Shhh.... No talking!

There are just certain times when it's not a matter of talking it out and the only thing that can solve it is a solid "self introspective moment" to work out "issues" by oneself. It's not a matter of NOT wanting to share in intimate moments with a loved one so much as it is needing to figure out for oneself how he or she feels about something, what they want to do, how they may want to handle it and wrap their own mind around the "situation" at hand.
The "What are you thinking? Why won't you talk to me?" thing gets to be annoying during times like this. Who hasn't had that moment? Bullshit, yes you have.
It's the reason I am IMMENSELY grateful that my Lucky understands. I am able to work through my shit and do what I need to do so that I can discuss it with him rationally once I have a handle on whatever it was. I know that I can always discuss anything with him. We have no secrets, we have no "taboo" subjects and we talk about everything. It's nice being able to comfortably discuss anything and not feel "iffy" or uncomfortable about saying something. And if I need the space to figure something out before I can even "put my finger on something" before bringing it to the round table, I know that's cool too.  I suppose that's really the way it ought to be. Go figure.

"Trust me!"

It's really the ones who say to you, "trust me!" that gives me pause.... The "I know what I'm doing..." Y'all know what I'm talking about... There's something not too trustworthy about a person who says: "Trust me! I know what I'm doing!" ESPECIALLY when you know said person AND you know that this person is an idiot... Just saying.

Pictures.....

Lucky and I try to get pictures of of us doing things together when we can. We keep a camera on hand wherever we go... Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't. We do the "hold the camera at an arms length and smile" thing. We've gotten some great shots. We've also gotten some great shots of our nostrils or whatever too, but still...
We carry around a camera wherever we go. There's always a camera, but there are just times when we just forget to grab it or it just doesn't occur to us.
We're getting a little better at making sure that we take at least one picture wherever we go these days as it becomes a diary, of sorts, of our life in stills. Moments are fleeting, they come and they go and sometimes, it's just nice to have a picture. :)

Woohoo!

I've come to the "Anniversary" of the day  I started this blog.... What have I done? What have I accomplished... Honestly? I've managed to have a book published, which was one of my goals, the patent thing hasn't yielded anything and it seems as though we are reaching the "give up" portion of that endeavor despite the YEARS we've spent on it... (Grrrr......) I've dropped a lot of baggage and am moving forward and it feels amazing, I've made great friends, met interesting people, I've made a life for myself and I'm actually starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for myself and my children as I've reached the conclusion that what I have happening now will NOT be the rest of my life. I've also had a few cathartic moments that have helped me to change a few things about myself that I didn't like and although I'm still a work in progress, I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I've set goals for myself that I've actually accomplished, and have set new ones again for the next coming year. My outlook has become a lot more positive and the "self discovery" thing has been quite therapeutic.
I'm able to say that I'm thankful for so many things now and mean it. I can appreciate them and it feels good. I'm not as angry about a lot of things any more simply because I don't have the time to stew in the negativity any more. It's been quite a year and has been quite the journey!
Thank you to those of who have been following along. And thank you to those who will be continuing to follow along too. And for those just tuning in or have recently tuned in, thank you too! I've reached 9700+ unique visitors and tens of thousands of hits here from all over the world and that's a pretty cool thing. THAT was kind of unexpected... So, I gonna keep doing my thing here and why don't we make tentative plans to meet back here, same time next year and see what I've accomplished then. I have to say, this has been a hoot! :)

Otis accidents....

Otis is getting older.... Fine he's ancient. He's an 18 year old Dachshund. He's partially blind, stone deaf and he leaks... He's become quite incontinent and I think a lot of the time, he doesn't even know that he's "going". It just kinda happens as he leaves trails instead of a pile or puddle... And it's never in an inconspicuous place. It's right in the middle of the hallway or something, right  where people walk. Sometimes, the people of the household don't notice the Otis leavings on the floor. (How many times do I have to explain, "Watch where you step!" to people....) The carpet cleaner has seen more use in the last couple of years than ever in its entire existence because the older Otis gets, the more he leaks out all sorts of stuff...
I can always tell when someone steps in something Otis left because I can hear it. It starts with the "Otis!" and ends with "Yuck! Gross! Awwww! My socks!!!!!" :sigh: Time to get the carpet cleaner again... I love my dog!

Crash and Burn!

I have certain cycles where I go through bouts of insomnia. It can last anywhere from a couple of days to a week. Sometimes more... I go through the day, feel tired and when it's time for bed? I can't sleep. The mind goes into super mega overdrive and it doesn't shut off. I do the tossing and turning thing, I do the relaxing thing, the hot bath thing, the walking thing, whatever... And I don't sleep.
I function and I go through my day to day and I get things done, but I "seem tired". Duh!
But just like I feel the bouts of insomnia come, I also start to feel the crash too. It's rather spectacular. The energy levels start to skyrocket and I zip through stuff like everything else is in slow motion. It will manifest as a whole house cleaning day where EVERYTHING gets cleaned and wiped and sanitized and vacuumed and washed and dried and put away and dusted and polished and done up nice-y nice and things that got left undone all get done and the "List of stuff that needs to be done this month" get done all at once...
And that last night rolls around and all is said and done, I drag my carcass into bed and the sleepy time gnome comes and hits me upside the head with his magical night-night brick. And I go back to my regularly scheduled program... Until the next time the cycle repeats. :s

Can you NOT do the thing with the face.....

Children are adorable to their parents for a very specific reason. If they weren't, the human species would NOT have survived. Thinking back over the years to when I was an even smaller spazoid of destruction, I think I would have killed me too if it weren't for the fact that I wasn't such a cute little kid. (No, I don't know what happened... Could be all those years of falling on my face...)
I look at my kids and think about all of the things that they have destroyed, ruined, broken, demolished, cracked, splintered, dusted, dirtied, soiled, devastated, and unmade until they were irreparable and I think about how angry I got. I thought about how I had to walk away when they did the thing with the face. You know, the pout and the "I'm REALLY sorry!" eyes and the tear and the quivering lip... And I kinda look back on the whole thing and realize that ultimately, whatever they had destroyed wasn't really important. It's to the point where I'll joke about how angry I was and laugh.
I have parents that STILL bring up the whatever that so-and-so broke in 198- and go into a rant about how they're STILL angry about it.... Seriously?I guess the little plasic thingy that mom bought at Wisconsin Dells was super wicked important since she STILL holds a grudge over it. Me? I try to forget the incidents. Nothing is more important then just conveying the message to the kid/ kids about what they did being wrong, the child/ children being apologetic about it and then moving on in the hopes that they will have learned something from it and not do it again.
It makes it easier for me to accomplish because of the face. It's always so damn hard to stay angry when they make that face! CRAP! Foiled again! And I think they know it too.

