The night sky.....

There is something about looking up into the night sky and looking at the stars. Depending on the day and how much caffeine I've had, it either fills me with awe, makes me feel small and insignificant or fills me with dread that it could all just end one day and <POOF!> we'd be blinked out of existence. If you keep looking up into the night sky, (especially when you are in the country where there aren't a lot of city lights) eventually you'll see a "shooting star". Seeing the moon in all of it's brightness, seeing all the twinkling stars.... There's something very romantic about it..... But it can also fill me with feelings of dread.... I think it might be because I watched Armageddon a couple of times. :sigh: My quirks are far too numerous to list in one place, I know that, but I'm glad that I have an outlet to display them all...... :s

Dollies.....

I was never really one for dollies. For one thing, I find them to be really creepy and honestly, they freak me out.
So, for Christmas I got my daughter a dollie. She'd been asking for one and I finally gave in and go her a dollie. One that she would like playing with and one that wouldn't give me the heebie jeebies every time I saw it lying around the house or something. She has different outfits for "Daisy" and she has tea parties and picnics and "sleepovers". They "talk" and they play and have a grand old time. My daughter eats with Daisy, sleeps with Daisy, watches TV with Daisy, takes care of Daisy, brushes Daisy's hair a bajillion times a day..... Daisy's outfit gets changed a multitude of times throughout the day as well as her shoes and hairstyle. It's a wonderful thing. It's kind of cute and I guess most little girls have that dollie love that those like me wouldn't understand. Whatever. It pleases her. I still think they're creepy though..... :s

When you can't go it alone.....

I am so very thankful that I have such an eclectic group of friends whom I know I can count on should I need anything. I am coming to find that I have a lot more strength than I thought. Not the physical kind, but the inner kind. I like fighting my own battles and getting things done my own way. There are, however, times when I, myself, cannot get accomplished the things I need to on my own. I normally don't like to have to rely on others to get done the things I need to do, but sometimes it is necessary. I think of all the "dilution' that can happen.... The more people you involve, the quicker it feels like the "original mission" gets watered down and the ultimate goal seems to get lost because everyone has their own ideas as to how to best get it done. There are times when I am not equipped to, I am not trained to, I am not licensed to, I am not able to, or whatever to accomplish some vital something in order to get something done. :sigh:
It is getting easier for me to relinquish the reins a little and ask for help when I need it. I actually HAVE people that I know I can count on. They're not going to tell me that they're going to do something to placate me, only to be looking for some kind of favor in return.  I know that the job tasked to them will get done in a timely manner and it will get done well and not some haphazard, half assed attempt that's a step above failure. I won't get the :eye roll: and the feeling that I'm putting them out. It's quite nice to be able to depend on someone and trust that I needn't worry.
I guess it was hard for me to ask for help because I was let down far too often in the recent past. I mean why the hell would I want to ask for help when it was always greeted like a burden and the end result was nothing more than some lame attempt and mediocre at best. Especially from the people that I should have been able to count on the most. And then I would have been expected to show gratitude and praise them for a job excellently done when in short, I could have done it myself better.
I see the way things should have been all along and I am grateful. I see it in a lot of things in my life, but I suppose that having had the worst, I can fully appreciate what I have now and DAMN, that's an awesome feeling.

Whatevs.....

There are just some things that weren't meant to be. They were meant to be left undone, unfound, un-whatever and we should just learn to let it go and move on. It's disheartening and sometimes kind of frustrating, but on the other hand.... Well, what the fuck are ya gonna do?
I've come across quite a few many snags in my "journey forward". As much as I would like to have certain things squared away, the reality is, I just don't think it's going to happen. Whatever... I can't do anything about it, I can't force it and I can't shoot it.
As frustrating as it is sometimes, it becomes petty and meaningless when I'm looking forward and seeing the rest of all the stuff I have to get done. As much as I would LOVE to be able to say that ALL of my t's are crossed and ALL of my i's are dotted, I know that it isn't realistic since I am counting on others to assure completion of these things. People that I cannot rely on, which is the reason they've been "dismissed" in the first place.
Sometimes, it's more frustrating than others, but I'm learning to cope and when the day is done, I really don't lose sleep over any of it.
There are times however, it does sort of matter and it is rather upsetting when I put in the effort to try and rectify a problem and it yields nothing but more frustration.

Volunteer class mom....

