definition of the first word (yes, the FIRST word) and writes part of it down, loses the page in the dictionary and throws a temper tantrum. Homework is stupid, I'm stupid and the dictionary is stupid too. AWESOME! Then he needed a potty break. He went into the bathroom to poop.... for twenty minutes. It turns out, he was playing with his iPhone.
I can't even begin to tell you how much of a struggle his homework issues can be. It's awesome. Yeah..... June can't come fast enough and when do the teen boy male hormones start to balance out? FUCK!