Be REASONABLE, Mia!

Why is it that when I don't agree with certain people and/ or I voice my opinion or whatever and stick to my guns with it, I end up being told that I'm being "unreasonable"? Why is it that until I agree with whatever some people are saying I need to be more flexible? You know what? I am entitled to my own opinions, my own thought processes, my own way of coming to conclusions, having my own conclusions thereof and there ain't a good god damned thing those people are gonna be able to do about it. Just deal with it and take your petty arguments elsewhere. Fuck yourself and have a great day sucking on that, douche. I'm done being told what I should think and how I should answer and what I should be. Don't tell me I'M being unreasonable. You're just being an idiot. I take the position of, "Look, either you can agree with me or you can be wrong." Bite me.

Awkward.....

Sure, I have my "awkward" moments. There are times when I really AM awkward. I get that..... Really. I do. But then there are those who are the very definition of the word "awkward". I mean out and out awkward. To the point where they are difficult to be around because you don't know what to say because they are just so damn fucking weird. You can't say you haven't run across a few and I wouldn't believe you if you tried to say you haven't.....

Oh, come on. You've met them or have come across them. You try to be polite for about five seconds until you realize what you'd gotten yourself into and your mind is screaming, "ABANDON SHIP!!!!!! ABANDON SHIP!!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!! OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!!!!!!!!!!WTF??!?? JUST WALK THE FUCK AWAY RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" and in order to save what's left of your own sanity, you have to leave said awkward person alone to be awkward by themselves as you go screaming and running in the other direction. Okay. Maybe not running and screaming, but you left there in an awful hurry.....

It's not to say that I don't have my socially weird times. Sometimes I do it to make people leave me alone. It's not to say that I don't have moments where I am just unintentionally awkward. Everyone has moments like that... But can you imagine being like that all the time? I often wonder whether these people realize that they are awkward and it makes people uncomfortable to be around. And if that is the case, why don't they stop being that way....

Then I started thinking. (I know.... "Uh-oh..... She's thinking again....." give me a second to explain......) For all the ranting and raving that I do about being "who I am" and "being okay with it" and "not giving a shit about what other people think", then going off on some diatribe about how "I'm not going to change for anybody because I am who I am!", well.... Who would I be, except a big hypocrite, if I started  questioning and judging people for their awkwardness and thinking they need to change themselves for obviously being who they are. It really boils down to that particular person's quirk if you think about it and who am I to judge a quirky person? Honestly? I can't even begin to list all of my individual quirks.....

Likely, I over think way too many things. Especially things like this. I know I do. I probably go through way too many thought processes to get through some trains of thought that I have to get to a conclusion that only I would be able to come to and that I would understand. (Which is typical...) There are times when my train of thought not only derails, but crashes and burns and becomes nothing more than a pile of soot and warped metal, but I revisit those from time to time too. Which then leads to me talking to myself, in public..... FLABAMMO! I'm THAT guy. The weird, awkward lady.... And am I going to change that? Fuck no. :sigh: Go on back about your business.... Never mind.

JUNE??!??

We are officially into the "It's almost summer vacation!!!" mode. The kids are already looking forward to the summer vacation and the official countdown has begun. The date of the last day of school is super highlighted in a rainbow of colors and smiley faces. My three boys are so looking forward to summer vacation. For my daughter, it'll be business as usual except that she has her brothers home and has to share the toys with them, but the boys? They can't wait to sing the summer vacation song. They look forward to the un-rushed mornings and the laid back schedules. Nowhere in particular to have to be and nothing in particular that needs to be done. No homework, no teachers trying to teach them stuff, no school bus to catch, no hurried mad dash to get to class.... Just sitting back and chilling... Yup... They gleefully count down the days.... Crossing them off one at a time until that SUPER HAPPY RAINBOW square that marks the last day of school.

Gooey Puppy Guts......

I suppose I DO get tired of having to explain to people my interesting choice of a pet name that I have for my sweetheart, but it is what it is and I'm not going to change it. Sure, there are other things that I call him, like Honey Bunny, Goo Goo Bear, or just simply, Baby or Babe, but for the most part I call him Puppy Guts or just Guts for short. Yes, we get strange looks from people when we're out and about but neither of us really gives a shit. I think so many people lack imagination and creativity, especially in a relationship. People often end up complacent and get stuck in a rut that becomes their every day. It leads to boredom and that becomes the norm. :yawn:

Something as simple as a pet name that's "different" to going out and trying something new, like cooking up some new concoction in the kitchen or something can add so much more depth and richness to what would otherwise be yet another stagnant relationship. It's that complacency that leads to a lack of communication because, really? What's there to talk about after you've talked about everything else? And then, when it DOES come time to have to open up and communicate with someone who is supposed to be your other half with whom which you should be able to talk to about everything, it's not as easy as it really should be and those conversations are left not had. And where does THAT lead?

I pity those who aren't able to talk to their mates about everything. Feeling the need to hide who they are and what they're feeling. It ends up breeding resentment and it does no amount of good. I mean, don't get me wrong, a one sided conversation is just as bad as no conversation though. If one goes to the other and says, "There's a problem...." and the response is, "No, there isn't...." That doesn't do a whole helluva lot of good either.

I am truly thankful that Puppy Guts are able to talk about everything, discover new things and talk about that, only to come to find that there are so many other things that we can discover together and talk about which leads to more stuff to discover.... A perpetual cycle of renewal that most people forget after a few years together.... I'm so glad I found it with My Puppy Guts! :bliss:

Yumminess......

Om nom nom bliss happens from time to time when your mouth discovers something that makes your tastebuds feel like tiny angels are dancing on them.

Bacon provides this to me on a daily basis. It never matters the mood I'm in, those strips f bacon always seem to make things a bit better and I am able to cope with the rest of my day. It is that first taste of the bacon that melt in your mouth and starts to permeate through every crevice and fold in your mouth and it can be almost painful (in a good way of course) as you start to nom on the very first piece of bacon that day.

It brings a happy and blissful smile to me face and sets the mood for something a little better than what it would have been without the bacon......Bacon makes everything better, It is a truly om nom nom bliss moment that can turn a frown upside down. That is its magical power. All hail the power of bacon.

It Figures.....

As my pop's senility takes a firmer grasp of his sensibilities and he becomes a crankier individual on a daily basis, my life becomes a living nightmare that centers around the crotchety old git with the nasty temper. It's truly awesome when he lashes out at the closest person around him, which is usually me, and I get to hear the tirade and diatribe about how he hates everything, but most of all, me.

Most days I am able to walk away and ignore the old git, but there is only so much that can go "unheard" before the last straw. I've learned to point out what pop is doing and ask him what he thinks about what he's saying. It shuts him up much faster than unleashing a verbal tirade riddled with mutli-lingual cuss words. Yes, there are times that the english language alone doesn't provide enough explicit words to adequately describe what want to say, so I have to resort to using more than just one language.

I still do the tirade on occasion, but it seems that pointing out the old man's flaws is far more silencing than just going on a tirade of my own. I mean, it's hard to argue when you're not only battling someone, but also your greatest enemy at the same time. Yes. Your greatest enemy is yourself and the flaws you see in yourself. And when they are made so GLARINGLY obvious, that you can't ignore it, the fight starts to leave you, doesn't it. You can't exactly fight yourself, can you.