Being a volunteer mom in the classroom has its perks and rewards. I love being able to hang out with the little kids, they always seem so excited to see me when I pop into the classroom and it's fun. At the end of my "shift" I get hugs and pouts from all the kids begging me not to go and asking me if I'm going to come back again soon.... :sniffle: It's kind of cute....
The teachers will see that I am that kind of a goof and that I love being with the kids and sometimes ask me to go above and beyond what the average class mom might do because they know I'm a sucker for the kids and that I'm a goof and that I'll put on a good show... AND that I'm gonna do it.
Dang it.... I need to put on a better front..... Who am I kidding, the kids know I'm just a big a sucker as the teachers do.... Never mind.... Excuse me.... I have to go find my ears and fluffy tail and stuff and get ready for my day. I have to go draw whiskers on my face and find a pair of white sweatpants..... I can't disappoint the class..... :s

YAY! FUN!!!!!

I like the idea of having fun when I go out. It's not like I get to go out often, but when I do, I like to be able to cut loose a little and have fun. Not be told that I have to act a certain way, behave in a certain way, not say certain things and have restrictions up the wazoo put on me because I might embarrass the person/ people I'm with.
That's why I am SO very glad that my Puppy Guts is so like me that way. We get to go out and be ourselves and wouldn't know embarrassment simply because we're both laughing and giggling and acting like a couple of goofballs.... It's kind of cool!

As the smile falters.......

Nothing frustrates me more than having to have to put on the happy happy face and fake smile through conversations with people I have no respect for and don't like too much. Business situations are the worst. Grrr....... I mean, you can't exactly say, "Dude, you're a fucking idiot. Shut the fuck up right now and go away!" to someone you're trying to sell a patent to... Unfortunately....
Even in a "social" environment. Your buddy shows up with another somebody that makes your neck hairs stand on end...
I mean in a "stranger" scenario, I might be polite, I might not be. That's a crap shoot. It's going to depend on my mood and which side of the bed I woke up on. It's also going to depend on the offense perpetrated onto me that will determine the intensity of my wrath. Lip curl and a low growl or nuclear (pronounced a la W Noo-Cyoo-Lurr) holocaust.... Blech... people.
But no matter the situation, there does come a time when the friendly facade starts to crumble, the smile falters a little bit and things start going south. It is then that, with a single "look", you can voice your displeasure, sum up your opinion, and physically display the "I've had enough of your bullshit!" Although I'm still working on mine, the sentiments are still correctly displayed. It may not stop a person in their tracks yet, but it does certainly convey the thoughts on my mind without my having to utter a single word. I mean, come on. I don't have to be a loud, potty mouthed bitch ALL the time. If I can get it done with a look, why should I have to. Most people aren't worth the effort for a good, solid rant anyway. I'm feeling this sudden urge to go out and practice it. I am hoping that in a few more years time, I will have perfected it. Wish me luck!

You may refer to me as "Your Highness".....

I have my moments where I experience delusions of grandeur. I think that it's an important thing to feed one's ego from time to time. Something about a positive self image and maintaining it. Everyone should have these moments from time to time. I am not talking about being a selfish douche with an entitlement complex, I am talking about having a YAY ME! day and flaunting it. There really is something to be said for picking yourself up by your own bootstraps and go out and feel good about yourself if only for yourself. It's pretty awesome to do from time to time. I quite like having these days.

Computer idiot.....

I am not the most computer savvy person in the world. In fact I am quite the opposite of that. I am the most computer illiterate (to the point of retarded) person ever. I hate that moment where I'm reading something in Word and it asks me if I want to save.... And I don't remember making any changes...... I have erased documents, deleted all sort of shit that I didn't mean to delete, fucked up other crap and misaligned the feng shui of my ancient laptop on more than one occasion.
I have watched my whole laptop screen go blank while I went through yet another read through of my manuscript..... Turned out that I didn't have the damn thing plugged in.... I lost my changes and had to start all over again because I didn't save.....
I crashed the system once because I did something that it didn't like.... That was fun.... I'm usually winging it and most of the time I get something to work by sheer luck and begging and praying and promises of some kind of blood sacrifice. :sigh: I know that my laptop is getting older and she was ready to be retired some time ago, but I've been willing her forward because I need to get another year out of her.... So I try and baby her as much as possible. Soon. You can sleep soon... I promise.... For the time being, I need you to do the thing with the stuff and that other thing. 'K?

Dang it!