Playing with a guilty conscience....

Just like children, anyone with a guilty conscience can easily be goaded into a.) realize that you know they're guilty, b.) con them into admitting their wrongdoing, c.) pick a fight, d.) make the wrong-doer look idiotic or e.) one or more or even ALL of the above.
It's easy and fun to pluck at the strings of a heart (if they even have one) heavy with guilt and even more fun to lay on more weight before making squish with the guilty conscience. For those lacking a heart or a conscience all together, makes for an interesting battle, but in the end, human nature makes even the mightiest fall... It's called "ego". And squishing ego is most satisfying .
The effect may not be tangible to the one stirring the pot, but the effect is not for the chef. It's the one who is served that has to deal with all of that. That's the goal. Another hobby of mine... Fine! It's a quirk... Whatever.

Angry things....

Anger comes in so many different forms and a variety of flavors just like stupidity does. It seems (at least to me) that the sometimes, it's the stupidity of others leads me at times to darker places like anger. Most of the time stupidity just brings me much amusement and joy, but there are times....
I've let go of a lot of things, dropped a lot of "baggage" and I find that anger has been a waste of time for the most part. Do I have my moments? Of course. I'm not a "YAY HAPPY!" person all the time. But it just doesn't seem like time well spent to me, being angry all the time. Although trying to stay positive all the time can be quite time consuming and it doesn't work all the time either. So, there has to be a balance.
Anger isn't all bad. I've used anger to fuel me to get a lot of positive things accomplished. I am talking about the negative energy that comes from anger here that I find to be a waste of time. It can manifest itself in so many different ways. A good example is taking one's anger out by reveling in the misery of others or wishing harm and misery onto other people. Seriously? If you're so angry about your own life, why not take the time to change what makes you angry about your own life? How about when anger manifests itself in a way that you become a miserable wretch of a person. Just yelling and screaming at everything and everyone. There are just some serious "anger things" there. And obviously, there are the violent angry outbursts. NEVER a positive thing....
You can see where I'm going with this. I've seen the "negative sides" of anger far too often. Its hard to explain its effects to the people who are having the difficulties with accepting that they are "flawed" by their anger and that they need to change. At times, these things need to be dealt with... Sometimes, rather harshly. As long as they don't have its effects on me and mine, I tend to stay away. The reason being? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to become angry about something? Downward spiral. I'd much rather dwell in the brighter side. I'd much rather pick and choose where I spend my anger and use that anger in a positive way to bring about a better outcome. Think about the different causes out there... People became passionate about an idea because they started off angry about something.... Just sayin....

My run-in with an angry cow.....

In the grocery store parking lot, I had a run in with a VERY large woman. She had a stop sign, I didn't. So, I kept on going. Why is it that I have said thunderous cow, that probably weighed in at about 400lbs or more (I am NOT joking), yell at me even though I had the right of way?
Honestly, I was already THROUGH the intersection when she rolled up to the stop sign. Well, I had said 400lbs heifer, MOO herself out of her car so that she could charge at my car in a one woman stampede (as I was stopped at the red light to leave the parking lot).... 
The cow started screaming obscenities at me and called me a "stupid c*nt". Oh, and did I mention my three year old daughter was in the car with me at the time of this incident? 
 Kids hear the most gosh darnedest of things, don't they? And they will repeat things at THE most inopportune or inappropriate times too... :sigh: Well, my daughter asked me, "Mama... What's a cump? Is it a cup?" My response? "Yes, baby. She called me a 'cup'... She just said it wrong..." Her response? "That's just silly!" (Phew! THAT landmine was avoided!) 
So, is it wrong that I laughed maniacally when this very obese woman tripped, fell face down and started rolling around and rocking back and forth to "right" herself? Wait... You know what? Never mind. Karma can have this one. I make no apologies. I'm glad I laughed.... Out loud.... While pointing.... Damn! I should have gotten a picture while I was at it....

Now, the serious side of this reared its ugly head later on in the evening: A 400+ lbs woman with severe road rage charged my car simply because she targeted me for whatever her reasons. She tripped and I was able to drive away. The story ended there. It could have been bad had she not tripped and she actually had reached the car. And with my three year old daughter sitting in her car seat in the back seat of my car... Well, it kind of ups the ante quite a bit. I was well prepared to "deal" with the situation, but honestly? It could have been bad.

I mean, let's go through the details here: I was blocked in traffic, cars in front, cars behind, my daughter was in her car seat in the back passenger side, the woman charged the drivers side. Now had she NOT tripped and fallen or fallen and HAD been able to orient herself and get up and reached the car, likely she would have tried to yank me out through the window or she would have tried to tip the car over. (Did I mention my THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER was sitting on the PASSENGER'S side in the back?) 
Granted, I would have had to take measures to ensure that she couldn't get at me or more importantly, my daughter or allow her enough leverage to tip the car... Keep in mind, I was well armed and was VERY well prepared to use my weapon(s). It would not have been "lethal force", but "incapacitation" I would have used... (in theory). I wouldn't have gotten out of the car, but I did have a firm grasp of something that would have merited her (at best) coloring books for Christmas for the rest of her life..... I joke about it, but in all honesty, it was a very real and very scary situation that freaked me out when I actually took the time to think about it..... I know that my daughter more that likely WON'T remember the whole incident as it happened. Totally cool. But on the other side of that...... Can you imagine the lasting damage if she was afraid of fat people for the rest of her life?