There are people who will fight to hide and ignore all their faults and pretend they don't exist. Deny, deny, deny. It'll eventually come to bite you in the ass and run away with your kidney, your spleen and some other crucial and rather vital organs. There are those like myself who have acknowledged that there are flaws and are starting to fix them. Then there are saints. Weird thing is, most people are so fucking delusional, they only see themselves as saints. Totally cool though. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and smashing the pedestal that they stand upon is so easy and it's fun to watch them come crashing back down to reality, covered in the bullshit that their pedestal was made from. Enter my pop.

Of course, my mom will always continue to make the excuses for my pop and tells me I should take back what I say and tells me he didn't mean to say it (again...) but no more. Even she knows not to tangle with me. She hates being told how wrong she is even more than pop does. It must be hard enough for her to look in the mirror most days, look at herself and know what she truly is, I guess she doesn't need another reminder from her daughter.... Her martyrdom is brought into question way too often and she can't handle the truth! (Said a la Jack Nicholson in that movie)

There will come a day someday soon that I will leave my parents' house for the last time and look back on this place no more. The final frayed end to be cut off. Until then, I'm not going to put up with this shit and I'm not going to take the brunt of the burden into my own lap. I refuse to make it more difficult for myself living in this pit by biting my tongue as I bide my time. Nope. I want to start breathing a little easier.

The Definition of a MAN......

Now that we went over what a woman should be, it's only fair that I go through what a man should be. It stands to reason that I would, right?

When I think about what the definition of a MAN is, I think of a happy, loyal dog. It's not like what it sounds like here... I promise. Think about the very best and loyal dog though. Stands by you through thick and thin, shows unconditional love with the likes of no other, realizes your worth and shows you how much you mean to them no matter what you do, no matter how you feel, no matter what. He would never judge you, belittle you and will support you regardless of what your doing. He will lay down his life for you, fight for and protect you, love you at your worst and take pride that you are his. He always wants to be by your side and be near you and is happiest when you are around. You are made to feel as if he is only whole when you are there.

A man is also someone who will take care of what's "his". He will bend over backwards and do whatever it takes to make sure that what needs to get done gets done. He doesn't make excuses for why something isn't done either, because it's done, done right, and done well. A man doesn't blame his mate for everything that goes wrong and will take responsibility for the things he's done wrong, not when the shit hits the fan, but when he realizes that he was wrong. A man knows how to apologize too. Not, "I'm sorry, but YOU..." and go on about everything that you've ever done wrong. A man simply will not allow someone else to take care of what's his, unlike some individuals I know who are nothing more than shallow, useless, worthless, vindictive douchewads. But that gets into a whole different kind of post.

A man will love you at your worst, hold you when you're weakest, and will be proud to be by your side regardless of anything. A man will do "man stuff" and fix shit and beat the shit out of something and drive cars and shoot guns and other guy shit like that, but also be able to cook and clean and run a proper tubby time. Strong, but sensitive. Rugged and tough, but gentle and loving. Not some irresponsible, sad sack, unreliable, pansy ass excuse for a man with entitlement and superiority complexes.

......Wow! WAY cool. I just described my Puppy Guts! I have the perfect man. YAY ME!

The Definition of a WOMAN......

Long gone are the days when women were thought to be the dominated, subservient lower class, answerable to men and blah..... Thank goodness too, because I don't think I would have survived. Although there are still parts of the world where this is still true and these barbaric places are terrible to their women, it is not as true here in the US.

The measure of a woman has changed quite a bit over the last couple of generations and there really is no "general consensus" as to what a woman should be. Everything from the "don't judge me!" thing to the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing comes in to play these days and women come in all sorts of everything. Depending on upbringing and crap like that, a "woman's role" really and truly varies. Generationally speaking, you're going to have your differences too.

What the fuck though.... Seriously! I'm really not understanding the whole tits and ass and shallow personality, perpetual victims and the big poofy lips and the waif thin or super fat, stupid idiot types that are sprouting up all over the place and becoming the ideal. It's rather disgusting. We didn't fight for civil liberties and equal rights just to play the role of idiot bimbos, did we? SHIT! Regardless of upbringing or influence or whatever, there are certain things that women should be and it's not the "ideals" that we and our daughters are being told we should be.

Women should be full of strength and ferocity, be upstanding and outspoken, have compassion and not pretend to be second to anything or anyone. Women should be full of pride, not to be mistaken with inflated sense of ego, but the positive state or feeling of being proud of who and what you are because of accomplishment. What I see in todays youth? The bubble headed, idiot gigglers that I want to slap the bejesus out of. It's so fucking annoying! They learn it from social media and television and magazines. All of these stars who became the iconic ideals of what our youth should be.... Ugh... And for me to try and imagine what today's girls are going to grow up to be gives me a headache.

What ever happened to the down to earth ideals that defined what a woman should be? Instead of the shallow, idiot, bimbos with a superiority (for no reason, mind you...) complex. Since when did women become such shallow, selfish, evil, backstabbing creatures? Many people wonder why I don't have women friends..... This is the reason why. Shallow, helpless, mindless, cookie cutter idiots with entitlement complexes..... BLECH! That is definitely the OPPOSITE of what the true definition of what I believe a woman should be. 


A woman should be strong and confident and able to carry forth through good and bad times. Women are the backbones of the family. The core, the heart. Our sisters before us clawed their way to the top, not so that we could revert back to everything that they fought not to be expected to become, but so that we could grow and show the fibers of what we are made from what real women should be. 


I fear for my daughter as "Snookie" invades the homes and minds of the average household. I can only hope that she will grow with a better set of values and with more strength and passion than your average household. She will come to know more truth than most people around me are comfortable dealing with or will lie to cover up. She will be able to make up her mind about things because she has ALL the facts or will seek out the facts if they are not given to her. She will fight, she will not back down, she will not give up. She will not become one of those whiny sissy pansy babies that have become more "the norm" these days. No way. Not MY Mini Doom.....

WT Crew.......

Our group grows and shrinks, but one thing is always for certain. It is always the three of us sitting around shooting the shit and hanging out. It's been that way for years. Puppy Guts, My Mitchie and I chilling on the couch and hanging out. I'm not too entirely sure exactly when we started doing it, but it's been our norm for so long.

Sure, we've made it "out" on quite a few occasions, (it sounds like the start of a joke.... A Jew, a Guinea and a Nip walk into a bar....) but the thing of it is, going out is expensive and there are times when we've gotten in to arguments over where we were gonna go and we ended up on the couch anyway. We've had "special guest stars" on the couch with us on several occasions and some "regular guest stars", but we'd do the regular thing anyway. It's probably the reason why we don't have "guests" too often. It seems it takes a really special sort to get over our collective quirks and personalities and hang out with us for any lengthy amount of time.... :sigh: At least we have each other. :)

Rainy Days.....

Most of the time, I will bemoan rainy days and complain about them and whine. It is another perfectly good day ruined by wet weather and blah. The gray days and the precipitation makes me cranky and grumpy and I don't like it. If we get a couple of days or more of rainy days in a row, I can be quite intolerable, as my malaise and melancholy is almost tangible and solid. It will hang over me like a wet blanket that smells of mold. It's pretty bad.