As much as I may be the villain in certain peoples' lives, I do have those that play the role of the villain in mine....
I suppose my arch nemesis right now is my pop. We hardly ever cross paths and we barely speak to one another. But when we do, there are usually fires to put out, wounds to attend to, building restorations that need to be made, tape, spackle, paint needing to be applied... Not pretty. Never fun.
In his old age, the ornery old bastard has become even more ornery and nasty and quite honestly, there are days that I'd stare at the back of his head, willing it to explode. It never happens, but none the less..... Rarely do we utter word one to each other simply because he knows I will not tolerate his shit and he realizes that he has gotten much too old to do battle.
It sort of takes the wind out of my sails however when he (knowing full damn well that I am struggling for money) does something completely out of character and tosses me his credit card and tells me to go fill up the tank in my car.  :slump:  Curse you! You have defeated me on this day, but there is always tomorrow.....

Happy Birthday, Boog!

My eldest son celebrates his 14th birthday today. Already a one year veteran of his teen years, it's hard to believe that my once squishy little baby boy who kept me in labor for four friggin' days is now a young man. A broody, moody change-y, constantly on the go, tall and lanky, squeaky voiced, kind of goofy, semi awkward young man, but a young man none the less. FOUR DAYS OF LABOR!!!!!!!!
My hopes for you are simple. Keep doing whatever it is that you're doing and make sure that day by day you try to improve on one little thing every day. You  are well on your way to growing into a good man and even though I know you think I am the UBER of dorks and stuff, I love you very much and I hope that someday you will come to see that everything I did, was because I love you. Someday, you will come to know a lot. Right now you only think you know everything.
I'm sure you'll think that I screwed up your birthday somehow, but well, it wasn't my intent and I did my best. I do hope you enjoy your day though. And yes, I made the animal cupcakes just like you wanted. :) Happy Birthday Boog! I love you!

Sometimes.....

As the stresses get less, I am coming to find that my bouts of O.C.D. aren't as bad as they used to be. I still have my moments, but most of the time, the things that I used to obsess about, don't seem to be such an issue any more.... I still find that lint all over something to be annoying or little stringy things that hang and maybe perhaps I still have an issue with numbers and counting and such, but the stresses related to them have gotten less severe. It's funny that a few years ago, I thought I needed to be on medication in order to deal with my issues. I thought I also had depression too..... I was also told that maybe perhaps all of my issues were all my fault and I SHOULD be medicated. I was also told that these issues that were causing me to feel the stresses were all in my head and that there wasn't a problem and to shut the fuck up.
It just turned out that I just had to get rid of a lot of useless baggage and clear my plate of the shit that got piled up on it to discover that it wasn't all me. I'm also kind of thankful that I decided NOT to take the meds. I've worked through the problems on my own and I don't think I would have gotten this far if I had been on some kind of medication. What do you know!

Mission accomplished!

I have decided that once a month, when I do not have my children and I am on my own, I will have a day where I do nothing. If I make it a mission for that day, I still accomplished something because that was the plan for that day, and I still got to sit around on my ass and watch my stories as it were.
So, I will no longer feel bad for not having done anything because it was my mission for that day. I no longer have to feel guilty for having gotten nothing productive accomplished because my mission was to do nothing and THAT got accomplished.... Well. It is an amazing thing how much effort I can put into my laziness and the only lamentation I have is when the remote is all the way over by my feet.....
WOOT!

Trouble....

As I continue on my path, I have come across some of the many things that I need to fix. Apologies that need to be made, things I need to let go of, anger that I need to stop harboring, certain things that I have to face facts about. I've seen trouble, experienced trouble, caused trouble, started trouble, thought about how to make trouble, made trouble, and going back through, I know there are still many things that I need to make right. Mostly karma things, but I think I'm off to a very good start.
Little by little, I'm moving forward, and it still feels good.

Happy Birthday, Moob!

Today brings the birthday of my second eldest son, who celebrates his 10th birthday. The double digits. OMG! Where did the time go? I still see your tiny little "angry newborn face" and remember the feeling and sensation of holding your teeny tininess in my arms. All the wishes and thoughts I had for you, all the words I whispered to you through the long nights in the hospital before we got to go home....
It's hard for me to believe how much you've grown. I am so proud  that you are turning into such a fine young man with all your hopes and ambitions right there on your sleeve while you chug forward to try and go after your dreams.
Wishing you so many more happiness-s than the tons that you have given to me over the years. I love you Moob!
Happy Birthday!

Buh-bye...