Now, I can't even BEGIN to tell you how funny and kinda sad it was. This woman was SO fat <insert a "yo' mama so fat..." joke here>, she couldn't get both of her hands underneath herself because of her girth and her ham hock arms. She literally had to rock side to side in order to get ONE hand or the other to touch the ground and she couldn't orient herself well enough by rolling around to get a knee under herself in order to get up.... (I left her there. Besides, she was a total "cup".) I doubt she's able to get her arms to meet in the middle so that she could clap... FAT. Not the kind of fat that happens over night... Really makes me wonder how people allow themselves to become that way. But I digress...

I obsessed about this for the next day or two but I decided that it wasn't worth my time to go over the "what if"s. Training for "real life situations" doesn't exactly cover EVERYTHING that you might come across. Hopefully I can cross "trampled to death by large angry beast" off the list of things that might pop up and surprise me as sort of a "real life pop quiz". It could have played out in a variety of different ways. That day, things worked out well for me. That was MY day and I managed to walk away with a funny and amusing anecdote to share with you all here and now. This post could have been a lot different, but everything went my way.

As a post script, I was thinking about keeping a box of Twinkies (as they would last indefinitely in the car) should something like this happen again.... Open one up, toss it in another direction and PRAY that there is still enough distance between the charging animal and the car so that the beast doesn't collide with the car from the momentum of trying to change directions to chase the Twinkie. Just a random thought..... 

   

Sleep cycles....

When insomnia rules over me, I have the hardest time staying motivated. It's weird. My body knows that its tired and wants to rest, but the mind keeps going and doesn't allow it to. I go through these random bursts of energy allowing me to do super human things, only to come around and have it bite me in the ass later as it drains the reserves of energy all together and I suffer more... When the bout of insomnia reaches its peak and I crash, I never get enough sleep and by the time I do manage to get somewhat caught up, I get insomnia again. Good times!
As much as I try to stay on a regular sleep schedule, it never really works out quite that way and despite the fact that I KNOW I should be sleeping, there's always just one more thing I want to get done...
One of these days, I'll work it through and figure out the sleeping thing. Until then... Well, whatever.....

Technicolor Lawn!

Otis isn't exactly the brightest dog on the face of the planet. As a matter of fact, I will claim the opposite. As yet another shining example of his non-brilliance, his favorite things to eat are poop and crayons. He has more access to crayons as the kids like to leave them lying around all over the house. It leads to a very interesting result...
There really isn't a particular "place" he goes outside. Things just kinda.... fall out or leak. And because of the fact that he's Otis, he poops about 45 times a day. It's become a joke around here. "OMG! CALL CNN! OTIS IS POOPING!!!!!!!"
We have the most colorful lawn in the neighborhood, with its bright and happy chewed up crayon pieces mixed in poop...
Yeah.... Otis. That's my dog.

You woke me for THIS??!??

Why is it that some of the potentially GREATEST nights of sleep are interrupted by stupid things? The neighbor's dog choosing 3 in the morning to howl and bark at something, 4am for the other neighbor to rev his motorcycle engine and lay into the throttle, 5 in the morning for a bird to take a header into the window and go all kamikaze on it, 2:30 in the morning for a couple of cats to get randy on the porch right below my bedroom window.... Grrrrrr.....

Blaaaaaaaaahh......

I have those days from time to time. The days when I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go anywhere, and I just don't give a crap about nothing. The things that seem rather appealing to me are spending the day in bed, eating junk food and sleeping it off until I wake up again for another dose of Twinkies and chips and dip. They happen when I don't have the kids around, Lucky's at work and the parents are away. It's been quite therapeutic. I concentrate on me and deal with the inner mechanations of my own inner thought and processes. It always ends with a bout of indigestion, but a breakthrough of sorts that leaves me feeling that I can move forward and fight through another day. Other times, I just sit and vege.

Parental undermining.....

The underminer... Every family has one. The parental underminer... The family member who knows best how to raise, deal with and handle children in the best way. They have all the answers and know everything there is to knew about raising children, what books to read, how to talk to them and everything. How their schedules should be set up, what they should be doing at any given time.
Sound annoying? It is my reality. I am still trying to define the lines where they don't get crossed or shouldn't get crossed. I go on about what I am doing and ignore the whining and complaining from the peanut gallery that consists of my mom and dad.
The walls have been built so that the children know, and the old people know what the rules of engagement are and that those rules will be followed. They are rules brought down from on high that were deemed to be "The ONES" that will rear my children until they become people of their own.
The first few months were rough a best. Screaming fits and threats, but once my parents calmed down, they gave up on deciding that they would be able to change my mind. The ideals that I have set forth for what I would like to see my children be are different from child to child as they are very different creatures from one another, but the rules for them are all the same and stay consistent.
Raising my children in this environment hasn't been ideal, but at least we have all settled into "roles" and with a few tweaks here and there, and things have been working out. I have a long way to go to make sure that my children become the very best of what they have the potential to become and for them to see that potential. Sure, I serve as the dork and all, but I believe one day they will see the method to my madness. Meanwhile, underminers beware. I'm fixing them to identify what they are and go with what they're supposed to be doing instead of what they shouldn't. They're good little monkeys and I have faith in the fact that they will grow up proud and strong. It's all good.

Firm Grasp of the Obvious....

Captain Obvious here with another  public service announcement..... It seems that sometimes, the most obvious needs to be pointed out in the most stupid of situations. No, it does NOT make you clever trying to figure out a different solution, when the obvious is right there. Just go with the obvious... Please. Then we can move on to something else that would be time better spent. Just sayin'....

Whadjyu do now??!???

Yes... "Whadjyu do now??" It is a question that a parent has to ask from time to time whether it be out of morbid curiosity or some other reason... This is especially true when you, as the parent, walk in on something that the child/ children had no intentions of you knowing about it or finding out about. The look/ looks on their faces is priceless. I know I shouldn't laugh or snicker or crack a smile or belie the fact that they did wrong and they are in trouble and that I am upset with them, but when they do the "cute thing" ranging from the collective pout or Cheshire Cat smiles, to the camaraderie that occurs when they know they have been collectively busted, it's kind of endearing and cute and can be a little difficult not to show that...
Parenting is such a "winging it" process and the rules seem to change from day to day. I mean, the basics are always the same and obviously, you have to be consistent when raising children. I am talking about "you never know what to expect from day to day" type of winging it. One day they've flushed a cellphone, a half a dozen mini action figures, the head of a barbie doll, a soup spoon, a plastic knife, a half a box of tissue paper and a dead squirrel down the toilet "accidentally" and then the next day, they want to know where babies come from and the day after that, they are debating the pros and cons of different strategies for super Mario with you. :sigh:
It's always a good bet that when things are a bit too quiet, that you should call up to the kids. "Whadjyu do now?" If greeted with "Um.... Nothin'?" rush to where they are. Nothing ALWAYS means something and the longer you wait, the more it's going to cost you. Just some friendly advice...