There are those very few times when those rainy days aren't so bad and it sort of works out that my kids and I end up racked out on the big bed watching movies and chilling out together and laughing and playing games and we make the best of a rainy day. I wish those would happen more often....

Laundry....

Laundry is probably the least favorite of the chores I have to get done on a day to day basis. It's tedious and takes forever and blah. I hate doing it. There's really no avoiding it because I have four kids and kids are messy and sloppy and sometimes, they smell funny. And it all reflects on their clothes. And I can't NOT do laundry. If there is a day that I end up forgetting to do the laundry or a day gets skipped, we have a laundry apocalypse and I end up being behind on laundry and it takes me a week to get back to normal... I'm not sure how that happens, but it can be insane.... :s I hate doing laundry.

So.... What do you DO?

I get asked a lot, "So, what do you do?" It's not as if I have a one word answer that sums up what I do.... It kind of goes into a long dissertation about the many facets of my life that have to get incorporated into my day to day that makes up the breakdown of my "workday".

I play the role of office slave for my dad and type and translate and answer the phone and reply to emails and research stuff and write stuff and read stuff and fetch this and deliver that and package this and do something with that.... The workload varies and it's never steady.

Then I have my own shit. The second book is coming along a lot more slowly that I had anticipated, I have my Ebay shit that I stay on top of, I have the many excursions into the dark unknown realms that are my mom's storage areas that I traverse through to liberate items to list on Ebay. There are ALWAYS household chores that need to get done and a geriatric and incontinent dog that constantly needs to be taken out for walkies.

I run errands for my mom from time to time. It involves driving around looking for a specific something that nobody makes any more. I really think she sends me on these wild goose chases because it amuses her to no end to see me frustrated and pulling out my hair. She IS a rather sadistic kind of bitch specializing in a specific kind of mental anguish and torture.

I'm also the mom of four kids so I play the role of chef, nurse, chauffer, maid, launderer, mediator, aide, mentor, personal shopper, referee, piggy bank, entertainer, camp councilor, drill sergeant, advocate, fixer of things broken, mender of things torn, squisher of bugs, mighty vanquisher of nightmares..... You get the idea.... Kids will keep you on your toes and the job is NEVER the same and changes from minute to minute, is never ending and you never know what's going to happen next and kids don't come with a child specific instruction manual. Talk about being multi personality!

No, I don't have a jobby job that keeps me somewhere for a set number of hours and pays me X amount of money that I collect at some weekly or bi-weekly time period, but NO ONE can tell me that I "don't work". I manage to keep a roof over my children's heads, keep them fed, healthy, happy and well taken care of despite the actions or inactions of certain individuals and my job is never done.

And for those who STILL insist that I don't DO anything, fuck yourself and have a nice day. At least I'm honest about what I actually DO and have nothing to hide.

The World Opens Up......

Ebay is a great place to get rid of your unwanted shit. Don't expect to do it to make a whole buttload of money unless you are going to be devoting most of your life to it, but it's still a great little doojie on the internet. It is a yard sale extravaganza that brings the world at your garage sale. People from all over the place checking out your shit and buying up your unwanted shit and it still blows my mind. Now that we have this internet thing, everything is right there. You're looking to sell something, BLAM! Internet. You're looking to buy something, FLABAMMO! Internet. Looking for info, posting info, finding people, places, things, SHAZAM! Internet.

If you've ever cruised around Ebay, you know that you can find just about anything on there. (Well.... Other than firearms, illegal substances of all sorts, slaves, anything frowned upon by the establishment.....) Anything from designer clothes and accessories to a potato chip with an image of the Virgin Mary on it to "pre-owned" sex dolls... It's absolutely amazing what you can find! And the people on Ebay come in all sorts of flavors too. Everything from stay at home mom to some kook out west who thinks he's Princess Poofy Pants from the planet Sparklonia.

And communicating with these people is a hoot too! These are all people whom, without the internet and sources like Ebay, I never would have "met" and "spoken to". What a hoot! It's still rather amazing to me and brings me much amusement, this internet thing.... :) But this Ebay thing? It's kinda priceless.....

Coffee..... Yes, please.....

There are just some days I cannot function without a nice stiff cup of coffee... I don't get how there used to be a time when I would wake up at some god awful hour in the morning and function. My eyes would snap open at O dark hundred and I would go until night time and FLABAMMO, out like a light and then, the cycle would start again. Granted, I was, like, five years old then..... Even throughout my college days and shortly thereafter, I would wake up at 5 AM, go to my first job working in a warehouse, go to classes in the afternoon, go home, shower, go to a night job as a waitress or bartender, or go out with my friends until the bars closed down, get home at three in the morning to sleep, only to repeat the process again the next day. Sure, I drank coffee then too, but not like I do now....

These days, I get up and I need coffee to function so I make the pilgrimage to the Altar of Keurig before I sit and contemplate the day and I post another tidbit of wisdom here (well, maybe not wisdom so much as the random stringing together of haphazard words to form kind of coherent sentences, that may or may not make a point...) I wake the boys afterwards and I grab another cup to operate well enough in the kitchen to make the brekkies for the boys and get them ready for the school day. I grab another cup as I send them out the door in time for the bus. At about this point, I complain that the caffeine is doing nothing for me as I glare at the cup of coffee and mentally agonize over the fact that it had disappointed me.

My Mini Me daughter gets up shortly thereafter and pouty faced and still holding onto the last dregs of warm, fluffy sleep, demands that I make her brekkies. I switch to an energy drink. While she eats, I log into shit, check my email, package up any shit that needs to get sent out, check on the stack of shit I need to get done for the day, make a list for the grocery store, and debate whether I should try another energy drink or another cup of coffee.

I end up in the bathroom for about half an hour........

After a thorough colon blast from the caffeine I had consumed up until then, I get dressed and ready for the day. Well, I put on jeans and a clean t-shirt. Done. I complain that the only thing the coffee and energy drink did was make me poop and go back for another cup of the black juice of life at the Altar of Keurig.

Then...... BLAM! "WOOHOO!!!" happens and I start vibrating at super human speeds. I am invincible and indestructible and the world almost seems at a standstill as I buzz around in hyperdrive. (emphasis on hyper....) Laundry, dishes, garbage, make beds, read with, play with and tucker out Mini Me, then workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork. Grocery store, post office, whatever other errands that need to be run. YAY! Work stuff, CHECK!

The kids get home and they need to go here, they need to go there, homework, school projects, notes home, notes to school, write out a check for this or that. Blah, blah, blah. After school stuff, CHECK!

Finish off work related stuff, send off emails, print up shit for my dad, break up fight between one or more of the four siblings, lay down a verbal whoopin', check fridge to try and remember what concoction I had planned to make for dinner. Tie up loose ends for the day, CHECK!

Human Cuisinart in action prepping dinner, making dinner, all while pretending that I'm on my own cooking show for hyperactive, attention deficit people, feed kids dinner and dessert. End with invisible movie explosion of epic proportions. Dinnertime stuff, CHECK!

Get the kids ready for baths or showers or whatever, brush teeth, into jams, clean rooms, call ex so the kids can say goodnight to their dad. Discuss with children what the next day brings (if anything is going to be different from the norm), try to remember what there was to discuss with the children, run to find the note I left for myself regarding the next day, make a second attempt to explain what the next day is going to bring. Tuck kids into bed, say good night, lights out. Bedtime stuff, CHECK!