As I lay down my burdens and drop the bricks one by one, I find that I am letting go of a lot of people in my life that have kept me down and kept me from moving forward.
Cutting ties with people isn't always as easy as it seems, but when the task is done, it is rather liberating. And cutting ties doesn't necessarily mean not ever seeing someone again, but just letting go of everything that tied you to them. To truly not care, you have to let go of everything. The good, the bad.... EVERYTHING. It sounds simple enough to do, but the reality is, it's easier said than done.
It's easy to feel an emotion about someone you know. Hate, anger, pure detestation..... I'm sure you get it. And for whatever it is, it's so easy to get caught up in the petty things, especially when they're negative. Letting things go isn't always an easy thing, but the point is, going through the process of WHY you hold onto these things and reasoning things out and working through the things in your own time is quite therapeutic and very enlightening. I love having lived through my own processes and coming out the other side successfully. I'm going through, one by one and dealing with with the process over and over, but I'm coming to find that even this gets easier to do with time. :sigh: Moving forward.... :)

Sleepytimes.....

There is nothing like a good, solid, drool into your pillow, go to sleep and wake up when you're ready to wake up, feel rested, awesome dream, ready to rock and roll, take on the world night of sleep that leaves you feeling refreshed and fabulous!
Too bad it doesn't happen all that often..... :s

Much like Christmas, another one of those gift-y holidays....

Much like Christmas, this is another one of those Christian holidays with one of those elusive night stalkers that leave stuff for the kids, a tradition that has nothing to do with the holiday itself....
That being said though, it is a parent's job to make sure that the Easter eggs get hidden all over the place and stuff and the plastic eggs are filled with candy and cheap toys and whatnot...... Another of those holidays where a parent has to do all the work, just to have all the glory taken by some made up folklore something or another..... Pfft.... Great.

Spring-ity Spring!

Having survived another winter season, we start to see some prettier days.... Ahhhh..... I really hope we get to have some nice spring days before we get slammed with a brutally hot and humid summer......

Rules that don't grow old.....

There are just some universal "rules" that no matter how old you get, still apply. The "licking it so it's mine" is timeless and ageless and I use it quite often. Ten second rule.... Come on. You've used it recently. You know you have. EVERY empty wrapping paper tube is a sword... Bubble wrap IS a source of entertainment....
There are just some things that people don't outgrow because they can't. It's like the natural order of things. Don't even try to deny. Shut up. You know you do....

Pictionary....

I was never really good at this game. Mostly because I can't draw to save my life. Whatever I draw all looks the same. The same squiggly lines, with dots and lopsided circles..... It's fun to play when I don't have to draw the pictures though. I have seen this game get rather intense and pretty serious. I mean REALLY serious. My friends and I once watched a long time relationship fall to pieces and the break up happen during a particularly intense game of pictionary.... It was really kind of awkward and very stupid..... I guess they weren't as firm and rock steady in their relationship as they thought.... And seriously.... It's a GAME....  Oh, never mind. If I have to explain it, you're not gonna understand it anyway.

Dream nomming......

There is nothing more upsetting to me than to dream of some kind of tasty nom, enjoy eating it in my dream, wake up in the middle of enjoying said tasty dream nom and be hungry....
Then in the morning, after discovering that you are still craving the thing you dream nommed about, only to discover that you don't have all the proper ingredients to make the thing that you are now craving that you had dreamed about eating the night before.
GAAAAH!!!!! So off to the grocery store and you're furiously going through the aisles to find all the stuff to make the nom you dream nommed and rush back home. Slapping the ingredients together and making the concoction takes time, but you're still good.... It's ON now.
You finally plate up the nom that you dream nommed about and that you craved when you woke up, only to discover that you're now in the mood for something else, but you eat the other nom anyway because you went through the trouble of shopping for it and making it, but it doesn't taste nearly as good as it did when you dream nommed it..... :s
What do you mean it's just me that this happens to? :s

Pizza.....

There really is not more a perfect food than pizza (other than bacon). You pile on all sorts of other nommy nom noms on top of the nommy thing and you have the perfect delivery system for the nommy nom noms on top of the nommy thing. You got all sorts of nommy things that you can pile on top of the pizza, customizing the nom-osity of the pizza to your own personal specifications and voila! Nomminess!
Guess what WE'RE having for dinner tonight?

Donut......

I like donuts. Krispie Creme if I can find them, but Dunkin' will do just fine. A simple tasty delicious treat that gives me a little happy in my tummy..... I know I should be eating things that are better for me and whatnot, but what can I say. I also like the junk too.

Donuts. It's what's for breakfast! :D

April fools day....

I plan on staying in the comforts of my room to avoid getting silly stringed by some random stranger or whatever on this day...
I hate it.... It's like a day where people are given carte blanche to do whatever they want and as if by some magic, they will be forgiven just by saying "APRIL FOOLS!" Pfft! Screw the fuck out of that!
If I should need to go out, I plan on going out fully armed to the teeth and I am going to try and avoid people whenever possible. I will wear my "Don't fuck with me!" face and stalk around and stomp in broody teenager fashion and I think all should be fine. I can't wait until tomorrow when we can be done with this nonsense.