Eat, sleep... Repeat....

There are those weekends that I don't have the children and Lucky has to work and I don't get to see him. It leaves me with some time to myself. There are times when I will be motivated enough to take on something and work through until it gets done. There are other times when I'm not motivated to do anything and I think I am entitled to those times once in a great while too. I eat until I'm tired and I sleep until I'm hungry... No, it's nothing to be proud of, but I do it sometimes and I'll admit it.

Hitting...

Although there is a satisfaction in slugging someone who REALLY deserved it, there's also a feeling of "Meh..." when all is said and done. It's not to say I won't hit someone if they truly deserve it, but meh... It'd REALLY have to be worth my time and effort.
With kids, the rules are different. I don't know what the deal is. They'll smack, kick, punch, scratch, bite, slap, poke, gouge, rake, elbow, knee, pull, shove.... It's like releasing two angry, rabid honey badgers on each other... And the funny thing is, (And I've witnessed this happen on more than one occasion...) a few seconds AFTER the fight is done, a good portion of the time, the two kids are sitting there sharing a juicebox and a snack and they're like best friends for life.... WTF??!?? I guess there are some lessons that we can learn from children.... Go figure.

Movie explosions....

Some of the greatest movies have the best explosions. Even the WORST movies redeem themselves a little when there are a few good explosions. And what's the deal with the "hero" NEVER looking behind him as he walks away in slow motion when the building blows up? I would totally be like "FIRE! WOO HOO! That's was freaking AWESOME!!!!!" (Which is probably why Michael Bay will never call me for a role in one of his movies....) I don't know what it is about those movie explosions that I find to be so cool. Apparently, I'm not the only one... What, I've been to the theater where I wasn't the only one cheering when the stuff started blowing up! (Someone OTHER than Lucky too!)
Another one of those things that brings me much amusement and joy... Movie explosions....

Photo Bombing....

The photo bomb is probably by far one of the greatest "cheap thrills" a person can get... Think about it for a second. You dive yourself right into a picture you really don't belong in and make a funny face or do something inappropriate or whatever. Flabammo! You've either ruined the shot or you made the picture AWESOME! Type in "photobomb" into Google images. You'll come up with so many! And to top it off, it's a giggle-fest of epic proportions! There are people who make photo bombing a hobby! I'm dead serious! It's fantastic! I'm thinking of giving it a go when the opportunities show themselves. It seems like a rather amusing thing to do. AND to top it off, there will be a random photo of me "bombing" in someone's collection of photos. Yes... The gears turn... It seems like a very fun new hobby indeed.... :) Beware.....

Skepticism....

The older I get, it seems the more skeptical I get about many things. Call it "experience", call it "having made mistakes", call it whatever you will.... Chalk it up to the crappy people I've come across in my life or the "sounds too good to be true and I was right in that assumption" thing. Whatever the case, skepticism is something that grows like hair or fingernails and left untrimmed, it could become just as unsightly and hard to manage as unkempt hair or fingernails.
I believe only about a quarter of what I hear and a third of what I see. Just because I'm nodding my head, doesn't mean I'm agreeing with you. I'm nodding my head because I really don't want to hear any more and the only way to get you to shut up is to agree with you. Most people are unreliable, untrustworthy, malicious, selfish and mean. (Is that the skeptic in me?) I like animals much more than I like people.
I love spending time with kids simply because they aren't like that. Well, most aren't anyway... At a certain age, they do start to try the manipulations of adults, but they're easy to see as such. Regardless, it's fun being able to show kids that you could be a good person AND still be cool. Lead by example...
Help out when and where you can. Make it fun if you have to. Get things done when they need to be done. Grow a spine, stop whining, own up to your own mistakes and make apologies when you've done wrong. The world is full of spineless, cowardly, selfish, manipulative, crybaby pansies. No need to add to the overpopulated numbers of that  crowd.
It's great to know that I've surrounded myself with people who see my points of view on this. People who will grab hold and get me back on my feet when I falter when I get sucked into the black hole that those behaviors have become to those who have chosen the path of least resistance. Mindless drones. Sissies. Weaklings. I refuse to be one. My Puppy Guts has been a great source of strength and it seems that the "where I want to end up" is very much on the same lines as "where he wants to end up". It makes it all the easier when our goals are very much on the same lines. Though my skepticism makes me see the uglier side of people, I am thankful for the ones whom I've come to put a bit more faith in. Although I see myself as much more than a skeptic or a pessimist than a optimist or an idealist, I have my "happy places". I will question everything and not take  it for face value. Whether it be about philosophy, science, religion, life... What can I say. It's who I am....

Summer Vacation....

Now that I have all of my babies back here with me, my summer vacation "begins". Granted I only have them for a limited number of days before they go back to visit with their dad some more, but still...
So begins my daily "Yeehaw!" when I actually have to get up in the morning and make a proper breakfast and get through the day with doing activities and stuff, keeping the kids moving and tuckering them out, drive them here, drive them there, lunches and suppers, scheduling stuff to do with them while trying to keep them all amused and entertained, laundry, dishes, garbage, cleaning, baths and showers and tucking them into bed. Then to repeat the same thing the next day...
:sigh:  It's absolutely blissful! I missed them!

Justice...