Then, I sit in my chair and complain that I've had too much caffeine and can't go to sleep....

Repeat the next day.

Mr. Bitey.....

So, the most random thing occurred the other day..... I was out walking our geriatric dog in the rain when I saw a small white thing doing circles in the road. At first I though it may have been a piece of paper blowing around in the wind. As I got closer, I saw that it was not a piece of paper though. It was a parakeet.

Now, I know that parakeets are not exactly native to Southern New England. I mean, you don't see too many of these things just randomly walking around and stuff.... So I decided that I was going to walk up to the little guy and see if he needed some rescuing. If he flew off, I wasn't going to go actively chasing after him in the rain, but on the other hand, if he didn't fly away, I wasn't going to leave him out there before I at least TRIED to see if he was going to let me help him. I got the dog back under the awning and went back onto the street . The little guy was soaked through and trembling. It was one of those cold, rainy New England mornings.... He was not happy, but he didn't put up too much of a fight when I bent down and picked him up. I think he seemed almost grateful when I took him inside.

 I got him dried off and settled him into a plastic box with holes punched into the lid. I had lined the box with some paper towels, clipped his wing feathers and put the box on top of a warm heating pad. I picked up some bird food at the grocery store and placed a bowl of food and water into the box. He went to town right away.

My daughter, having watched the whole thing from when I brought him in, decided his name was Mr. Bitey. It's not that the bird was particularly nasty and bit a lot, but she decided his name was Mr. Bitey and it stuck. Fine. Mr. Bitey. Today was your lucky day. If I hadn't been out there walking the dog, you probably would have been a stain on the road or just a bird-sicle that eventually would have floated down to the gutters....

I was hoping to see some fliers or something about a missing bird, and we could reunite this little guy with his "family", but no such luck. I guess no one missed him enough or thought he was worth the effort. So now, I was stuck with this bird. Now the problem with this is that my parents hate animals and I knew I wasn't going to be allowed to keep this little guy for too long. So, OFF TO THE INTERWEBZ! (Facebook DOES come in handy! See?)

I put up a picture of Mr. Bitey and his sad little story.... He stayed with us for about three days and of course, my kids got totally attached to Mr. Bitey and were sad to see him go, but a FB friend said that she had the perfect home for him and as soon as he came into our lives, POOF he was gone again.

I'm glad to know that our little friend has gotten himself a nice home with a family that loves him. How random an occurrence. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time and was able to rescue this sweet little guy from freezing to death or getting squished by a car that would have inevitably run him over. :sigh: That was just cool.

My thoughts on what's going on in the news......

From Kony to Trayvon (Oh, SHIT! I said his name...... Does this mean I have to send his mom a check for $19.95?), our useless president to everything that's going on in the world. Moms gluing their toddlers hands to a wall and beating them almost to death, a mom throwing her young child into harms way, pushing her own child in the path of a knife wielding attacker so that she could make her escape. Pink slime meals and all the things that cause cancer (because the list of stuff that doesn't is shorter....), let's save <insert name of the country of the month> and blah, while we throw our own country further into debt by taking in MORE illegals and offering them food, shelter, jobs, money, an education, tax free businesses, blah, blah, blah..... All while we ignore our OWN citizens and curb their Constitutional rights and liberties...... FUCK!

And then to top it off, you can read different articles in different papers or news sources about the same damn thing and the stories are always slightly slanted and skewed..... Talk about frustration galore! Nothing good ever comes from me reading the paper or watching the news or even reading some kind of article online. It's just further proof how much mankind has slipped down the slippery slope into hell and how much we are continuing to slip down it. I try to avoid as much of "the news" as possible.

It surprises me to no end that more people aren't seeing how far we've slipped, what our children are becoming, how much everything from morality and compassion and just being HUMAN have become so watered down. It doesn't even meet the minimum standard of what people should be. Well, at least in my opinion. Our world is full of more bad news than good and in a world where the degradation of humanity is what defines "cool", well, I have to say, it doesn't bode well for humans.

We are in serious need for the re-education of the people, the reasons how and why this country was founded, what it means to be functioning people in society and stop with this namby pamby bullshit that has infected the populous. What we have happening here and now is going to come to a head and I have serious opinions about what's going to happen. I also think that we are going to come to a time where we are going to see something worse than what we have now. I believe that things are going to get a helluva lot worse before they even start to get remotely better. I also have a feeling that's it's gonna be pretty bad.

Maybe it's my lack of faith in the masses and how soft headed I believe people to be. Maybe it's that what I've seen as of late as far as a lot of the people that I have come across now that I'm paying attention a lot more and noticing things, but I have to say, I am genuinely frightened at what we as a species is becoming. Something big is coming and I say, it's better to be well prepared in the hopes that everything will be alright than be ill prepared when the shit hits the fan.... :s Stock up bitches! I'm cocked, locked and ready to rock. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A Proud Parent Moment....

We could all learn so much from children:
My four year old, having gotten some Target gift cards for her birthday, decided she wanted to get a friend for her dollie, Daisy (A.K.A. Dell from the USA). So the three of us went to the store and Abby and Daisy stood in front of the other Hearts for Hearts Girls dolls as Abby tried to decide who to "bring home" while I watched.

A woman (trying to be helpful, I really don't think she meant it to be mean) suggested to Abby that she pick Tipi from Laos or Lilian from Belarus.

Typical Abby, she asked the woman, "Why?"

The woman says, "Well, this one is oriental (yes, I know..... And no, I didn't punch her out.....) like you, but the other dollie is white like your other dollie there."

So Abby replies, "White?"

The woman tried (she seemed rather flustered when I "took interest" in the convo and gave her the "are you serious?" look....) to explain. "Well, not colored like the other ones...."

I damn neared choked on my gum as I slapped my forehead thinking of the conversation I'm going to have to have with my daughter to fix this, but gosh darn it if Abby didn't fix it herself... Quick on the draw, she looked at the woman and said, "They're not colored, just different. They're dollies, like toy people, silly!" and picked Nahji from India to be Daisy's new friend. "Isn't she beautiful like Daisy, mama?"

"Yes, baby, she is...."

Go figure.... I skipped off with my daughter and her dollies and left this woman dumbfounded in the aisle.

It's refreshing to see the colorblind and innocent view from a child's eyes. Mini Doom did her mama proud!

Training with the Guardian Angels.....

In trying to open doors and bring Senshido to places where we believe it would do some good, we recently had a "training session/ seminar" for the Guardian Angels of Connecticut. 
For those who don't know what or who the Guardian angels are, The Guardian Angels is a non-profit international volunteer organization of unarmed citizen crime patrollers. The Guardian Angels organization was founded February 13, 1979 in New York City by Curtis Sliwa and has chapters in 15 countries and 144 cities around the world. They are characterized by their signature, bright red berets and ever vigilant demeanors and their helpful natures. 

With a little help from another affiliate who had dealt with his local chapter of Angels, we were put in touch with our local chapter and lo and behold, we had set up a seminar with members of the Connecticut chapters. What the heck! Our first reaction was, "This is gonna be a hoot!" 

As the day drew nearer, Puppy Guts and I were a little nervous, even though we were and are quite confident with the concepts, but when the time came, Puppy Guts brought his A game. I was so proud! It was awesome. We made some believers that night and it felt great. 