Fast food......

I'm a fast food junkie. I am. I'll admit it. I love the Big Macs and the fries and the processed animal parts and the whatnot. All that stuff covered in questionable grease and sodium and other chemical whatever that I can't possibly pronounce sprinkled with a little bit of some mystery cancer causing ingredient on top....
It's not that I'm constantly at a fast food place nomming on the fast food or anything like that... I'll only ever feed it to my kids like MAYBE once a month and I might partake in a fast food morsel three or four times a month when no one's looking....
:sigh: I know it's not good for me and that I'd be better off NEVER eating it ever again and that it's disgusting and that it's made out of questionable things and could lead to all sorts of diseases like high cholesterol and cancer and junk and stuff, but I like it anyway and I'm keeping it. 100% of all people that eat food are going to die. Regardless of what they eat, they're gonna die. Life is short. I'd much rather live it and eat the things I want to than to limit myself because of whatever....

But it's MINE.....

I don't know what it is or even why it is, but there are times when your stuff looks better when it' becomes someone else's. I've had stuff that I didn't care too much about so I sold them on Ebay. I made some money and yay great..... It's some time later that I may see something that may be similar to the thing I sold and realize, maybe I DID kinda like it or want it.... And I experience a moment or two or more of seller's guilt.....  :(
I get over it quickly enough though. It really doesn't ever last long. It just that it happens and I think THAT'S what I find to be most annoying....

Mama! I wanna go to thkool!

My daughter, at age four, is so wanting to go to school. I have her home with me for another year to be my baby girl, but the reality is, all too soon, she will be jumping onto the school bus to go off on her first day of kindergarten. :sniffle:
It's kind of hard to imagine what it's going to be like with all of my babies in school. I've had at least one home with me for the last ten years and I have to say, it's really kind of a weird feeling that all too soon, All four of my children will be attending school. I really don't remember what it's like not to have a little one needing something from me at home during the mornings and early afternoons until the other kids came home from school.... I actually got really freaked out and had a mini anxiety attack over the whole idea of not having any of the children home during school hours and comforted myself by snuggling with my daughter for about two hours...... It was weird.
My daughter continues to tell me, almost every day, that she is ready for school and that she can't wait to go. She is excited about her first day of kindergarten some time down the road. In the meantime, she is still my squishy little baby and I get to keep her home with me....

Attention issues again....

It seems my attention issues have been kicking in again as I cannot seem to stay focused on tasks around the house again. It's not that I don't try to stay on task, it's just that I get so easily distracted from the task at hand and something else needs my attention, which I will end up being distracted from to go on to something else, leaving many things undone, which drives my OCD self up a wall. I can feel the two opposing sides battling it out as I flit about from task to task.... This is usually followed by a bout of insomnia, which is always such a fun time.... It ought to be a hoot..... Not to sound all Charlie Sheen-y, but if anyone ever tried my brain, they'd be all, "Whoa, can't handle it!" Here we go again! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

In theory.....

The point of a time out is to get the child in question to think about what it is that he or she did and maybe come to the conclusion that the action was bad and that they should regret what they did and apologize. In theory, that works....
When you are stubborn and end up with children who are just as stubborn as you.... Well, the theory kinda gets shot right the fuck out the window. But as a parent, I keep putting the child in question on a time out in the hopes that one of these days it FINALLY sinks in that the behavior will not be tolerated and that behavior ceases all together... Again, in theory, it should work..... :s

Woo hoo! Caffeine!

Thank goodness for the power of caffeine! WOOT!

Fitness.....

As I get older, I have come to the realization that exercise isn't going to get me the same results as they used to, like, when I was in my teens and twenties. It's not to say that I am in sorry shape, but it takes a lot more work to maintain the level of fitness and keep on trying to improve on said fitness. I resolved to try and exercise more this year and try to get into a better routine of doing so, more frequently and more regularly... Yeah.... Easier said than done.
I remember being fit and toned. I remember it being as easy as a half an hour of actually exercising a few times a week. Beyond that, yeah.... That was the extent of my fitness routine. I'm not sure what happened.... Well, that's not entirely true..... Marriage that led to complacency and not caring too much about the way I looked, then sprinkle in four kids.... It takes its toll on a body.
So now, I actually have to work at this thing called exercise in order to keep at a reasonable fitness level that I find to be adequate and it hurts. Changing up the routine frequently and challenging myself and pushing myself is really making parts of me not like me too much. There are parts of me that are no longer on speaking terms with me, I have other parts who are just NOT my friends any more too..... :s
But I'll keep at it.... We'll see what happens....