I know that violence doesn't solve EVERYTHING. It solves a few things, and it can't really be considered violence if you think about it.... Follow here... I am a big supporter for the death penalty. Probably more so than your average American. I think of it this way. Murderers? Death. Rapists? Death. Child molesters? Death. You get the idea. Fine... Go through the trial thingy if it makes you feel better, but in all honesty? How well did it work out for say... Caylee Anthony? Was justice really served? No. Did Caylee get justice and find peace? No. That baby killing bitch Casey should have fried. Slowly....And painfully, while gagging on her own bile. Nicole Brown Simpson? She will now be the butt of every Pez dispenser joke ever and her killer is free and laughing at those jokes. Awesome, isn't it?
Why is it that criminals who have broken laws, some of them rather in a heinous manner, have more rights than your regular law abiding citizen. Then to top it off, if caught, tried, found guilty and sent to prison, they are given a roof over their heads, three meals a day, access to work, education, "rehabilitation", free medical, dental... Care above and beyond what most of those scumbags deserve. And then guess what... As law abiding citizens, we pay for all of that for them. (We also do that for illegal immigrants and whatnot, as they get free food, free housing, free money, free education, free health care and just about everything else handed to them, but that's a whole different rant that I shall save for a different time....) We would save a whole lot of time, energy, money and aggravation with a simple bullet to the head for these fuckers. No, they do not deserve our sympathy, our empathy, our pity nor our mercy. None of this soft handed, namby pamby, whiny baby shit about "the death penalty is cruel..." crap.
If we were to handle criminals with the proper bitch slap ranging from a good ol' fashioned debilitating beat down to two doses 230 grains of lead delivered to the cranium at 850ft per second. Done. People might reconsider the life of crime and perhaps not partake. AND the more serious offenders wouldn't be able to become repeat offenders now would they? If you have a defense attorney who wants to claim that it was some kind of sickness that made the asshole do it, well then, what better cure than death? Case closed. Done. The end. Justice served. There wouldn't be an overcrowded prison problem, we wouldn't be shelling out tons of money to take care of these assholes and there would be less scumbags in the world breathing my air. Not politically correct? Pfft! F*ck you!
A scumbag is a scumbag is a scumbag is a scumbag. They should not be treated with kid gloves. They should be treated accordingly. They should be treated as the scumbags that they are. The world needs a culling of the population. Why not start at the bottom of the barrel. Just sayin'....

Farewells....

People often take for granted the time they have on the earth with their families, friends and the things they have that are yet to be done. Things we want to accomplish, things we want to do... Things get put off to the wayside because "there's always tomorrow". You never really think about how fleeting life really is until you are faced with a moment in time when the reality of it all slaps you right in the face. To be faced with the fact that there may not be a tomorrow and things may be left undone.
Lucky's department lost their dispatcher. He was only 53 years old leaving behind a wife, two daughters and a son. From what I could tell, he was loved by everyone. The type not to have an enemy in the world. Basically, an all around good guy.
I watched as many of the men and women from the PD came in, uniformed, coming together to pay their last respects to this man. (And what exactly do you say to a grieving family whose world had just been turned upside down so suddenly?)
His life in pictures, as a tribute to him, was simple, but it told of a man who  loved his family and loved life... (And fishing...) Always with a warm smile and good intentions. As a dispatcher, he was apparently one of the best and it was a devastating loss to the department. It was more of a devastating loss of a friend to those who knew him. A man with depth of character who had many facets in his life that made him the brilliant gem that he was in the lives of his family and friends and co-workers.
The wake held for him was beautifully done. Tasteful and warm. The color guard showed, officers dressed in their shiny and spiffy duds, with a "changing of the guards" every fifteen minutes throughout the wake. The weeping family, the misty eyes of friends... And there laid a man, tan and wearing a  (for all intents and purposes) short sleeved "fishing" shirt, looking for all the world like he was going to be going fishing after all was said and done. So many thoughts will run through a person's mind when being so close to someone so many are saying farewell to. I looked upon the faces of his young boy, his girls and his wife and felt a sorrow for them despite the fact that I didn't know them. They had lost a huge chunk of their lives. I felt a sorrow for the man laying so peacefully in his casket as he had literally lost a huge chunk of his.
On the ride back to the house, I thought. So many thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about this man, who would be missing out on so much more of what potentially could have been "the rest of his life". I thought about the family he left behind and how much so many more of their "firsts" they would miss him at in their lives. I thought about his many friends and how they wouldn't be able to call him up and say, "Wow! Dude! That sucked! Hey, let's hang out..." after the wake. His sudden death was such a shock to everybody. Quite literally a "one minute he was there, and the next minute, he was gone..." and that was it. A single moment in time when everything changes. Shattering, altering, jarring... Whatever you want to call it. A single moment and the world changed for those closest to this man.
As much as I try to make sure I am "fixing" things in my life, living it to its fullest and making sure that my children and Lucky know that they are loved, I'm sure there will never be enough time for me to finish everything. I continue to make sure that I fill my life with the positives and not dwell on the trivialities that I come across. I live, I love, I laugh, I fill my life with good people, good food, good fun, good friends, good times, good music. I get things done, I say what needs to be said and I keep moving forward. It is a solid and almost tangible need to make sure that I do.
It all stems from a reality based lesson that I re-learn from time to time and I'll admit, some hit harder than others. The effects of seeing tragedies, whether they are grand scale or not, affects me in a way that it causes me to think seriously about the course of my life. Sometimes I linger too long in the shallows, where negativity and bad feelings fester in the cloudy pools of muck, when clearer waters lay so close. All it would take is to tromp away from the muck and ooze and clean off in the clean waters and wade out to a nicer place, but I have to ask why it is that I linger a little too long in the shallows. Then I have to ask myself why it is that I keep coming back to everything that should mean so little and not concentrate on the things that aren't trivial. Deeper thoughts reveal a guilt I sometimes feel that needs to be rectified, deeper insights may reveal an anger issue I thought I had rid myself of. Self introspection is something one cannot run away from when everything gets thrown onto you all at once and trying to sort through everything can sometimes seem overwhelming. That's when I strap up my ass kicking boots and clear away the crap with a sledgehammer and a shovel and deal with what I can. I deal with the things that I "own". I can't help some of the things I don't since some of the problems I got thrown into was not necessarily mine. I was tossed in, without warning, without a word... Thrown into the lion's den with no weapons in the first round, into someone else's crap so that they wouldn't be the only ones drowning in their own troubles. But through much thought and rationalizing, I always come to the same conclusions and I end up crawling out of the muck and walking away from what ever self induced misery that others seem to put themselves in and stop letting them drag me in to drown me in their sorrows along with them. Life is too short and I haven't the time to wallow in someone else's muck when I'm doing my best to wash away my own.
I will never have a problem with someone coming to me and asking for help. I'll always be willing to lend an ear and listen, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on... But when it really comes down to it, I'll not be someone's flotation device at the risk of drowning myself in someone else's sorrows, especially when that someone seems as if they enjoy being there. Hey, there are people who just like to be miserable and enjoy making other people miserable too. It's just important to make sure that you don't get caught up in all of it and BE dragged down.
I re-learned some valuable lessons there at the wake. Cherish your loved ones and let them know that they are loved. They should never question your feelings for them. Let go of the things that are trivial and stupid. Dwelling on them does you no amount of good. Although making enemies can be fun sometimes, making friends is more valuable and is time better spent. There really is no need to make enemies where enemies don't need to be made. I'd really just prefer not to be bothered with people I couldn't care less about anyway. Do the things that you enjoy and live in the moment. If life is going to be a series of events that lead you to an end, why not make them positive and worthwhile? And the hard hitting reality that life is terminal. It does and will end and it's never certain when, where or how.
So now, I pray that Steve has found peace and sanctuary in the arms of his Savior in heaven and I pray that the loved ones that he left behind eventually find peace and comfort themselves.