As Senshido Connecticut starts on its new path, we've found that there are more snags that not because people are either firm in their belief that their own "styles" work or they "don't see a need for it". But, we haven't let that stop us. Those we try to help are being much more resistant than we thought they'd be, but it's just about getting that foot in the door...... We keep moving forward.....

Thanks for the great time, guys! Carry on and be safe! 

Update.....

Well, I wish I could say that I had won a gojillion dollars in the state lottery and that me and mine will never have a want or a need ever again and we all lived happily ever after, but...... Well, that's not the case.
We now return to our regularly scheduled program where I'm broke and stuff and taking life day by day. It ain't a terrible life though. It's actually pretty good as I move forward. A getting ready for a blitz attack to bring down those in my way...

New Shoes!

Fila's Skeletoes..... I didn't think I'd ever get a pair, none the less wear them. EVER.... It turns out, they are probably the most comfortable pair of shoes I have ever owned. I didn't think that I would like the toe thong feel, considering the fact that I can't wear flip flops, but I didn't ever get that toe thong feel.
I am a person who would rather go around barefoot and at most, be wearing a pair of slippers. I've been a tippy toe walker for my entire life and was called "twinkle toes" because of the way I walked. So, it turns out, that's a better way to be doing the whole walking and running thing anyway..... (I was cool before it was cool!)
With heavily soled shoes, I couldn't do what my feet naturally wanted to do. The shoes wouldn't give or flex enough or me to be up on my toes. Then I'd always ended up with blisters on my heels and my feet would be sore and it was all around misery. At least in slippers or on bare feet, my feet were able to do what they wanted and they were happy. Last year, Puppy Guts got me a pair of mat shoe or wrestling shoes. Practically nothing to the sole, they bended and flexed and felt pretty good. I wore them around and they were great. I really didn't think that I would stray from them....
We started seeing a lot of ads for the "minimalist" running shoes. The rotten thing about the mat shoes is, they weren't designed for every day wear. The tread and the soles weren't designed for outdoor wear, so they fall apart rather quickly. The new "minimalist" shoes were designed for tippy toe running, and were made of a more outdoor friendly, everyday outdoor wear sole so as not to fall apart as quickly. Both Puppy Guts and I went to the shoe store recently to give them all a try.
I told my dearest Puppy Guts that if I started going nuts when the toe thong feeling came over me and I looked like I was going to hurt someone, just to tackle me and get the shoes off of my feet..... It wasn't necessary. I tried on the two different kinds. One with a one piece, solid sole and one that was sectioned (like the ones pictured here....) The one piece ones were nice. I walked around and I had to admit, they felt really good. I wasn't wow-ed or anything, but they felt good. Then I tried on these ones. My feet thanked me. It was like getting a footie rub by angels while sliding down a magical rainbow on a unicorn's back while eating bacon. I had to have them.
Considering the fact that I never really thought I'd be a fan of shoes, like, ever, I wear these things everywhere. Sometimes I even wear them around the house. They are like little happy moments for my feet and of course, they are machine washable.... :sigh: Yes, you CAN get that smell out of them.... I've found shoes that I love AND they're PINK!

New Phone!

It was "brand new stuff" week.... and so here I am with a new phone. The Samsung Convoy 2.... My last cellphone finally died (after over 3 years). Considering the fact that she was really nothing more than a flip phone, and not a smart phone (actually, she was a dumb phone..... She didn't really DO anything but make calls...... and take the occasional picture if she felt like working that day....) she survived over three years of everyday abuse, being dropped, being shoved into a pocket, being left in a hot car on a hot summer day, being left in a cold car on a cold winter day.... What finally did her in was the little hinge part..... It started to crack.
In trying to keep with the dumb phone, since I really wouldn't use the features of a smart phone anyway, I wanted another flip phone. They don't really make "simple" flip phones any more. They have all sorts of features and gadgets and other crap that I wouldn't know how to use anyway. But I settled on this little doojie because it seemed like the most simple one to operate and it was the most similar to the one I had before. There are a few more buttons on this new one and I seem to discover (quite by accident) more and more features every day, and I accidentally pocket texted Puppy Guts with some cryptic text about being in a meeting (unbeknownst to me). It was kind of cool.
This thing takes a WAY better picture than I thought a phone could (and video) and I have to admit, once all my shit from the old phone was transferred over to this new one, I had a "YAY!" moment and went straight away to playing with the friggin' thing for a few hours..... I have yet to figure out what everything does or what everything is, or even everything that this phone can do and I probably never will know, but my Hello Kitty guitar pick has found its new home, and is happily taped onto the back of its new phone.

New Laptop!

After many happy years with my last mac laptop, she finally went to laptop heaven.... It was a long and drawn out death as I willed her to stay with me WAY passed her usefulness.....
And my Puppy Guts got me a new one. With technology taking leaps and bounds every year, I can't believe how cool my new little jobby here is...... And how stupid wicked fast. This new MacBook Pro didn't come with all the bells and whistles, but came with all the bells and whistles I needed it to. She's sleek and pretty and very sexy and helps me to get the shit done WAY faster than my old one did. Granted, my old mac was about seven years old and overloaded with WAY too much crap and she was getting tired. And now, I have this brandy ass spankin' new sexy laptop and I realize that I had forgotten how quick these things were supposed to be......
Sleep now my sweet old outdated Mac...... The new recruit is here and is learning the ropes. Thank you for all those years of reliable service. :sniffle: You were awesome.

In my never ending quest.....

In my never ending quest for world domination, I have begun to wonder about the power of the "four note progression" or the "four chord songs". It's stupid really, but kind of eerie at the same time. The universal draw that this same four note progression has shown up in so many different songs, spanning time, genres from hip hop to jazz to pop to reggae to metal to rock to whatever else.... People are drawn to it. And the masses are drooling over these songs by sometimes mediocre artists who happen to come across the "holy grail" of note progressions that seems to draw attention because for whatever reason, people are able to groove to the rhythm of a certain tune...... Why?I mean, everyone "resonates" at a different "frequency". There is no arguing that we have all come across people that we can "groove with", as well as people with whom we can't. We don't necessarily know why, but it happens.
And yet we have these four notes, in a certain progression. It could take on a different tone, but the "frequency" but the progression of the notes is still the same none the less....It seems to span across the many genres of music from opera to rap to hip hop to rock. From the renaissance to modern times.
What is it about this pattern that draws the masses?
I believe it may be the key world domination for me.... It seems rather unfortunate that I lack any kind of musical skill or talent or singing ability to try and bring any of my plans to fruition...... Further explorations and investigations into this will need to be made...... TO THE INTERWEBS!!!!!!!!

Animals are more "human" than people.....