What if there was no box?

I do my best to get my children to think differently and be people who can think outside of the box. I have always tried to nurture their creativity and imaginations so that they can use it to be people who can come up with bigger, better EVERYTHING. They are bright individuals and are learning very quickly that sometimes thinking outside of the box is very useful in their day to day lives. With that being said, it's VERY difficult to get them away from following the pop culture icons and ads they see on tv trying to steer them towards the next idea of what cool is, and the peer pressure that they must encounter at school and blah, blah, blah....
It's difficult to get them outside the box when all of their peers and everything that they are constantly bombarded with is so far inside the box. I think it's every parents' duty to get their children to start thinking for themselves. It's an unfortunate thing that most parents will enable the boxed behaviors by letting their children get sucked into the "mainstream" and allowing their children to become so cookie cutter. Blech....
My hopes for my children is that they grow up to be thinking individuals who can go far beyond mediocre and not be sheep, I want them to be able to see passed the bullshit and not get caught up in the petty and mundane and go far beyond, to create the trends, to be the ones that people look up to, worthy of their admiration. In the meantime, I have much work to do.

Couch-y poo!

There are just certain times, generally during those wicked PMS times of the month where the couch is my best damn friend. The couch and I have an understanding.... I sink into the couch to vege in front of the TV and eat my pint of <whatever the flavor of the hour ice cream it is> while flipping through the channels to find something appropriate to watch and cry about.... Lately, it's been My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. And finally I have my sweet Puppy Guts rubbing my feet or my tummy or snuggling with me and it makes for bad PMS to be not so bad.
It's not every month that I experience bad PMS or really bad cramps which I guess I'm thankful for. But when I do, I know that there's a place for me with my name on it and things will get a lot better.

Well, I can hear me!

I mumble when I speak sometimes. I also am not looking at My Lucky when I am mumbling to him. It also doesn't help that his hearing isn't as sharp as it used to be. It's pretty funny actually.
I'm not sure why I find it to be so amusing, I just do. And when I tell him that I can hear what I'm saying and I understand what it is that I'm trying to convey, he tells me that he didn't, he's sorry, what did I say? Which leads us straight into the silliness of my saying that he should just KNOW what it is that I'm thinking and blah.... It's quite entertaining and sometimes I do it on purpose because we always get in to the silliest of back and forth banters with this one. :sigh: I know.....

BLAAAAAh.....

Not motivated to do shit. So I'm going to not be doing any today. That is all.

Bedtime routines.....

With their time being spent in two different households, and their time with their dad being during the weekends and vacation days, it's hard to get the bedtime routines down solid. I mean, we go through all the same stuff at approximately the same time every night that I have them. The brushing of the teeth, the showers/ baths thing, jams, saying goodnight, calling their dad to say good night to him, getting tucked into bed and blah..... My daughter is probably the worst offender of the not following of bedtime routines. It's wretched. I get her back onto a pretty good schedule right about the time the kids go back to their dad's again and BAM! Back to square one..... :s
Oh well..... I'm sure it'll be different once she starts going to school. Until then, I'm just going to enjoy the extra snuggle time I get with her to coax her to go to sleep.

Nyaaaah!

I'm not sure how hand gestures came to be what they are, but there you have it. There are certainly universal ones that carry a meaning no matter where you go and whatever language you speak... Like the "I'm choking" one..... Then there's flipping the bird or the flicking out of fingertips under your chin. I mean, it's not exactly something you use in polite company.... It certainly does convey a certain message and it's considered quite rude. My whole issue is, who determined what is rude. I mean, what made them so fuckin' special that they got to pick and choose what was proper and what wasn't..... Whatever. I'm gonna keep my rude hand gestures and use them whenever I want and there ain't a damn thing anybody can do about it.

The lazy eye....

I never know where to look when I meet a person with a lazy eye. I never can tell which eye is looking where and I'm not sure which eye I'm supposed to be in line with. I don't want to seem rude or have them think that I noticed something wrong.....
Puppy Guts gave me some great advice regarding that.... Look at the person's nose. Direct eye contact is friggin' impossible, so stare at their nose....
Aha....

Exercising.....