"When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do. You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears, but be happy that we had so many years. I gave you my love. You can only guess how much you gave me in happiness. But now it's time I traveled on alone. So grieve a while for me if grieve you must, then let your grief be comforted by trust. It's only for a while that we must part, so bless the memories within your heart, I won't be far away, for life goes on . SO if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near and if you listen with your heart, you'll hear all of my love around you soft and clear. And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and say, 'Welcome home.' " (As written on the back of Steve's memorial service card.)

Rest in peace and may your family and friends find comfort and peace.

Ungh....

Getting back into the groove of things is always difficult after a nice long relaxing vacation. Puppy Guts and I spent the most amazing week and change enjoying each others' company while taking part in various activities both in and out of the bedroom and we experienced a different adventure every day. No schedules, no commitments (for the most part), nowhere to HAVE to be at any given particular time (99% of the time), not a thing but just to be.
The abruptness of the end of a vacation is a rather harsh slap in the face, especially when it's time to go back to my not regular, regularly scheduled program since my children are away at their dad's for most of the summer. Sure, I took  a day to re-cooperate and now, it's back in the saddle once again. :Sigh: Without my children here for another couple of weeks, I suppose I can get to some yard work, house work, cleaning, sorting, organizing and other stuff and getting it all done so that I can concentrate my efforts on the kids when they get back from their dad's.
The one thing I can say is that I can't wait for next year. We've already made a new list of stuff we'd like to do and I'm looking forward to doing the vacation thing with Puppy Guts again. Thank you so much for an AWESOME vacation. It really IS about the company and the quality of time spent. It was perfect. :)

My Vacation with My Puppy Guts.......

We had nine and a half days of vacation to ourselves (with one where Lucky spent unencumbered and focused quality time with his children)and a very limited budget to do so, but we managed to have the greatest time of our lives. It turns out that one does not need to go far or spend a whole hell of a lot of money to have a great time. We've proven that in spades in our lives when we are able to spend time together on our "dates" and we proved it once again on our vacation. We scoured the internet for things to do, every bargain we could find, and figured out the perfect way to plan out our vacation by not planning it out at all. We flew by the seat of our pants, not sticking to some schedule of what to do when and rolled with the punches and took each day as it came at us. It worked out well. We accomplished much, made time to spend with friends as well as made sure that we had plenty of time to spend with each other engaged in serious activity both in and out of the bedroom. It also seemed to work well with the budget we had as well.... Let's break it down:

Our first night was spent in a hotel (finding a bargain AND a coupon online) at a pet friendly place and had a White Trash Garden Party with Mitchie. Price? $45 for a room, $24 for hooch, diner noms at $30 and some groceries for about $25. We kicked off our vacation with a hoot and a holler and spent time with our bestie. A great time had for $124.

Our second day/ night we went back to Lucky's parents house, cooked up some food bought at the grocery store at $ 20 (to bring to a party), another room at a different hotel in a different town (again, found at a bargain AND coupon online) at $55, and we went to a party at a friend's house for food and drink. Another great time for $75.

The third day/ night, first thing in the morning, we shot down to my parents' house and since mom is in Japan and the cranky old git is always holed up in his fortress of solitude all the time, hey why not. Then we hopped onto a train to go into the city for $37 (round trip for the both of us). We had purchased a bottle of whiskey for a friend for his birthday at $26. Once in the city, the only thing we paid for was lunch at about $50 for the three of us as we mostly walked around and toured the city, which was the best time! When we got back and walked Otis. Chinese take out for $13, ate in bed in our jammies, in a bed we call "ours". An awesome day for $126. We went out to get some snacks for the next day's adventure for $11 too. No need for hotel costs, we went on the cheap and stayed "home". Total this day? $137.

Day/ night four turned into a rather blah day. We hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and we were up at 5AM to attempt a fishing trip. We got to the boat and it turned out to be a wash... No fishing that day. We went to "home base north" (A.K.A. Lucky's parents' house) as it was closer than "home base south" and ended up napping for about four hours. When we got up, we shot back down to my parents' house, watched a movie, and we decided to go to the grocery store and buy stuff to make for supper (since we were staying at my parents' house again) for about $15. Supplies to make wraps for a light dinner. We watched another movie and decided to attempt a second go at fishing the next morning. It was a nice relaxing and unencumbered day including mutual footie rubs and back rubs that we would have paid an arm and a leg for somewhere, but we got it all for $15.

Day/ night five brought another failed attempt at going fishing, so we went zip lining instead. Since we weren't scheduled until the afternoon, we went fishing for free at a lake nearby, had a light lunch for $14, and went zipping through the tree tops for two hours for $94 for the both of us. For supper we bought different innards for a different kind of wraps at the grocery store at $10 and spent another night at my 'rents' house. Unbelievable day for $118.