I've said it a gojillion times before, and I will keep on saying it. I pity any idiot who doesn't think that animals are capable of feeling emotions and using basic reasoning skills. There are countless stories about how animals have saved each other or something of another species or even people simply because..... There is something way beyond the simple explanation of "because it was a survival instinct" when it comes to animals showing "compassion" as it were. Anyone who has ever had and loved a pet has seen and experienced the different emotions that said pet experienced. Sulking, happy, sad, upset, mad, brooding.... And what pet owner hasn't felt that warmth of love from their pet? As humans, we could learn a thing or two from animals and what it means to truly love unconditionally, to be color blind and actually see other living things for what they are. I have trusted the judgement of my dogs' reactions of strangers and they've never been wrong. I've had pets show me more loyalty and love than most people in my life. And for people to say that animals lack the higher functions like emotions and compassion? To say that they work on just a survival instinct?
Let's break this down..... We, as humans, kill and rape and steal and murder each other, we destroy things, we waste, we pollute, we abuse, we destroy, we waste, we judge, we are all around self centered and nasty..... There are those people who do all this shit for sport. People are selfish, self centered, uncaring about people and the world around them. Most wouldn't know how to survive outside of the pampered lives that they were raised in. They care not for the world they live in, they will turn a blind eye to everything going on outside of themselves and callously go on about their lives and not give a shit about anything or anyone outside of their own four walls.....
Kind of makes me wonder who the "animals" really are......

My pop's senility....

It's actually quite amusing really, my pop's senility. Some days he's as spot on as he ever was. He's as cranky and ornery and nasty and mean as he was back in his prime and he'll tell me I'm a "stupid animal that should go somewhere and die". Other days, whether he forgets that he hates everybody or he starts to feel his own mortality and feels pretty shitty about treating those around him like crap (I believe it more to be the first), he's been having moments where he's tolerable. On those days he just says that I'm "a stupid animal" and I don't necessarily have to go anywhere to die, but I should go make him a sandwich. I never do, because quite honestly, he'll forget he asked for one anyway. Not only that but, yeah. I don't think so. If he wants a fucking sandwich, he can make one for his damned self.
Watching his mind crumbling has been quite entertaining, but it's also rather frustrating because he really does forget everything. He gets confused easily and he lashes out, he loses things and most often times he'll yell at me for "stealing it", I have to answer the same damn question 40 times until he forgets what he was doing anyway.....
Most days, we go without saying anything to each other. He communicates via email and sends me the list of files that need to be whatever, or the changes that need to be made to something or forwards the whatever that needs to be translated from one language to another.......... from the other room. I prefer it that way. We can't stand each other and after the fifth or sixth spoken word, our conversations usually go very south from there and we end up in rather heated arguments.
It's great though. He knows he can't do battle much any more and I will go for low blows and jabs and bombard him with the whole armory, which is VERY disorienting for him and he backs down quickly. My mom always tries to make me feel bad for defending myself, but she's learning to think better of it these days as she is not one to face my wrath any more either. They've come to understand that I won't take anyone's shit any more, especially not theirs.
I know that there will come a day when the frail old man will wither completely. I also know that it will come sooner rather than later. Will I go through a grieving process? Of course. He's my pop and despite the fact that he's a sorry miserable excuse for one, I've only got the one. But of course, I think I did all of my true grieving in life and healed after accepting that. In the meantime, I put up with whatever the day brings with the crazy old git and we try to avoid each other as much as possible. It's a miserable existence, but it's what we have.

ZAP!

We are all guilty of having scuffed our feet across a rug or carpet in order to zap someone with static electricity at least once in our lives. Yes, you have. Shut up. Whether it was the dog on the nose, a sibling, a parent, an unsuspecting friend, a stranger, someone you don't like, yourself...... It's kind of funny. I still do it from time to time because I get amusement out of it. :sigh: I know...... It's a quirk.

My lazy days.....

I have them..... Lazy days. Hey, I can't be running around like a maniac all the time. There are some times when I need to stop and stare at the inside of my eyelids for a good solid three hours before I need to roll over and continue doing it..... Sure, I have a whole bunch of stuff that I have to get done, that I NEED to get done. Not necessarily pressing things or time sensitive things, but none the less, things that need to get done. I figure, I also need to get some vege time too. How affective and useful am I really going to be and how efficiently am I going to get things done if I'm fried?
I think people forget to stop and take a moment. I think they forget how important it can be sometimes. With the hustle and bustle of life going on at the speed of, well, life all the time, it seems such a waste that most people don't stop to appreciate things. Then before they know it, their lives have passed them by. My "lazy days" aren't always about just sitting around on my ass. I mean, sure, I'll be sitting around on my ass, but there is also a quiet reflection period going around inside my head as well as I re-evaluate things and weigh and measure things and sort out things in my mind as well as in my life. It's actually been quite helpful.
I get to take some time to see things clearly. Things I thought I had figured out, weren't and I can take the time to actually think things through some more. I can deal with all manner of things that require thought rather than action and it's quite a therapeutic process. It also helps me to be thankful for the things that I have as opposed to mourning that things that I don't. A quiet time for reflection.
I look back over my life and I can't believe how quickly it's gone by. I look to the future and I know that when I get there, I'll be looking back further and saying the same damn thing. I would hate to have to be looking back and saying to myself, "I really wish I would have taken more time out to SEE my life...."

The night sky.....

There is something about looking up into the night sky and looking at the stars. Depending on the day and how much caffeine I've had, it either fills me with awe, makes me feel small and insignificant or fills me with dread that it could all just end one day and <POOF!> we'd be blinked out of existence. If you keep looking up into the night sky, (especially when you are in the country where there aren't a lot of city lights) eventually you'll see a "shooting star". Seeing the moon in all of it's brightness, seeing all the twinkling stars.... There's something very romantic about it..... But it can also fill me with feelings of dread.... I think it might be because I watched Armageddon a couple of times. :sigh: My quirks are far too numerous to list in one place, I know that, but I'm glad that I have an outlet to display them all...... :s

Dollies.....

I was never really one for dollies. For one thing, I find them to be really creepy and honestly, they freak me out.
So, for Christmas I got my daughter a dollie. She'd been asking for one and I finally gave in and go her a dollie. One that she would like playing with and one that wouldn't give me the heebie jeebies every time I saw it lying around the house or something. She has different outfits for "Daisy" and she has tea parties and picnics and "sleepovers". They "talk" and they play and have a grand old time. My daughter eats with Daisy, sleeps with Daisy, watches TV with Daisy, takes care of Daisy, brushes Daisy's hair a bajillion times a day..... Daisy's outfit gets changed a multitude of times throughout the day as well as her shoes and hairstyle. It's a wonderful thing. It's kind of cute and I guess most little girls have that dollie love that those like me wouldn't understand. Whatever. It pleases her. I still think they're creepy though..... :s

When you can't go it alone.....

I am so very thankful that I have such an eclectic group of friends whom I know I can count on should I need anything. I am coming to find that I have a lot more strength than I thought. Not the physical kind, but the inner kind. I like fighting my own battles and getting things done my own way. There are, however, times when I, myself, cannot get accomplished the things I need to on my own. I normally don't like to have to rely on others to get done the things I need to do, but sometimes it is necessary. I think of all the "dilution' that can happen.... The more people you involve, the quicker it feels like the "original mission" gets watered down and the ultimate goal seems to get lost because everyone has their own ideas as to how to best get it done. There are times when I am not equipped to, I am not trained to, I am not licensed to, I am not able to, or whatever to accomplish some vital something in order to get something done. :sigh:
It is getting easier for me to relinquish the reins a little and ask for help when I need it. I actually HAVE people that I know I can count on. They're not going to tell me that they're going to do something to placate me, only to be looking for some kind of favor in return.  I know that the job tasked to them will get done in a timely manner and it will get done well and not some haphazard, half assed attempt that's a step above failure. I won't get the :eye roll: and the feeling that I'm putting them out. It's quite nice to be able to depend on someone and trust that I needn't worry.
I guess it was hard for me to ask for help because I was let down far too often in the recent past. I mean why the hell would I want to ask for help when it was always greeted like a burden and the end result was nothing more than some lame attempt and mediocre at best. Especially from the people that I should have been able to count on the most. And then I would have been expected to show gratitude and praise them for a job excellently done when in short, I could have done it myself better.
I see the way things should have been all along and I am grateful. I see it in a lot of things in my life, but I suppose that having had the worst, I can fully appreciate what I have now and DAMN, that's an awesome feeling.