I've vowed to do a bit more exercising in the New Year and it has proven to be quite a challenge. I've incorporated some new stuff in there and I have to tell ya, it hurts. Mostly because they're working things that I guess haven't been worked in a while. I must go up and down the stairs about a gojillion times a day. It happens. Things are always going on, but never on the same floor. Whatever. But with the new things I'm doing and leg and butt muscles screaming at me anyway, the stairs are proving to be quite a challenge. Keeping in shape during the colder months was a little more difficult because it's not as if I want to go take a walk in the cold. Sure we had plenty of nice days, but cold? No. Me no like.
So I stuck with indoor calisthenics and exercises and going full bore into them was my bad..... But being stubborn, I kept up with them anyway through the tears and the ouch. and those first few weeks were painful as all get out. I still feel the ouch from time to time.... That may be an age thing too. Crap.... I didn't realize that things aren't going to be as easy as when I was in my twenties..... Grrrr.......

Poker....

I'd never make a good poker player. I mean AT ALL. EVER...... I don't have a poker face because I'm always smiling when I have a "good hand" and I probably have more "tells" than any poker player on the face of the planet. I never know when to fold, I never know what cards to keep or what to throw away or trade in for new ones and I certainly don't know the "rules of conduct" at the table.... I never know when someone's bluffing or whatever and I certainly don't ever win. Meh.... Whatever. It's a card game and it bores me to tears.
A few years ago, there was actually a show dedicated to watching people play poker. They had commentators and everything, talking about the strategies and how skilled a player was and blah blah blah.... I nearly fell out of my seat laughing..... THAT is what we find to be entertaining? Good grief. They'll turn anything into a TV show....

YAY! GROUP HUG!

The group hug: There is something about the hugging within a group that brings together a closeness with people. It symbolizes a camaraderie or a bond of dissimilar people who just shared a common moment. It's a nice little moment shared by people... It's a warmth, a small little measure of humanity, a something.

It's a lot like that experiment done some time ago on a crowded subway train. One person started laughing for what appeared to be no reason. Within minutes, the whole compartment of people were laughing along with her. A whole bunch of stranger from all walks of life and here they were sharing a moment with each other and laughing together. Likely, they would never see each other again, but it would be an experience they may never forget. Certain things like this, certain moments, certain segment in our lives that seem so insignificant, but can mean so much at the same time. It seems such a shame that people don't take the time to see them or enjoy them or whatever more often.
A random thought really....

Happy birthday, Mini Doom!

My youngest and only daughter celebrates her fourth birthday today. Surely, she will be dressed up in her prettiest pink fluffy dress, her hair will be done up all princess pretty and she will don her sparkly pink jeweled tiara and wield her fairy princess wand of doom.
We will go to the store to pick up cake and ice cream and have a dinner consisting of her favorite foods (mac and cheese, kielbasa, corn....) and we will celebrate the princess' birthday in super mega princess-y style.
The drawback is going to be that every day will be her birthday for the next month and a half and she will expect the same royal treatment every day.... It's cute for the first few days.... But soon the luster wears off and the reality that it's no longer her birthday will come crashing down... :( Undoubtedly, she will pout and frump, but I know that I will easily be able to distract her with crayons and paper and a snack of hummus and chips.
It's hard to believe that the youngest of my brood is now four years old. I remember the shock of hearing that I was having a girl and I went into such denial because I did well with three little boys. Now, looking back, and looking forward, I can't imagine life without my little girl.... I love you my Baby Doll! Happy Birthday Squish! My little Mini Doom.... May you always be my little princess who's not afraid to tackle your brothers and throw down with the best of them.

Bedtime stories....

There's something to be said for real honesty in bedtime stories. Go the FUCK to Sleep is perhaps one of my favorites. I think it's important for children to get healthy doses of reality every day and from early in their lives. I haven't read this particular story to them and I don't think I'm gonna until they're a little bit older, but the idea behind this book is genius and so very true. I LOVE the version on youtube where Samuel L. Jackson reads it. Perfect really.
I think we grew up in a time where we were placated with UN-realities and were made to feel like everything was great and everything was cool and the world was safe and happy unicorns and magical rainbows and cute fluffy bunnies. Enabled, spoiled, selfish, self-centered, arrogant, conceited, overindulged, and unrealistic about our expectations and wanting instant gratification. We went out into the world and lo and behold, we got our pee pees slapped in the dirt.
I refuse to let that be the case with MY children so I feed them doses of REAL reality to them every day. I don't feel the need to sugar coat things because I think it'd hurt them more later on if they didn't know the truth from the get go. Failure is failure and they are expected to get up and try again. Mistakes are mistakes and they are expected to correct them and make it right. Wrong is wrong and the excuses don't fly and I will see them take responsibility for what's theirs. It will serve them better in life as they grow then doing the namby pamby routine that feeds the laziness to want to go down the path to mediocrity. I know that now.