On day/ night six, we finally got to go deep sea fishing. A local party boat at $50 a head. THAT was a hoot! We caught our supper and cooked it up, spent another quality night at my parents' since the old git was nowhere to be seen for the most part. Ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery for $10... We rocked that day for $110.

On day/ night seven, it was a recoop day. Life needed to be handled and Lucky needed to spend time with his children since they had returned from vacation the night before. He had things to do to be ready for them and I had laundry, dishes, garbage, bills, cleaning, and all around general shit that I HAD to get done. I drove up to see Lucky and the kids at his parents' house. Another bottle of hooch was purchased for $24. We did a little WTGP with Mitchie after the kids went to bed. Another fun night for $24.

Day/ night eight,we went to an indoor water park with Lucky's children (with coupons) @ $19 a head totaling $76. We had lunch at McDonald's with coupons and gift certificates, with money left on the gift certificates, so no money spent there... Dinner with Lucky's family chipping in $10 for pizza and ending off with a quiet evening back at "home base south". It was hard to see who had the better time at the water park... The adults or the kids... It's still rather up in the air  for a total of $86 spent on what turned out to be another AWESOME day!

Day/ night nine, our last day was spent deep sea fishing again on the same boat we went on some few days ago. Another $100. Lucky caught a rock... Yes... A rock. Hey! Anyone can catch a fish! It takes a real special sort to hook a rock AND reel it in to the surface! Yes, we took it home. We named it Kevin and he lives outside in the yard under a bush. It was about the only thing we caught, but we still managed to have a great time on the boat. Both of our lily white selves ended up with  very nice tans too! Dinner at our favorite Thai food restaurant for $45 and ended the evening off with a DVD marathon.Total this day was $145 for a nice relaxing day AND a great souvenir named Kevin!

In the morning when we woke up, we ate a hearty breakfast at our favorite diner totaling $20, fixed a door in the house, managed to get a few other things accomplished, a few things around the house that needed some muscle and Lucky had to go back "home" to get some sleep before his shift later in the evening. I met him at his parents' house late in the afternoon, picked up his children and went to a family function at his aunt's house and thus concluded our vacation. Total spent? $20.

Total in gas for the week topped out at about $120 since we stayed pretty local (and Lucky's vasectomy was probably the GREATEST investment EVER! We didn't have to worry about prophylactics... (And considering the fact that we were on vacation, that could have eaten WAY into our "vacation funds"...) and adding up the odds and ends from "stray receipts" that totaled $23. Total spent on/ for our vacation? $997. The most perfectly relaxing, non-stress, exciting, fun, perfect vacation that I had EVER had for an RCH less than a thousand dollars. We managed to accomplish everything that we wanted to do on our list, spend amazing quality time with each other, and had an absolutely phenomenal time with each other no matter what we were doing. Otis got the care he needed from us rather than from a kennel and we were never really far from the "creature comforts of home". Like I said, perfect.

It seems to me that it boils down to a couple of things here... There really is no need to spend an outrageous amount of money in order to have a good time on vacation AND it really is about the company with whom you go on a vacation with. I went on a vacation with my partner in life, my soulmate, my best friend, my ultimate lover, my backup in any situation, my support system physically, emotionally and mentally,and lucky me, he's all that in one. We could have taken on the world last week and won.
Thank you Puppy Guts, for the hands down, most awesome vacation, bar none. It was the most incredible week and change! And thank you for everything that you are to me, including the incredible things that you don't see in yourself, but I do. I will come to make you see them too. Even if it takes me a lifetime. ♥

Deep Sea Fishing!

The Snow Goose 2

Another "adventure" we went during our stay-cation was deep sea fishing. We were on board an open party fishing boat that sails Long Island Sound. Three days in a row, we attempted to get on board a party boat to go fishing. The first day, we woke up at 5AM, drove half an hour away to be told, "Sorry! We're doing a private charter today! You can't come on board..." We had a nap/ quiet day. The second day, we woke up at 5AM again, drove half an hour away to be told, "Sorry! There's only four of you! (Puppy Guts and I and two guys looking to do some fishing) We're not taking the boat out!" We went zip lining instead. (It actually worked out better in the long run considering the heat. We would have fried out on the water had we gone out. Zip lining kept us relatively cool since we were in the treetops in the shade... Go figure! Someone was looking out for us, making sure we had an awesome vacation I guess!)

FINALLY on board a fishing boat!

This was getting ridiculous. We wanted to go fishing, but we weren't going to keep doing this getting up at 5AM thing only to be told last minute that we wouldn't be going out... So the next thing to do? TO THE INTERWEBZ! After a few quick searches, we found a different open party boat that was closer to "home base south" (my parents' house) as we referred to it as and guaranteed that they would be going out no matter what. YAY! So we got up at 6AM, went to the boat, and jumped aboard the Snow Goose 2. Right on time, we left the dock and off on another adventure we went.
It was a glorious day. The weather was freaking beautiful and here we were with the sea breeze, blue skies, the calm waters below, chugging around Long Island Sound. We saw some unbelievable beachfront estates and I really can't even begin to tell you how freaking beautiful the day was. It was perfect fishing weather. We had a few clouds and we had a chance to fish in drizzling rain for a little while, which cooled everything down some, and it cleared up again. It was a milder day than the one before and slathered up in some sunblock, Lucky and I were totally set. We were chillaxing in between stops having a grand old time. We hugged and kissed and talked to each other as well as those around us. We told them of our awesome vacation so far as they relayed stories of  the nightmares of theirs. We were referred to as the "coolest couple EVER" and we were told we were so totally and perfectly matched "it's scary"... Go figure! Strangers can see it too! We took it as a compliment.
The day before we had set our adrenal glands into maximum overdrive, this day we got our mellow on. The waters were calm and pretty steady... Perfect! We spent an awesome day of fishing together, laughing with the other passengers and crew on board. We munched on light fare (beef jerky and cereal bars), kept well hydrated and spent a solid 6 hours cruising around Long Island sound dropping lines into the water and doing a bit of fishing.