Whatevs.....

There are just some things that weren't meant to be. They were meant to be left undone, unfound, un-whatever and we should just learn to let it go and move on. It's disheartening and sometimes kind of frustrating, but on the other hand.... Well, what the fuck are ya gonna do?
I've come across quite a few many snags in my "journey forward". As much as I would like to have certain things squared away, the reality is, I just don't think it's going to happen. Whatever... I can't do anything about it, I can't force it and I can't shoot it.
As frustrating as it is sometimes, it becomes petty and meaningless when I'm looking forward and seeing the rest of all the stuff I have to get done. As much as I would LOVE to be able to say that ALL of my t's are crossed and ALL of my i's are dotted, I know that it isn't realistic since I am counting on others to assure completion of these things. People that I cannot rely on, which is the reason they've been "dismissed" in the first place.
Sometimes, it's more frustrating than others, but I'm learning to cope and when the day is done, I really don't lose sleep over any of it.
There are times however, it does sort of matter and it is rather upsetting when I put in the effort to try and rectify a problem and it yields nothing but more frustration.

Volunteer class mom....

Being a volunteer mom in the classroom has its perks and rewards. I love being able to hang out with the little kids, they always seem so excited to see me when I pop into the classroom and it's fun. At the end of my "shift" I get hugs and pouts from all the kids begging me not to go and asking me if I'm going to come back again soon.... :sniffle: It's kind of cute....
The teachers will see that I am that kind of a goof and that I love being with the kids and sometimes ask me to go above and beyond what the average class mom might do because they know I'm a sucker for the kids and that I'm a goof and that I'll put on a good show... AND that I'm gonna do it.
Dang it.... I need to put on a better front..... Who am I kidding, the kids know I'm just a big a sucker as the teachers do.... Never mind.... Excuse me.... I have to go find my ears and fluffy tail and stuff and get ready for my day. I have to go draw whiskers on my face and find a pair of white sweatpants..... I can't disappoint the class..... :s

YAY! FUN!!!!!

I like the idea of having fun when I go out. It's not like I get to go out often, but when I do, I like to be able to cut loose a little and have fun. Not be told that I have to act a certain way, behave in a certain way, not say certain things and have restrictions up the wazoo put on me because I might embarrass the person/ people I'm with.
That's why I am SO very glad that my Puppy Guts is so like me that way. We get to go out and be ourselves and wouldn't know embarrassment simply because we're both laughing and giggling and acting like a couple of goofballs.... It's kind of cool!

As the smile falters.......

Nothing frustrates me more than having to have to put on the happy happy face and fake smile through conversations with people I have no respect for and don't like too much. Business situations are the worst. Grrr....... I mean, you can't exactly say, "Dude, you're a fucking idiot. Shut the fuck up right now and go away!" to someone you're trying to sell a patent to... Unfortunately....
Even in a "social" environment. Your buddy shows up with another somebody that makes your neck hairs stand on end...
I mean in a "stranger" scenario, I might be polite, I might not be. That's a crap shoot. It's going to depend on my mood and which side of the bed I woke up on. It's also going to depend on the offense perpetrated onto me that will determine the intensity of my wrath. Lip curl and a low growl or nuclear (pronounced a la W Noo-Cyoo-Lurr) holocaust.... Blech... people.
But no matter the situation, there does come a time when the friendly facade starts to crumble, the smile falters a little bit and things start going south. It is then that, with a single "look", you can voice your displeasure, sum up your opinion, and physically display the "I've had enough of your bullshit!" Although I'm still working on mine, the sentiments are still correctly displayed. It may not stop a person in their tracks yet, but it does certainly convey the thoughts on my mind without my having to utter a single word. I mean, come on. I don't have to be a loud, potty mouthed bitch ALL the time. If I can get it done with a look, why should I have to. Most people aren't worth the effort for a good, solid rant anyway. I'm feeling this sudden urge to go out and practice it. I am hoping that in a few more years time, I will have perfected it. Wish me luck!

You may refer to me as "Your Highness".....

I have my moments where I experience delusions of grandeur. I think that it's an important thing to feed one's ego from time to time. Something about a positive self image and maintaining it. Everyone should have these moments from time to time. I am not talking about being a selfish douche with an entitlement complex, I am talking about having a YAY ME! day and flaunting it. There really is something to be said for picking yourself up by your own bootstraps and go out and feel good about yourself if only for yourself. It's pretty awesome to do from time to time. I quite like having these days.

Computer idiot.....

I am not the most computer savvy person in the world. In fact I am quite the opposite of that. I am the most computer illiterate (to the point of retarded) person ever. I hate that moment where I'm reading something in Word and it asks me if I want to save.... And I don't remember making any changes...... I have erased documents, deleted all sort of shit that I didn't mean to delete, fucked up other crap and misaligned the feng shui of my ancient laptop on more than one occasion.
I have watched my whole laptop screen go blank while I went through yet another read through of my manuscript..... Turned out that I didn't have the damn thing plugged in.... I lost my changes and had to start all over again because I didn't save.....
I crashed the system once because I did something that it didn't like.... That was fun.... I'm usually winging it and most of the time I get something to work by sheer luck and begging and praying and promises of some kind of blood sacrifice. :sigh: I know that my laptop is getting older and she was ready to be retired some time ago, but I've been willing her forward because I need to get another year out of her.... So I try and baby her as much as possible. Soon. You can sleep soon... I promise.... For the time being, I need you to do the thing with the stuff and that other thing. 'K?

Dang it!

As much as I may be the villain in certain peoples' lives, I do have those that play the role of the villain in mine....
I suppose my arch nemesis right now is my pop. We hardly ever cross paths and we barely speak to one another. But when we do, there are usually fires to put out, wounds to attend to, building restorations that need to be made, tape, spackle, paint needing to be applied... Not pretty. Never fun.
In his old age, the ornery old bastard has become even more ornery and nasty and quite honestly, there are days that I'd stare at the back of his head, willing it to explode. It never happens, but none the less..... Rarely do we utter word one to each other simply because he knows I will not tolerate his shit and he realizes that he has gotten much too old to do battle.
It sort of takes the wind out of my sails however when he (knowing full damn well that I am struggling for money) does something completely out of character and tosses me his credit card and tells me to go fill up the tank in my car.  :slump:  Curse you! You have defeated me on this day, but there is always tomorrow.....

Happy Birthday, Boog!