Getchyer feet off the damn table!

It's not that I have too many pet peeves..... Well, yeah I do, but still, there's a ranking order to how much said pet peeve will annoy me. The one that tops off the list is when the kids ignore me. Despite telling them something or asking them to do something, I get ignored. HATE IT.
Another thing is feet up on the dinner table. My pop is SO very annoying with that. Despite the fact that I asked him NOT to do it, he insists on cutting his gnarly toe nails at the kitchen table with his feet up on it..... Ugh.... It did amuse me to no end when he nearly fell out of his chair trying to get his foot off the table after he was done though. Is it wrong that I was upset that he DIDN'T fall? Oh well.... Karma can keep that one too. I make no apologies.

Back to bed.....

Have you ever had one of those days where just the most odd series of events takes you from one moment to the next? I'm not sure whether I should find amusement in these kind of days or whether I should start screaming maniacally in the hopes that it is just a terrible dream and that perhaps I will wake from it.....
Whether it is caused by the A.D.D. and not being able to stay on one single strange task at a time leading me from one single strange task to multiple strange tasks that just go downhill from there or the fact that the single strange task requires other strange tasks to take place in order for the original strange task to be accomplished, I am not quite sure.
It usually involves a "favor" that my mom asks of me....... Ah.... That explains a lot. Never mind.... I've got my answer right there. There is definitely a reason why I will opt to go back to bed when my mom "asks for a favor".....

Internet forums.....

I have to say that internet forums are a great source of information sometimes. Knowledgeable people relaying information, perhaps answering a particular question that you or someone had brought about. Works out wonderfully. Other times...... Well, it's kinda the opposite. People posting half baked, cockamamie ideas or clips that make no sense, lack any logic or are just plain stupid.
Normal people who have half a brain will ignore such posts and move along. Then there are others. They mindlessly flock to it and believe everything that they see and read and rabid try to tear apart anyone who disagrees, even though they cannot back up or uphold any of the stuff that they are standing behind. I love starting arguments and trouble on stuff like that. I love throwing in logic and reason. I love throwing in actual facts. I also love seeing my direct attacks being deflected and avoided, further solidifying the weak and pointless arguments made by my weak minded counterparts. I love that the questions I pose asking them to support their feeble arguments get ignored despite the fact that I may pose them over and over and over again. The more times they get ignored, the more solid my arguments become. It's fabulous. I barely have to do anything at all to show how unsubstantiated the opposing claims are..... :sigh: I need to go find some other forums that might actually challenge me a bit more.... I need to keep the mind sharp and some of the forums I'm on are just making things too easy.

Can I get a minute??!??

It never fails. I can be sitting around doing nothing or trying to play with the kids who are less than interested in having me around or whatever, but the second I am engaged in something else, like being on the phone or sitting on the toilet, THAT'S when I am needed for something critical by one, some or all of the children.
I swear there is some kind of magical trip wire on the threshold of the bathroom that automatically triggers some kind of brain chemical in the kids that makes them remember something that they feel is critical that they feel I need to know right as I'm sitting on the can....  :sigh: Parenthood ROCKS!

Internet porn......

The discovery of internet porn has got to be something of a shock to people...
My pop, being ancient, and having just recently discovered the magic of computers and the internet,  has been busted many a time surfing through the porn sites and stuff.... Blech.... It's funny seeing the look on his face when he gets busted though....

I find it so funny that you can google just about anything that you can possibly think of. Any combination of random words and lo and behold, eventually, some porn something will pop up.... It's funny and very disturbing at the same time. I mean there has to be a market for this kind of stuff in order for it to be popping up, right?

You can type in cookie dough or strawberry PopTart or something as harmless as fluffy bunny, but eventually, it happens. Something that ought NOT to pop up, pops up..... :shudder: no wonder the world is going to hell......

Um........ No.

There are some questions that don't really require the thought that you pretend to put into them. The answer is VERY apparent and clear and obvious, but we feel the need to pretend to think about it anyway....
This is especially true when the kids ask for something...

Child: Mommy? Can I have a box of chocolate?
Me: Um....... No.

or

Child: Mommy? Can you buy me <some expensive toy that they don't need that I can't afford anyway>?
Me: Um........ No.

Or the instances with random people...
Some random person: So, can I call you some time?
Me: Um....... No.

or

Some person I don't like: We should do this again!
Me: Um....... No.

I probably use "Um....... No." about twenty to thirty times a day because of the random questions that pop up like just last night when my daughter asked if we could have cupcakes for dinner. Yeah. She got the standard answer. Um....... No.