At the end of the day, between the two of us, we caught five fish, which honestly? It was just the whipped cream to an already fantastic day. They filleted the fish right on board for us, and as we got off the boat, we were handed our nice weighty Ziploc bag of fresh fish to take home, topped off with some ice. Back at the house, we rinsed off the fish fillets, tried some "sashimi" style (DAMN was it ever awesome! Fish don't come fresher than THAT!) and pan fried up everything with a little bit of butter, olive oil and a squirt of lemon juice. One word... YUMMY! A perfect day with my Puppy Guts, a perfect fishing trip including fresh caught dinner... BLISS! Vacation ROCKS! We are SO going to go back....

Addendum: We DID go back! We decided that for our last day of vacation, as a last hurrah, we would do the fishing thing again. We got back on board the Snow Goose 2 three days later on our "last OFFICIAL day of vacation" and it was AWESOME! If you're ever in our neck of the woods, you should definitely check this crew out. Bar none, the greatest time you'll ever have whether you catch a fish or not! Bliss! Thanks for another VERY awesome day, Puppy Guts! I love you with all that I am. Always.... XOXOXOX

Zip Lining!

It may or may not be common knowledge, but I don't like heights too much. Well, maybe it's not so much the height thing, but the rapid deceleration after potentially falling from said height. Whatever the case....
So on our vacation, we went zip lining. (HUH??!??) I know. You would think that someone who is uncomfortable with heights would do everything to avoid being up so freaking high, right? Uh-uh. Not THIS girl. Since our deep sea fishing trip got nixed for the second day in a row, Lucky and I decided that instead of calling the whole day a wash, we would try something exciting, new, fun and different. (Besides, it was still only 7AM...) We shot up about half hour to forty-five minutes on the highway and flabammo! We get to our destination. Of course we were about two hours early for our time slot, so we got some lunch at a cute little local diner and got in some freshwater fishing in a lake nearby. It was a lesson in futility really and all we did was feed the fish the worms that we had dug up.... And I got bit by a horsefly and came away with a pretty neat looking bruise about the size of my hand on the back of my leg.
Our allotted time was rolling around, so we packed it up and headed to the place. Now... I have to tell you... Waiting around for two hours KNOWING full damn well that you were going to do something involving something you're not quite comfortable with, gets a mind going. But I quickly came to one single conclusion. I was either going to have a really great time or I was going to be THAT guy who was the wet blanket, ruining everyone elses' day. I opted for the first. My fear of heights wasn't going to stop me and with Puppy Guts by my side telling me that I was going to be just fine, I had no fears. No chastising, no teasing, no laughing, no joking, he was thoroughly supportive and so sweet about it!
So we went through the spiel with the tour guides, get all dudded up in our helmets and gear and we take our first picture as a group. I have to tell you, there were a couple of people there who were MORE fearful of the heights thing than myself, so I KNEW Puppy Guts and I had to step up our game and make sure that we brought the good time with us. You get a group where there's one "fun person", everyone has a great time. Get a group with TWO "fun people" and it's a party waiting to happen! We were bound and determined to be the "fun people" in the group and Puppy Guts and I were ready to bring it.It was on like Donkey Kong!
We approached the ladder to get up to the first perch and the guide asked "Who's going first?" No one stepped up, so I elbowed my way to the front, "YAY! ME!!!!!!" -ed and started up the ladder like I had done it a hundred times. Got up top (ten feet or so) no big deal. At this point, I had set the bar and I had to live up to the  "Oh... She's THAT gal!" It was balls out all the way or nothing. A prideful "THAT'S my girl!" from my Puppy Guts and a big broad smile from him made me feel great.
The guide did her thing, clippity clip with the thing and I let her loose! LATER!
What a friggin' HOOT! After that, the rest of the group came one at a time until we got to a lady who was terrified. So, I said, "Come on guys!" to the group and started to cheer for the woman to come on over... Bless her, she took that leap of faith and zipped on over as we all cheered for her... Yeah... It was on! This was going to be a fun time for everyone even if it was going to take every bit of energy I had to quell the fear (which strangely, I really didn't feel... Go figure!) and MAKE it fun! Party in the treetops baby! We went across rope bridges OR a cargo net and then a tight rope about 50 feet up and it was awesome. Strangely, I wasn't scared at all. I was having a blast! I was given the nickname "Jungle Jane" so now I REALLY had to show I had earned it... But I didn't feel pressure from anywhere or anyone. I was having too good a time! Puppy Guts joked and kept the mood light, I went totally balls out and "fearlessly" paved the way. It worked out great! (My plan was working! Mwa ha ha ha ha!)

At one point we were about 70 feet up from the ground. Looking down didn't seem so bad to me. I actually stood on the edge of the perch and peered over the edge. It was beautiful! ("Hey look! A chipmunk! ...Yeah, sorry.... A.D.D." got a round of chuckles) I couldn't believe the view! It was fantastic! We were in the shade, there was a nice breeze (although it was hot as hell that day) I was having the time of my life! Puppy Guts knew I had a few reservations about this whole deal, but his quiet encouragement and full on support made it so easy. He didn't give me any more reason to feed my phobia and made me feel comfortable just by being there, smiling down all the warmth in his heart and quietly letting me know how proud he was of me. My backup for me as well as backup as I played the role of "YAY! She's FUN!" girl.

Two hours we spent up in the trees zipping and crossing and by the end of our "tour" our group was probably ready to pick a fight with some mama grizzly bears and call Mike Tyson's mom a fat, ugly broad. We were all feeling it. Accomplishment. All in our own way, of course, but I can't describe it as anything but a feeling of accomplishment. Whether it was getting over a fear, feeling the exhilarated rush of adrenaline or getting through a physically, emotionally and mentally taxing adventure, it was there. It's rather hard to describe really, but it felt good... No, it felt AWESOME. Taking a chance and conquering a fear, taking (quite literally) a leap of faith and stepping off a platform 60 or 70 feet from the ground and doing something that most wouldn't even consider. I pity those who won't step out of their own comfort zones to experience life somewhere outside of their "norm". Life is short and it will only be what you make of it.
Our vacation "list of things to do" wasn't very long, but zip lining was on it and it was done. It was done well. And it felt GREAT. THAT was one of the "things to do" on the list that we were both glad we accomplished. ...And we're ready to do it again soon! WOOT! BRING IT!