My eldest son celebrates his 14th birthday today. Already a one year veteran of his teen years, it's hard to believe that my once squishy little baby boy who kept me in labor for four friggin' days is now a young man. A broody, moody change-y, constantly on the go, tall and lanky, squeaky voiced, kind of goofy, semi awkward young man, but a young man none the less. FOUR DAYS OF LABOR!!!!!!!!
My hopes for you are simple. Keep doing whatever it is that you're doing and make sure that day by day you try to improve on one little thing every day. You  are well on your way to growing into a good man and even though I know you think I am the UBER of dorks and stuff, I love you very much and I hope that someday you will come to see that everything I did, was because I love you. Someday, you will come to know a lot. Right now you only think you know everything.
I'm sure you'll think that I screwed up your birthday somehow, but well, it wasn't my intent and I did my best. I do hope you enjoy your day though. And yes, I made the animal cupcakes just like you wanted. :) Happy Birthday Boog! I love you!

Sometimes.....

As the stresses get less, I am coming to find that my bouts of O.C.D. aren't as bad as they used to be. I still have my moments, but most of the time, the things that I used to obsess about, don't seem to be such an issue any more.... I still find that lint all over something to be annoying or little stringy things that hang and maybe perhaps I still have an issue with numbers and counting and such, but the stresses related to them have gotten less severe. It's funny that a few years ago, I thought I needed to be on medication in order to deal with my issues. I thought I also had depression too..... I was also told that maybe perhaps all of my issues were all my fault and I SHOULD be medicated. I was also told that these issues that were causing me to feel the stresses were all in my head and that there wasn't a problem and to shut the fuck up.
It just turned out that I just had to get rid of a lot of useless baggage and clear my plate of the shit that got piled up on it to discover that it wasn't all me. I'm also kind of thankful that I decided NOT to take the meds. I've worked through the problems on my own and I don't think I would have gotten this far if I had been on some kind of medication. What do you know!

Mission accomplished!

I have decided that once a month, when I do not have my children and I am on my own, I will have a day where I do nothing. If I make it a mission for that day, I still accomplished something because that was the plan for that day, and I still got to sit around on my ass and watch my stories as it were.
So, I will no longer feel bad for not having done anything because it was my mission for that day. I no longer have to feel guilty for having gotten nothing productive accomplished because my mission was to do nothing and THAT got accomplished.... Well. It is an amazing thing how much effort I can put into my laziness and the only lamentation I have is when the remote is all the way over by my feet.....
WOOT!

Trouble....

As I continue on my path, I have come across some of the many things that I need to fix. Apologies that need to be made, things I need to let go of, anger that I need to stop harboring, certain things that I have to face facts about. I've seen trouble, experienced trouble, caused trouble, started trouble, thought about how to make trouble, made trouble, and going back through, I know there are still many things that I need to make right. Mostly karma things, but I think I'm off to a very good start.
Little by little, I'm moving forward, and it still feels good.

Happy Birthday, Moob!

Today brings the birthday of my second eldest son, who celebrates his 10th birthday. The double digits. OMG! Where did the time go? I still see your tiny little "angry newborn face" and remember the feeling and sensation of holding your teeny tininess in my arms. All the wishes and thoughts I had for you, all the words I whispered to you through the long nights in the hospital before we got to go home....
It's hard for me to believe how much you've grown. I am so proud  that you are turning into such a fine young man with all your hopes and ambitions right there on your sleeve while you chug forward to try and go after your dreams.
Wishing you so many more happiness-s than the tons that you have given to me over the years. I love you Moob!
Happy Birthday!

Buh-bye...

As I lay down my burdens and drop the bricks one by one, I find that I am letting go of a lot of people in my life that have kept me down and kept me from moving forward.
Cutting ties with people isn't always as easy as it seems, but when the task is done, it is rather liberating. And cutting ties doesn't necessarily mean not ever seeing someone again, but just letting go of everything that tied you to them. To truly not care, you have to let go of everything. The good, the bad.... EVERYTHING. It sounds simple enough to do, but the reality is, it's easier said than done.
It's easy to feel an emotion about someone you know. Hate, anger, pure detestation..... I'm sure you get it. And for whatever it is, it's so easy to get caught up in the petty things, especially when they're negative. Letting things go isn't always an easy thing, but the point is, going through the process of WHY you hold onto these things and reasoning things out and working through the things in your own time is quite therapeutic and very enlightening. I love having lived through my own processes and coming out the other side successfully. I'm going through, one by one and dealing with with the process over and over, but I'm coming to find that even this gets easier to do with time. :sigh: Moving forward.... :)

Sleepytimes.....

There is nothing like a good, solid, drool into your pillow, go to sleep and wake up when you're ready to wake up, feel rested, awesome dream, ready to rock and roll, take on the world night of sleep that leaves you feeling refreshed and fabulous!
Too bad it doesn't happen all that often..... :s

Much like Christmas, another one of those gift-y holidays....

Much like Christmas, this is another one of those Christian holidays with one of those elusive night stalkers that leave stuff for the kids, a tradition that has nothing to do with the holiday itself....
That being said though, it is a parent's job to make sure that the Easter eggs get hidden all over the place and stuff and the plastic eggs are filled with candy and cheap toys and whatnot...... Another of those holidays where a parent has to do all the work, just to have all the glory taken by some made up folklore something or another..... Pfft.... Great.

Spring-ity Spring!

Having survived another winter season, we start to see some prettier days.... Ahhhh..... I really hope we get to have some nice spring days before we get slammed with a brutally hot and humid summer......

Rules that don't grow old.....

There are just some universal "rules" that no matter how old you get, still apply. The "licking it so it's mine" is timeless and ageless and I use it quite often. Ten second rule.... Come on. You've used it recently. You know you have. EVERY empty wrapping paper tube is a sword... Bubble wrap IS a source of entertainment....
There are just some things that people don't outgrow because they can't. It's like the natural order of things. Don't even try to deny. Shut up. You know you do....

Pictionary....

I was never really good at this game. Mostly because I can't draw to save my life. Whatever I draw all looks the same. The same squiggly lines, with dots and lopsided circles..... It's fun to play when I don't have to draw the pictures though. I have seen this game get rather intense and pretty serious. I mean REALLY serious. My friends and I once watched a long time relationship fall to pieces and the break up happen during a particularly intense game of pictionary.... It was really kind of awkward and very stupid..... I guess they weren't as firm and rock steady in their relationship as they thought.... And seriously.... It's a GAME....  Oh, never mind. If I have to explain it, you're not gonna understand it anyway.

Dream nomming......

There is nothing more upsetting to me than to dream of some kind of tasty nom, enjoy eating it in my dream, wake up in the middle of enjoying said tasty dream nom and be hungry....
Then in the morning, after discovering that you are still craving the thing you dream nommed about, only to discover that you don't have all the proper ingredients to make the thing that you are now craving that you had dreamed about eating the night before.
GAAAAH!!!!! So off to the grocery store and you're furiously going through the aisles to find all the stuff to make the nom you dream nommed and rush back home. Slapping the ingredients together and making the concoction takes time, but you're still good.... It's ON now.
You finally plate up the nom that you dream nommed about and that you craved when you woke up, only to discover that you're now in the mood for something else, but you eat the other nom anyway because you went through the trouble of shopping for it and making it, but it doesn't taste nearly as good as it did when you dream nommed it..... :s
What do you mean it's just me that this happens to? :s